Jack Monroe #117 Exit through the grift slop

[NP]

Christ, The Express is like a Monroe goldmine, look at this little piece of genius by her. Ten tips to cut down on your food shop....stating the obvious 101.

”Don’t serve more than necessary” Okay Jack, I deliberately put more food on everyone’s plate as I LOVE to waste money.

View attachment 344632

Does she even follow most of these tips? She has 4000 empty foil containers in one of her three freezers because she has so much leftover after each meal and she never seems to actually eat them.
She doesn’t meal plan before going shopping. She just buys whatever yellow-sticker swamp salad she sees and this is why we have delightful combos like mussels and pears because she buys random tit without knowing what she’s going to do with it.
She doesn’t shop around. She sticks rigidly to her Sunday hike to Asda. Unless ordering from Ocado and having a milk and fresh juice delivery is what she means by shopping around.
Seasonal food? Like swede in May?

 

[moglits]

Bit of a grunk lads so forgive me here. I’ve got five over for dinner this Christmas (lowest for a good few years; forcing Mr Moglits to come away with me next year). My menu is:

- chicken tiddies/nut roast
- Paxo’s finest balls
- pimped up Bisto (basically I roast the chicken on garlic and red onion, and then put the veg in the gravy with half a teaspoon of whole grain mustard)
- Sainos chilled yorkie puds
- frozen and sugar snap peas cooked in stock
- roasties
- Mom’s chocolate cake for afters, and mince pies for those feeling chonky

Yes, a little lazy. Oui, a little basic. But it does the job, and means my exhausted, 2020-scarred arse doesn’t have to be tethered to the kitchen and I can have a glass of fizz. Not a tinned fruit in sight.

I haven’t fOrEnSiCaLlY priced it up, but it’s reasonable.

 

[Droosie123]

Still grifting and lying through your teeth then Jack?

You are still a revolting human being and an utter narcissist.

All that bollocks about being poor when you've been paid more than the majority earn in a year for jobs.

But you can't afford butter, what a load of bollocks.

 

[PoorPatrol]

The dinner has really bugged me. Flavourless cheap tit, wasting money on unnecessary Del Monte shite, where more money could have been put towards improving the meal. Her “dessert” is a mincemeat bread pudding, that uses tinned mandarin juice and water, with some lard spread tit instead of butter and custard! Also suggests having it with custard or ice cream, so not factored in. If I served up mincemeat in cheap white bread and tinned juice as Christmas dessert, my kids would be weeping! She would have been better off making a crumble or something else cheap. It’s all just so effing grim!

Also, apologies to our lovely vegetarian and vegan cabal members, but if you’re going to eat meat, do it properly. The meat should be higher quality ALWAYS. Even if you get less, or a different part, I just point blank would never ever eat low welfare meat. Never. She could have bought a few organic turkey legs for less, or a whole organic chicken. The flavour of meat is in the bones, not the breast. She’s got no leftovers for Boxing Day with that crappy meal, not even bones to make soup. She’s alluded to there being some kind of soup... with what? There will be nothing left.

I cooked 1.5kgs of roast potatoes™️ today for five of us. We had tonnes of sides and a 1.2kgs organic free range chicken (will be a soup tomorrow). There are no leftovers here, of the potatoes, veg, or anything else. When I make a Christmas dinner, I’ve got one eye always on Boxing Day. She may have made a rank dinner for the 25th, but they’ll be miserable, hungry, and have nothing the next day! For another tenner she could have made it wonderful and had enough for Boxing Day. I appreciate there was probably a brief, but she didn’t have to do it! What a load of tit

Her food is just so vile. She can’t cook meat either, which is why anything she does that includes meat doesn’t work. I don’t know why she doesn’t either learn to, or just not do it. She has no concept of cooking meat correctly, which is stupid seeing as she actually is not 90% vegan and seems to eat an animal most days. Hhnnnggggg I’m getting all ragey!

 

[Bwidge]

diagnosed as gifted

why can't she ever just use oil instead of lard? Every single one of those recipes has lard in it. Also, 2 hours for roast potatoes is insane...and final thing, you need to let yorkshire pudding batter stand for at least an hour! Argh. She's crap.

So the only thing the vegetarians can eat is the mandarin nut roast monstrosity?

Also, how do pigs in blankets take an hour in the oven?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I agree with Moo Bell and wasn’t very clear in my post -apologies to the 21st most relevant lesbian in Munster (and top 1% of comedy Fraus) Turned Up In Tipp
The omega thing is more religion cosplay. She has Greek heritage, she got it after a breakup. She knows it means “the end”. She’s not even Orthodox. Anyway I’m sure she’s busy lighting her menorah- oh no we have Lard Jack now so maybe not.

No bothers here @HotesTilaire.
I haven't seen a single one of her tattoos that I think is nice.
They all look 'Angry' if that is at all possible!

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Honesty if you didn’t have the money on Christmas Day you are better off buying something like a Vienetta for pudding. It’s a crowd pleaser and it’s cheap. Rather than some rank version of a Christmas pud.
People who underserve potatoes are the worst.
We don’t have starters, waste of time and money. Massive dinner all the way.
My in-laws were OBSESSED with this prawn ring from Iceland that was like £3. They weren’t poor but acted like they couldn’t get it any other time but Xmas day. Mother in law was alway annoyed that I wouldn’t eat it, I did point out it meant more for them (she also only served 1 roast potato and some very over done boiled potatoes, depressing).

 

[Captainmouse]

How would people feel if I made an online form (similar but obviously inferior to The Sloppies) where people could post their perfections for Jack's antics in 2021? Usernames could be optional. I could then reveal whenever a prediction comes true.

Or we could post them on here but then Jack would see them.

Autocarrot?

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

I converted a jackolyte tonight! One of my best friends was a fan but didn't follow her that closely, so only saw the stuff that appeals to the middle class lefties. We were chatting and she mentioned that she saw JM was in the express (she and I have discussed her before when I was still a fan) and said she was surprised Jack would associate herself with a paper like that, so I filled her in on everything! Her eyes have truly been opened, and I am thinking - if someone who thought jack was the bees knees was perturbed by her working with the express, how many others might feel the same?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

SHE FOUND IT IN A PUDDLE.



Oh, did we? I couldn't be arsed looking back, tbh. Sorry, Jack x

I have had so many actual, proper laughs on these threads....but the only one that is actually down to Jack is the Burberry scarf in the puddle story. Gets me every time ! And the way she over-egged (geddit) it by saying she’d tried to find the owner on Facebook, it’s just comedy gold

 

[Daffodil33]

She has the gall to tell detractors on Twitter that she is changing people's minds by preaching to the right wing readership of the Express instead of left wing echo chambers (ie. Her usual employer The Guardian loool) .. But if I were a gammon sitting down to read that paper today, what exactly in that article would even bring my thoughts to issues affecting people in poverty or why I should care. She couldn't stop talking about her bleeping self for five minutes to mention a jot about poverty levels, job losses etc etc.

Work for whatever terrible companies you want, we've all got to make a living, but how dare you have the nerve to suggest you're doing it for some greater good when it is clear to see it is just to line your own pockets and feed your own ego.

Also definitely agree that it is clearly an undisclosed AD.

Also also.. the meal looks bleeping vile from start to finish, I would rather have a pot noodle for Christmas dinner than that lard fest.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

She’s not converting the right wingers at all. All she is telling them is that poor people need to be fed lard.

 

[Scarletfever]

Wow. In those interviews with Christine Ohuruogu and Jenny Agutter, they both actually centre the work of the St Giles Trust.
Whereas in Jack’s huge spread, this (see pic) is the sum total of what she says - and I don’t even understand the non sequitur about her appearances at housing conferences and why this is in any way relevant.
She’s not bothered about the charity. It’s the very briefest of acknowledgments and then she’s back to “can we talk about me again, aren’t I marvellous, I’m a genius you know, me me me me me, I never get bored of talking about ME and nor should you”. She’s bleeping unbelievable.
If she had any self-awareness at all she would be truly embarrassed.

Hell yes to all of this.

She's such a mess. Talking in glowing terms about her parents. The same parents she would have people believe left her and her son starving in a freezing cold dark flat.

She points out her mum is warm, nurturing, kind, and generous. I have no doubt she is. I think Jack is a lying attention seeking narc who will get attention / sympathy / pity by any means and at any cost to those in her orbit.

Also, she is feeding in to the wasteful / lazy millennial myth by saying she feeds herself and her son on £20 a week so she can save up for a house. No mention of BB. Home ownership the ultimate life goal

Stop lying Jack. You do not live on £20 a week!

 

[jenny2603]

What hold does she have over this publication and the Guardian?

There is nothing else to say other than

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

The Guardian is because they are so posh that they actually believe that Jack is a tame working class who won't do a brexit on the carpet and think having her around makes them look inclusive. The Express is mainly the man from Del Monte's chequebook.

 

[Walkdengirl]

I’m catching up, but wonder if we know yet what specifically she’s “gifted” at?

Grifting
Being a twit
Cooking slop
Lying

 

[ScamSandwich]

So Jack has done a newspaper article that was supposed to be serving poor people and supporting a charity. She did a show that was all about her, the food is crap and full of lard, not remotely vegan or vegetarian.
Surprisingly she was not introduced as 'non-binary chef' and we got lots of conservative family values Jack and no BB in sight.
Well done.
And she still rents but is not poor anymore.

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[ScamSandwich]

The Guardian is because they are so posh that they actually believe that Jack is a tame working class who won't do a brexit on the carpet and think having her around makes them look inclusive. The Express is mainly the man from Del Monte's chequebook.

Guardian and blue tickers love her bc she is the poor little thing who does sooooo much good. They are all too superficial to look at who she is and what she does or doesn't. They don't care about poverty issues and they don't care about her either. She really plays the role of poverty poster girl. That's what she is being employed for, not bc she is skilled in any way.

And in the same way they patronisingly say that it is all so horrible that these nasty bitchy gossip hausfrauen are bullying her.
Sweeping generalisation but many of us are here bc we have an insight into poverty one way or another. To criticise US is a double slap in the face of poverty.

 

[Oofadoofa]

Similar pose - spot the difference..

(she must hate not having control over the photos other people take)

 

[Walkdengirl]

Grifted and talented

An early contender for the next thread title