Congratulations to @DinosaurSenior for the words and @HotesTilaire for nominating them! 
Very close second to @kachoochoo for the topical and tropical: āDel Monte Trotterā.
Very close second to @kachoochoo for the topical and tropical: āDel Monte Trotterā.- The Jack from Del Monte says yes, absolutely!
- At least she kind of looks like .. herself?
- Such a great company to collaborate with.
- She rescued some yellow sticker mushrooms. Their reward? A slow death in a loaf tin on a radiator.
- Sheās been quiet on Twitter, and active on her safe place (Instagram stories).
- She went to bed early like a good little girl, as is evident from her selfie.
- Have you been naughty or nice this year, cabal? Father Slopmas sees all.
- Seems her dad likes Del Monte fruit as well.
- Have you had your say in The Sloppies?
- She was ācaught literally catnappingā. That sentient mirror sure is a mischief.
- The Xmas meals she planned and reciped? For The Express. With this and Del Monte, her ethics are through the roof!
- Donāt be talking about The Expressās readership. Sheās āturning the tideā from within. She turned the replies off on her announcement, but that doesnāt make it an echo chamber, ok? More like a floatation tank on that tide sheās turning.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ās āJack for Dummiesā post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackās most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
āBabe, sameā
āI did a chaosā
āMy maverick brainā
āMy sad little faceā
āIām BUSYā
āI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā
āI laughed up a lungā
** NEW **
āLiterally hella embarrassed AFā about āBrexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancyā and she ādidnāt even vote for itā.
She likes to describe herself as āpuppyishly honest and naively enthusiasticā
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jackās followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as āgossip mavensā (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To āGrunkaLunkaā your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatās what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonāt be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itās what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some āRIP Vivā jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinās bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to āhorse spunkā - there may be some horse āspiritā lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: āThank you so Matt much, Mattā, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: āNow duck offā. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackās own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail āSheās Lyingā picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackās latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheās lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackās words: āShe [Louisa] leftā.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ābuddleā (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesnāt know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. āIt just does.ā
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jackās Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering āTerrible!ā on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ās hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donāt discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words āthread titleā, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number wonāt be enough. We also canāt have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
