It could only be SLOPBOT for #114 thanks to @traumatised sideboard
Could someone do a recap and the Jack for Dummies link, please?
Could someone do a recap and the Jack for Dummies link, please?
Jack Monroe #114 i, slopbot
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[I just posed like she did in the mirror. I pulled my shoulders back and threw my chest out. My collar bone stuck out just as much. She's posing to make it jut out.]
1. She posted a behind the scenes video of the GQ award. Apparently Marcus was creasing himself at her onion tears.
2. She told us how to keep warm - keep your curtains shut all day even if it makes your house look ‘like a knocking shop’.
3. The pesky Hermes driver broke her Sophie Conran plate. Steady on, it’s a GIFT for someone.
4. Changeover day occurred. Jack’s bizarre bazar.
5. An interesting article came out in The Scotsman.
6. She decorated her Christmas tree.
7. A young Sally Field in her girdle paid a visit.
8. @traumatised sideboard gave us the joy of Slopbot.
2. She told us how to keep warm - keep your curtains shut all day even if it makes your house look ‘like a knocking shop’.
3. The pesky Hermes driver broke her Sophie Conran plate. Steady on, it’s a GIFT for someone.
4. Changeover day occurred. Jack’s bizarre bazar.
5. An interesting article came out in The Scotsman.
6. She decorated her Christmas tree.
7. A young Sally Field in her girdle paid a visit.
8. @traumatised sideboard gave us the joy of Slopbot.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
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She does like Madonna after all
Didn’t realise we were on a new thread!
Didn’t realise we were on a new thread!
Wow, it's been a while since I did a full body cringe but that picture sent me over the edge.
Slopbot is still amusing me
My latest creation is pumpkin, couscous and milk chocolate biscuits. I chomped it belligerently straight out of the pan and the cabal declared it the best ever."
I still haven’t recovered from the green eggs and ham from her insta
My latest creation is pumpkin, couscous and milk chocolate biscuits. I chomped it belligerently straight out of the pan and the cabal declared it the best ever."
I still haven’t recovered from the green eggs and ham from her insta
This full moon really hasn’t disappointed has it?
What am I doing with my life?
That cringe thirst pic is certainly a, "Tra la la, nothing to see here!" in reference to that article that came out today.
Looked up that bodysuit as well. Can't be that good if she needs to wear two of them. Trigger warning due to Jack being a see you next Tuesday.
She is unwell, exhibits all the signs of someone with very disordered eating. She has no real love or joy of food and that picture just now is a prime example of why she shouldn’t be held up as a poster girl for austerity or anything else. At best it’s attention seeking, at worst similar to the kinds of things you see on ‘thinspiration’ threads and discussions. Very troubling.
Hahahaha I started trying to do that and realised I am not as good at photoshopping as Jack
She looks like a Thelma from the Likely Lads
Because we're living in a material world/And I am a material girl.
SPOILER**"
This is so true. People keep saying she looks great but she is looks ill, very drawn and washed out despite the face tuning.
I don't see a successful happy woman, but an ill, very mentally unwell woman.
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why did she even say she was a pescotarian bodybuilder? she looks great in that photo, but does not look massively toned and there is nothing with that. why the duck would attach that label to yourself?
She needs at least two to keep her unruly labia under control
The more I look at it, the angrier I get.
I throw no shade on anyone who wants to tweak themselves and if it makes you feel good then crack on.
But anyone claiming THIS as all mother nature's work/the result of biting your lip is taking the piss.
It would be funny if she hadn't conned vulnerable people to pay for it. The squiggle who paid out of her Winter Warmer payment probably did get it back, but that was only because we made a fuss and the squiggles became restless.
That is only one of the squiggles we know about. How many put in the Patreon or Tip Jar without saying anything?
How many who have lost their job this year have bought her books because they believed it would help tighten their belts?
She said she was so destitute she couldn't afford to feed her child, people gave money and she got some very obvious work done to her face.
She is disgusting.
I am honestly flummoxed as to why she would wear two slimming bodysuits on show like this. Are they not meant to be hidden? I may not be reading the room correctly, and please can someone correct me if I have got this wrong, but I thought the whole point of them was that they made you look ‘better’ (according to the website’s idea of what a woman should look like btw) in a “secret” way. She really has got me all in a fettle.
Not least to post a picture with those protruding bones and then to claim she did it for her to improve her own self-worth.
Not least to post a picture with those protruding bones and then to claim she did it for her to improve her own self-worth.
Normally I don't attach much significance to selfies but Jack posts so many of them, and facetunes each one so much that she looks completely different in every photo. And every time one pops up I feel a bit ill. A mixture of second hand embarrassment, pity and derision.
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