Toddler advice thread

[hannah1799]

So glad to find this thread. I have searched to see if this has been asked about before but couldn’t see anything on it, which means it might just be me who’s a mug… my daughter is 2.5 and I still have to cuddle and rock her to sleep at night. I have to get her to sleep before she goes in the cot 99% of the time otherwise she just won’t go to sleep. I tried a few things when she was younger to try and get her to go to sleep independently but I just couldn’t take the crying so here we are.

Any advice or is anyone in the same boat?

My daughter will be 4 in July and she sleeps in our bed every night. I have to stay with her to go to sleep every night she has never fallen asleep by herself. I also have a 16 month old who was parented pretty much the same and we co slept for the first 9 months and then all of a sudden decided she wanted her own space she wasn’t settling next to me and preferred being the cot. She now goes to sleep independently every night but still wakes once for a feed. For a long time I blamed myself that my older one couldn’t sleep without me and wondered why she was so scared about sleeping by herself but I just believe that they all have different needs. There’s only just over 2 years between them yet are very very different in terms of sleep. Sorry for the long message but there were many times I encouraged her to sleep independently in her ‘big girl bed’ I tried everything honestly and nothing worked as she got too upset. I have now accepted that this is what she needs and will continue to sleep with her until she’s ready to sleep by herself. So I have no advice, just that it’s completely normal and in their own time they will sleep independently. Even now she will wake up more times in the night than my younger one. She is very independent in the day and very confident but at night she needs that support.

 

[Be kond]

Hi,

I’ve put off posting this for a while but I feel like I’ve tried everything and don’t know what else to do. My little one is 2.5 and the terrible twos are in full swing. I know it’s just a phase, I know he’s just testing the boundaries etc, but we feel like we are constantly treading on eggshells around him.The tantrums are unbearable, will last anywhere from 30 seconds to over an hour. He’s very strong willed and will only do what he wants to do, regardless of if we are telling him no because it’s dangerous. He will scream, hit, scram and bite us, throw things, pull draws out. He doesn’t sleep at night. Never has. He wakes at least 2 times everynight. We try to do nice things with him and take him to places we know he’ll enjoy, but he will push the boundary further and further and then tantrum and lash out and scram or hit one of us. He’s had us both in tears today. We’ve tried time out, distracting him from what’s set him off, ask him if he wants a cuddle, everything we could think of. He really is ruling the house at the minute. I feel like such a crap mum that I don’t know what else to do, I feel constantly judged by family members. I don’t have any friends to speak to or anything about it. I’m really stuck

 

[al255]

People go “oh it must be hard being a single mum”. No it’s easier, I get more of a break than other mums/dads as she’s with her dad overnight one day a week so I get a whole day and night to myself. I control the household, shoppimg, finances etc, some times it’s tough when I’m tired and stressed and all I want to do is go to bed but generally it’s easier doing it all by myself daily. When I was with her Dad he would come home from work and sit on sofa and not help! Used to wind me up more. Now if the washing isn’t put away or there’s cleaning to do it’s all on me

 

[Definitelyme]

I was thinking coat, fleece, any jackets, shoes, bag. Any any ‘nicer’ bits he may end up in. I can’t label it all as it will take forever I’ve got a few sets off Vinted specifically for nursery so I’ll label those as well. He’s only going 2.5 days a week so thank god there won’t be too much needing labelling thank you!!

Get a stamp label. We have one from stamptastic, I have just our surname (which is unusual) so I can use it for all the kids. You just ink it on the pad and stamp once. It takes no time and lasts on the school clothes all year.

 

[al255]

Hi,

I am losing the will to live with my 2.5 year old daughter and where else to rant!! (And for some advice)..

Her tantrums have never been this bad, I took her away and although it was nice, her tantrums where some that I’ve never had before and it was awful we went out for the day several times and it just resulted in a meltdown! She was in the pram then she didn’t wanna be in the pram and she didn’t want to walk .. she wanted me to carry her!

Just the usual stuff from a 2.5 year old which I can handle. However, during the day if we was in the caravan she would just have meltdowns over such small things (I guess in her world it’s huge).
since we have got back home it has been ridiculous for instance this morning I was getting my pyjama pants on and she had a complete meltdown on the floor screaming and crying and kept saying pyjamas but it didn’t make sense because she wanted to go downstairs and she knows I need to put some pyjamas on as it’s been colder.

I just it’s just getting ridiculous, it’s draining me! It’s just been this week that’s been awful. I’ll try and stay calm and explain to her I need to do X, Y, Z and I won’t be too long!

I was cooking in the kitchen yesterday afternoon and she wanted my attention to go into the play room and I said mummy is cooking our tea when I’ve finished we can go and play. Not good enough! Meltdown!

I know it’s her age and it’s all developmental but it’s just getting awful I get so angry with her at times cos it just does my head in. It’s just me and her at home so that doesn’t help. When she goes to her Dads she isn’t like that for him, but understandably she plays up for me Sorry for the long post, just need to rant and vent!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Hello I’m looking for a bit of advice and a rant really

so for context, we live next door to my boyfriends Nan so we go round quite a lot. She has a dog, then my boyfriends uncle has 2 dogs who he takes round everyday. We go round most days so my 2.5 year old sees them all the time. He used to be really loving and gentle with the dogs but all of a sudden he’s developed a hitting phase and he’s doing it to the dogs so he’s surrounded by 3 dogs, he’s trying to hit and push them, I’m doing as much as I can and he keeps trying to hit and push them! I’m telling him off, his dad is, his Nan is, everyone is but he’s not grasping not to do it. My main worry is one of them turning round and biting him! Obviously I dont want him hurting dogs either. He doesn’t hit any of us, no people so I don’t get why he’s doing it! He’s so loving and gentle with everyone else but with the dogs it’s like he thinks it’s a game. I get really stern with him but he just does it again. Any advice???

but my rant - he was there this afternoon whilst me and his dad were busy. We go round and have a cuppa etc and 2 of the dogs are there. One’s looking out the window and my son comes up to the dog and pushes her off the chair! So i said right that’s not nice, you need to learn not to do that, we’re going home. And he cried and my boyfriend had a go at me and said that’s not how to make him learn. Said I should just keep letting him do it and shouting till he stops? Well we’ve been doing that and it’s not working?? How long are we gonna wait to see if one of the dogs snap. Can’t just let him keep doing it till he learns not to! I said if we exit him from the situation he will learn that he is being wrong but my boyfriend slammed his Nans front door on me and said I was doing it to be awkward I wasn’t I just wanted my son to learn he can’t be around the dogs if he’s gonna be mean?! Urgh!!!

he’s a really lovely little boy and it’s stressing me out I wish this phase would stop. Idk where it’s come from

You 100% did the right thing by leaving. 2.5yos do not listen to reason, they just think any attention is good attention most of the time and often find it funny to see you get mad. Removal from the situation and continuous and simple explanation is key. “We have come home because you pushed the dog. I will not let you push the dog. We have to keep him and you safe. When you are ready to play nicely we can go back” or something along those lines…..and repeat 280 times until they finally get it

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Hi guys. Just wondering if I can get some fellow parental opinions.

Took my 2.5 year old daughter to A&E Thursday night. Basically the childminder told me when I picked her up, that she's choked on some food at lunch and been sick, but that she was otherwise ok and just scared herself a bit mainly. Anyway, when we got home, she was hysterical, kept putting her fingers in her mouth, gagging, pulling these weird faces and sticking her tongue out and just generally miserable. So I rang 111 as I was worried that maybe some food was still lodged or something. The GP told me to go to A&E. They were a bit off with us and made us feel like we'd wasted their time, but they listened to her lungs and tried their best to look in her mouth (difficult!) and said nothing was there but maybe her throat was just sore from being sick or she was traumatised etc.
Roll on the next morning, she wakes up with a raging temp of 39.9. I instantly have visions of this being connected and her having bloody sepsis or something so we ring 111 again. After an age on hold, they say to wait for a callback from a GP. 5 hours later, the GP books us a face to face appointment. We turn up, GP is fuming we haven't done a lateral flow (my bad but I don't have any and I'm not paying!). Basically checks her temp which is lower by now as we've given Calpol etc, listens to her chest, checks briefly in her mouth and diagnoses tonsillitis.
NOW my issue is, the doc at the A&E the night before actually expressly said 'her tonsils are quite big but not red and definitely not infected'.
We've been given antibiotics (Penicillin V) but I cannot get them in to her for love nor money. 4 of us pinning her down and she still won't open her mouth and I've tried everything. She gets so distressed she then vomits and it's a waste of time. Can't put it in yoghurt or juice as it's bright orange, so she notices the colour change and the taste and just refuses it.

I know antibiotics are important but:

1) I'm wondering how two different GPs can have such differing opinions when they barely looked in her mouth in the first place.
Also she now has a runny nose and cough, which surely is a virus and ABs won't work?
2) Is it worth distressing my daughter and making her vomit? Disguising it is just not working and I'm worried she'll refuse to eat or drink even the tiny amount she is now having, as she suspects me of hiding it in her food.

If you read all this, thank you

 

[Definitelyme]

Well I never. Broken kids who don’t like pizza

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Need some advice for a nearly 4 year old that is pushing me to my limits. I’m not even sure I need advice, just a vent

He’s never ever been a “warm” child. Enjoys the odd cuddle here and there, isn’t the first to go and make friends, prefers his own company mainly but his worst trait is being totally cold towards his brother (2 going on 5) who is the polar opposite and loves a cuddle, loves being loved, always looks up to his older brother for help and for affection/fun but my 4yo just shouts at him or tells him to go away, doesn’t want to cuddle him; doesn’t actually want him anywhere near him and if it is it’s usually on his terms. This isn’t a recent thing and he’s been like it since he was born tbh! His most recent thing in the past couple of weeks is getting right up in my toddlers face and speaking to him quite aggressively through gritted teeth. We have never EVER done this to him and don’t know anyone who has or anything he could have seen to teach him this but it’s HORRIBLE. It makes my toddler feel so scared, either that or he just hits him as if to say back off and then a full on fight/scrap breaks out and I sometimes physically have to separate them. I’m trying my best to remain calm and remove my 2yo from the situation until 4yo is calm as I don’t believe that shouting etc helps but today he really hurt my 2yo over a toy that wasn’t even his and I just lost it and sent him to his room (we were upstairs anyway so not too far away) because I just can’t condone his, quite frankly, shocking and shitty behaviour. I feel like I’ve failed him as a parent somehow because he can be so utterly vile but I don’t know where it’s come from aghhhhhh.

Also saying no all the time, jumping up and down and screaming the house down when he doesn’t get his own way (this could be up to 30 mins+), throwing things, he’s even taking to hitting me which is so unusual for him. He’s always saying he can’t do things without even trying for a second and he gets beyond worked up when I ask him to try. So stressful! Please tell me it’s just the age? ADHD/ASD runs in my partners side of the family quite predominantly so I am aware of signs something else could be happening but my god my limits are being tested. His vocabulary and communication skills are better than the 6yo’s I work with so I’m just so frustrated that he results to outbursts/violence about every little thing when he can just use his words !!!!

If you’ve made it to the end then thank you, send donuts.

 

[WhatABore]

Help! Does anyone have any advice for what to do when your toddler's sleep goes to pot but you have a baby too?

Background - my two year old (nearly 3) has been sleeping well in his cot in his own room for ages. Kept him in a cotbed as he's super happy in it and doesn't climb.

Had another baby before Christmas who's in our room in a next to me but often ends up bedsharing in the night.

Husband is a bit of a twat - not very supportive and has been having a lot of nights out/ weekends away which has put the toddler in a tailspin. Couple this with my husband not being able to put any boundaries on our toddler or act like a parent, so when he's around its like they're playmates and my son bosses him around.

Husband has been sleeping in a spare room for a while - gets disturbed by baby and because he's been going out a lot and smoking I haven't really wanted him in our room either.

Problem is now my toddler yells for dad every night and instead of staying in his room and supporting him to sleep he just scoops toddler up and puts him in bed with him.

Cue last night - dad went to see Tyson fury at wembley and didn't return until Sunday dinnertime. Saturday night was a nightmare and I had to out toddler in with me as he was having a blue arsed fit, he then didn't sleep, kicked all night long, woke the baby and we were up for the day at 5am. Sunday night Toddler goes to bed ok but woke at 11 shouting for dad. Dad's too hungover and doesn't respond. I spent next two hours trying to settle him, backwards and forwards between him and new baby who was stirring too. Dad then swoops in and puts toddler in bed with him. So the two hours I spent on the floor was for nothing.

Wtaf can I do? My toddler's sleep was so good and this is so frustrating.
Problem is my husband is soon going to get sick of bedsharing and my toddler is getting crap sleep too, I could hear him talking constantly all night, then my husband is tired and pissy with him. More of a rant really but has anyone experienced this?

Unfortunately, I don't think you're going to get anywhere without your husband cooperating.
Sounds like you know exactly what to do but your husband is the issue

Once a child knows they can get what they want from 1 parent, the other parent tends to lose all power

 

[OIM]

Can I just thank whoever recommended the Gro clock. It’s been life changing

I wish it had worked here. Mine just comes in and tells me the owl is taking too long to wake up!!!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

My daughter will be 4 in July and she sleeps in our bed every night. I have to stay with her to go to sleep every night she has never fallen asleep by herself. I also have a 16 month old who was parented pretty much the same and we co slept for the first 9 months and then all of a sudden decided she wanted her own space she wasn’t settling next to me and preferred being the cot. She now goes to sleep independently every night but still wakes once for a feed. For a long time I blamed myself that my older one couldn’t sleep without me and wondered why she was so scared about sleeping by herself but I just believe that they all have different needs. There’s only just over 2 years between them yet are very very different in terms of sleep. Sorry for the long message but there were many times I encouraged her to sleep independently in her ‘big girl bed’ I tried everything honestly and nothing worked as she got too upset. I have now accepted that this is what she needs and will continue to sleep with her until she’s ready to sleep by herself. So I have no advice, just that it’s completely normal and in their own time they will sleep independently. Even now she will wake up more times in the night than my younger one. She is very independent in the day and very confident but at night she needs that support.

Love this response. Some kids just need the support and I don’t like to see mine upset when I have tried getting him to sleep on his own. eventually tbey go in their own rooms don’t they they won’t be 12 and still in your bed Personally not a fan of trying to force it but I do understand some parents having enough of being disturbed each night. It’s hard

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’ve not tried potty training with my 2.5 year old either. I don’t think he’s ready. He just tells me when he’s a poo although he thinks a fart is a poo and he goes ‘I pooed i pooed’ when it was only a fart. Also he’s heard me trump a couple of times and he shouts MUMMY POOED 🫣

 

[Definitelyme]

Hello all please can I get some advice? I've got myself in a bit of a state so I'm looking fo some kind of reassurance - if any. My little boy turned 2 in November and he is super sociable and outgoing, and such a cheeky little guy. He goes to nursery 2 times a week and I picked him up today and his nursery worker said "nothing to worry about, but I just wanted to let you know that he is struggling with transition with activities." She basically said that for example he will be playing lovely with other children on the floor and then they will say to him right, we're going to make cakes now and apparently he gets really upset and needs reassurance from them?
I have never really noticed this at home before, he has his usual 'tantrums' but all children are like that. I'm starting to blame myself now and wondering if it's my fault?! Also not sure what she was trying to get at and now I'm panicking that they think something is wrong with him. I think I am probably just making something out of nothing, but adding that into being a hormonal pregnant mess it's really not helping. If anyone has experienced this or has any knowledge I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you x

I would be pretty upset too if I were doing something I enjoyed, and someone came and told me that I had to stop and do something just because they decided it was time. His upset is most likely his way of conveying he was quite happy where he was, and he doesn’t understand why he’s being told he has to stop playing now and he needs their reassurance to help sort those feelings. Why are they making him? Why are they not observing his enjoyment of what he’s doing and either leaving him to finish (his natural curiosity will probably bring him over to the new activity) or at least ASKING him "do you want to bake now?" rather than telling him. I would ask if they are giving time warnings to the kids eg "in five minutes we need to tidy this up to start xyz… in two minutes… in one minute."
It is unreasonable of them to expect a child to just down tools because they say so, and be happy with it.
As far as I can see from what you said, he’s fine, but the adults need work

 

[Jellybean093]

Good morning guys! Mini melon slept till 6.30 this morning so the Cheerios before bed seemed to work thanks so much nap police! X

We’ll all be feeding the kids at 7pm to get them to sleep an hour longer tonight

 

[nurseren]

Haha he's exactly the same!
She's similar. She'll tell him to calm down or "Stop being so 'gressive"

Littlepotato has a temper mind you. A baby scratched his face at soft play and he was pointing at this baby going “YOURE A BAD BABY A BADDIE BABY!!!!!” While I’m trying to carry him going “hes not worf it babez c’mon hun let’s get you a ribena” like a drunk girl on a night out

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

My son loves sleep!! He dropped a nap briefly but he started having one when he got Ill and got back into the routine again. But I’m not that bothered as like others have said it’s your time. I can have a brew in peace , sit and read a book or have a choc biscuit ans not have to share. He likes to have 2 hours but would sleep for more if I let him & he still sleeps all night. If he doesn’t have a nap he doesn’t want to eat a proper Tea and is cranky all evening. Makes the day feel endless. Much prefer the days when he has a nap. I also plan our lives around his naps Like someone else has said it’s us that have to deal with them when they’re over tired. Plus I don’t think it’s fair on them.

 

[Jellybean093]

Nap time is also my time to relax, have a hot cup of tea and a decent lunch. My toddler still sleeps. He’s just over 2 and a half. Have to wake him by 2 otherwise he’s a pain to settle at night. He can go without a nap if we’re busy, but it doesn’t bother him. He sleeps best in his cot and Will only have a little cat nap or nothing if we are out in the buggy. I think lockdown had a lot to do with that

 

[Definitelyme]

Thanks so much for the replies. I read a book recently called Gentle Potty Training book and I’m happy to go forward with the suggestions but they said ideally you need a stretch of 7 days in the house before you venture out. This just isn’t possible for me due to work.

Obviously everyone does what works for them, but I haven’t once deliberately stayed in the house during potty training. We go out and about as we would have planned to anyway. I think it’s important to build using the toilet in as part of your normal routine. Just be prepared with changes of clothes, a potty with you if needed (although nature wees are strong in this house!) and have a set routine eg we used to go before we left, when we arrived, half way through, and before we left.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

need somewhere to offload…today I broke down sobbing in front of my 2 year old while we were playing in the garden. Basically it’s a build up of emotions, I’m not sleeping more than 2 hours a night due to pregnant related ailments (this has been going on for weeks now), I’ve got a few decorating renovations going on which has been stressful on top of a bad week last week plus toddler son had a few tough days too. I now feel absolutely terrible as when I looked up he was standing all sad with his petty lip out. All I could do was give him a massive cuddle and the whole day I keep looking at him and feel absolutely terrible

I don’t think crying in front of your toddler is a bad thing. I think it’s important to explain why you’re upset in an age appropriate way and reassure them you are ok and that it’s not their fault or their responsibility to make you feel better. It can be helpful for them to see you work through your emotions so they can lead to do it themselves. Hope you’re feeling better soon