Toddler advice thread

[Definitelyme]

I was just thinking the same as @WhatABore When they are over tired at night because they’ve dropped their nap (or missed a nap) I find they sleep horrendously. My 3yo sleep has been poor since she stopped nappy, but if she does nap she doesn’t go to sleep until 9pm+ and then is exhausted the next day because she hasn’t had enough sleep

 

[WhatABore]

Well I never. Broken kids who don’t like pizza

Won't eat pizza but she'll eat prawns and cockles in the kgs if I let her

 

[honey&lemon]

Does anyone have a toddler who is not a great sleeper and work full time?

I have a good job which I enjoy (most of the time) and a fairly senior position. I also have a 2.5 yr old who likes middle of the night parties for up to 3 hours she’s better now than she was but when she’s ill, her sleep goes to pot again. I feel like she’s ill every couple of weeks at the moment so I’m permanently exhausted. We’ve just been on holiday for a week but holidays with a toddler just aren’t relaxing and she had a couple of nights where she was up for a few hours in the middle of the night. I’ve come back to work today and ended up breaking into tears this afternoon because of course loads of stuff has built up while I was off and I’m just too busy at the minute anyway. Just wondering how people cope? I’m looking at stress resources we have at work and the top thing it says to deal with stress is get enough sleep but that’s just not an option for me at the moment so what do I do? I think I’m realising you can’t have it all and it makes me sad as I really value my career and want to do well for me and also to show my little girl that women can do well too. Anyway I’m rambling now but I just feel a bit lost. My manager at work is crap too and he’s fairly new so I don’t know him well enough to open up about this properly. I have a supportive partner and he does a lot with our daughter and round the house but she is super clingy to me at the moment and generally wants me if she is ill.

Would be nice to hear whether anyone else has been or is going through this I suppose.

I could have written this myself so sending solidarity your way. I’ve just been promoted too so really don’t ever want to make excuses an feel the pressure to prove I can do it all but I feel so tired all the time at the minute and there is just zero down time. My toddler goes through phases too where it feels like she’s sick every few days with something else and it’s exhausting.

It can be really frustrating reading stress advice, it’s never written for people with young children is it? It’s always make sure you sleep, get time to yourself, eat well, read etc all of which feels impossible.

I don’t have much advice but wanted you to know you’re not alone. They used to say it’s take a village to raise a child and I think it was true. It’s hard to admit as modern women but honestly it’s difficult to raise children with no help and hold down a demanding full time job. We shouldn’t have to choose

 

[watermelon sugar]

He’s never screamed when he wakes up he just wakes up and is ready for the day! I’ve gave him a bowl of Cheerios before bed anyway so hopefully that helps we will see tomorrow at 5am thanks everyone!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

This is my little girl
I don't know if she like this due to my family being tall and were all soild but slightly overweight family amd half of the family is tall both sides (his family about the same as us) I just don't want people to think she heavy due to over eating (my neighbours know she doesn't eat much and active but do say she heavyweight but it's great it's just other people on the street that don't know us well)

Stop worrying about what other people think. She looks perfectly fine. I think you are getting worried about nothing here. She’s a normal, healthy child.

 

[WhatABore]

I honestly think you can parent children the same and they will still be completely different. She sleeps well in her cot now even though she bed shared for all that time, it really does depend on the child! Thank you, after a rough night seeing your post made me feel so much less alone, it’s hard isn’t it! Good luck too we can keep each other updated lol

This 100% all 3 of my kids have been parented the same.
And all 3 have been so different.
My first 2 were quite similar in regards to sleep. So of course I thought it was down to our parenting
Have a 3rd and bam. She hates sleep and hates people

 

[honey&lemon]

guys I need help I’m at my wits end. our 3 year old has the worst fear of the bath.

My husband used to wind her up she’d go down the plug hole if she didn’t get out (didn’t go down well when I suggested this may be the cause) but basically she’s gone from loving the bath to hating it.

its been 4 months and the only way we get her washed is with her standing in the bath, holding onto him while I wash her, she pretty much screams and cries the whole time.

We’ve tried getting in with her, a shower instead of a bath, getting in the shower with me, new bath toys, singing songs and just generally trying to distract her and make it fun but nothing is working

it’s so distressing for all of us and I dread it now. I hate seeing her so upset and even though her speech is great she can’t explain to me why she’s so upset. I’ve explained that she’s safe and nothing bad is going to happen but I really don’t know what else to do I thought it would’ve passed by now

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Basically reiterating what @Definitelyme is saying but instead of saying the screaming makes you sad try something like “We don’t hit/scream/insert behaviour here, that is NOT ok. I see you’re really frustrated/angry/upset because of *insert thing that’s making them sad*. It’s ok to feel frustrated/angry/upset. Why don’t we try and do something else to take your mind off it or we can come back again another time” etc, you get the jist. They will more than likely always keep having said tantrum (because 2 year olds are the devil reincarnated ) but as they get bigger they’ll be able to understand their emotions a bit more and regulate them and tell you they’re feeling said emotion rather than tantruming. I’m already starting to see the benefit of this technique with my 2yo and certainly with my 3.10yo.

I have no advice for the actual screaming though, I usually just give them a cuddle if they let me and if not I say ok, I see you feel that way, let it out and once you’ve calmed down we can cuddle if you’d like.

I think there’s a huge difference between tantruming because they can’t regulate their behaviour/emotion and actually being naughty. Don’t tell them off if they can’t express their feelings, obviously do tell them off if they hit/throw things etc because they need to know that affects others!

(just wanted to edit to say that I know this technique sounds massively wanky but I too was shocked to find shouting my head off all day because my 2yo was being a dick did not work and did in fact just make us both unhappy who knew !!!!)

 

[WhatABore]

This is exactly what my partner said! It's like last week I took him to soft play, after 2 hours we left and he was super sad about it but aren't most children? My 7 year old still gets upset when it's time to leave the park! Thank you for your reply, it's nice to see I'm not alone in thinking this x



He's been with this particular nursery for 3 months, but he's been at the childminders/nursery since 9 months x

I worked in a nursery before and there was 1 member of staff who would always just end an activity instantly. Without warning. And all the kids would be crying. Every time.
She couldn't understand why the kids were like it with her and not others.
When everyone else would give the warnings of "this many minutes left" "2 more gos on this" ect.
I've come across many other nursery workers like it too!

If they mention it again, I'd ask what they're implying and question if warnings of ending the activities are given or not

 

[Emsie]

thanks for your advice everyone!!

She won’t fall asleep at 11, I’ve got no chance that’s only 4 hours of awake time and we generally have a busy morning too. I think the latter is better - shes gunna be shattered off 1 hour she okly
Had one hour 25 today and she was tearful all afternoon!! Fml feel like I can’t win really

I honestly wouldn't change anything just yet as it could just be a phase, a development leap, a growth spurt. If after 4 weeks she's still doing it think about what you can change but for a while I'd keep everything the same x

And I’ve never met a child yet who doesn’t like pizza.

I'd like to introduce you to my son... who will only eat pizza at birthday parties. If I serve it for tea he puts his head in hands and cries bog sorrowful tears honestly man toddlers are the worst

 

[Macmama]

Was hoping to get some advice about temper tantrums. We are truly in the throes of the terrible 2's in my house. Son is 2 and a half and I know temper tantrums are normal but just wondering to what extent? My son gets really angry. We call it his 'red mist' he will try to find something in his reach to throw. He has even started trying to lash out and hit us! is this normal? I will add here we don't display that type of behaviour so I am really struggling to see where it's coming from. His behaviour at nursery has always been good, never any problems there. Just seems to be with mum and dad he is like this. Anyone had any experience of this?

Chances are, it isn’t a learned behaviour but a genuine display of emotion. It isn’t anything you are doing wrong.

As adults, we’re conditioned to see anger as a ‘bad’ thing, and to think we should always keep our cool and be civil. Little people don’t have the brain development for that. They’re also going through huge developmental changes that quite often will trigger outbursts out of frustration, tiredness, stress or upset. Anger scares us as parents because these small people get really angry really quickly.

Redirecting anger is the way we chose to deal with it. A pillow to hit or grab, or shout into. Daniel Tiger’s “when you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a big breath and count to four” for slightly older wee ones. Absolutely no hitting or violence directed at other people or that would result in removal from the situation - “I can see you are frustrated but you do not hit mummy”. Being present and giving them the vocabulary to name their emotions helped us a lot - “I can see you are frustrated”, “I’m sorry you’re feeling so stressed”, “It isn’t nice to feel overwhelmed.” Plenty of cuddles afterwards - we all know what that come down from a meltdown feels like!

At the end of the day, anger is just as valid an emotion as being happy or being sad. Try not to see it as something you are struggling with, but as your son learning to express himself and the full range of human emotions - he’s learning! In return, a calm approach from you is also teaching him how to deal with someone else’s anger when he encounters it amongst his peers, and also reinforcing how to interact kindly with others.

 

[al255]

Thank you, he FaceTimed me and she was in a right mood, just fake whiny crying so I calmed her down and then his nan and mum went round and she seemed in a better mood. Probs sick of his shit just like I am Anyway I can enjoy my day now I know she’s ok. All she was saying was momma I knew she would snap out of it eventually x

 

[hannah1799]

I would suggest going to lush and choosing some bath bombs! My nearly 4 year old loves it and gets so excited watching it fizz. She can drop it in the water herself and then she would probably be more inclined to want to go in and it might be a good distraction from whatever is upsetting her. It’s very common for them to go through phases like this though

 

[Jellybean093]

I agree with this … I too noticed my daughter was waking up early or she would have random screaming episodes (hunger) .. she would have tea at 5pm but to expect her to go from 5pm to 6am the next morning without food wasn’t fair. I give her a bowl of cereal like shreddies, Cheerios or weetabix before bed and it tides her over. I started making tea at 5 to eat at 5.15-5.30pm too so everything has shifted and it seems to be helping (fyi she’s 2.5) x

Oh my goodness, written down like that makes me feel guilty I always have a little snack at 9, and wake up starving! My poor kids

 

[PillowsofFluff]

I have to pin my 2.5 year old down to do her teeth ‍ I too have tried electric toothbrushes etc. I will try the teddy bear though x

SAME. My 2.5 year old has just started getting hysterical at even the sight of her toothbrush. Think it's related to the antibiotics thing I posted about earlier. It's so hard. She used to let us do it but now it's just a total no-no.

Also, just an update on my earlier post. My daughter developed a horrible snotty cough and cold so doctor agrees its probably not bacterial tonsillitis after all and we had the ok to stop antibiotics altogether. Praying it's not the start of chickenpox as that's rife apparently. It's been 6 days since she got ill now and she seems so poorly still no temp, but just utterly miserable.
It's really getting all of us down as she's not sleeping and just seems to cry all the time. So draining.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Not really an advice thing but if your kid went to nursery did you name label everything?? I’m looking at his wardrobe now and he’s got about 3000 pairs of trousers I thought about just naming things like coats, fleeces, bag etc. I’m clueless!

Name EVERYTHING! All clothing items, inside of shoes, bags, hats, gloves, the lot!!!!!!

set aside a bunch of “nursery” specific clothes. They get messy as all hell at nursery so send them in with the same clothes on rotation - they come home covered in mud, paint, pens, glue, lunch etc so just have sets of basic bits for nursery and save the other clothes for home. A tshirt/jumper and joggers or shorts is fine for nursery.

 

[OIM]

Another 4 year old whinger here too, let’s start a club

Another one here. You’ve all described my darling 4 year old. Every day is an emotional rollercoaster. This morning I found her quietly sobbing on the sofa- when I walked why she sadly responded ‘my arm won’t do what I want!’ She also frequently interrupts me putting rhe 17 month old to bed to tell me her daddy isn’t letting her do what she wants. She’s the queen of trying to play us off against each other and often succeeds!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

To put your mind at ease my 2yo throws himself around a lot (literally I’ve never seen anything like it) and has only ever fallen out of bed once and he’s been in a big bed since he was about 16 months (long story ). We have one of the extendable ikea ones which have enough of a side on them to deter any falling out I feel. She might be fighting sleep because of the cot you never know xx

 

[Jellybean093]

Yeah we've always used it out when we're out and either connected to WiFi or just used the offline feature where we've downloaded stuff for her to watch on Netflix, Disney or Amazon Prime.

I do agree with @nurseren about not being too impressed with the kids Kindle Fire though as ours is only 3 years old but it is very slow and clunky and I get so frustrated with it. It could just be ours as we had a few issues getting it set up etc but we are looking to get an ipad or a different type of tablet (for everyone to use not just MiniGlenCoco).

We're very lucky that at the moment she only seems to want to watch Frozen or a couple of programmes on Netflix so she only uses it for long car journeys. We don't have any games or apps on it so I can't comment on those.

When you said miniGlencoco yesterday, I thought it was some kind of kids programme that had brought out their own tablet called MiniGlenCoco, until I’ve just seen your username

 

[WhatABore]

I also don’t believe that Jay actually likes Paige. He didn’t even pick her as one of the 3 to go in a date with when he came in. Paige was simply one of the only few girls not in the bottom at the public vote.

I don’t think Paige is very good at taking care of her heart & she did say she falls quickly for people easily. I don’t like to see a scenario where everyone is trying to use her for something.

Think this is in the wrong thread