Toddler advice thread

[Definitelyme]

Hello I’m looking for a bit of advice and a rant really

so for context, we live next door to my boyfriends Nan so we go round quite a lot. She has a dog, then my boyfriends uncle has 2 dogs who he takes round everyday. We go round most days so my 2.5 year old sees them all the time. He used to be really loving and gentle with the dogs but all of a sudden he’s developed a hitting phase and he’s doing it to the dogs so he’s surrounded by 3 dogs, he’s trying to hit and push them, I’m doing as much as I can and he keeps trying to hit and push them! I’m telling him off, his dad is, his Nan is, everyone is but he’s not grasping not to do it. My main worry is one of them turning round and biting him! Obviously I dont want him hurting dogs either. He doesn’t hit any of us, no people so I don’t get why he’s doing it! He’s so loving and gentle with everyone else but with the dogs it’s like he thinks it’s a game. I get really stern with him but he just does it again. Any advice???

but my rant - he was there this afternoon whilst me and his dad were busy. We go round and have a cuppa etc and 2 of the dogs are there. One’s looking out the window and my son comes up to the dog and pushes her off the chair! So i said right that’s not nice, you need to learn not to do that, we’re going home. And he cried and my boyfriend had a go at me and said that’s not how to make him learn. Said I should just keep letting him do it and shouting till he stops? Well we’ve been doing that and it’s not working?? How long are we gonna wait to see if one of the dogs snap. Can’t just let him keep doing it till he learns not to! I said if we exit him from the situation he will learn that he is being wrong but my boyfriend slammed his Nans front door on me and said I was doing it to be awkward I wasn’t I just wanted my son to learn he can’t be around the dogs if he’s gonna be mean?! Urgh!!!

he’s a really lovely little boy and it’s stressing me out I wish this phase would stop. Idk where it’s come from

What a difficult situation. Can you separate the dogs from him by closing them in another room when he is there?
I think something Like “I won’t let you hit the dog, we will have to go home until you’re ready to be gentle with them” is what I would say. We have a dog and my kids are sometimes annoyed with him, and I always remind them “this is Dog’s house too”, so maybe somthing like “this is dog’s house and if you can’t Be kind then we will have to go”

I think removing him from the situation is definitely the way to go, because as you say you just cannot ever know with a dog. Maybe you and your bf could sit down and work out some strategies together? But yeah, I don’t think just constantly shouting at him is gonna work, your bf was defo wrong there.

 

[al255]

Good morning all.

My 2.5 year old has been teething since Tuesday.. molars! She’s slept rubbish all week, (as have i!), and she’s hardly eating anything. She was up all last night screaming and unhappy literally every hour. I had to pin her down at one point to get calpol into her as she had a temp and she won’t take it from anything. We’ve both had all of 3 hours sleep and exhausted!! She was up at half 5 too unhappy and wouldn’t go back to sleep. She’s had some frosted shreddies this morning, but I’m just worried if she doesn’t eat 3 meals today she will be up again tonight. She had some chips for tea yesterday and some soup at 3ish, didn’t want any lunch. Any advice? I’m just worried cos it’s gone on for longer than usual, she’s already got 1 2nd molar through its just the rest of them.. normally it’s a few nights of being up cos of pain etc, just struggling, I’m a single mum and juggling this on my own too! She won’t even entertain soft foods like ice cream (her fave), or yoghurt etc

Her dad has been NO help this week, she’s going to his soon but I feel awful leaving her cos he will just get stressed out with her if she’s up every hour at night but then my friend said I need to get some rest as I’ve had a week of barely any sleep and being at work! sorry rant! Just fed up and exhausted and want my child back to her usual self x

 

[pinksunsetx91]

Thanks everyone for your advice/help and also sympathy. I found this morning when I was explaining things to him it did seem to help and he even went and brought me his shoes when I said we were going out to play with my friends wee one. I tried the advice to cuddle him when he has a massive one and he did calm down a lot quicker (it wasn’t one where he was misbehaving he genuinely got himself really worked up). I understand where your coming from with saying to him about making me sad when he’s doing this, cause I get he doesn’t understand and also his feelings aren’t my fault/responsibility. it was more a way of trying to learn him other kids may get upset when he’s doing certain behaviour but I know he’s still young. Parenting can be so hard work can’t it but we wouldn’t change it for the next world. Thanks everyone x

 

[OIM]

Thanks for the advice on night lights earlier in the week ladies. It turned out my mum was right and the 4yr old has been just weeing in her nappy when awake. No nappy last night and she was completely dry!

 

[watermelon sugar]

We are really struggling to get our two and a half year old son to brush his teeth. I've lost count of how much money I've spent on different toothbrushes, electric ones, one of the ones that are mouthguards specifically designed for children that brush for them...he just won't entertain it! At most he will chew on the toothbrush for a few seconds. If we try to do it for him it results in an absolute meltdown. Anyone else have this problem? I am scared for a time when we have to take him to the dentist because he will go ballistic!

my little boy used to be the same but one day I went ‘ok let George brush your teeth’ and I held his George teddybear and pretended George was brushing his teeth. And he laughed and stood and let me do them! Then he started getting me other toys to do it, and now he gets his toothbrush himself and lets me do it. I couldn’t believe it was something so simple! Hopefully you find something x

 

[WhatABore]

4yo had her first stay and play session at school today.
Just want to ask a bit of advice though as it made me notice it today.

Whenever we leave somewhere, regardless of how long we've been there, she cries her eyes out.
She doesn't say no or anything like that or has a 'tantrum'
She'll hold my hand and we'll leave. She just cries her eyes out.
Once or twice it's turned into a full meltdown where she has just been uncontrollable once we've got back to the car.
She's never been one for tantrums or anything. She's maybe had 3 or 4 'meltdowns' and all within the past year.

Her teacher told everyone to come to the mat and sit down so everyone could say goodbye and she just burst out crying. Very loud. And walked to the mat.
Of course all the other parents and kids were just staring at us.

I just have no idea how to handle it. Or if it's even normal.

She's so emotional in general. Anything she can't do and she cries her eyes out.

I have no idea how to help her or what to say to her because anything I say, makes it worse.

 

[al255]

This is where blackout blinds come in handy! We have them on the kids bedroom windows - pitch black rooms even in the height of summer!!!

My daughters room is always pitch black. Even for naps when she was a newborn. She’s always slept really well (apart from teething etc). Even though the internet and other people will say let them sleep in the light when it’s nap time or else they won’t know the difference between day and night. Yeah ok

 

[WhatABore]

Omg this!! My friend is convinced her toddler sleeps well because she parented her so well.. it’s a balance between parenting AND the child’s personality. It makes me feel like I’m the reason my child doesn’t sleep well when actually it’s not and I wish people would realise it’s just luck

I think it's easy to say when you've got a child that sleeps because you see everyone else's babies/children not sleeping and you think, well, I must be doing something right.

I didn't think it so much with my first, I did think well, maybe I'm just lucky.
But then when my second slept well too.
I was like.. Surely it's something I'm doing then?
They both have confident personalities too. Well, in the sense they'll talk to anyone and everyone. I could hand them to whoever I wanted as a baby/toddler and they wouldn't care. They weren't clingy at all.

But as I said before, now I've had a 3rd and she hates sleep, hates food, hates people but has been parented almost identical, especially routines and she's clingy as f**k

So it definitley made me realise it's completely down to the child.
Obviously part of it is parenting to a sense. But 90% is just the child.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’ve never taken her swimming. We were due to go on a course but then covid started and we never booked again. Now I feel like it’d be her worst fear ever like a giant bath she loved being in paddling pools last year so going to try that in the warmer weather but that could be a while yet

You should go swimming with her. Don’t wait until summer. Make it fun, do not make any comparison to it being like a bath - don’t mention bath at all!!! Get her a fun swimming costume and some cool arm bands etc and some floats to take in and see how she gets on. I’d really recommend trying it, swimming is such a great thing for kids to do anyway and it may help with the bath thing

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

@JulesC I just wanted to echo what @honey&lemon said - you are definitely not on your own, I could also have written that post myself. My daughters sleep is improving now we’ve stopped lying with her of a night to get her to sleep but she rarely sleeps right through - we’re up at least once. She is always up at 6am too without fail, even if say we are out a bit later (rarely). She’s always in bed for 7/730. I’m tired all the time. I’m also expecting another baby and I’m suffering terribly with hyperemesis. I was promoted just before I got pregnant and all I do is worry about work, I’m not doing my best (even though I try), I feel as though I’m letting my manager down. It’s never ending. Sending you love and this won’t last forever x
ETA it doesn’t half piss me off the advice everyone gives - sleep, exercise, enjoy time to yourself - ermmm WHEN? And where do we get the energy from?!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

She's 4 at the end of Feb.

This morning she had a bagel which she asked for. She took 1 small bite and said she didn't want it.
I asked her to eat some more because she was saying she was hungry. She cried saying she wanted something else.
I told her it's what she asked for, she's not having anything else. (it's never something I've given in to either)
She cried again, took it back to her table, started coughing and 2 minutes later came in saying she'd been sick on her plate.

Last night, gave her a choice of what she wanted for dinner.
She had 1 bite, said she wanted something else. I said no.
So she went back to her table, couple of minutes later, came in saying she was sick on her plate.

Before doing it on meals, she'd been doing it in her bed when it was bed time and she didn't want to go to bed. She'd get in bed fine. About 20 minutes later, come out saying she's been sick on her bed.

I don't know what to do because her being sick on her food means she gets away with not eating it. Which is what she wants. And she doesn't get given anything else either

She’s doing it for attention and as a form of control. When she’s next sick on her food don’t react at all, don’t even speak to her. Just lift the plate and walk away. Give her the next meal at normal meal time and again, if she’s sick on it again, remove it and don’t acknowledge or engage with her.


It’s hard but it is just a phase and if you can show that it’s not remotely bothering you and that she doesn’t get any attention from doing it, it will start to loose it’s appeal.

 

[al255]

New thread suggestions please ladies x

I’m thinking: Toddler Advice Thread #2 - Terrible Twos sending us mad, sweet & innocent are they really that bad?

That was rubbish. Doesn’t fit all parents

OR

Toddler Advice #2 - We don’t bite but our toddlers might

 

[Pinkii]

I agree, my daughter is 4 next month and I’m on the countdown to school! She’s been the hardest she’s ever been since she was born. I didn’t find the ‘terrible twos’ no where near as hard. Only a few days ago I was on the phone to my mom sobbing because I’m finding it so hard! I feel like she is debating and arguing with me daily according to my mom who is a teacher says it’s really common that the parents of pre school kids are finding this age difficult and apparently it does help when they start school!

Don’t wish all this on anyone but such a relief to hear others are going through the same. It seems no one else around me is.

I called my husband crying the other day after a really bad bedtime, i honestly felt like i was having a panic/anxiety attack. My heart was pounding in my chest, my palms were sweaty and i just couldnt breath.

Thanks for everyone else responding. You have all made me feel better about my situation but also i feel sorry for everyone else

 

[Jellybean093]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

All my kids get to an age where they prefer daddy. He’s the fun one (guess that’s what happens when he gets 8 hours sleep and I get 4 ) and I’m the strictish one. It’s fine with me though, because I know if they’re poorly/tired, it’s always me they come to in my house, daddy is always the one to spoil them!

 

[peachhes]

My little boy is starting nursery next month and I’m so worried for him he’s speech delayed and possible ASD also. He’s not used to being around other children and I’m worried he’ll just melt down I want him to have the best time ever but I’m so nervous about leaving him !!! Any tips on how to get a grip

 

[Definitelyme]

So glad to find this thread. I have searched to see if this has been asked about before but couldn’t see anything on it, which means it might just be me who’s a mug… my daughter is 2.5 and I still have to cuddle and rock her to sleep at night. I have to get her to sleep before she goes in the cot 99% of the time otherwise she just won’t go to sleep. I tried a few things when she was younger to try and get her to go to sleep independently but I just couldn’t take the crying so here we are.

Any advice or is anyone in the same boat?

All my older 3 have been the same. My eldest we lay with her in bed until she was 3.5, my second was 4.5 and my third is now 3.5 and still has my husband lie with her to go to sleep. Would you think about moving her to a bed and you can lie with her and cuddle her, which may be a bit easier than moving her down in to a cot?
I know different things work for different families but for us, we don’t mind giving them that help to fall asleep, and the older two “grew out of it” in their own time.

 

[al255]

Try and see if he would eat a slice of toast or something a bit more filling. It may just be the thing to keep him going a bit longer. I found with mine they would wake early during growth spurts and giving a bit extra food at dinner and toast or a small bowl of cereal before bed did the trick!!!

I agree with this … I too noticed my daughter was waking up early or she would have random screaming episodes (hunger) .. she would have tea at 5pm but to expect her to go from 5pm to 6am the next morning without food wasn’t fair. I give her a bowl of cereal like shreddies, Cheerios or weetabix before bed and it tides her over. I started making tea at 5 to eat at 5.15-5.30pm too so everything has shifted and it seems to be helping (fyi she’s 2.5) x

 

[Wishwash]

Help! Does anyone have any advice for what to do when your toddler's sleep goes to pot but you have a baby too?

Background - my two year old (nearly 3) has been sleeping well in his cot in his own room for ages. Kept him in a cotbed as he's super happy in it and doesn't climb.

Had another baby before Christmas who's in our room in a next to me but often ends up bedsharing in the night.

Husband is a bit of a twat - not very supportive and has been having a lot of nights out/ weekends away which has put the toddler in a tailspin. Couple this with my husband not being able to put any boundaries on our toddler or act like a parent, so when he's around its like they're playmates and my son bosses him around.

Husband has been sleeping in a spare room for a while - gets disturbed by baby and because he's been going out a lot and smoking I haven't really wanted him in our room either.

Problem is now my toddler yells for dad every night and instead of staying in his room and supporting him to sleep he just scoops toddler up and puts him in bed with him.

Cue last night - dad went to see Tyson fury at wembley and didn't return until Sunday dinnertime. Saturday night was a nightmare and I had to out toddler in with me as he was having a blue arsed fit, he then didn't sleep, kicked all night long, woke the baby and we were up for the day at 5am. Sunday night Toddler goes to bed ok but woke at 11 shouting for dad. Dad's too hungover and doesn't respond. I spent next two hours trying to settle him, backwards and forwards between him and new baby who was stirring too. Dad then swoops in and puts toddler in bed with him. So the two hours I spent on the floor was for nothing.

Wtaf can I do? My toddler's sleep was so good and this is so frustrating.
Problem is my husband is soon going to get sick of bedsharing and my toddler is getting crap sleep too, I could hear him talking constantly all night, then my husband is tired and pissy with him. More of a rant really but has anyone experienced this?

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I would cry with happiness if my kid ate pizza or a chicken nugget. She is extremely fussy and it’s been such a struggle. We’ve been working on it and seeing progress but it’s slow. I’ve been so proud of her this week she’s tried a new food every day. Nothing groundbreaking but she ate blueberries which she hasn’t for over a year. The one I was surprised at was an olive!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

We have Bluey bedding and dinosaur bedding, two of her favourites so I am hoping that helps
I guess my main concern is the getting out of bed and playing silly buggers but once the novelty wears off I'm sure it will be fine. Think we may try soon, once I get over my nerves

We always had a baby gate on the bedroom door at this stage and kept the room pretty bland - no toys, just teddies on the bed and some books and a night light and grow clock. We kept toys out so that the bedroom would be associated with sleeping and not playing. Gate on the door kept them in the room so they weren’t tempted to explore at night alone or creep into our bed. If they got up they would stand and shout for us so we would go to them, put them back into bed and out again. It takes patience and perseverance; you have to consistently put them back to their own bed if they wake up. The moment you cave and take them to your bed or get up with them at some unholy hour of the morning you are back at square one again!!!!!