Toddler advice thread #4

[WhatABore]

So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

I agree with previous comments that it's just her fighting for power.
It'll take time but you just have to be firm with the routine.
Stick the the same amount of books every night. Same time for things.
I personally wouldn't have accommodated the raisins either. Especially knowing its a delay tactic.
Once it's bed time, it's bed time, we do the same routine and nothing else

 

[WhatABore]

Had a little parents meeting with nursery yesterday, expected to be in and out in 15 minutes, that it just would be a general update as all parents are getting them. Ended up being an hour and the headteacher saying that though they love having my little boy, he’s very bright and has lovely manners, they have concerns about his ability to concentrate and follow instructions and to regulate and manage his emotions. They’re putting a support plan in place to hopefully help him and she mentioned getting my HV involved to do a learning assessment??

To be honest I was completely blindsided, they always say at collection each day that’s he’s had a great day, any minor issues are spoken about. I’m in panic mode now and terrified something is wrong. But the boy they describe - can’t concentrate, can’t listen to instructions, struggles to manage his emotions - isn’t the boy I recognise from home. He is well behaved with me, listens to instructions out in public, will stay with me and hold my hand etc. We play together at home, jigsaws, read books, play cars and dinosaurs etc. Ok his attention span is a bit short but he’s only 3 and a half. And he is high energy and likes to be active but not hyperactive. He sometimes can be a bit dramatic with his feelings, but again what toddler isn’t?

I’m just imagining the worst and feel so upset about it all. I know it’s good the nursery is giving him extra support and maybe it won’t come to anything but I’m just heartbroken atm

There's nothing to worry about. It doesn't change who he is, it doesn't change anything apart from he can get support at nursery if he needs it. Nursery and home are very very different environments.

I'm pretty sure my 5 year old is mildly autistic and we believe also has adhd. It doesn't change who she is. That's just her. If we can get her support of she needs it, that's all I care about

 

[smellsofbiscuits]

Just here to say norovirus has hit the Biscuits household. I was ill all of yesterday but assumed it was due to having too much gluten. Sadly both Toddler Biscuit and Big Biscuit puking within 30 minutes of each other has proven me wrong

Thank the baby cheeses for Dettol Anti-bacterial detergent and the larger washing machine I invested in last year.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Tired tired tired and tonsillitis has struck me mini A hasn’t slept well all week, she’s been full of a cold and bad cough. Which in turn I’ve not slept well.. she’s hardly ate much in the last few days just managing bits of stuff. She’s not slept past 6:15am since Sunday and she’s just exhausted. I’m exhausted so i dread to think how she feels. Due to early wake up I’ve been putting her to bed at 7.15 so she’s asleep for 7.30-7.35ish but I’m wondering if it’s too early and it’s causing her to be awake early (but she’s waking up at 6am and it’s a longgggggg day for a 3 year old)??

She usually is asleep for 7:40pm when she’s well, and she sleeps soundly until 7am, sometimes 7:15am.

I think she’s waking up early cos she’s starving but she’s not managing much just hope she perks up soon and has a proper sleep which I hope will help.. doesn’t help there’s nobody else to take over the nights and I’ve had complete broken sleep allllll week.. her dads been doing overtime at work amd
He didn’t come mid week like he usually does to see her so I didn’t even get a break! Thankfully she’s at her dads tomorrow morning till Sunday till 3pm so I can get a long sleep without being interrupted

Probably cos she’s not well but 730 til 6am is a good sleep!!!! Mine sleeps like that every night. He always gets up when my alarm goes off bless him at 6. He has a “lie in” til 640 on my days off but always wakes up usually anyway. Sorry but 6 am is not exactly early for a 3 year old. Hope she’s feeling better soon

 

[Definitelyme]

My husband dropped our daughter off at her childminders this morning and went to work. Just texted me out of the blue that childminder is in agreement she may have dyspraxia so great now I’m worried again. I’ve asked husband what actually was said but I am picking her up later so will ask her too.

She is moving from her childminder to a nursery next month so I’m going to mention it to them too as something to keep an eye on.

TBH most childminder’s have minimal training so wouldn’t exactly say that her tuppence is worth anything at all. My SIL is a childminder and is no more likely to be able to diagnose dyspraxia than my cat. Not trying to minimise your worries, just putting in to perspective that she has no medical training. Best to speak to your HV and GP.

 

[Kit123]

My daughter does one half day and one full day a week. It's £476 a month

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Usually when I’m off in the holidays I take my little one to see my parents. But after the weekend I really didn’t want to see her cos she always puts me in a bad mood because I just know she will go on about potty training and I really don’t need her ruining my week off. she hasn’t even text me anyway I never hear from her if I don’t text so what’s the point

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

So an update. Had the meeting with pre-school and we have agreed a plan of action where she will be checked in with a practitioner every thirty minutes, and agreed to a plan for managing her disregulation and overwhelm earlier to stop her getting to a point of extreme distress.

ADHD has been a concern of mine for a while so they’ve agreed to do a referral for that, but also want to do an ODD referral which I’m not so sure on. They’re also doing a referral to occupational therapy for her sensory sensitivities. I’ve been brushed off by health visitors for two years so glad I’m finally being listened to but worried it’s a bit heavy handed.
I really want her to have the adhd assessment which is why I’m sticking with the preschool for now.

The ODD signs is only evident at preschool but it could just be her pushing back as she’s not feeling understood. If I say no to that now will she then struggle at school if it’s just present in educational settings? The waitlists are so long I don’t want to say no as the opportunity is here now. So confused!

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I doubt she will remember it she doesn’t remember one thing to the next half the time.

Anywayyyyy let’s move on from the words I use for my child, I was giving one example to someone about what I said to my daughter about running into the road. And it’s happened once and never since.

This isn’t mumsnet..

Well I mean, you keep posting about it, so don't be surprised when people react

You also seem insistent on being dismissive and rude to Mama Me above, when she's been nothing but kind and helpful.

There are plenty of studies of the use of language and trauma association to children. It changes chemical pathways in the brain, I'd have a read of some if I were you, you'll be surprised at what their brain stores as a memory.

 

[watermelon sugar]

So after last night and the disaster of a week we had with sleep and us both feeling unwell, she’s still asleep. It’s the first night she’s not coughed at all since last weekend I hope she feels better today and gets her appetite back too as she’s not ate much at all.

you’re lucky mine was bouncing off the walls at 6:04 but after he woke me up at 5:15 last weekend after a night out I counted 6:04 as a lie in

 

[al255]

Just thought I’d mention this- I’ve just a merlin standard pass for £89 with NHS discount.

Booked CBeebies land for tomorrow, it’s usually £29 for me, £5 for her and £5 for parking so it’s pretty much paid for itself within 2 visits and we go atleast 4 times between April and October weather dependant.

Can use it at a few places like Legoland at Trafford where she’s free and I’d have to pay so the annual pass is for me really! Going to get our worth out of it this summer for sure.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I would be raging, I would be typing a letter and smoke would be coming out of the keyboard with the rage. Honestly, it’s unbelievable. Yes, she had a bad day, and had behaviours which aren’t the best, but the labelling, the comment at the door, the whole thing just is wrong.

Tbh, and I’m not in any way having a go at you personally, but I’ve never understood the "get them used to being away" thing. If they are going to struggle, they will struggle based on their personality, and so I want to keep that at bay for as long as possible, and allow them the chance to mature a bit more so maybe it’s not so much an issue rather than putting them in early. Does that make sense? I haven’t probably explained very well. But if that’s the main reason you have her in, I’d take her out.
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I would email, and I would make it formal.

Thank you, I was shocked at the time. I told my partner last night but after a very rough evening with her and an unwell 4 month old we were both emotionally tapped out. I will write a letter and have a meeting and see what they say but I’m not optimistic. I messaged them last week letting them know she was having separation anxiety and if they had any resources or ideas like the hv told me to do and they didn’t reply.

I agree with what you’ve said about if they’ll struggle. Her dad said yesterday it will be hell if we take her out then send her to school as she’ll be in for a shock. But I can’t see how forcing her to go somewhere she hates for over a year will make that experience better. All she’ll think is this is what school is like I don’t want to go!
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I do wonder if potentially her experiences and the language they’re using towards her/about her at nursery are playing in to her behaviour at home x

It’s definitely not helping. We had turned a corner after her brother was born and it’s exploded again. I’ve worked so hard on making the adjustment as smooth as I can.Now I spend half the week getting her prepped to go in and then dealing with the fall out when she comes home. It’s exhausting for her and for me. She only gets one childhood and this isn’t how I want it to be. She’ll be in school next year and now I’m thinking she’s going to be less prepared as what is it doing to her self esteem to be told every time you leave how awful you’ve been.

 

[xoxo GG]

Anyone else got a super slow eater? My almost 4 year old has been like this for a few months now and it’s honestly killing me off He doesn’t have a super varied diet but he he generally eats well and likes lots of different fruit and veg. But if you left him to it he would sit for over an hour to eat a sandwich and some fruit. I sit with him at meals and I’m constantly like, “Right let’s eat lunch, come on, let’s have more please, eat up please….” and it’s so wearing!

Was considering trying him with a timer but I’m so conscious that I don’t want to trigger any eating issues in him. My husband and I eat dinner when he’s in bed but we sometimes eat as a family and even then he’s just sitting staring into space. If I keep on at him he will finish a meal so it’s not like he isn’t hungry. Argh hoping it just a stage cos I’m honestly demented

My 4yo is a grazer, she eats a little bit, goes off for a while, comes back and eats a bit more and repeat until she’s satisfied. I just let her do it, I don’t want to create a problem when really it isn’t. Ideally I’d love for her to sit and the table and eat a full meal in one sitting, but for now I’m happy that she even just grazes long enough to actually eat the majority of what she’s been offered

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Not sure which is the right thread to ask this on, but travelling with kids - looking at going away next year with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Can I take our double buggy to the gate and then they put it in hold? And what’s the situation with car seats on coach transfers? We only have the Joie 360s so not possible to travel with them and I don’t particularly want to buy seats just for the holiday. If I go through a company eg Tui/Neilson, does anyone know if they provide them? The logistics are blowing my mind but I desperately need a holiday!

Most airlines I’ve flown with since having my daughter have allowed 2 special pieces of “baby luggage” so I’d assume you’d get one for each child. You can take the buggy up to the plane but as others have said you may not get it back until you’re at baggage collection. If you’re going to take car seats (which I would recommend tbh if you’re able rather than borrow because they typically don’t look after them in car hire companies, have seen them being properly chucked around) put them in a box or big bag and pad them out with loads of nappies/clothes for baby as there’s no size limit on these baby items so it’ll save you space in your luggage.

Some general tips for travelling with little ones:
- if you have a baby carrier, wear it on the plane (even if baby isn’t in it at the time) so you can be hands free with your 6mo. Useful for the flight but also on the other side if you’ve got a bit of a wait going through passport control
- again for your 6mo, consider asking if it’s possible to get an in flight bassinet. Not all airlines do it, and it’s usually first come first served, but if you get it it means you’re on the front row of the flight and it’s basically a little cot that attaches to the wall in front of your seat. It’s brilliant as a place for baby to sleep, plus it means as a family you get a bit more space. We were able to get it when my daughter was much younger on a longer flight
- for most airlines each child is allowed their own piece of hand luggage along with their checked in items so we tried to box a bit clever with all our hand luggage, eg in husbands was all techs stuff for us all, in mine was snacks/little toys/colouring etc, in daughters was spare clothes/nappies/calpol etc so we knew where each thing would be
- take an iPad, with a power bank/charging ability, and download films/tv shows to it in advance. We also got my daughter some headphones so she could watch whatever without it being too loud for us
- when going through passport control, make it known you have kids. Not all countries are the same but most we’ve visited have let us go through priority
- when actually considering accommodation etc, whilst yours are so young I’d definitely consider all inclusive. It’s more expensive of course but by the time you’ve factored in supermarket shopping and meals out, it will end up being cheaper and it means you’ll have lots of variety of food for the kids and drinks/ice creams available through most of the day

I’m sure I’ll think of more but that’s all I can remember right now!

 

[Definitelyme]

Just lost it with my 3 year old and feel awful. It’s very rare I shout at her like I did but we’ve had 5 nights of broken sleep, she’s exhausted, not listening.

Put her in bed at 20 past, read a book, cuddles etc and then suddenly she needs a wee (fair enough), planned for her to be asleep for 7:30pm, 7:35pm.. then she said her bears need a wee, they all need a drink, she’s literally screaming they need a wee and I just lost it. She’s only just gone to sleep cos of pissing around and she’s gunna be up early yet again. I hate these weeks so bad when she just doesn’t listen and it just feels like a shit show! I am drained this week. I’ll miss her when she’s at her Dads but I’ve honestly had enough and can’t wait for a break

It can be frustrating when bedtimes aren’t what you’d like, I’ve had times when my patience is tested and I don’t react well either. Especially when you’re tired already. But try to remember that - like us as adults - little ones aren’t robots and may not be 100% ready to go to to sleep just because the clock says they are.

 

[Definitelyme]

I completely agree it’s a power struggle!! I said I’d carry her scooter as she got off it and we were walking up the hill. I just think MY WORD sometimes!

I just feel like she can’t ever take being told off or not to do something. She cried at swimming when the instructor told her not to spit water back into the pool🫠

Grim

But yeah, that’s toddler life. They can’t take being told off, a lot of the time they simply don’t have the understanding to realise why they are even being told off.
Remove the power struggles and you’ll solve a lot of the issue. Strong willed kids (and I have some!) need to feel they are being listened to and given options. But you deciding what the options are keeps things in order.

 

[PillowsofFluff]

3y 3m and not started yet

 

[al255]

On another subject, can I get people's opinions on whether I am being a dick or not.

My sister in law turns 18 in June (there's a big gap between her and my other half). Big birthday, I get it. They've decided to hire their favourite curry house as a venue for a party, on the actual night of her birthday, which is a Thursday. Not ideal for people who have work the next day, ie my partner, who as a teacher can't just book the day off, but never mind.
They are keen for us to take 3yo miniP but I have flat out said no as it doesn't start til 7pm (her usual bedtime) and although I could be open to keeping her up a little later, I think it would be shit to take a tired threenager to a loud, noisy birthday party and I would be having a shit time trying to entertain her. Or she would just fall asleep - also rubbish.
So they then said, well can your mum have her. Bearing in mind my mum lives an hour away and also works on Fridays, I can't see how that would work. She leaves at 7am for work and doesn't drive, so I'd have to pick 3yo up at like 6am on Friday morning to bring her back home with me.
Now they are suggesting they get one of my mother in laws cousin's children, who miniP has never in her life met and I have only met once, to stay at our house to look after her. So we would still put her down to bed, then leave for the party and they would just sit in the house and make sure she's ok and doesn't wake. Am I being a dick to hate this idea?
I know it's a big birthday and she wants us there but I would much rather we just all went for lunch in the daytime or something and we treated her separately. But, if we don't go, we'll never hear the end of it, and it will be used as a stick to beat us with forever more

you’re not being unreasonable or a dick. My daughters dads family throw a big party every Christmas on the 28th and the last 2 years I’ve said mini A isn’t going as there’s

1. No need for a 1 or 2 year old to go to a party that doesn’t start till 7pm when she should be asleep
2. She doesn’t care for it
3. Too loud and noisy
4. Not them who has to put up with an overtired baby/toddler.

I only took her the last Christmas gone as she was 3 and she really enjoyed it, his family invited me as well and she enjoyed it. I only went as a lot of family haven’t seen her who are getting elderly. It’s a once a year thing too! she can wind down and catch up on sleep the days after as it’s Christmas break.

Just say you don’t think it’s appropriate for a 3 year old to go on a school night, which I don’t think it is. Just say how you feel, they’ll get over it and it’s not the end of the world.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don’t like that word used at all and wonder if they would use it for a boy. Sorry I wasn’t clear. She goes all year round 3 afternoons a week but understands the school holidays. So I think I’ll pull her from going all summer and start new in the new room sept. Most of the kids will be doing that anyway.
She struggled when she first started and then settled in after a few months but has now regressed to not wanting to go, struggling to go in at the door and now her behaviour when there. She’s now saying she doesn’t like it and I’m at a point now where if I think it will improve her behaviour at home I’d rather she didn’t go. They talk a big talk of how they do outdoor walks and go to the garden but it’s rare she actually leaves the room and she’s cooped up at home those mornings as I try and keep it calm plus there’s not much time by the time I get us all ready and out the door. Sorry for the essay I am really at my wits end with it all.
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Thank you that’s my thoughts as well. Tonight has been awful with meltdown after meltdown. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it. Doesn’t help my baby is unwell and I can’t put him down. Bedtime isn’t going well.

It sounds like she doesn’t like it. That must be awful for the both of you.
maybe it would be a good idea to do what you think then with taking her out until September. Sounds like she may benefit from it . Hope it goes well.
I would probably do the same if I was you. She will get used to the summer holidays anyway when she’s in pre school etc so may as well start now
Bless her I wonder what’s going on inside her little brain


god we went to play group today and mine just always manages to find a small group and he likes to join in with them. Anyway they kept running off from him and he kept following and they told him to stop following and to go away. They were a little bit older maybe a year older and I had to ask them if he could play with them and it broke my heart seeing them run away from him. He was a bit excited cos he’s not been to a play centre for agessss. It happened last week at the park as well this group of boys kept telling him to go away. He just always wants to join in bless him🥹. I’ve been a bit sad about it actually this afternoon. Is that pathetic.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Thank you for all the replies last night. We had a much better day today