Toddler advice thread #4

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m finding it really hard being a parent lately. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but my little boy is being a bit hard work. I don’t know if it’s because of his arm or just in general but he’s whining a lot. Gets really grumpy in the afternoon and I find myself stressing at him a bit and then I feel terrible afterwards. Trying to give him ibuprofen at bedtime cos his arm was a bit sore and he was fighting me and spat it out in the end and then screamed a little afterwards. He went to bed ok and was giggling before bed but I just feel so stressed out. It was his first day back at nursery today and I was soo tense all day incase they rang me. I picked him up they said he fell on it today outside . We’re both a bit of a mess . They’ve got a small climbing frame that they go on outside after lunch and they didn’t let him on it of course and they said he got upset and I just feel so bad for him. He’s so fed up and so am I . Just feel I needed a bit of a rant

 

[Definitelyme]

Their baby teeth fall out anyway

Yes but if they are decayed that decay can also impact the adult teeth below them.

 

[watermelon sugar]

My sister was filming my 3 yo singing on his keyboard yesterday, in the middle of London Bridge he pulls his microphone out and he goes ‘gods sake!!!!’ and then ‘jesus!!!!’ all on camera

Also he is scouse like me but when he says gods sake he says it with a proper Northern accent he goes ‘fuuur gooods saaakkuuh’

 

[WhatABore]

My 3yo has suddenly started with the nightmares again. She woke up about an hour after she’d gone to sleep last night hysterically crying, I don’t think she even woke up when I went into her because I had to pick her up and cuddle her to calm her. She still has her Ollie owl she’s had since a baby so I turned that light on and lullaby and then she laid back down and was asleep again.

It’s having a knock on effect in the day, she’s so moody, everything is no and she’s always been a mummy’s girl but now she’s even more clingy. I’m trying to be understanding because she’s obviously going through something but she’s hard work at the moment.

She also had her first ever time out with her child minder this week for snatching toys and shouting at the childminder when she tried to discuss it. Then the mum guilt starts because I’m thinking she doesn’t know how to share as an only child and how I’d love to give her a sibling but not financially an option for us. Sorry gone off on a bit of a long rant there

Children don't learn/understand about sharing properly until 3 and a half/4 years old.
A lot of children are an only child until that age. My oldest was an only child until he was 5.
My 5 year old still snatches at times and she's got 2 siblings.
Certainly nothing to feel guilty about.
I would also imagine the time out was more so for the shouting too rather than the snatching.

Can you get her a night light that's on constantly?

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

My 4yo daughter woke up and chose violence today. She’s normally amazing and I was anticipating her struggling with the arrival of her baby brother but she lured me into a false sense of security by being the kindest, sweetest kid until today. I haven’t been able to say a single thing to her without her shouting/disagreeing/crying and just generally being mean.
Not looking for advice really, I know she’s only four and all this is expected because she’s had a massive upheaval to her life. I also know I’m being hormonal and therefore not thinking rationally. Just needed to vent

I can’t remember how new your baby is but my daughter has been the same and it’s been four months. She has improved but it’s still so relentless some days.

 

[WhatABore]

Mine is 2 years 4 months and isn’t ready yet. I’m trying to be chilled about it as it’s far better to do it successfully when he’s older than get stressed and upset about it, but parenting can be awfully competitive, even if you personally aren’t it’s hard not to get sucked into other kids’ amazing achievements and wondering if you have gone somehow terribly wrong! I’ve been feeling this a lot lately, been concerned about my little boys speech.

I just always think that hy the time they're adults, even as older kids. When they first walked, talked, potty trained ect won't matter. Even with my kids, even my 5 year old in reception, looking at them all, I can't tell who waked when, who started talking earlier ect

With their speech, it's easy to worry. But if you have a Google, kids are actually saying more than you think.
It doesn't need to be full words, it can even be signs that count as speech. Animal sounds.
Noises like "weee" "Uh oh" are all classed as speech.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Mine is asleep last night was 820. He’s been rubbing his eyes since 3pm. He didn’t want to go to bed but I more or less made him cos he’s tired and bedtimes have been bad and late this week

jealous Mine is still awake chatting absolute shit. He’s sang that song about the baker man and the buns having a cherry on the top about 17 times

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I am so fed up of my Daughters Dad. I just need a rant!!!!!

He doesn’t drive and expects everyone to be available to take him & our daughter places when it’s nobody else’s responsibility apart from ours.

She’s got a party this Saturday with one of her good nursery friends and all nursery kids are going.

We got the invite weeks ago and he knew he was taking her cos I’m out in another town and have stuff planned / pre booked (and this was booked before she got the invite).

The party is in another town but it’s easily accessible by a bus from his house to town to the train, and she’s free on bus & train. The place is 2 min walk from train station and she will enjoy it. She loves going on any form of transport.

Anyway. I told him I’ve spoke to his mum and she can’t take them due to needing to be somewhere else with his nan due to organising funeral arrangements. So I told her dad get the bus and the train and I’ll bring her pram so she can be strapped in and you’ve no worries about her running off etc he said “I’m skint I’ve only got £15 to my name” WTF man. He then said it’s a faff.

???? I took her to the local zoo which was an hour + round trip on bus & train when she was younger and I didn’t drive! It’s literally a 15-20 min journey into town and then 8 mins on the train and a 2-3 min walk.

He lives with his nan and literally had his rent, phone and CSA to pay for and I said it’s beyond a joke. I said to him I’ll buy his £3.40 train ticket and he can surely pay for the bus himself.

I’m so pissed off and more pissed off that he is skint yet went out for Cheltenham last weekend and didn’t think to save any money to be able to do something with her this weekend, the only day he has her it’s gunna be pissing it down and she knows this party is happening cos she’s been going on about it. If she doesn’t go to this party she won’t be doing anything at all Saturday or Sunday and it’s just really annoyed me. I just feel sorry for her to miss out cos of him. His mum is gunna pay for his bus fare and I’m gunna buy his train ticket so he can’t spend my £3.40 on anything else. It winds me up so so much that he doesn’t seem to care to save money and his outgoings are fuck all.

Just need to rant. I know the party isn’t the end of the world if she doesn’t go but he knew he had to take her to it and she’s been looking forward to it. My dads busy so he can’t take them (even so why should he?!! ) just urgh I don’t know anyone of the other mums well enough to randomly message to ask if she can have a lift there and back but it’s just a piss take even so.

Wow I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Whilst I can understand why you have (because I’d do anything for my kids to be happy too) you definitely shouldn’t have to pay for his bus/train ticket. He’s prioritising his own social life over his daughters which is really shitty, because she doesn’t get to decide for herself while she’s young she’s totally reliant on adults. I really hope he takes her

 

[LilyRose1234]

i don’t know, maybe! When we went to Haven in April she was in pull ups and she was dry at night so if I compared the two I just seem to think it’s the excess fluids she’s having that are causing bed wetting. My friend just said to limit drinks from 4pm and make sure she goes for lots of wees between tea and bedtime she’s just woke up and her pull up is full to the brim of wee and the beds wet. I’m actually shocked at how much wee one child can produce

I probably wouldn’t limit drinks in a warm country and try not to make a big deal out of it (not saying you are) but I know when I was a child I literally couldn’t do a car journey longer than half an hour without being desperate for a wee, and my parents would make such a big deal about checking I’d been before we left etc that it would stress me out and I’d end up needing a wee more. In hindsight they probably just asked once or twice but as a kid it felt like they were making a big deal out of it so i made a big deal out of it

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I’m happy for her to have a mad fun around but it gets to a silly point where she’s hitting screaming or ends in a meltdown. More like disregulatiob than letting off steam. But maybe for her it is the same? Baths and screen time end the same. We do y have a garden but I could set up an obstacle course and see if that gets it out if her system.

Thank you everyone for the kind support, you’ve given me some ideas to try.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

@watermelon sugar for some reason this makes me think this is you and yours

 

[Definitelyme]

So I’m not sure if this is a problem really or even a phase but my little one has become so clingy 24/7. She’s always been fairly independent (well as independent as a small toddler can be haha), but lately she’s stuck to me like glue, if I move slightly she whinges non stop and demands a cuddle, if I can’t cuddle her because I’m doing something (eg cooking) she bites me, I can’t be in a different room even if she can see me. I obviously love her to pieces and always want to cuddle her etc but it’s such a change of behaviour and the minute something else even slightly has my attention she’ll whinge and whine, it’s making me slightly worried about when the baby arrives, especially with the biting

If she’s not usually that way I imagine it’s a wee phase. Keep the connection there and just meet her where she is. If you’re in the kitchen cooking, get her up beside you and chat to her while you do. I think she isn’t much younger than ToddlerMe and he loves chopping stuff with his knife, or splashing in the sink ()
With the biting, could her teeth be sore? If she tries to bite then I’d redirect her to something she can bite - a wet facecloth, a baby type teether. Sometimes TMe will try to bite if he’s very cross at us, so preempting that helps me be able to step back quickly and he’s never managed to nibble yet (I live in fear)
And it’s also ok to say “I will read you two books, then I have to make tea. You can come in with me, or you can play here” and keep those boundaries for yourself.
Don’t worry about when the baby is here. And I know you’ll be hearing “oh she can sense change is coming” because I heard it a million times and I think it’s balls

 

[watermelon sugar]

Me and mine have caught a cold from play group the other day. We’re both snotty and sneezing loads.
There was this girl with a snotty nose and her mum kept wiping her nose. We haven’t been unwell for AGES.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

It wasn’t as such the tantrum that I was bothered by it was the way she grabbed his hood and tried dragging him out of her Wendy house my friends say all the time she tries bossing her friends around.
When she was having the tantrum mine was on my knee with his head in my chest hiding.
How come it has made you sad. Sorry

No need to apologise, I guess I see similarities with your friends child’s behaviour and mine. She can be aggressive by hitting, biting, throwing, has started to be rude, bossy and whiny. I see a little girl totally overwhelmed asking for help. But being on the outside looking in I can imagine it is overwhelming for you and your son. I wouldn’t allow my daughter unsupervised play time if she was being aggressive to her friends though, I would be there to intervene and stop that before it got to that point. Although that’s a bit rich as I wasn’t watching her when she pulled her aunts hair. My partner was but he isn’t as good at seeing it coming, don’t know why as it’s been months and she’s always been very easily overstimulated.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt angry about comments made by family and their expectations of a child in an adult situation. I guess I feel sad that other people will see my daughter’s behaviour and judge her and I guess also me.

 

[WhatABore]

I’ve been reading ur posts for a while I don’t think this is the first time you’ve ranted about him … I know it isn’t as simple as this but honestly if it was me I think I’d cut ties with him he sounds like a waste of space who doesn’t put his daughter first. Like you say can go to Cheltenham. Which isn’t cheap! I bet spent loads on beer.
your poor daughter her own great grandma doesn’t want her being there !? None of them sound very nice
Sorry if any of this is out of order.

I don't think him being useless with money and/or lazy is a reason to cut him off from being a Dad.
Not only does he have rights himself, going from seeing her Dad 3 days a week/overnight would have a massive impact on the daughter too.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Not sure what’s going on in my little ones head today.
we went to my friends today and it took me 15 minutes or so to get him in the car!!! He wouldn’t get in the car then kept leaping out of his seat
We were going a walk this afternoon and he didn’t want me to get him ready. Kept sitting on the stairs crying. Once I eventually got him out the door he cried for about two mins of the walk. Not like him at all
He has been a bit tired all day

bedtime he turns into the devil. Kept laughing. Wouldn’t get in bed. Wouldn’t lie down. Everything was funny. Tried getting him to bed at 710. Eventually he was asleep my 830. I was crying at 8pm
Gotta love kids right.

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Oh man, I only wash my daughter's hair once a week. She hates it, so I do it as little as possible

 

[Jellybean093]

Hello! Not posted in here before, but I have a 2 year old, 3 very very soon! Not toilet trained just yet, we tried this week, but definitely not ready so we will try again in a few weeks.

But any advice on to how to start it? I feel like it didn't work this time as I probably gave out vibes of not knowing what I'm doing! I think I've overloaded myself on different ways to do it and muddled it!

What's been the way that works for you guys???

We let my 3 yo roam naked from such a young age (covid times!). I was never in a rush with him and wfh. The main thing for us was introducing pants, but it took him about 2/3 days to get used to them and he’s been dry since

 

[Definitelyme]

@LilyRose1234 every time I have moved to potty training I always feel absolutely clueless. I feel that way again this time and it will be the fourth time I’ve done it! It seems so daunting, but my advice is to go with the flow, don’t leave it too late, and don’t expect it to be over in a few days. We still ask our 4 and 7 yo if they need to wee before we go out somewhere, for example. A lot of people claim 3 days and it’s done, but that is (for most people) total bollocks! It’s a long process, and has ups and downs.
My starting points would be to start the conversation “oh I need a wee, I’m going to do that in the toilet”. “Oh you’ve done a poo. When you’re ready your poo goes in the toilet like mummy and daddy” Also allowing her in the bathroom with you while you use the toilet, narrating what’s happening (to an extent!) and showing the process of toilet, wipe, hands.
Oh Crap Potty Training has some good info in it. I don’t follow its method really, but it has good background about it which always helps me feel a bit more confident going in to PT.

Oh for reference their ages were 2y 3mo, 2y 1mo and 2y 2mo. TMe will be 2y 3mo in July and I will start with him then, as I’m off work all summer and it allows it to be less pressurised than if my parents also need to take an active role.

 

[al255]

Yesterday picked my little boy up from nursery got him in the car and noticed he had done a poo ( still in nappies ) and I changed him in the car cos he would have got upset if I tried taking him back in.
And the teacher later on sent me an email saying apologies I forgot to change him this afternoon.
like hello that is not acceptable in my opinion. I picked him up at 3 and he hadn’t been changed since before dinner I could tell the poo had Been in there a while and tbh I’m really upset today. I emailed her back saying he had done A poo and she hasn’treplied. It isn’t the first time he’s come out with a poo in his nappy. I’m pretty furious to be honest

speak to manager about it, mini As nursery put a clean top on her or leggings if they’re dirty before pick up. When she was in nappies they always checked before pickup! It’s not acceptable at all!