Toddler advice thread #4

[Borntorun]

What do I do if I have more than one child for the poll? Pick my favourite and vote that way?

 

[watermelon sugar]

We live on a busy street that’s for a school at the top. One morning a few weeks ago, I opened the front door and mimi A went running near the road (thankfully a car wasn’t coming flying down) this is the only time in her life she’s ever ran near the road. Usually she stops and says “check for cars mummy” ….. the time she went near the road I absolutely went mad. To the point where she cried. I used harsh language like “do you want to die?”.. I made it clear she could get hit by a car and potentially die. Scaring her to a point where she knew she shouldn’t have done it worked.

also - if we are in Asda or anywhere else and it’s busy and she goes to run off, again I say things like “do not run off somebody could take you and then I’d never see you again” (abit dramatic I know although it doesn’t happen but she stops doing it..!!!!)

I think you need to sit him down and explain what may happen if he runs off and it’s not safe etc, or can you say to him if he runs off he’s going on reins?

Fucking hell You’ll be putting Final Destination on for her next

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Rant alert why are kids such entitled A holes sometimes. Busy day with swimming, clubs etc etc. at 4 o clock I said I just want a quiet half hour to have a snooze, so go up to the bed. Eldest comes with me to put YouTube on, crack on I say but be quiet. I doze off and she wakes me up for snoring. FFS try again, she wakes me again. I reiterate that I’m not cooking dinner til I’ve had my half hour and the more she keeps waking me the longer it’ll be.

safe to say I didn’t get a kip and it’s now 5:30.I can’t bring myself to cook as I’m too bloody knackered so it’s toast and yoghurt all round then bath and in bed for all of us by half six just why can’t they grasp the simplest of instructions. An uninterrupted nap and I’d have been a different person

Yeah, I wouldn't expect a toddler or anyone under 6 for that matter to understand that they needed to wait until I'd slept so they could have their tea.

 

[Definitelyme]

Anybody else suffer with massive mum guilt?

3yo had the biggest tantrum today and I lost my shit after a really shit day just not listening or doing anything as told. But now they’re in bed I’m sat down and want to cry. I am pregnant so v hormonal and emotional but I don’t want to be a mum who shouts and loses my shit. Going to hope for a better day tomorrow and work on myself. I feel so crap I crept into the bedroom to give a kiss on the forehead and felt so sad

Be really kind to yourself. We all know that losing our shit isn’t the way we want to parent. We know it’s not a good way to deal with things.
But we are all human beings, we are flawed, and we have our limits. We can try our best to stay calm at all times but we aren’t robots. Sometimes frustration and overwhelm take over, and we express ourselves in a way we really wish we hadn’t.
But I do think that knowing we want to do better, and trying to do better, shows how much we care about doing the “right” thing. Some parents will scream and shout all day long and never feel bad. Feeling guilty is a sign you are a loving mum, who had a bad moment. That saying that kids aren’t giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time, can be true for us as well. You had one bad day, a few bad moments. That not cancel out all your great days.
For me, if I’ve behaved badly I make sure I always apologise. I want my kids to know I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, but I can own up to them and take responsibility. It’s also ok for our kids to see us handle emotions, even when we don’t handle them very well, because it’s part of life for everyone.

Maybe tomorrow just say “I know we had a tough day yesterday, and I’m sorry I shouted. Let’s have a better day today”

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

My little boy just counted to ten for the first time

 

[LilyRose1234]

Toddlers are just a different breed aren’t they? Arguably this is half my fault, I left an almost empty coffee cup and she had a couple of sips of coffee. Sounds like I’m over exaggerating but I shit you not, she is running around the house completely naked but for the coronation crown she made at nursery, singing baby shark (well the bit she can sing which is baby do do do) and blowing kisses at her shadow on the wall

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

For the parents of kids who run off, from my own personal experience we just absolutely drilled it into my daughter that there are certain rules we always have to follow. Eg in a car park or on a pavement we have to hold hands, in the supermarket she has to keep hold of the trolley or pushchair etc. I’ve never used language like her being taken or die, but I have said it’s so I can protect her body from getting hurt because she’s still little compared to big adults or cars. And the balance to that is we try as much as possible to take her to places where she CAN run off. Eg a big open space/park or to a soft play. It’s now at the point where I would trust her to walk alongside me and not run off (at 3) but as soon as we get out of a car she will reach up to hold my hand because “those are the rules”

 

[watermelon sugar]

My little guy turned 3 on Wednesday although technically he isn’t even 1 yet cos he is a leap day baby and it hasn’t been his actual birthday yet

 

[Jellybean093]

its harsh langague but if it scares her she wouldn’t ever do it again.

And it’s true she could be taken - it happens!

I see a lot of my younger self in you. I was a single parent when my daughter turned 1 until I met my husband not long after her 4th birthday, and those days were tough, and the worst days of my life. Please remember she is still only little. Asking her if she wants to die, will put the fear of God her, and she honestly doesn’t need to be hearing it so young. Even if it works and she doesn’t do it again
I also have a runner, especially when we went on holiday, and I had to be diplomatic and just say ‘we don’t run away, you need to stay with mummy and daddy’ he doesn’t need to know he may be kidnapped and never see us again.
I’ve also started to change the way I talk to him, and stopped saying naughty (I’m awful for it). He’s number 3, and I’m still learning what works and doesn’t for each of these kids

 

[Definitelyme]

I'd apologise to your 6yo

I agree. I can’t believe someone would threaten a 6yo (still a baby!) that their access to food is being withheld until they get what they want. I’m actually in disbelief, haven’t ever heard anything like it.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Hope anyone who is finding what schools your little ones are going to gets the one they want
Mine got in our first choice which I’m pleased about
They have a great send team which is the main reason we picked and it’s two mins from our house

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Just need to vent
My daughter has responded to my every request today with “OH-KAAYYYYY” with a real attitude or if I, for example, ask her to get out the car “I’m already DOING it”
Like I love you you are my life and soul but also go fuck yourself

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Fabulous. Been waiting 4 years for boy to speak and I called one of our rabbits a little bugger for escaping. And what does he say!!! Bugger

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

 

[Definitelyme]

Rant alert why are kids such entitled A holes sometimes. Busy day with swimming, clubs etc etc. at 4 o clock I said I just want a quiet half hour to have a snooze, so go up to the bed. Eldest comes with me to put YouTube on, crack on I say but be quiet. I doze off and she wakes me up for snoring. FFS try again, she wakes me again. I reiterate that I’m not cooking dinner til I’ve had my half hour and the more she keeps waking me the longer it’ll be.

safe to say I didn’t get a kip and it’s now 5:30.I can’t bring myself to cook as I’m too bloody knackered so it’s toast and yoghurt all round then bath and in bed for all of us by half six just why can’t they grasp the simplest of instructions. An uninterrupted nap and I’d have been a different person

Not sure wanting food makes someone (who has no way to access food themselves) entitled or an arsehole tbh. Obviously we all do things differently but I cannot imagine Ever telling my kids to shush and go hungry because I want a nap. To me, that would make ME the entitled arsehole.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Rant alert why are kids such entitled A holes sometimes. Busy day with swimming, clubs etc etc. at 4 o clock I said I just want a quiet half hour to have a snooze, so go up to the bed. Eldest comes with me to put YouTube on, crack on I say but be quiet. I doze off and she wakes me up for snoring. FFS try again, she wakes me again. I reiterate that I’m not cooking dinner til I’ve had my half hour and the more she keeps waking me the longer it’ll be.

safe to say I didn’t get a kip and it’s now 5:30.I can’t bring myself to cook as I’m too bloody knackered so it’s toast and yoghurt all round then bath and in bed for all of us by half six just why can’t they grasp the simplest of instructions. An uninterrupted nap and I’d have been a different person

How old are your kids . I’m sorry but as a parent your needs come last and you can’t just expect them to do as they are told so you can have a nap. Considering this is a toddler thread they can’t be that old
Do you have a partner.
Not sure calling them entitled arseholes is a nice thing to do in this occasion 🫠🫠 maybe don’t do as much during the day so you don’t need a nap

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Yeah sorry I’m just tired and aggy

I'd apologise to your 6yo

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

‘Maybe we don’t sniff other people’s privates’ - a sentence I never thought I’d have to say

I took my daughter to the toilet before her ballet class today as she said she needed to go. Apparently it was “just a few farts as I dont want to hurt anyone’s nose”. I mean don’t mind me squatting here holding you on

 

[Hairraiser]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK
Anyone else’s toddler just absolutely obsessed with their daddy? I thought it would be a phase for a few weeks and he’d get over it. But still months down the line he only wants his daddy. When he hurts himself, when he’s at the park, playing at home, getting out of his car seat, bathing and putting to bed, getting up in the morning.
He literally has a tantrum if he’s with me on my own and just cries ‘daddy’ all the time.
If I’m totally honest I feel so low and very upset by it. I had a traumatic birth following ivf with my son so the journey hasn’t been great, and I’ve always felt I’ve struggled with bonding, and this just makes it even harder and settles how I feel when I say I don’t have a good relationship with him.
I’m currently having counselling and EMDR therapy for my birth trauma although I’m in the early stages so not feeling much benefit right now. My son just hurt himself by hitting his head on the corner of the radiator and he let out the strangest cry and could tell he really hurt himself badly so I ran to him and tried to comfort him but he just pushed me away and cried more until his daddy came.
So I’ve just had to get out the house for a walk to try not to cry. I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this.
I spend more time with him as my husband works full time, I take him to fun places most days, I try so so hard to make his days exciting but this is how I get treated.
I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

 

[Definitelyme]

Is scaring the right thing to do

I agree. I certainly don’t want my children to be ruled by fear at all, especially fear of death. I think that’s absolutely crazy, personally.
Never mind a 3yo had no concept or understanding of what death actually means.

It’s not death she will be afraid of. It’s her mum.