Toddler advice thread #4

[LilyRose1234]

I thought maybe it would be best to meet at a park or something next time so it’s neutral ground.
They said she doesn’t get as much attention now they have the other baby and they think that’s why she’s like that. It’s hard work isn’t it
more trouble than it’s worth really!!
Oh and they said she has tantrums cos she’s so smart!!! Is that true

Haha a nice lady in the supermarket when mine was having a full blown meltdown told me it was a sign of intelligence, and I’m 100% sure it’s just something you say to someone who looks like they’re on the edge

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Got mine some shorts last summer and they still look brand new … he wore them last summer. Just tried them on him tonight and they’re like bloody hot pants.
he’s gone up two sizes since last summer!! Stop growing

 

[smellsofbiscuits]

Soooo all week my fella has been dropping our boy off. He just walks in smiles gives him a kiss goodbye and wanders off to play

what do I get …. Clinging to my legs. Crying, hand out , hand wrapped round my finger won’t let go
were both heartbroken

why does he do this to me

In a weird way, it's a sort of compliment. He probably sees you as his "safe" person. Even at this age, kids can put on the same kind of front we do. Like if you're at work and having to sit next to someone you can't stand. You'd hold it in and rant to your partner when you get home. Toddlers do exactly the same which is my kids behave great at their childcare then start battering lumps out me when I arrive to pick them up

Sorry, I appreciate that's not much help. But understanding the reasoning behind the behaviour made it easier to manage. Still shit at times though

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Exactly this!!! My dad was a police man ( retired now ) and growing up he was abit over board. He’d always tell me not to get changed in my room with the curtains open , any man on their own looking dodgy he’d say something about them . He still now tells me not to be in my house alone with the door unlocked. Tells me not to leave my purse in my car etc. it’s kind of all drilled into me but I am an anxious mess. Especially when In the house on my own at night. Even now as a 28 year old I absolutely hate it cos all I can think about is someone breaking in.

We were often threatened with the "naughty children's home" and Christ it put the fear of god into me.
I still misbehaved though, because the children's home never materialised.
In reality, my parents should of got down to my level and reasoned with me in an appropriate way and offered me an alternative solution.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Not sure what’s going on in my little ones head today.
we went to my friends today and it took me 15 minutes or so to get him in the car!!! He wouldn’t get in the car then kept leaping out of his seat
We were going a walk this afternoon and he didn’t want me to get him ready. Kept sitting on the stairs crying. Once I eventually got him out the door he cried for about two mins of the walk. Not like him at all
He has been a bit tired all day

bedtime he turns into the devil. Kept laughing. Wouldn’t get in bed. Wouldn’t lie down. Everything was funny. Tried getting him to bed at 710. Eventually he was asleep my 830. I was crying at 8pm
Gotta love kids right.

How old is he? I remember with my daughter one day she was being really difficult and she actually managed to communicate to me that she didn’t want to leave the house, wanted to stay at home and play with her toys. I remember it so specifically because up until that point, I’d made plans without consulting her because I’d assumed she wouldn’t have an opinion but after that I made sure I discussed our plans with her. She was about 2.5

 

[smellsofbiscuits]

Am a bit behind and reading the half term chat (we don't get half term here ). I found this idea for low cost/free activities I'm going to do with my almost 6yo and 2.5yo during the summer break. Definitely too late for half term but may help for the (long) summer holidays.

I'm going to write or print the suggestions out and put them all into a jar. The kids will take turns picking 1-2 each week as I'll only have them 2 full days during the week. Also hoping the weather will be nice enough to have days in the garden with the paddling pool and throw them ice poles every couple of hours

 

[Definitelyme]

Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

Assuming your boyfriend has no kids, as parents have to develop a supreme amount of patience to survive. She is being a typical toddler, which is something that parents know, and tbh I don’t think him being judgemental about that is probably very helpful for you.
It sounds like you are trying lots of things to work out what is best for her. Just be sure that she isn’t getting confused with the changes, which will only lead to further drama. Set your routine, and stick with it. If it’s two books, it’s two books every night. No snack, no snack any night.
Kids can be horrors at bedtime. But they aren’t being purposefully annoying. It’s just their age, and immature brains, and we have to bear the brunt of it which is maddening for us! They dunno how good they have it!

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Fucking hell You’ll be putting Final Destination on for her next

Next thread title please

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you. I was half expecting them to suggest it based on their feedback on how hard it is to get her to follow the rules there. I think I’m just feeling a bit worried about the next steps and don’t want to feel like I’m forcing a label on her. She’s always been strong willed and an “orchid” type of child. She needs a lot of nurturing which has been my privilege to provide. I guess it’s just scary now she’s going out into the world and not getting that understanding. Having a diagnosis will help with that, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed now it’s finally on the table.

I second what definitely me just said. The “label” will make it easier for her at school. It doesn’t change who she is or make anything different. The next steps won’t be scary. My nursery have been amazing most of the time for my little boy helping us get his EHCP.
it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. I’ve been where you are. Bur honestly once you Start the next steps / support you will feel better.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

That is amazing, I know you’ve spoke of the troubles with his speech. So happy for you both, hopefully it continues to improve

Thankyou!! Nursery have said they’ve noticed a big change in him last few weeks. It’s like a switch and he is talking and repeating what we are saying a lot more . I’m very emotional he just counted to ten

 

[PillowsofFluff]

My daughter is 96th centile and overweight according to the NHS BMI calculator. I was a bit worried at first but my partner rightly told me to stop - she's 3 and she's perfect just as she is she's a short arse for her age, only about 92cm, and weights 2st 6. She never stops running around and I'm sure she'll shoot up height wise soon and it'll all balance out in the end. People who would comment on a tiny kid's weight are the WORST.

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Day 7 of potty training and it's going ok? Only one or two big wee accidents since Tuesday (day 2) although a few times her knickers have been damp because she's not quite managed to hold it in until she gets to the potty properly. Couple of really good poos on the potty (and a couple in her knickers haha), although no poo today which is a concern as she's got a history of constipation and I'm hoping that's not rearing it's ugly head again!
She's nearly 3 and a half, so I feel that we have to just keep going and hope the accidents get less over time. I don't think we can go back now

 

[WhatABore]

thank you! It makes me feel better now I’m always concious over her YouTube time and how much junk she’s watching but 2 hours a day isn’t much really when it’s the morning and before bed, and the odd time throughout the day after nursery etc like you said! Some days I feel like she’s glued to the iPad but when I add it up I don’t think it’s much. She’s had a busy week as we’ve been at haven Monday to Friday and the weekend she’s been with her dad outside. I need to remind myself sometimes it’s ok to do nothing and sit and watch junk!

I think screen time just gets a bad rep really though.
I personally don't see anything wrong with it as long as they're not on it 24/7 and don't know how to play/act like a child.

The 5yo plays a lot of learning games too, like Reading Eggs she plays quite a lot.
But as soon as she's told she needs to come off it, she does, no complaints. And a lot of the time, she chooses to come off it herself before I'd tell her to come off.

With the 10yo, I'm a lot less strict because as a 10yo myself, all I wanted to do was play games

 

[Megatron1298]

thank you! It makes me feel better now I’m always concious over her YouTube time and how much junk she’s watching but 2 hours a day isn’t much really when it’s the morning and before bed, and the odd time throughout the day after nursery etc like you said! Some days I feel like she’s glued to the iPad but when I add it up I don’t think it’s much. She’s had a busy week as we’ve been at haven Monday to Friday and the weekend she’s been with her dad outside. I need to remind myself sometimes it’s ok to do nothing and sit and watch junk!

It’s about what they do when they’re not watching tv that matters so if they lead a fulfilling engaging day where they are stimulated and socialising all that good stuff, tv doesn’t not kill all that learning their brains are doing

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

I'd say the addition of your boyfriend being around tonight then could definitely be an element of her pushing boundaries this evening.

She knows you'll be with someone else whilst she's asleep, and toddlers hate missing out. So she's trying to capture your attention for as long as she possibly can.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’ve said it twice to her. It’s not a common occurance no harm done. She’s not going to grow up to be an anxious mess cos two times at 3 years old I’ve told her not to run off or go near the road cos it’s not safe and I’ve been drastic about the wording when I’ve told her in less dramatic ways and it doesn’t get my point across.
---

You have no idea if she will keep that in her mind or not. Honestly, I doubt you’d speak that way to an adult so why you think it’s ok to say it to a child (and laughing face about it) is beyond me.

 

[Definitelyme]

People also just make it up. My 4yo is quite petite, she always has been just a dinky thing. Someone once said “oh she’s very big for her age isn’t she?” So they just say random stuff for the sake of it sometimes, I’m convinced of it

 

[xoxo GG]

Thanks, WhatABore. I think we’re probably about average, maybe on the lower end. About 120 - 150 words, mostly two word sentences. Daddy work (only daddy works, apparently!) mummy’s here, noisy daddy, bye bye nanny, hello duck, biscuit please, naughty cat. Couple of three word sentences - can say what is it, although sounds more like What Shit and what you doing. And all day long when singing wheels on the bus.

Friends kids are practically reciting Shakespeare, potty trained, counting to twenty, able to identify colours and so on … I’m annoyed with myself as I always vowed I wouldn’t get dragged into any nonsense but then I find myself stressing out!

My 4 year old seemed ‘behind’ with her speech for so long. My HV referred us to a scheme which they visit you for 6 weeks at home and give you ideas for play etc to help encourage speech but we were refused on the basis that she said ‘too many words’ 🫠 we had a few singular words, lots of babble and not much else when she was around 2 1/2. I spent night after night winding myself up, feeling as though we’d failed her, wondering how I could help her and I really didn’t need to. She woke up one day pretty much chatting away and now I don’t get a minutes peace.

Your little one sounds like they are doing absolutely fine, taking it at their own pace and just absorbing everything they hear around them. X

 

[WhatABore]

i’m replying back to people. Me telling my child she might die if she gets hit by a car is fact. It happens.

MIGHT being the key factor in the sentence. I doubt it’s going to impact her as an adult. Maybe if I said it over and over again until she was 14. I’ve said it once. Yes my wording to her was harsh but she realised enough it was wrong to do so.

Sorry if the way I’ve come across to anyone is being rude.

To be honest, I remember quite a lot of things my Mum said to me as a child. As far back as before I started school.
Even things she only said once.
I can even remember exactly what she was wearing when she said certain things too

 

[Definitelyme]

Omg my toddler chats shit at bedtime anything from 30 mins- an hour and a half I just know full well to not expect a quick bedtime. Even when he’s not napped all day he’ll start telling me how cars have wheels and he likes blackcurrant jam

Tbf blackcurrant jam is absolutely amazing, and very underrated.