Peaches Geldof and the Geldof family #3

[bracrumbs]

This thread has been really interesting. I have a couple of thoughts.

(1) people are critical of Bob’s parenting. But whilst I’m not a SW, I have worked with lots of parents trying to raise kids with additional needs. And those girls had the additional need of two traumatic events in their lives (plus the bit before where no doubt they were being told they were going to Australia but Big Bad Bob wouldn’t let them etc) and it’s deeply unfair but it’s not enough to be a good parent, you have to be on your a-game all the time. It’s exhausting. And Bob is of a generation like my own dad where you tell kids what to do and they do it. Any variant from that is too much. And god, teenagers are hard work. My own son has led a charmed life by all measurements and yet he was awful to be around from about 12 to 14. He’s come out the other side now and holds his hands up that he was pretty mean and nasty to us. But during? You’re just praying they do come out the other side.

2000 isn’t now, therapy was still not really for the everyman, ideas around psychological trauma and its effects weren’t as well-known. The sending the girls into school the next day is exactly what a lot of people did. I can remember my own grandad telling me he went into work the day after his mum died because it’s important to keep routines (and, it has to be said, it’s not the worst concept about keeping the brain busy but we have a different viewpoint nowadays about letting ourselves actually feel things)


(2) on a completely different and perhaps shallow note, it’s almost joyful to watch things from the 90s and see people looking like people. Paula in that 60mins clip has a thin top lip and a wrinkle in between her eyes and her face moves. And she’s still beautiful. I hadn’t quite realised how prevalent and just accepted it is now that a woman in her late 30s would have full lips no matter what and a completely smooth face.

 

[coffeeandwine]

This is SO disgusting. She must have been a sex addict or nymphomaniac or something like that, or completely wasted. Or all of it. I mean, I try to be sex positive and all that, but this (if it’s true) is not normal, healthy behaviour surely?

Paula was a victim of child sexual abuse at aged 12. Her losing her virginity at that age has always been framed by the media as consensual. It is not. That is a child being taken advantage of. Look at a 12 year old! I think, unfortunately, she felt from a very early age that sex was her 'value'. Paired with a neglectful childhood, I think she really needed to feel wanted and sex was one way of getting that.

 

[sheleg]

I’ve shared this before on here, but it is worth repeating for the LOLs: I read the Gerry Agar book on my honeymoon, and found it so compelling that I prioritised it over enjoying marital relations one night

 

[LoopyLou47]

Carrying on from the previoys thread, I think Paula, and later Peaches ' earth mother ' shtick was just that. Maybe it was guilt that they were addicts ( to men and/or drugs) so knew they actually couldn't look after their children properly, so felt they had to lie about it because they desperately wanted to be something they couldnt be. Attachment parenting when you are an addict is more dangerous than just being a detached parent and not having your child on you all the time when you can roll on them while off your face, and feeding them methadone through your breastmilk. I remember Paula's earth mother hanky in the hair phase too. It didn't last long, but she managed to talk a load of old rubbish too, the same as Peaches did during her brief earth mother phase. It was all an act.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I think sex positive feminism has been quite negative for many women, it's been co-opted by abusive men who use vulnerable women for sex. The only reason a group of men would want a blow job from the same woman one after the other is to use and objectify her. I'm disgusted by this too, not one of those men thought 'is this ok'. I know she was a grown woman but they were grown men too and should have seen her as a person, not a receptacle for them to spunk into

 

[Jelly Bean]

Sad to read that the ex girlfriend gets the blame - despite there being “alcohol and cocaine” in his bloodstream when he died.

My ex husband sustained a bad brain injury around the same time as MH from a car crash.
The information around long term damage around it was almost non existent. So different to now. We were told he would be back to 'normal' in a couple of months (and these were top specialists). We were offered no ongoing support, counselling services or information. His personality changed and decades later he is still feeling the effects.
How on earth Helena C was meant to understand the ramifications and significance of such an injury, when the medical profession didn't, is staggering.
Hutchence's family are clutching at straws over who to blame.

 

[Beverley Macker]

Courtney Love did have the balls to call out Harvey Weinstein though, before anyone else. I respect her for that.

 

[Poppysmimi]

From what I remember, it was The Sun/News Of The World who found out and did the usual...give us the scoop or we'll go ahead anyway. They had been hassling him since at least the mid-80s talking about whether he had HIV/AIDs. I'm actually surprised it took so long for them to find out. You would think they would have been respectful knowing he was near the end but that's the press for you...as long as they sell their papers and money, they don't give a shit.

Back to the subject, I managed to get my hands on Paula, Michael, and Bob, the book by Gerry Agar after hearing people talk about it. Does anyone know how much of it is real and how much if any was made up...if it was real, it was shitty all the stuff Paula did...playing people off against each other, deliberately outing the affair, accusing Bob of hitting her, sending people to harass others...If it was fake, it's a shitty thing to do to someone you claimed was a friend, especially since they can't defend themselves.

The press are arseholes. 14 months ago, my sister was killed in a head on with a drunk driver. Just before Christmas. I identified her the day after and that evening, I was told by our police liaison officer I had to put out a “family tribute” asap as the local gazette had been in contact. They said we had 24hours to do it before they did it as they knew her name.

 

[lamaitresse]

I watched that episode of HIGNFY - even though I was in my 20s I felt exactly the same as now - that they went right over the top and Paula just didn't have the defences to fire back (likely worn down so much by the paps chasing her - she was vulnerable by that time. I know Hutchence's family say she tipped them off often - I don't think she signed up for harassment and stalking, though).

It may have been misjudged and Hislop thought she'd fight back but she was just buckled by despair by this point. I wonder why she agreed to appear - as others are saying, politicians (who have done genuine misdeeds) get an easier time of it on HIGNFY - and play the game. Who cares whether she got her boobs done or not?! Was the implication from Ian Hislop that she was trying (and likely failing) to compete with a supermodel to keep Michael interested? That's how I interpreted it.

Many here are put off by the friend's rather florid writing style but it's interesting she thinks Michael killed himself because of the drugs bust (the opium in the Smarties packet) yet it was later overturned by the CPS - "the police had been manipulated", as Catherine Mayer wrote.

The press went after Paula and Michael full force, for a sustained period - why - I don't know - affairs and scandals are red tops' bread and butter! They usually find a new target after a while.

I remember the "Paula Yates Caught With Black Star" headline well, which definitely wouldn't fly nowadays - why reduce a renowned musician down to simply being a "black man" if you aren't racist?

I did feel that the press hounded Paula to her death - even after Michael had passed - and she did try rallying - but the vitriol she got was immense. To pester, harass, even bug a grieving woman's phone, call her names when out walking her baby - it just beggars belief. "Blaming" just the media wouldn't be fair, but they definitely played a large part in contributing to her despair. Paula even said she was agoraphobic at one point.

There are a few who don't like Paula on this thread. I agree the batting eyelashes and couquettish interview style was getting a bit stale (some would say it always was) but she was her own person, vibrant, charming, stylish, worked hard, yes, she may have been something of a social climber (who isn't, in that world?) but I felt she was essentially a decent soul - certainly, her good friends remember her that way.

She made plenty of bad choices. It's a tragedy Paula and Peaches ended up dying before their time.

The truth is, there's often no good guy - bad guy in a split. it's obvious Saint Bob had his failings as a parent and husband as well.

 

[SkippyDoo]

I don’t get the impression Paula was a good mum either unfortunately. She was consumed by her media work, her relationships with men and then by substances.

I’m an alcoholic attempting to recover and I understand addiction problems, but then I am not a mum and don’t put kids through that. There is no hierarchy in addiction etc but honestly, I do think putting kids at risk is another level.

Ultimately, Paula and Peaches both overdosed on heroin in the presence of their young children and even with a lot of sympathy (and empathy) for substance abuse issues, and appreciating the compulsion that drives me to self-destruction quite often, that is nevertheless a certain level of extremely selfish. I am sure it wasn’t the only example of selfish behaviour by Paula. If I think of, say, Hayden Panettierre — she has had problems with addiction and her mental health and she took the decision to let the father of her child have primary custody. Some might consider that selfish (to not want to try to keep her child) but I don’t, she made the right decision IMO and stopped exposing the kid to things she shouldn’t see.

 

[Foxvint]

Re Daisy and Tom dating after Peaches death- it might be common for the bereaved to get with a close friend of their deceased spouse but it's still frigging grotesque. I'd also find it hard to believe there wasn't anything going on before the death if it was someone in my circle. I wouldn't be resting in peace if something happened to me and my mate comforted my husband. With her fanny. No chance.

No need to tell me about your lovely Auntie So an So who went out with her dead best mates fella. Just my personal view.

 

[LittleMissOnions]

How as a mother/working woman did she have time for all these affairs?

It was the 80s, think how much time we waste on the internet these days, the amount of time we spend scrolling tattle we could have been off shagging Harry Styles instead

 

[granite grandma]

I quite like Patsy Kensit too, I wouldn't put her in the Paula Yates category.

Also I have issues with the narrative where we look down on women who are considered ‘groupies’ because they set out to have sex or relationships with famous ppl like footballers and musicians but no one says a word about the blokes taking advantage of the women. Total double standard where women who have casual sex are slags but blokes are applauded and called studs or swordsmen. Patsy and Sadie Frost were both more famous or as famous as their husbands, they were not groupies. I’m not having a go at anyone on tattle mind you, we can end up reflecting societal norms based on the warped society we live in, I’m as guilty if it as everyone and to be fair Liam got loads of stick for having that kid in New York, it ended his marriage to Nicole. If that journalist was coming onto him, he was the married one, was it worth it to have a quick legover to lose his wife? But would I turn Harry Styles down if he gave me the eye? Probably not

 

[Boogs]

Fair play if she wanted to suck off an entire band, I’ve an awful gag reflex myself and would definitely have vomited.

My gag reflex is so bad that I projectile vomited when I did a PCR test. It’s a good job I’m a lesbian really.

I was referring to the urban legend concerning 5 different men’s sperm found in the stomach.

As he died after a horrible illness I doubt he had the energy or inclination to chow down on 1 man let alone 5.

 

[pepe le pew]

I’m from the generation who loved Paula Yates. She was a ballsy, confident and engaging woman. She made the Tube absolute compulsory viewing. Loved her. I remember hearing her death and I cried.

 

[IdeletedbutI'mbackagain]

I think nepo babies have been around forever in the showbiz world, tbf. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Like Jamie Lee Curtis is a nepo kid, Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow…I guess the difference is at least they had talent. I think we’re definitely seeing a generation of them that are just famous for being the offspring of a famous parent though. Ones that have no actual talent for anything at all, like Brooklyn Beckham. I may be wrong though.

Brooklyn fucking Beckham, I swear to God I think he's a parody act sometimes

 

[coffeeandwine]

I do think Peaches was a very confused person who really latched onto the identity that made her feel most valued at the time: Peaches the DJ, Peaches the rock star girlfriend, Peaches the Scientologist, Peaches the Earth Mother etc.

Fundamentally I think the earth mother persona was very much who she wanted to be at the time, the best version of herself, but her addiction meant she couldn't manage it. And addicts lie. Peaches was no exception.

I also feel like I remember the earth mother persona is when public opinion really shifted in her favour. A lot of people saw her as a silly rich party girl turned mum and wife who'd managed to turn things round. A lot of people were genuinely shocked when she died and when they found out how. If you were Peaches, who's been slated in the press since you were a teen and are finally getting some decent press for a change, I can see why she would have felt immense pressure to keep that image up and not tell people what she was struggling with.

 

[cee-bee]

Paula was never on my radar, I was too young at her height of fame, but from everything I have read about her this is what shines through. She was incredibly selfish, which is fine, some people are just wired that way but selfish people shouldn't have children or at least keep having children. She choose to have 4 that she didn't seem to have any interest in mothering properly.

I do feel like she looked on MH as a prize and I feel her inability to accept his suicide (which is what his death is reported as in every article I read and even in the 2019 Mystify documentary) seems more about her bruised ego than anything else. Which is just horrific to me, that she tried to change the narrative of his death to make herself feel better

She obviously had a shit childhood but she then went on to do the same to her daughters. Poor Peaches never had a chance.

yes, to narcissistsit’s, people are objects and prizes, not individuals with their own set of emotions and thoughts.

by her own admission, she always had to be with the next big rockstar. That was her fixation from a young girl. As soon as they lost their shine or career dwindled, she found a replacement. Textbook narc.

I suspect that Fifi was parentified and scapegoated. I suspect she had to grow up quickly and it’s why she’s stayed out of the spotlight and leads a quiet life. She was an adult when she was a child.

peaches was old enough to pick up on what was going on even if she didn’t understand it and had probably put her mother on a pedestal, hence why she seemed to morph into a Paula mini-me. By the sound of things she inherited some narcissistic tendencies.

I think Pixie and Tigerlily probably had an escape from Paula’s influence because they were too young to understand or remember.

very sad all round, but then when adults don’t process or heal from their trauma they just create chaos and misery around them. Some people are damaged to the point they are incapable of self reflection and incapable of healing themselves, which I think was the case with Paula.

she didn’t seem to have any emotional intelligence. She knew she chased after rock stars and needed to be with a high profile man, she admitted to this. But she never seemed questioned why or if it was healthy or tried to disengage from that behaviour, at the expense of everyone around her.

After Michael died, she got into a relationship with a relatively unknown person, and I think that was a sign of her giving up. Addressing her issues was not an option for her, in her own mind I think.
I’ve always thought that, sadly, Peaches was just another victim of her mother’s narcissism, rather than a victim of addiction. The addiction was a coping mechanism from the wounds inflicted by Paula and her childhood.

I think at least Pixie, Fifi and Tigerlily have broken the cycle by the looks of things, and are the real heroes in this sad story. I wish people would focus less on the doomed-lovers angle of Paula and Michael because it really isn’t that romantic. It was a toxic relationship based on vulnerability and control and superficiality that would never have lasted.

but the girls making a success of their lives and adjusting as adults, in the midst of so much trauma, is the real story there.

I remember years ago the daily Mail did a bit of an unkind story showing pixie (when she had a little bit of puppy fat) in a swimsuit. The commentators didn’t take the bait though, and I think the top comment was along the lines of, “this young woman has been through more in her short life than most of us, and she’s still standing”

 

[maytoseptember]

I agree but there is an old Welsh saying "if you want true respect - die" and I think because they both died young they have been romantised to a ridiculous extent.

That is so true.

I said similar on here once about Jade Goody and got absolutely dragged. But I stand by it - she was very flawed and messy and, if she’d lived, would have no doubt become a celeb like Kerry Katona selling every burp, every new partner and every pregnancy to OK Magazine. But in death she’s been almost deified.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I was reading a few pages back about MH's head injury. About 10 years ago, I was pratting about in the garden with the kids on their water slide. I fell backwards and hit my back of my head on a bank in the garden which was rock solid (hot summer)... woke up to see the kids stood over me crying calling Mum hysterically. I stupidly got up, even though the pain was incredible and somehow got myself onto the sofa where I stayed until the next morning when I started throwing up. DH dragged me kicking and screaming to our GP who looked at me in utter horror and got an ambulance out. I was badly concussed, and can honestly say that it was the blackest period of my life. Like MH, I lost my taste and smell, and I couldn't fall asleep, my balance was affected... and my moods were horrific. I became horribly illogical. It took around 2 years to fully recover and that was with intense physio and a really good clinical pyschologist.

When I watched the documentary on MH, I felt so very sorry for him because it must have been horrendous to have had such a severe head injury like he did. And no wonder that his personality changed.