Niomi Smart #7 by her Royal decree, Joey is free

[CheshireLove]

Joe recently followed this anti-Trump account.I wonder if she and Joe also had differing political opinions. I can definitely picture Niomi as being a Trump supporter. She is absolutely that kind of person. People speculated she and her family are Torys? I believe she puts on a front for social media to please the people but it’s not really how she feels. Supporting black lives and refugees etc.
She’s all about being white and rich with no empathy or care in the world about anybody elseView attachment 243176

Sorry but absolutely no way is Niomi a Trump nut. Just because she might vote Tory, doesn’t mean she’s so far right that she supports that orange loon. Her family, if they vote Tory, are the kind that would do so for their own economic benefit. Like many do in the U.K. Not because she has nasty ideas about race. I have never got the impression that she is racist to any degree. She can’t help being white and wealthy and yes, she does seem a bit ignorant in her privilege on occasion but she has shed tears about homelessness and volunteered for numerous charities, including abroad. She clearly is conscientious about matters, perhaps not to an extensive degree but she has never ever struck me as a Trump supporter.

Joe just strikes me as someone who might be more interested in politics than Niomi. That’s it. That’s the tea. Not that Niomi is a Trump fan. WTF?

 

[Grizmond]

I have to be honest, she ought to ditch Gleam, what a bunch of dim idiots! Everyone knows it’s impossible to successfully launch a skin care range without being hella knowledgable on the subject, networked like Caroline (who at least was smart enough to write a book) and a deep wallet. I think there is zero effort with her brand, because like Lydia with the mits, it was an idea some fool came up with years back, attached her name to in exchange for a share of whatever profits (there won’t be) and it’s nothing truly exiting and worse still they know will be a flop. That’s why I feel it’s all an afterthought but something they’ve apparently been working on for years?! Mad.

Her managers (if they had half a brain) would have advised her to do yoga teacher training years ago and focused solely on nutrition (write another book) and yoga (launch mats, yoga clothes of which she clearly is passionate about and her style of choice anyways), related gumph like journals, stones etc all under the Smart Yoga brand.

Dear lord it pains me and I’m not in marketing!!!

Oh and if SHE had half a brain (should do having studied law?!) then her India stint should have been one 500hr yoga teacher training. She wouldn’t have been lonely, would have met foreigners AND importantly would have come away qualified and able to utilise the experience to turn a coin by building her brand.

She would have gained a new following if she vlogged it and wouldn’t feel so bitter about Joeeyy misleading her (which he did).

I can’t understand women who lose their minds over a man, get a fucking grip! Love and a partner is meant to complement an already full life, not be the making or breaking of it

 

[LucilleBluth]

I can’t quote but agree about the avoidance piece. My ex told me mid-breakup that he’d been staying super late at work and doing more work travel to avoid coming home to me.

And yes, that is exactly as soul-destroying as it sounds at the end of a 7 year relationship

As an aside, I’ve been so reassured to read so many people on here saying that they’ve found breakups hard to get over. It makes me feel so much more normal. I seem to be the only one I know, even in my extended circle, to have been broken up with, and I think most people just have no clue about how painful and horrendous it can be.

Closure comes from unexpected places

 

[Northern_Loss]

The Christmas vlog is ridiculously revealing.

Joe flew from India to the UK, but didn’t come home all day. I’ve done that flight and it’s exhausting! All you want to do is get home and rest... so why didn’t he?

You can see how deflated and confused Niomi is. She says “it’s weird”. Later in the day, she even forgets her stop on the tube (probably because her mind was on him).

The worst part is when she makes dinner, but he’s still not home. It’s dark outside. She even sets a place for Joe at the table!! It suggests that he didn’t have the decency to update her on his whereabouts.

I thought he was an alright guy and now I’m wondering if he’s a rat? It’s crazy that the vlog is from 2018. Were they having problems all the way back then??

 

[lucyflospeaks]

!!!! I HAVE JUST SEEN NIOMI SMART ON PORTOBELLO HOLDING HANDS WITH A MYSTERY MAN !!!!!

 

[Taetae95]

Niomi #8 - Joey bails, smart skin fail, pahhhfect life won't get you sales

 

[lozenge85]

I can’t believe she’s regressed to where she was 4 years ago, it’s embarrassing.

I’m not sure if saying she’s ‘regressed’ is fair. Obviously Notting Hill is where she feels comfortable - nothing wrong with that when she’s going through heartbreak.

 

[Pundertaker]

Other posters are right in that this thread has gone boring very quickly. So since Niomi likes to schedule things, I thought I'd come up with a few more adventurous suggestions for this year's Vlogmas (got to pay that London rent, eh?).

Plenty of time to get this lot in the diary:

1) Festive Ice Skating and Weed Brownie Mukbang with Jeffree Starr. The second half of the video is just Jeff and Nimbs shoving their fingers in each others' mouths and chortling on them. "Are these vegan?" "Hell no bitch, and they're 100% tested on animals!" "Chortle giggle snort!"

2) Hungova Yoga. The following morning, Nimbs gets the mat out and attempts a full flow. Downward dog involves drool and a suspected stroke. She slumps back on the mat, wonders what would Carrie Bradshaw do, guys?, vows to continue with self care, and then vomits in her own hair. Which leads us into...

3) Samantha CuSICK, the Spaced Out Truth Edition. Still completely off her tits, Niomi runs to Samantha for an emergency appointment. As Sam rises the puke from Niomi's hair and proceeds to give her a "little trim," the weed gives Niomi the courage to say what we're all thinking: "What the fuck are you doing with that buzzsaw, Sam?" "Shh, you're hallucinating." "It's on camera, Sam. I can see it on the viewscreen." "Do you want this #gifted or not?"

4) Christmas Dealer Hunt with Tanya Burr. Nims and Tarn meet up for a night of festive frivolity and nostalgia. After a few drinks--where they slag off their exes for half an hour straight-- they decide to score some coke, but Tanya's dealer is playing coy. They end up on a wild (plant-based) goose chase to find him. Cue a tour of London with all its sparkly lights and Xmas decs that they are licherally obsessed with. After finally scoring, they snort their brains out in the loos of a 24hr Tesco and then stumble about the aisles, both trying to figure out which sponsored product they are there for. Tarn picks Iron Brew; Niomi picks Pepperami. The ensuing "infomercials" they film go down in Vlogmas history. Zoella is FURIOUS.

5) New Age Nimbobs: Plant-Based Cheesemaking. On the hunt to nourish her body and mind, AND indulge over Christmas, Niomi attends a festive workshop where she learns to make cheese from breastmilk. "All 100% vegan, guys! I can't wait to make a delicious cheeseboard for my family!" She tops the video off with a bonus recipe for chia seed crackers shaped like Christmas trees.

6) Choosing the Perfect Christmas Tree, Leaving it on Joe's Doorstep and Setting It On Fire. Does what it says on the tin. Nims imbibes the festive, woodsy scent of burning pine. She posts several insta stories of herself cackling in the firelight.

7) Facials With Grandma. Niomi and Grandma visit the spa for some extra-special self care. Niomi goes for a cleansing clay mask; Grandma gets the Satan's Surgeon Blood Ritual. Afterwards, over wheatgrass shots, they reveal that Grandma is a major investor in Smart Skin and that one of the main ingredients is baby oil.

These ones are ongoing threads throughout the whole vlogmas:

A) Am I Shagging Jim Chapman? (Niomi, this one will do absolutely nothing for you--especially if you do shag him--but we will have SO MUCH FUN). Niomi leaves hints in her videos that she's banging the Chapmeister. Hobknobbing with Jimbobs. One day she meets him for matcha latte; in the next vlog, his watch mysteriously appears to be on her bedside table. Meanwhile, Sarah is growing more and more agitated on Instagram, posting a furious mixture of engagement pics and sad faces. Niomi goes to the GQ Awards "alone," but next morning her face is burning with stubble rash. You get the picture...

B) Madvent Calendar Mornings. There's no box of goodies from Joey this year, but that's okay because Niomi has hoarded every other advent calendar under the sun and is going to open all. Of. Them. "Some of you guys have been asking me if this is an environmentally friendly and sustainable thing to do. And I guess the question I keep coming back to is, what IS sustainable? I mean, was my relationship sustainable? No! Is my lifestyle sustainable? Who knows! Maybe Gleam knows. Haha! The point is, I'm using a metal straw for this banana Feel New Tea smoothie. That is the point."

Obviously, this is only the first week of Vlogmas, so if anyone else has any other suggestions, they'd be much appreciated

 

[Pundertaker]

Re. thread title, does anyone else read "Joey is freeee!" in a Dobby voice?

Joey has been presented with toast. Joey is freeee

 

[Chocolate2008]

I've just checked her stories. So is that work for her today? Yoga, a shopping trip at Selfridges and picking up her teeth braces?

How dare you, I’m sure she checked her emails!

 

[CheshireLove]

I hope Grandma Terrina has an excellent immune system because her granddaughter has been socialising non-stop and prancing round London like “pandemic...what pandemic.” Selfish little lout.

 

[Pundertaker]

He'd just had sex with someone and smelt of them?

Yes, he'd been giving furious oral to a Big Mac

 

[ciramhn]

Would she ever fuck off socialising DURING A FUCKING PANDEMIC. This fucking idiot has more social contacts than a bus driver. I swear to God, she is driving me mad!

She can’t be alone for a second by the looks of things. Which isn’t “being strong and feeling sooooooooooo much better” Niomi, cop fucking on.

Sorry, but I can’t hold in my fury with her anymore while working as a HCP in a busy hospital everyday. Stupid Fucker.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Niomi smart #8: She’s boring again

 

[Louise123]

Alfie Deyes does this too - constantly uses 'literally' to emphasise sentences. If you start counting how many times he says it - it's like 4,000 times per video

Alfie Deyes is ‘literally’ a prick

 

[Shutterbug99]

Kate hasn’t always looked and acted the way she does now. Kate has had elocution lessons and was also taught proper royal protocol for manners etc, she’s lost a lot of weight (she’s very very thin and used to be a bit more standard sized, called ‘waity Katey’ by the press)

Agree that Niomi has had a 'glow up' similar to Kate, but the fact that Kate was referred to as 'Waity Katie' had nothing to do with her weight - it was because she waited around for so long for Wills to propose. That's why the tabloid press dubbed her 'Waity Katie.'

 

[getawaywithit]

Her Instagram post "only I could launch my skincare and start a yoga course at the same time" had me creasing. I'm sure it's really hard for her.

The fact that her brand is ~launching~ at the same time she was able to go off on holiday for a couple days, then take another day or two off to move, have taken several weeks at the top of last month, and socialize daily and nightly... AND THEN sign up for a yoga teacher training course...

goes to show just how much work you actually put into “launching” your brand.

So yes, Niomi, only you. Only you could pull such a thing off.

 

[BigQueenEnergy]

The vlog after this one which is the next morning she says Joe was out the door at 6am and she has barely seen him. Definitely something was up. At 0.06 onwards.

This is so bizarre. Who leaves for work at 6am and doesn't come home until late at night?
Do you guys work really hard in London or something?! We don't here in Australia... if someone told me to work that late I'd tell them to fuck off.

 

[PeppermintTea3]

Niomi seems like the type of person who would believe in the law of attraction and want to remain positive and productive so that she can keep moving forward type thing. She wants to put a strong image out so that she feels strong and in control. I don't think she's being fake. She has admitted that it has been agony at times. I think she's just trying to do the best she can and wants to keep it private and lean on friends and family during the inevitable painful moments or when she's having a breakdown. I bet her and Charlotte have sat and spoken about what's happened 100X over. I actually admire her for it and don't think she owes it to her audience to show herself at rock bottom. (I think she'd be criticised either way!) She's setting fair boundaries between her private life and what she shares on social media. Yes it's less relatable for her audience. But she needs to put her mental well-being first and deal with it in her own way.

 

[eucalyptus]

I went to buy some feel new tea out of curiosity and my grocery store was completely sold out of it. All the other Pukka flavours were in stock. This is probably the most successful influencing nim has ever done