Sometimes I forget that her Youtube and internet audience, and all of us, are not her friends and she won't be open and vulnerable.... that's just an image she portrays to influence people to follow her lifestyle but the gut punches are reserved for her tight knit circle I'm sure. Fair enough, just funny when the last 3 years were Joey24/7 years and now it's zero lol.
Niomi Smart #7 by her Royal decree, Joey is free
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Niomi Smart Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I genuinely think that she can't be vulnerable, as being vulnerable means being flawed, doubtful, having guilt and second thoughts, and her whole life seems to revolve around being perfect and special and almost virginal.
Has anyone seen the TV community? There was a character who was introduced as Subway, he is described as " a Subway corpo-humanoid, a spokesperson for the brand who literally became the product he endorsed". He kind of reminds me of Niomi and other influencers now who are just shilling products they probably dont like or use themselves just because they are being paid to do so.
There's more about his character here: https://community-sitcom.fandom.com/wiki/Rick
There's more about his character here: https://community-sitcom.fandom.com/wiki/Rick
It was so exciting for a while and now I'm just bored with bland, vanilla Niomi again 
. Unfollowed her on insta and will check back occasionally to see if anything interesting is going on, I just can't with her yoga and food and limited vocab and perfection, it makes me want to lie down on the floor and die out of sheer hopelessness.
. Unfollowed her on insta and will check back occasionally to see if anything interesting is going on, I just can't with her yoga and food and limited vocab and perfection, it makes me want to lie down on the floor and die out of sheer hopelessness.
Same. Do you remember in earlier threads, before the break-up drama, Niomi was so boring we ended up just talking about tea. And look at the start of this thread - we've gone full circle! Although some of us (myself included) are now drinking fancy Pukka teasIt was so exciting for a while and now I'm just bored with bland, vanilla Niomi again
I want to see her work her magic to get us to buy her skincare. Next thread is going to be all about that, I feel it.Same. Do you remember in earlier threads, before the break-up drama, Niomi was so boring we ended up just talking about tea. And look at the start of this thread - we've gone full circle! Although some of us (myself included) are now drinking fancy Pukka teas
OT but is there an actual tea thread apart from the chats born out of boredom desperation on Niomi's threads because I'd be into it 
I don't get why anyone would buy her skincare. All you need in life is tretinoin and sunscreen. People put way too much tit on their skin.
Niomi probably scheduled too many activities for her vlogmas so people would think omg what a perfect life you have, you go iceskaring with your boyfriend. And he probably thought that he was too tiried so he probably went to freddie and to his work.
I think that getring dumped by your boyfriends simply because he doesnt fancy you anymore is the most horrible thing. You can see that she started with showing off her body, getting new hair and new teeth. Bur that didnt being her dreamman back. Now she is back in Notting Hill in a beautiful house all alone again and this period will be hard for her.
I think that getring dumped by your boyfriends simply because he doesnt fancy you anymore is the most horrible thing. You can see that she started with showing off her body, getting new hair and new teeth. Bur that didnt being her dreamman back. Now she is back in Notting Hill in a beautiful house all alone again and this period will be hard for her.
I’m sticking around for the launch of her skincare, then I’m out of here! I just don’t care about her boring as hell content which is just yoga, London cafes and ads ads ads ads and ads. 
Wonder how much her skincare will be 
i find it werid that they release a skincare/body product range then about a month later they are saying another brand is their fav and be using it for ages.. why not your own oh wait you don't get extra money to promote yours
i find it werid that they release a skincare/body product range then about a month later they are saying another brand is their fav and be using it for ages.. why not your own oh wait you don't get extra money to promote yoursThis! Tretinoin, sunscreen, any moisturiser, maybe a vitamin C serum (and you can get great ones for a small price) and you're good!
Other posters are right in that this thread has gone boring very quickly. So since Niomi likes to schedule things, I thought I'd come up with a few more adventurous suggestions for this year's Vlogmas (got to pay that London rent, eh?).
Plenty of time to get this lot in the diary:
1) Festive Ice Skating and Weed Brownie Mukbang with Jeffree Starr. The second half of the video is just Jeff and Nimbs shoving their fingers in each others' mouths and chortling on them. "Are these vegan?" "Hell no witch, and they're 100% tested on animals!" "Chortle giggle snort!"
2) Hungova Yoga. The following morning, Nimbs gets the mat out and attempts a full flow. Downward dog involves drool and a suspected stroke. She slumps back on the mat, wonders what would Carrie Bradshaw do, guys?, vows to continue with self care, and then vomits in her own hair. Which leads us into...
3) Samantha CuSICK, the Spaced Out Truth Edition. Still completely off her tits, Niomi runs to Samantha for an emergency appointment. As Sam rises the puke from Niomi's hair and proceeds to give her a "little trim," the weed gives Niomi the courage to say what we're all thinking: "What the duck are you doing with that buzzsaw, Sam?" "Shh, you're hallucinating." "It's on camera, Sam. I can see it on the viewscreen." "Do you want this #gifted or not?"
4) Christmas Dealer Hunt with Tanya Burr. Nims and Tarn meet up for a night of festive frivolity and nostalgia. After a few drinks--where they slag off their exes for half an hour straight-- they decide to score some coke, but Tanya's dealer is playing coy. They end up on a wild (plant-based) goose chase to find him. Cue a tour of London with all its sparkly lights and Xmas decs that they are licherally obsessed with. After finally scoring, they snort their brains out in the loos of a 24hr Tesco and then stumble about the aisles, both trying to figure out which sponsored product they are there for. Tarn picks Iron Brew; Niomi picks Pepperami. The ensuing "infomercials" they film go down in Vlogmas history. Zoella is FURIOUS.
5) New Age Nimbobs: Plant-Based Cheesemaking. On the hunt to nourish her body and mind, AND indulge over Christmas, Niomi attends a festive workshop where she learns to make cheese from breastmilk. "All 100% vegan, guys! I can't wait to make a delicious cheeseboard for my family!" She tops the video off with a bonus recipe for chia seed crackers shaped like Christmas trees.
6) Choosing the Perfect Christmas Tree, Leaving it on Joe's Doorstep and Setting It On Fire. Does what it says on the tin. Nims imbibes the festive, woodsy scent of burning pine. She posts several insta stories of herself cackling in the firelight.
7) Facials With Grandma. Niomi and Grandma visit the spa for some extra-special self care. Niomi goes for a cleansing clay mask; Grandma gets the Satan's Surgeon Blood Ritual. Afterwards, over wheatgrass shots, they reveal that Grandma is a major investor in Smart Skin and that one of the main ingredients is baby oil.
These ones are ongoing threads throughout the whole vlogmas:
A) Am I Shagging Jim Chapman? (Niomi, this one will do absolutely nothing for you--especially if you do shag him--but we will have SO MUCH FUN). Niomi leaves hints in her videos that she's banging the Chapmeister. Hobknobbing with Jimbobs. One day she meets him for matcha latte; in the next vlog, his watch mysteriously appears to be on her bedside table. Meanwhile, Sarah is growing more and more agitated on Instagram, posting a furious mixture of engagement pics and sad faces. Niomi goes to the GQ Awards "alone," but next morning her face is burning with stubble rash. You get the picture...
B) Madvent Calendar Mornings. There's no box of goodies from Joey this year, but that's okay because Niomi has hoarded every other advent calendar under the sun and is going to open all. Of. Them. "Some of you guys have been asking me if this is an environmentally friendly and sustainable thing to do. And I guess the question I keep coming back to is, what IS sustainable? I mean, was my relationship sustainable? No! Is my lifestyle sustainable? Who knows! Maybe Gleam knows. Haha! The point is, I'm using a metal straw for this banana Feel New Tea smoothie. That is the point."
Obviously, this is only the first week of Vlogmas, so if anyone else has any other suggestions, they'd be much appreciated
Plenty of time to get this lot in the diary:
1) Festive Ice Skating and Weed Brownie Mukbang with Jeffree Starr. The second half of the video is just Jeff and Nimbs shoving their fingers in each others' mouths and chortling on them. "Are these vegan?" "Hell no witch, and they're 100% tested on animals!" "Chortle giggle snort!"
2) Hungova Yoga. The following morning, Nimbs gets the mat out and attempts a full flow. Downward dog involves drool and a suspected stroke. She slumps back on the mat, wonders what would Carrie Bradshaw do, guys?, vows to continue with self care, and then vomits in her own hair. Which leads us into...
3) Samantha CuSICK, the Spaced Out Truth Edition. Still completely off her tits, Niomi runs to Samantha for an emergency appointment. As Sam rises the puke from Niomi's hair and proceeds to give her a "little trim," the weed gives Niomi the courage to say what we're all thinking: "What the duck are you doing with that buzzsaw, Sam?" "Shh, you're hallucinating." "It's on camera, Sam. I can see it on the viewscreen." "Do you want this #gifted or not?"
4) Christmas Dealer Hunt with Tanya Burr. Nims and Tarn meet up for a night of festive frivolity and nostalgia. After a few drinks--where they slag off their exes for half an hour straight-- they decide to score some coke, but Tanya's dealer is playing coy. They end up on a wild (plant-based) goose chase to find him. Cue a tour of London with all its sparkly lights and Xmas decs that they are licherally obsessed with. After finally scoring, they snort their brains out in the loos of a 24hr Tesco and then stumble about the aisles, both trying to figure out which sponsored product they are there for. Tarn picks Iron Brew; Niomi picks Pepperami. The ensuing "infomercials" they film go down in Vlogmas history. Zoella is FURIOUS.
5) New Age Nimbobs: Plant-Based Cheesemaking. On the hunt to nourish her body and mind, AND indulge over Christmas, Niomi attends a festive workshop where she learns to make cheese from breastmilk. "All 100% vegan, guys! I can't wait to make a delicious cheeseboard for my family!" She tops the video off with a bonus recipe for chia seed crackers shaped like Christmas trees.
6) Choosing the Perfect Christmas Tree, Leaving it on Joe's Doorstep and Setting It On Fire. Does what it says on the tin. Nims imbibes the festive, woodsy scent of burning pine. She posts several insta stories of herself cackling in the firelight.
7) Facials With Grandma. Niomi and Grandma visit the spa for some extra-special self care. Niomi goes for a cleansing clay mask; Grandma gets the Satan's Surgeon Blood Ritual. Afterwards, over wheatgrass shots, they reveal that Grandma is a major investor in Smart Skin and that one of the main ingredients is baby oil.
These ones are ongoing threads throughout the whole vlogmas:
A) Am I Shagging Jim Chapman? (Niomi, this one will do absolutely nothing for you--especially if you do shag him--but we will have SO MUCH FUN). Niomi leaves hints in her videos that she's banging the Chapmeister. Hobknobbing with Jimbobs. One day she meets him for matcha latte; in the next vlog, his watch mysteriously appears to be on her bedside table. Meanwhile, Sarah is growing more and more agitated on Instagram, posting a furious mixture of engagement pics and sad faces. Niomi goes to the GQ Awards "alone," but next morning her face is burning with stubble rash. You get the picture...
B) Madvent Calendar Mornings. There's no box of goodies from Joey this year, but that's okay because Niomi has hoarded every other advent calendar under the sun and is going to open all. Of. Them. "Some of you guys have been asking me if this is an environmentally friendly and sustainable thing to do. And I guess the question I keep coming back to is, what IS sustainable? I mean, was my relationship sustainable? No! Is my lifestyle sustainable? Who knows! Maybe Gleam knows. Haha! The point is, I'm using a metal straw for this banana Feel New Tea smoothie. That is the point."
Obviously, this is only the first week of Vlogmas, so if anyone else has any other suggestions, they'd be much appreciated
You can open it under general chatOT but is there an actual tea thread apart from the chats born out of boredom desperation on Niomi's threads because I'd be into it
Never make me picture Jim in a sexual manner again please for the love of Martha moo.Other posters are right in that this thread has gone boring very quickly. So since Niomi likes to schedule things, I thought I'd come up with a few more adventurous suggestions for this year's Vlogmas (got to pay that London rent, eh?).
Plenty of time to get this lot in the diary:
1) Festive Ice Skating and Weed Brownie Mukbang with Jeffree Starr. The second half of the video is just Jeff and Nimbs shoving their fingers in each others' mouths and chortling on them. "Are these vegan?" "Hell no witch, and they're 100% tested on animals!" "Chortle giggle snort!"
2) Hungova Yoga. The following morning, Nimbs gets the mat out and attempts a full flow. Downward dog involves drool and a suspected stroke. She slumps back on the mat, wonders what would Carrie Bradshaw do, guys?, vows to continue with self care, and then vomits in her own hair. Which leads us into...
3) Samantha CuSICK, the Spaced Out Truth Edition. Still completely off her tits, Niomi runs to Samantha for an emergency appointment. As Sam rises the puke from Niomi's hair and proceeds to give her a "little trim," the weed gives Niomi the courage to say what we're all thinking: "What the duck are you doing with that buzzsaw, Sam?" "Shh, you're hallucinating." "It's on camera, Sam. I can see it on the viewscreen." "Do you want this #gifted or not?"
4) Christmas Dealer Hunt with Tanya Burr. Nims and Tarn meet up for a night of festive frivolity and nostalgia. After a few drinks--where they slag off their exes for half an hour straight-- they decide to score some coke, but Tanya's dealer is playing coy. They end up on a wild (plant-based) goose chase to find him. Cue a tour of London with all its sparkly lights and Xmas decs that they are licherally obsessed with. After finally scoring, they snort their brains out in the loos of a 24hr Tesco and then stumble about the aisles, both trying to figure out which sponsored product they are there for. Tarn picks Iron Brew; Niomi picks Pepperami. The ensuing "infomercials" they film go down in Vlogmas history. Zoella is FURIOUS.
5) New Age Nimbobs: Plant-Based Cheesemaking. On the hunt to nourish her body and mind, AND indulge over Christmas, Niomi attends a festive workshop where she learns to make cheese from breastmilk. "All 100% vegan, guys! I can't wait to make a delicious cheeseboard for my family!" She tops the video off with a bonus recipe for chia seed crackers shaped like Christmas trees.
6) Choosing the Perfect Christmas Tree, Leaving it on Joe's Doorstep and Setting It On Fire. Does what it says on the tin. Nims imbibes the festive, woodsy scent of burning pine. She posts several insta stories of herself cackling in the firelight.
7) Facials With Grandma. Niomi and Grandma visit the spa for some extra-special self care. Niomi goes for a cleansing clay mask; Grandma gets the Satan's Surgeon Blood Ritual. Afterwards, over wheatgrass shots, they reveal that Grandma is a major investor in Smart Skin and that one of the main ingredients is baby oil.
These ones are ongoing threads throughout the whole vlogmas:
A) Am I Shagging Jim Chapman? (Niomi, this one will do absolutely nothing for you--especially if you do shag him--but we will have SO MUCH FUN). Niomi leaves hints in her videos that she's banging the Chapmeister. Hobknobbing with Jimbobs. One day she meets him for matcha latte; in the next vlog, his watch mysteriously appears to be on her bedside table. Meanwhile, Sarah is growing more and more agitated on Instagram, posting a furious mixture of engagement pics and sad faces. Niomi goes to the GQ Awards "alone," but next morning her face is burning with stubble rash. You get the picture...
B) Madvent Calendar Mornings. There's no box of goodies from Joey this year, but that's okay because Niomi has hoarded every other advent calendar under the sun and is going to open all. Of. Them. "Some of you guys have been asking me if this is an environmentally friendly and sustainable thing to do. And I guess the question I keep coming back to is, what IS sustainable? I mean, was my relationship sustainable? No! Is my lifestyle sustainable? Who knows! Maybe Gleam knows. Haha! The point is, I'm using a metal straw for this banana Feel New Tea smoothie. That is the point."
Obviously, this is only the first week of Vlogmas, so if anyone else has any other suggestions, they'd be much appreciated
Speaking off Jeffree Starr, is there a thread for him on tattle? I can't find one. Am I blind?
She's starting a yoga teacher training course in London. Why do I have the impression she reads this thread? She confirmed Smart Skin was still launching and another Tatter had suggested she should start her own yoga studio.
I honestly thinks that her calling at this point. She could invest in her own ‘yoga in the sky’.
Of course she is! Sometimes yoga teacher training seems like a MLM scheme for posh white women.
Her Instagram post "only I could launch my skincare and start a yoga course at the same time" had me creasing. I'm sure it's really hard for her.
- Status