Niomi Smart #47 IV drips, no helmet scooter trips, wishing Lordon would close his lips

[irvinelane]

What the heck?

It would probably feel really good as well to close that mouth every once in a while.


What a couple.

 

[Grapefruits712]

Against my better judgment, I decided to listen to a podcast Forky did since he mentioned he got some tough questions. You are welcome in advance for the sacrifice I made.

I only skimmed through so might have missed something, but here are the highlights:
- he got kicked out of his first job as a PT at a fitness studio for “doing backhanders”. I assume this means taking money from clients without reporting it.
-he mentioned two recent girlfriends: “I had a gorgeous gf during covid. I was booming and I guess she wasn’t - it was quite tough. That was a big test and I think we were both quite young so it didn’t work out. And I recently was dating someone who was doing really well for themselves but we just weren’t compatible and that’s just the way it is and that’s fine and you move on.” Was he dating someone before Nimbobs during covid? I think the first person doesn’t sound like it would be her (“gorgeous?”). I assume he meant he was really doing well with work when he says he was “booming”
-He said he’s going to Bali soon and who knows, he might find an incredible Aussie blonde there. Maybe he intends to directly copy Niomi’s latest dating strategy
-Also said he’s dared a few girls who don’t need to work and don’t have ambitions. I wonder if that’s why he and Dimbobs weren’t compatible
-He also said he had a really bad breakup that hit him really hard. Mentioned being in tears at work over it. Says that he thinks breakups hit men harder than “females” and for him it was his ego - seeing someone move on so quickly was quite tough even though he knew he wasn’t meant to be with that person
-Calls himself an alpha and refers to women as females throughout (of course) though he once says sorry, I should say girls/women (but laughs like people are sooo sensitive).

 

[cocochino]

The thing with Bali is... I can not picture myself living a life where people are basically in service for you 24/7. Does Niomi clean her bungalo herself? Does she cook herself? Does she even washes her own clothes? Obviously life is so fun when the only thing you do yourself is wipe your damn ass! I will never understand how can you roam through Bali streets and don't feel like a fucking white colonizer lol. It's one thing when you visiting for a quick holiday, but to lead a lifestyle like that, I'd feel uncomfortable as hell. But maybe it's just me

It's not just you. I'm a "digital nomad" (gag I hate that term). Anyway, this is one of the reasons why I don't want to live in Bali. I know people who live there and they basically have slaves. Everything is cooked and cleaned for them and they live like kings. It freaks me the fuck out. How can you feel fulfilled when you're exploiting the local population? You're surrounded by thousands of people living in poverty while you're sipping on your green matcha latte with a Vitamin C drip in your arm. It's fucking gross.

Niomi has zero interest in the local community and culture. All she cares about is looking good on her feed.

 

[dodo789]

Lol so I said to myself, I bet if I open my Instagram the avocado chef has a story and its the 1st one to watch and of course she has, as usual doing her bogus treatments.

View attachment 1485928

Then I see this and hold on to your pants guy when you read the description on the website, lmao.. wow

View attachment 1485949


View attachment 1485951

Bauhinia Flower Essence

Australian Bush Flower Essences | catalysts to unlock your full potential, resolve negative beliefs & create emotional health & wellbeing.

ausflowers.com.au

“You may not be racist” wtf did I just read

 

[Nitfey]

I'm simultaneously excited for the potential for chaos and drama brought by Lordon McDonkey boarding the Queen T of the Seas and terrified by the prospect of seeing more of his awful, awful teeth.

Queen T of the Seas
I don't know why but it made me think of :

And the best part...

 

[dodo789]

I, too, woke up at 5 AM, but because I have a real job and have to commute. These people seriously need to stop with this “I’m so productive because I wake up early” when their productive time involves dry brushing and going for a walk View attachment 1492305

I had to wake up at 5 for years and years and years because of school and work, I feel stupid now because I never thought about dry skin brushing and doing abs workout, making celery juice and going on a walk and listening to a 12 step meeting all done by 8! …maybe because I had less than an hour to prepare and walk to the bus but I’m sure Holly would think, I just wasn’t manifesting hard enough…but seriously you couldn’t pay me now to wake up at 5, it‘s so ridiculous how these influencers who have all the time of the world and have nothing to do want to tell you how to have a “productive” day, like fuck off!

 

[cocochino]

"The secret of life is knowing you've got a man" - Niomi @niomi-smart-white

 

[mostly_mozart]

Just saw Niomi and Charlotte in Clapham, so she’s definitely not in Bali anymore

 

[MargaritaMay]

View attachment 1508539

Root cause ! Niomi, don't be a Forky !

I am amazed that she discovered just now that western medicine is prescribing natural products. This is not new.

The way she is trying to milk her story is so disgusting.

Red flags all over this!!! "I am so surprised western doctors...." And what are you?! A descendant of a native Indian healer-grandmother-witch because you went to friggin' Bali once?! Are western doctors just brainwashed into giving cheap mainstream pills and unneseccary procedures for no reason at all? Do little white doc-puppets just order their medicine-certificate on Amazon (with a sponsored influencer-code) ? That's what they do you think u f**** dimbob? Jeez who DO YOU think you are, no qualifications whatsover to give any advice on any topic other than how to choose the newest shiny filter over pics for social media. I wish her wholeheartedly to be in a serious, desperate need of medical assitance once or pray over a sick relative begging the doctors for help.... and then we'll talk. (rant over)

 

[SarahN]

Nimbo’s phone

 

[cocochino]

I noticed something else in her "qualifications"

I did this "course" years ago. It's a free online course that takes you a couple hours. She's trained around the world (done some online quizzes) and thinks she's an expert. I can't

 

[pointblankperiod]

Lmfao, and this is coming from Miss Carbon Footprint 2022, incredible
Niomi’s face should be plastered all over this wall

 

[Coldfeet]

The only thing is she keeps saying it’s a sign, but she doesn’t even know the meaning of it. Alright, she may see Frida Kahlo everywhere, but what is it supposed to tell her? She has no idea.

It's an odd thing but I see CARS everywhere!!On roads, parked in people's driveways, petrol stations, outside shops- what on earth can it mean??

 

[cocochino]

I just can't get over the fact that she's taken a random guy she's known for a couple months on a family holiday with her younger sister. How can you really know someone after such a short amount of time? It must be so weird for her sister to have to spend time with these random men. Niomi doesn't think about anyone but herself.

 

[Nitfey]

She looks absolutely MISERABLE for someone who is always on vacation almost....like she has some unresolved, underlying issues.

She HAS unresolved and underlying issues...and having ONE barely living brain cell does not help.

Ps: I immediately thought of avocado chef

 

[malino_]

ummm. Just found it odd that she came across my IG and liked some of my posts. I’m literally a nobody on Instagram lol.

 

[pointblankperiod]

Niomi getting ready to post on IG

 

[cocochino]

 

[irvinelane]

Niomi trying to convince herself she’s on the right path from all kinds of signs:

 

[Sunny29]

I’m just catching up on everything and am in complete shock over her new relationship. I’ve known of Jamie for about 10 years, I remember always seeing him in Dublin night clubs and had some mutual friends at the time. He always grossed me out, it was so obvious he wanted to be some kind of famous. As far as I know neither he nor his sister have worked a regular job a day in their life. He’s had to reinvent himself multiple times and I had no idea about this new ridiculous chapter in his life, but not surprised at all. Looks like he fled Dublin when he finally realised he wasn’t going to take over the entertainment scene. His sister is even worse, I’ve met her multiple times and found her so painful to speak to. She’s been “an influencer” for years and has never managed to take off, in Ireland which is a small influencer as it is. Her cook was a complete flop and only managed to get it published through family connections. Niomi really could do so much better! At least shes had some success and made real money. These two scammers live out of the bank of mummy and daddy and are in their late 30s.

I’m just catching up on everything and am in complete shock over her new relationship. I’ve known of Jamie for about 10 years, I remember always seeing him in Dublin night clubs and had some mutual friends at the time. He always grossed me out, it was so obvious he wanted to be some kind of famous. As far as I know neither he nor his sister have worked a regular job a day in their life. He’s had to reinvent himself multiple times and I had no idea about this new ridiculous chapter in his life, but not surprised at all. Looks like he fled Dublin when he finally realised he wasn’t going to take over the entertainment scene. His sister is even worse, I’ve met her multiple times and found her so painful to speak to. She’s been “an influencer” for years and has never managed to take off, in Ireland which is a small influencer as it is. Her cook was a complete flop and only managed to get it published through family connections. Niomi really could do so much better! At least shes had some success and made real money. These two scammers live out of the bank of mummy and daddy and are in their late 30s.

*small influencer industry
*cookbook