Isn't that quite a bit of her shop though? It's not going to last all week it's she's already used half the ingredients.Apart from that, there’s about half a stalk of chard cut up in that, between two. How is she using her measurements of the five a day? Is she measuring in the same way she measured space and time? Living with Jack must be like that film Inception
Or am I missing something?Unless Stuart and Nims have been writing in....
I applaud the choice of language.
Well spotted. That’s highly probable-she claims her autism means she’s incredibly specific & isn’t seeking to mislead (yeah, right). But the omission changes the whole meaning-a living wage in her view could be literally anything.
I'd like to hear the background story about how @MarmiteExtract came up with this masterpiece? Did you have to search around for the perfect pic or did the idea immediately come to you? Did you edit out her feet or where they already hidden because *ballerina tippy toes*?no you did not
Here it is. If you click on "Jack Monroe Threads" - blue button at the top of each thread, you can find them all.
I apologise if this was the inference you took from my post. I've eaten many fully vegan meals that were entirely delicious. My reference was to a (perhaps outdated) notion of a "traditional" UK diet.
if they could Google they would see through her
As I said, I am no longer following this thread, but this recap is the best yet! "the real Jack" and Oh, great (or, should I say ‘grate’)Congratulations to @Silver Linings for the thread title! A hearty 67 reactions!I couldn’t be more proud of my pirate wife. Expect a moonlight sonata on the lake tonight, dearest heart.
Ahem! Here is the recap. It’s hhhhnnnnggggg long. Today has been off the charts.
Recap of thread #74
As always, please add any recap points that I have missed!
- Praise beans, Jack Monroe is alive and well! It’s possible that she’s been living quite happily in the fire swamp / Upside Down for some time now, indulging her propensity for tweeting with her sausage hands.
- Or, are they ... mink paws? Who can say, but this Peeky Mink certainly likes Ocado, M&S, has a writing deadline to meet, but still time to dig out their trusty copy of one of the bootstrap recipe books and procrastinate while baking a POTATO.
- Or, perhaps we’re being too suspicious and Mink is not who we think she is? As was quickly stated in her new bio. Oh, ok then, whatever you say, Mink. What’s your hometown of Edinburgh like? I hear there’s a phenomenal Five Guys (not a chain).
- Minky then seemingly suffered with tweet remorse as she went on a deleting spree, locked their account (sound familiar?) and unliked complimentary posts about Jack Monroe. Poor Jack. When’s she ever gonna catch a break?
- Peeky Mink follows Sali Hughes, That Man and Thrifty Lesley. And is followed by Louisa and a family member. All together now: lol.
- Massive deposit of Vlad-funded bitcoin to today’s detective @Veronicaaa. See her initial discovery here.
- And tech extraordinaire @heretoreaditall2019 who caught Peeky Mink’s Twitter feed run (?) here. All-expenses paid trip to the palace for you.
- I wonder if Peeky Mink is good at writing books and keeping to imminent deadlines? Someone sure needs to be.
- Cartoon capture of Peeky Mink (for safety attached. Screenshot credit @Chip1984).
- But then Jack (the real Jack) came back to warn of a user on Twitter who is ‘obsessively hounding and bullying’ her under a fake profile (which mocks her name and phraseology). The white sauce thickens.
- Real Jack decided to put their feet under the table and broadcast a panic tweet about empty toilet roll and pasta shelves in Asda (not M&S). Talk about putting out fires with gasoline (she was accused of making things worse). It’s not HER mess, talking-sense person, now get to absolute fuck.
- She then claimed she was back on a very strict grocery budget ‘for various reasons’, complete with pics of her Asda haul. She’s going to be recipe blogging again. Oh, great (or, should I say ‘grate’).
- Apparently this gives her purpose, and she does it well, and it helps others. Okay? Now fuck off.
- She ‘solemnly swears’ to be on call for a daily lockdown larder. She’ll have her ‘fastest fingers and finking cap’. ‘Jack, Jack - I have a raw egg, a tin of marrow fat peas and a chicken’s foot (singular). HALP.’
- Is today Sunday? Not sure, but at least I finally got dressed.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
She is one almighty pisstaker
I love your username, and your job!
Run Matt ruuuun, trust me give the casserole the body swerve, eat before you get therePosting this as it’s two blue tickers. Is Jack an anti-lockdowner now?View attachment 250004
LOL I was just about to ask if she was calling Scampi Fries FANCY, she's so predictable.
Is that Moaning Myrtle?
Mirror confession #2. I have a Hollywood mirror. Thankfully with no magnification or WIFIMirror confession:
I have one of those ones that you plug in and has lights around it, cos I wanted to feel like a 50s movie star.
I never use it because it has a 7x magnification bit on it and I'm not emotionally strong enough to see myself that close up
.
They were all gifts. (No, really. That's what she'll say if asked..)
