Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

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Congratulations to @Silver Linings for the thread title! A hearty 67 reactions! šŸŽ‰ I couldnā€™t be more proud of my pirate wife. Expect a moonlight sonata on the lake tonight, dearest heart.
Ahem! Here is the recap. Itā€™s hhhhnnnnggggg long. Today has been off the charts.


Recap of thread #74

  1. Praise beans, Jack Monroe is alive and well! Itā€™s possible that sheā€™s been living quite happily in the fire swamp / Upside Down for some time now, indulging her propensity for tweeting with her sausage hands.
  2. Or, are they ... mink paws? Who can say, but this Peeky Mink certainly likes Ocado, M&S, has a writing deadline to meet, but still time to dig out their trusty copy of one of the bootstrap recipe books and procrastinate while baking a POTATO.
  3. Or, perhaps weā€™re being too suspicious and Mink is not who we think she is? As was quickly stated in her new bio. Oh, ok then, whatever you say, Mink. Whatā€™s your hometown of Edinburgh like? I hear thereā€™s a phenomenal Five Guys (not a chain).
  4. Minky then seemingly suffered with tweet remorse as she went on a deleting spree, locked their account (sound familiar?) and unliked complimentary posts about Jack Monroe. Poor Jack. Whenā€™s she ever gonna catch a break?
  5. Peeky Mink follows Sali Hughes, That Man and Thrifty Lesley. And is followed by Louisa and a family member. All together now: lol.
  6. Massive deposit of Vlad-funded bitcoin to todayā€™s detective @Veronicaaa. See her initial discovery here.
  7. And tech extraordinaire @heretoreaditall2019 who caught Peeky Minkā€™s Twitter feed run (?) here. All-expenses paid trip to the palace for you.
  8. I wonder if Peeky Mink is good at writing books and keeping to imminent deadlines? Someone sure needs to be.
  9. Cartoon capture of Peeky Mink (for safety attached. Screenshot credit @Chip1984).
  10. But then Jack (the real Jack) came back to warn of a user on Twitter who is ā€˜obsessively hounding and bullyingā€™ her under a fake profile (which mocks her name and phraseology). The white sauce thickens.
  11. Real Jack decided to put their feet under the table and broadcast a panic tweet about empty toilet roll and pasta shelves in Asda (not M&S). Talk about putting out fires with gasoline (she was accused of making things worse). Itā€™s not HER mess, talking-sense person, now get to absolute duck.
  12. She then claimed she was back on a very strict grocery budget ā€˜for various reasonsā€™, complete with pics of her Asda haul. Sheā€™s going to be recipe blogging again. Oh, great (or, should I say ā€˜grateā€™).
  13. Apparently this gives her purpose, and she does it well, and it helps others. Okay? Now duck off.
  14. She ā€˜solemnly swearsā€™ to be on call for a daily lockdown larder. Sheā€™ll have her ā€˜fastest fingers and finking capā€™. ā€˜Jack, Jack - I have a raw egg, a tin of marrow fat peas and a chickenā€™s foot (singular). HALP.ā€™
  15. Is today Sunday? Not sure, but at least I finally got dressed.
As always, please add any recap points that I have missed!

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

ā€˜Babe, sameā€™

ā€˜I did a chaosā€™

ā€˜My maverick brainā€™

ā€˜My sad little faceā€™

ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™

ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™

ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™
šŸ„“
One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonā€™t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ā€˜Sheā€™s Lyingā€™ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackā€™s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheā€™s lying.*

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™
  • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
 

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  1. She then claimed she was back on a very strict grocery budget ā€˜for various reasonsā€™, complete with pics of her Asda haul. Sheā€™s going to be recipe blogging again. Oh, great (or, should I say ā€˜grateā€™).
  2. Apparently this gives her purpose, and she does it well, and it helps others. Okay? Now duck off.
Remember when she was white-hot with fury about politics and decided someone else could take care of the tin can recipes? What was that, 7 days ago?

(PS Love the recap especially "grate")
 
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Thanks once again Poca! Please never stop writing these recaps. Weā€™re going to have a whip-round for you after the next meeting with Vlad as a little token of our gratitude šŸ˜˜

ETA and congrats to Silver too! Short and sweet, as all the best titles are
 
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Get to absolute duck šŸ˜‚šŸ™ aw guys, Iā€™ve had a dreadful day (THEN NOT NOW) but you have really cheered me up. Now, duck off ā¤
 
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Happy anniversary @heretoreaditall2019 btw i hope you're having a lovely day on and off tattle šŸ’•šŸ˜

Congratulations @heretoreaditall2019 - I hope Eddie will be getting his overnight oats after being neglected for most of the day.

so what kind of food did your mother make you growing up the son of Jack? Oh, eyelids and bollocks. But donā€™t worry she didnā€™t eat it cos you know, ethicsšŸ¤¢

Welcome to the Coven - nominated for Best Newcomer Award on the same day as @Veronicaaa is awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award.
.


 
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Congratulations to @Silver Linings for the thread title! A hearty 67 reactions! šŸŽ‰ I couldnā€™t be more proud of my pirate wife. Expect a moonlight sonata on the lake tonight, dearest heart.
Ahem! Here is the recap. Itā€™s hhhhnnnnggggg long. Today has been off the charts.


Recap of thread #74

  1. Praise beans, Jack Monroe is alive and well! Itā€™s possible that sheā€™s been living quite happily in the fire swamp / Upside Down for some time now, indulging her propensity for tweeting with her sausage hands.
  2. Or, are they ... mink paws? Who can say, but this Peeky Mink certainly likes Ocado, M&S, has a writing deadline to meet, but still time to dig out their trusty copy of one of the bootstrap recipe books and procrastinate while baking a POTATO.
  3. Or, perhaps weā€™re being too suspicious and Mink is not who we think she is? As was quickly stated in her new bio. Oh, ok then, whatever you say, Mink. Whatā€™s your hometown of Edinburgh like? I hear thereā€™s a phenomenal Five Guys (not a chain).
  4. Minky then seemingly suffered with tweet remorse as she went on a deleting spree, locked their account (sound familiar?) and unliked complimentary posts about Jack Monroe. Poor Jack. Whenā€™s she ever gonna catch a break?
  5. Peeky Mink follows Sali Hughes, That Man and Thrifty Lesley. And is followed by Louisa and a family member. All together now: lol.
  6. Massive deposit of Vlad-funded bitcoin to todayā€™s detective @Veronicaaa. See her initial discovery here.
  7. And tech extraordinaire @heretoreaditall2019 who caught Peeky Minkā€™s Twitter feed run (?) here. All-expenses paid trip to the palace for you.
  8. I wonder if Peeky Mink is good at writing books and keeping to imminent deadlines? Someone sure needs to be.
  9. Cartoon capture of Peeky Mink (for safety attached. Screenshot credit @Chip1984).
  10. But then Jack (the real Jack) came back to warn of a user on Twitter who is ā€˜obsessively hounding and bullyingā€™ her under a fake profile (which mocks her name and phraseology). The white sauce thickens.
  11. Real Jack decided to put their feet under the table and broadcast a panic tweet about empty toilet roll and pasta shelves in Asda (not M&S). Talk about putting out fires with gasoline (she was accused of making things worse). Itā€™s not HER mess, talking-sense person, now get to absolute duck.
  12. She then claimed she was back on a very strict grocery budget ā€˜for various reasonsā€™, complete with pics of her Asda haul. Sheā€™s going to be recipe blogging again. Oh, great (or, should I say ā€˜grateā€™).
  13. Apparently this gives her purpose, and she does it well, and it helps others. Okay? Now duck off.
  14. She ā€˜solemnly swearsā€™ to be on call for a daily lockdown larder. Sheā€™ll have her ā€˜fastest fingers and finking capā€™. ā€˜Jack, Jack - I have a raw egg, a tin of marrow fat peas and a chickenā€™s foot (singular). HALP.ā€™
  15. Is today Sunday? Not sure, but at least I finally got dressed.
As always, please add any recap points that I have missed!

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

ā€˜Babe, sameā€™

ā€˜I did a chaosā€™

ā€˜My maverick brainā€™

ā€˜My sad little faceā€™

ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™

ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™

ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™
šŸ„“
One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonā€™t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ā€˜Sheā€™s Lyingā€™ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackā€™s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheā€™s lying.*

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™
  • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
We're not worthy of your greatness, @Pocahontas!

Now duck off xxxxxx

PS Probably not who you think I am.
 
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Pocahontas, dear heart - at the risk of sounding like a sycophantic jackolyte - your thread recaps are genuinely a treat and you are a wonderful human being.
 
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I think itā€™s because I read the recaps in my imagined @Pocahontas voice, really calm, positive and good natured, saying ā€œget to absolute duckā€ just slays me
Yep when anyone does it it just makes me howl because we are all lovely and sensible and sometimes it ends with a little kiss & no one ever takes offence. Now duck off x
 
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Pocahontas, dear heart - at the risk of sounding like a sycophantic jackolyte - your thread recaps are genuinely a treat and you are a wonderful human being.
I had to go back and read it again and am now cry laughing. Can I GO now?
 
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Lets not forget Jack the Mink insinuating she had covid with a post about loss of taste, breathing difficulties and tired to the point of not being able to move.

Yet a mere 17 hours later, sheā€™s done her first of two big Asda shops.
 
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Jack has her beady eye on her next purchase, and dropping heavy hints here
E101B366-3D6E-4FB0-AF39-0865D4F71E12.jpeg
 
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Lets not forget Jack the Mink insinuating she had covid with a post about loss of taste, breathing difficulties and tired to the point of not being able to move.

Yet a mere 17 hours later, sheā€™s done her first of two big Asda shops.
Better go and rub Covid all over the Asda yellow sticker zones!
 
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Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.