Perfection with the recap as usual. *chefās kiss*Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for the thread title! 78 reactionswhat a record! You have multiple, multiple dishonourable doctorates in thread titles!
Afraid my dear heart @Silver Linings missed out with her suggestion of: āAll for the want of a pair of traaazersā. Bit too late to gain any traction (this time)
Recap of thread #72
Please do add any other recap points i have missed. Iām not one of the lucky few who are able to see her Twitter / Instagram. Therefore, have not been able to compile my three lever arch files of material. Might take them back to the work supplies shop (Wilkos to the layperson).
- Weāre still stuck in Toon Town. Apparently, itās to āstay safeā, because āunscrupulous people [are] stealing photos of [her] son to plaster on their hateful discussion groupsā in order to āviolate for their disgusting endsā. I have nothing funny to say about this. Seeing as lots of us are parents ourselves and any screenshots of her photos that include her son (that she incidentally shared over platforms of 278,000 people) have his face covered by the posters here - thatās frankly a revolting accusation. If youāre talking about this hateful discussion group, in particular, of course.
- New YouTube videos: one featuring Cooper with the flappy fish toy and one thatās a virtual tour of her living room slash fancy āsecretā photography studio. Both in cartoon. I just ... canāt watch them.
- Doggos no longer do it for her, she now wants cattos. duck, no.
- Apparently she accidentally posted a nude and then deleted it. Tattle and the world:
- She managed to use the Grenfell tragedy to help illustrate her wish for all incriminating photos of her teen clubbing years to disappear (like the Towerās āengineering detailsā). Never fear though, sheāll disappear them into her memoir. Prospective title: The World According to Jack: I Have Decades of Experience of Everything.
- She posted a picture of her kombucha batch. It looks like it will have some nice hints of brown, accompanied by an array of teasing top notes of brown, followed by base notes of a lovely earthy ... brown.
- @traumatised sideboard bestowed on us the final instalment of their set of scathing essays about Jackās DKL appearances here . As hilarious as they were, you will be receiving my doctorās bill, TS. I thought I had put all my ālasagne and the wrong sauceā-related trauma behind me, but your reviews brought it all back.
- Konnie Huq wants to have Jack as dinner guest. Oh, Konnie. How much you need to learn.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ās āJack for Dummiesā post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackās most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
āBabe, sameā
āI did a chaosā
āMy maverick brainā
āMy sad little faceā
āIām BUSYā
āI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā
āI laughed up a lungā
One of Jackās followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as āgossip mavensā (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **
To āGrunkaLunkaā your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatās what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonāt be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itās what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some āRIP Vivā jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinās bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to āhorse spunkā - there may be some horse āspiritā lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: āThank you so Matt much, Mattā, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: āNow duck offā. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackās own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail āSheās Lyingā picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackās latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheās lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackās words: āShe [Louisa] leftā.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. āIt just does.ā
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jackās Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering āTerrible!ā on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ās hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donāt discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Jack Monroe #73 If your attitude is off-kilter, try a cartoon filter
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Maybe she could see we were getting a bit repetitive on these threads, so is throwing us a bone to keep the conversation fresh and flowing
I suppose when you have so many fiancĆ©es in such a short space of time, itās convenient to use the same name for all of them.
All I'm thinking about now is the Enimen Stan video .Some superfan complaining that they've messaged hundreds of times and had no reply
I thought she had previously tweeted about this folder being with her awards and her son pointing out she hadnāt won anything lately ?
ck-monroe.7961/post-1991094
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Within the space of a hour she has....
1. Asked for people to send her letters to boost her already massive self esteem.
2. Made a very bad joke about grouse hunting and Cummings linked to the current a and e crisis (once again in poor taste and way off the mark
).
3.Tried to wade in on the, in my humble opinion, shitstorm that is the US election. You are seriously out of your depth on that one sweetheart!!!!
just duck off.
1. Asked for people to send her letters to boost her already massive self esteem.
2. Made a very bad joke about grouse hunting and Cummings linked to the current a and e crisis (once again in poor taste and way off the mark
).3.Tried to wade in on the, in my humble opinion, shitstorm that is the US election. You are seriously out of your depth on that one sweetheart!!!!
just duck off.
I'm confused about the timeline (again).
Surely the vast majority of her moves were pre "fame"? She was living with Allegra for a long time, then later with Louisa. Did she move 20 times between them, or were people sending her fan mail before she had even sold her Omega?
Surely the vast majority of her moves were pre "fame"? She was living with Allegra for a long time, then later with Louisa. Did she move 20 times between them, or were people sending her fan mail before she had even sold her Omega?
Some of them definitely have that vibe about them as well, it could well happen.All I'm thinking about now is the Enimen Stan video .Some superfan complaining that they've messaged hundreds of times and had no reply
Just saw this after I replied to message.Like if people actually send her stuff then they're just as desperate as she is...
She's miraculously found a bundle of letters. One fan is asking her whether lentils are a vegetable
Even in her selfie she was being rude. She thinks she knows how to do everyoneās job when she canāt even do her own properly.
aslope?
Sheās routing this through her agent? Why?? Unless she feels the need to prove to her (no doubt long-suffering) agent that she really is much revered and still relevant. Especially as the agent will be well aware that the workās dried up and may be considering whether itās worth their while continuing to represent Jack.
Iām not sure I even believe she had a folder. Call me cynical.
It really is. Some kids of "mommy bloggers" and growing up and outing their mothers as the narcs they are and telling their stories of emotional neglect and even cruelty. Obs not every one is bad but I'm sure it attracts a high percentage of narcissists. I say pretty much zero about my kids on social media, upload the odd pic of them enjoying themselves on a day out for my friends. Usually just on WhatsApp. I can't stand using your kids to get attention
I've triangulated the lever arch file and it's in the bay window.
I think Natalia is Jackās agentās assistant, looking at the UA website.
Speaking of which, Jackās profile on that website hasnāt been updated in years.
Attachments
saves any embarrassment when you call one by another's name..
Looking at that picture again, after some time, one canāt help but wonder how much āworkā to her appearance sheās had done? It looks plastic..
re the positive letter collection thing, how bleeping batshit self-involved can one person be? Jeez, asking strangers to take time out of their day to first write and then post a letter, to you, just so that you can put them in a binder and brag about it on a later date. Itās an illness, probably the one true illness she has but, paradoxically, the only one sheās oblivious to.
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She's moving 20 times right NOW. Does that clear it up?
So she was the 19th most important Gay person in 2014.I think Natalia is Jackās agentās assistant, looking at the UA website.
Speaking of which, Jackās profile on that website hasnāt been updated in years.
That's like putting down I was Netball Captain in 4th year on my CV and I'm 50 now.
Natalia, you need to update your Client's page my love xx
Not to worry, Dear Heart!
Saarf'end A+E has just received a massive funding boost to enable them to cope with the current crisis caused by the Covid pandemic.
*& you know, cover totally unnecessary CT scans and tit*
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