Jack Monroe #72 It’s not a government briefing, you don’t need to announce locking down

[traumatised sideboard]

Hoof

verb (informal)

to kick a ball

I think her usage of 'hoofed' is quite apt since she permanently has her foot in her mouth.

Friends, it is time to give you my review for the final two episodes of DKL. The first thing I noticed in episode nine (putting on my fashion maven hat) is how dreadful and unflattering that denim shirt with puffball sleeves and sparkly embroidery is. At around five minutes in, when they cut to one of the guests on the screen, you can hear Jack stage-whispering 'I don't have my cards'. A consummate professional at work. To put to bed the whole question of chain restaurants, when Jack is talking about how long you could cook her dal recipe for, she herself says 'there is a chain of restaurants in London - Dishoom - that do theirs for twenty four hours'. During a question segment, Jack is asked why beef mince can have different percentages of fat. She helpfully responds 'well it just does, doesn't it?’ I give this episode five gabbled adjectives for dal out of five.

Most of episode ten is completely uneventful. I find myself getting distracted, contemplating whether Jack's heavy breathing and nasal voice quality have anything to do with her adenoids. Perhaps she should add that to her list of ailments. Matt dares to compare Jack to THAT MAN while she is shaking up a salad dressing in a jar. She is quick to tell us that many chefs have used this technique, lest we think that she has any respect for Jamie Oliver in particular. At about thirty minutes in we get a shot of one of her cards, on which she has scrawled the words 'today Matt I'm making a lentil bean + kale salad'. In my weird little maverick brain it makes me think of someone appearing on Stars in Their Eyes in a kale salad ensemble. Add that to the list of potential court outfits. As the series draws to a close, Jack's final words are 'thank you so Matt much, Matt'. The RSPCA turned up on my doorstep looking for an owl in distress. I rate it one wheelbarrow chicken out of five.

I would like to wrap up by saying that for a bunch of horrid harpies and harridans you have been very lovely and welcoming.

Now duck off.

 

[Blurp]

[QUOTE]Captainmouse

Switchstreetz said:
Jack monroe invented pasties, sliced bread and passive aggressiveness thanks, now duck off

You forgot marmite butter[/QUOTE]

She can obviously time travel as that was a staple of school outing packed lunches in the 1970s.

 

[Candytuft]

I foresee a cookbook (ha!) graphic novel style for youngsters.
It’s a terrible idea, no need for it and vastly expensive to produce.
Inspired by Buddy, no doubt.

 

[Pigman]

The original, non comic styled pasta. From about 2 weeks ago.
View attachment 241857

Like for the detective work and not the defective food, filter or indeed no fun food Monroe style btw

 

[NP]

She can obviously time travel as that was a staple of school outing packed lunches in the 1970s.

And Healthy Start vouchers. Let’s remember that fact, vividly.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Has there been many negative responses on Facebook to the comic filter?

She's not going to get any on Instagram because she's limited the comments.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

To put to bed the whole question of chain restaurants, when Jack is talking about how long you could cook her dal recipe for, she herself says 'there is a chain of restaurants in London - Dishoom - that do theirs for twenty four hours'.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

@traumatised sideboard I had to go back and watch the first five minutes to see if I could hear her whispering, I lasted around 30 seconds of forwarded content before it got too much.

However, it’s 2020 and Jack things dressing like a extra from the Steps video 5,6,7,8 is appropriate on national television. it just made me HOOT!

 

[Oofadoofa]

Oh Christ she said something like that didn’t she? A food waste hero or something? Why does she have such tit ideas?

Can’t help but think of the ‘quiet Bat-people’ episode of The Thick of it.

 

[NellieBoo]

I think her usage of 'hoofed' is quite apt since she permanently has her foot in her mouth.

Friends, it is time to give you my review for the final two episodes of DKL. The first thing I noticed in episode nine (putting on my fashion maven hat) is how dreadful and unflattering that denim shirt with puffball sleeves and sparkly embroidery is. At around five minutes in, when they cut to one of the guests on the screen, you can hear Jack stage-whispering 'I don't have my cards'. A consummate professional at work. To put to bed the whole question of chain restaurants, when Jack is talking about how long you could cook her dal recipe for, she herself says 'there is a chain of restaurants in London - Dishoom - that do theirs for twenty four hours'. During a question segment, Jack is asked why beef mince can have different percentages of fat. She helpfully responds 'well it just does, doesn't it?’ I give this episode five gabbled adjectives for dal out of five.

Most of episode ten is completely uneventful. I find myself getting distracted, contemplating whether Jack's heavy breathing and nasal voice quality have anything to do with her adenoids. Perhaps she should add that to her list of ailments. Matt dares to compare Jack to THAT MAN while she is shaking up a salad dressing in a jar. She is quick to tell us that many chefs have used this technique, lest we think that she has any respect for Jamie Oliver in particular. At about thirty minutes in we get a shot of one of her cards, on which she has scrawled the words 'today Matt I'm making a lentil bean + kale salad'. In my weird little maverick brain it makes me think of someone appearing on Stars in Their Eyes in a kale salad ensemble. Add that to the list of potential court outfits. As the series draws to a close, Jack's final words are 'thank you so Matt much, Matt'. The RSPCA turned up on my doorstep looking for an owl in distress. I rate it one wheelbarrow chicken out of five.

I would like to wrap up by saying that for a bunch of horrid harpies and harridans you have been very lovely and welcoming.

Now duck off.

May I thank you for taking one for the team. Because I truly tried my absolute very bestest. But I couldn't do it.

In my defence I was actually working my arse off during the time DKL was aired .

 

[Alansbigplate]

@traumatised sideboard I had to go back and watch the first five minutes to see if I could hear her whispering, I lasted around 30 seconds of forwarded content before it got too much.

However, it’s 2020 and Jack things dressing like a extra from the Steps video 5,6,7,8 is appropriate on national television. it just made me HOOT!

View attachment 241896

She looks SO different. She really doesn’t know who she is, I don’t think

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Oh Christ she said something like that didn’t she? A food waste hero or something? Why does she have such tit ideas?

That sounds amazing, maybe she will want to borrow my 9 yr olds PowerPoint she made for school on being a food waste hero?

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

I need to confess something here. I’ve been holding off commenting much because I’m genuinely anxious that if I get too involved then I’ll get summonsed to court. And then my cover will be blown and you’ll all see that it’s not Regina at all, it’s me, Phoebe. DAMMIT I just gave myself away

For how terrible her clothing choice was, her hair did look so nice on DKL. Very healthy and thick, I bet she has had massive huge regret from about 50 seconds after she shaved her head.

 

[Oofadoofa]

She looks SO different. She really doesn’t know who she is, I don’t think

It’s not only that she doesn’t know, it’s that the person she so desperately imagines herself to be bears zero resemblance to the angry, talentless free-loader that the world sees.

 

[colouredlines]

She looks SO different. She really doesn’t know who she is, I don’t think

Exactly. She's had so many looks, she could be a category on RuPaul's Drag Race (Comic Kitchen Jack being the obvious choice for the skilled makeup artist queens).

 

[NellieBoo]

@traumatised sideboard I had to go back and watch the first five minutes to see if I could hear her whispering, I lasted around 30 seconds of forwarded content before it got too much.

However, it’s 2020 and Jack things dressing like a extra from the Steps video 5,6,7,8 is appropriate on national television. it just made me HOOT!

View attachment 241896

I'm no fashionista, trust me . But I think to be fair the poofy sleeved dresses and tops... or duck it... Frocks and Blouses were a thing in the summer.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Exactly. She's had so many looks, she could be a category on RuPaul's Drag Race (Comic Kitchen Jack being the obvious choice for the skilled makeup artist queens).

Coming down the runway in granny pants and a sagging sports bra, swinging a turquoise leopard print bag merrily from one finger

 

[FeelingGroovy]

She said something on Twitter earlier that she misses her ‘big DKL hair’.

It’s obvious really, that’s why she’s twatting about with wigs etc. As I’ve said a few times on here, she really isn’t a well chick.
The head shaving, the chaos, the madcap trip, the completely world spinning volte faces - not in a good place at all.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

And that bleeping reverse rat plait

 

[Alansbigplate]

That sounds amazing, maybe she will want to borrow my 9 yr olds PowerPoint she made for school on being a food waste hero?

Can’t take you seriously with that bloody photo