Jack Monroe #428 Hold me closer, tiny grifter

[EllaEm87]

She’s so not a hippy though.

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Nah, probably just trying to glom off someone else’s personality again.

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Exactly. I’m a bit older than Jack and have lived in nearly as many houses as her. We have only ever owned one dining table, and that’s one we inherited from my Harold’s parents when they moved abroad! 6 seater (5 person family), because who the hell has room for a 14 seater dining table unless they live in a massive country pile (or a crappy bungalow)?

6 seater here also that I've had for more than 25 years. I find it difficult to believe that Jack could actually find 13 other people to willingly sit at her 14 seater and share her frankly disgusting and inedible cooking, so was probably listed as "as new".

 

[ChactFecker]

14 seater Dining table? dafuq.

this is like her portion sizes,

One Bowl of porridge - feeds 4 and enough leftovers for tomorrow.
One dining room table - seating for 14 - or 6 if you actually want to move your arms.

 

[Captainmouse]

I too was an early reader, my reception teacher apparently told my mum she thought I’d go to Cambridge or Oxford one day. Needless to say, I (actually went to a ex polytechnic) had the last laugh.

I didn’t go anywhere

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Also, is it possible she hasn't been paying her rent and hence the urgency of this move?

 

[hoopdedoo]

She’s so not a hippy though.

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She went to Glastonbury and camped when she wasn't snatching up freebies in the VIP tent ! She busked in Camden with Billy Bragg and probably got donations in exchange for not singing any more ! She's SOOO alternative DO YOU WANT HER TO STOP BREATHING??

 

[mince]

Tonight I am learning I should read some Stephen King. Any recommendations to start?

You’ve had some good recs. For a classic of not overwhelming size I’d go along with The Shining. Different enough from the film (which I love) that the book scared willies out of me even though I was really familiar with the film. Plus, I read it in SOUTHEND, which has to count for something.

 

[ContentCrunch]

At least Liberace showed a degree of style, even if it wasn’t to everyone’s taste.
we’re talking about a woman who was into Denby and Wedgwood in her 20s, and a load of nothingy wooden furniture to hide thousands of plates. There’s no expression of personal style ANYWHERE.

ETA: Molly has shared this in her most recent update and I’m sat in the hairdressers laughing at the idea of a 4yr old Jack reading Catherine Cookson or Andy McNab’s Bravo Two Zero.View attachment 1741047

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Jack’s giant table reminds me of this.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Yes. Exactly this. It’s one of her most pathetic bullshit lies ever-if you lacked the self control not to put bottles in your basket or trolley then why would you suddenly recover it to hand over a passport with a bleeping note in it? I genuinely cannot believe anyone buys this utter crap.
Also, imagine if everyone did this? Bottles piling up & already busy staff spending all day reading silly notes & putting bottles back and passports with notes getting flashed. Ridiculous

It's nonsense and would only create a really awkward situation with the cashier. It's not down to them to police your sobriety, you're an adult making a purchase and its their job to serve you the goods you're buying. It's your decision whether you want to buy them or not, trying to pass the responsibility over to them to decide whether you can have the booze is a ridiculous thing to do. Though it's bullshit anyway and if she did do anything of the sort, it'd be a performance for attention. Surprised she didn't make herself a little badge to wear.

 

[Ooointitot]

What a lovely old person’s room with only moderate smoke damage.

You can almost smell the hemorrhoid cream, fag butts and dog hair. Bet there’s a gazunder lurking in the underbed.

 

[Smol Pixel]

Agree with others Fraus recommendations. Can also add Misery and Mr Mercedes.

Adding Cujo and Bag of Bones

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

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Grunking, but has anyone mentioned yet, that the Smol Ghoul may have been watching too much DIY SOS?

Are we now getting Nick Knowles Jack?

 

[BurgerLaBill]

bleeping hell I've just done some maths on a mortgage for the property posted further back up the thread. A monthly payment based on a 10% deposit is more than I earn in a month (net) before I factor in bills. I don't mean this to sound like a brag, but I do alright and that fucker is out of my price range if I were to buy on my own. She's been coining it in.

 

[hoopdedoo]

What a lovely old person’s room with only moderate smoke damage.

You can almost smell the hemorrhoid cream, fag butts and dog hair. Bet there’s a gazunder lurking in the underbed.

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That was exactly what I thought when I saw it. Why would you take a room with such terrible lighting and make it worse with a dark bed and a dark throw blanket?

 

[EllaEm87]

Also, is it possible she hasn't been paying her rent and hence the urgency of this move?

Just mithering, your honour. But she seems the type to think her rental payment obligations are over the moment her notice is in, she’s been quite blasé in the past about putting it out there that she’s “missed” rent. I’m sure as soon as the notice letter is in the standing order is cancelled.

 

[ChactFecker]

I am reposting this for no other reason than I just want to.

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(Left: Jack's Instagram photo. Right: Same photo but with her real face photoshopped on to it)

Thanks x

You can't unsee it!

 

[Lucky Escape]

You can't unsee it!

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The left-hand picture is still the scariest...

 

[Snotbuster]

It's all very strange, as ever. Why would you give away rather than sell all the stuff when you're struggling? My guess is -shocker- she's lying. Then, when the items appear in future photos it can be explained away by saying the piece in question was only resting at friends house.

Also, don't forget - she has GOALS, babes, GOALS

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Does Jack understand that everything written about her that 1) she doesn't like or 2) isn't entirely accurate doesn't necessarily rise to the level of libel? Damn, gurl, you got lucky once. Don't tempt Dame Justice to smack your ass down.

Rhetorical question, obviously, but why is it that she always has present everything in a "they're always trying to do me down" frame? My experience of reading at a higher than expected level at school was that it always supported by teachers and other adults (not so much by other kids, obviously).

If the man is keeping you down, then you don't ever have to examine the depths of your own soul for flaws. As for reading adult books, I turn to A Fish Called Wanda:
Wanda: But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: [superior smile] Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

What a lovely old person’s room with only moderate smoke damage.

You can almost smell the hemorrhoid cream, fag butts and dog hair. Bet there’s a gazunder lurking in the underbed.

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Idk if this is a niche reference but when you’re going through Rightmove a lot of properties are probate or PoA and have the expected tell tell signs, but then some of them have this weird creepy off vibe and it’s all a bit strange cos there’s so much stuff so someone’s living here but also at the same time surely no one could actually live here with such visible dilapidation then you scroll down to the copy and it’s an auction only investment opportunity because of severe structural problems and the house comes with all the tit tatty furniture to boot? It’s giving urban explorer forums content.