Jack Monroe #428 Hold me closer, tiny grifter

[hoopdedoo]

Omg sorry to quote self but have found the perfect example to illustrate this vibe -

Check out this 3 bedroom detached house for sale on Rightmove

3 bedroom detached house for sale in Lot 1 - Smithy House Farm, Wincle, Macclefield, Cheshire, SK11 0QE, SK11 for £575,000. Marketed by Whittaker and Biggs, Leek

www.rightmove.co.uk

Like grey gardens vibes? Just creepy af.

The mould on the ceiling kitchen. Not moulding, actual black-spot mould And all the neatly folded kitchen towels and linens among the chaos.

That could be a really nice property for a buyer that has the time and the huge bankroll to do the renovations. The furniture in some of the rooms is beautiful.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Didn't she get followed by a security guard in Asda once or have I started making up Jack stories? I have a vague recollection of something like that, in Jack's version it was because she's a common bleep but in reality it might have been her creepy habit of staring at staff she feels have wronged her.

Wasn’t that premier argument starterRSM in Morrisons? She was subject to racism for being a traveller even though she isn’t

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry to have completely derailed the thread mods lol the point was that Jack’s interiors don’t look far off those you see in literally unmortgageable unlived in creepy af houses.

It‘s so on topic though. It‘s hard to tell if this is from the creepy house you found, or Jack’s.
That even looks like a grandfather’s Creuset pot on the left.

 

[Amanda Lin]

The passport bit is particularly stupid. What does she imagine the cashier will say "I'm sorry but unless you show ID, you cannot put the booze back as approaching the checkout with it is an unbreakable commitment"? Then all the staff gather chanting "DRINK, DRINK, DRINK" and make her down the bottle in one.

Why does she travel about with a passport?
So she can prove her age when buying alcohol
How does one stop oneself from drinking ?
Write a silent shame note requesting not to be served alcohol so that cashiers can step in and stop alcoholics.

The logic is ridiculous

Also if that was me bringing my can’t be arsed and hate work energy, I would simply pick up on the attention seeking nature of note and ignore it.

I mean honestly talk to your loved ones or soup leaving friends, check out staff could not give a f*ck.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

It's the most stupid thing I have ever heard. If I were a relapsing alcoholic I would simply not show the cashier a bit of paper telling them not to serve me and go home with my booze. I am not an expert on addiction but I have noticed that addicts seem strongly motivated to obtain their substance of choice and are good at coming up with ways to do so. Even a moron like Jack could outwit a piece of paper she'd written on herself.

Apologies if it’s already been mithered about, but is she implying that she’s such a small and youthful pixie that she had to show ID to buy alcohol, at which point her piece of paper plan sprang into action? Sadly Jack, babe, we’ve all seen you with #nofilter, and nobody is questioning if you’re under 25.

 

[CarmenGhia]

It is my observation that those who consider their school days as the best of their lives, or still consider them important, were often bullies.

 

[BlendedSlop]

In such a time of economic and political turmoil, it's reassuring to see our most prominent campaigner and activist doing such valuable work.

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

This boils my piss more than anything. My family are fans of vintage furniture and my mum is an absolute specialist - she's found the most AMAZING things for all our houses, which we've mixed with some modern pieces.

Tables and sideboards/dressers are the easiest thing to pick up second hand, and for a fraction of the price. And they look fab.

If you were genuinely skint, you'd know that. You'd never be out of the British Heart Foundation trying to pick up items on a budget.

Coming to this late but when we bought our first flat we were on bones of our arse. My ‘Aunty’ got in touch to day a couple in her village were about to throw out a dining table and 2 chairs, did I want them? I agreed and she pitched up with them in the back of the van - couple of weeks later. Frau’s the table was a beautiful mid-century drop leaf ercol. As were the 2 ercol chairs. 27 years ago these were not considered fashionable. I’ve been offered £400 for the table. It’s going nowhere. A proper design classic not like Jack’s Cotswolds.

 

[ChactFecker]

View attachment 1741916

In such a time of economic and political turmoil, it's reassuring to see our most prominent campaigner and activist doing such valuable work.

Brassed off...

wait, <tin foil hat> are we all living in an as yet unaired episode of Brass Eye?

"Internet grifters: in it for the long game"

 

[Lazarus]

Apologies if it’s already been mithered about, but is she implying that she’s such a small and youthful pixie that she had to show ID to buy alcohol, at which point her piece of paper plan sprang into action? Sadly Jack, babe, we’ve all seen you with #nofilter, and nobody is questioning if you’re under 25.

I thought this too, but if this was the case, was she:
a) taking her passport because she would be ID’d for alcohol
b) taking her passport for unknown reasons not relating to buying alcohol- in that case, why?
c) she either needs her passport for ID to buy alcohol or she has a note to say don’t serve me alcohol, I’m an alcoholic
Why does she need the note, and the passport?

 

[HotesTilaire]

Sorry to have completely derailed the thread mods lol the point was that Jack’s interiors don’t look far off those you see in literally unmortgageable unlived in creepy af houses.

Who had the wolf bedspread pic? That was terrifying and bizarre

View attachment 1741916

In such a time of economic and political turmoil, it's reassuring to see our most prominent campaigner and activist doing such valuable work.

Oh that’s such a heartwarming tale of desperation, devastation and attempted

Spoiler: Trigger warning death

suicide

 

[matchakitkat]

It‘s so on topic though. It‘s hard to tell if this is from the creepy house you found, or Jack’s.
That even looks like a grandfather’s Creuset pot on the left.

View attachment 1741869

Ooof, this makes my heart hurt cos people actually still live in there

On topic, I only just realised it’s not a weird hidey hole.. they’re only stairs like in the crappy bungalow!!

 

[Amanda Lin]

I thought this too, but if this was the case, was she:
a) taking her passport because she would be ID’d for alcohol
b) taking her passport for unknown reasons not relating to buying alcohol- in that case, why?
c) she either needs her passport for ID to buy alcohol or she has a note to say don’t serve me alcohol, I’m an alcoholic
Why does she need the note, and the passport?

For this reason:

Cashier: Are you Jack Monroe? Famous internet grifter activist!
Jack: Boo I guess
Cashier: Thankyou fkr everything you do, but nae Whiskey for you pal. Let me take those bottles away and swop them for some hoops

 

[ChactFecker]

If she really wants a dream home, the house from the Goonies is apparently for sale.



Off you pop Jack, see how far you can grift in in the states and leave us alone

 

[Limey]

Coming to this late but when we bought our first flat we were on bones of our arse. My ‘Aunty’ got in touch to day a couple in her village were about to throw out a dining table and 2 chairs, did I want them? I agreed and she pitched up with them in the back of the van - couple of weeks later. Frau’s the table was a beautiful mid-century drop leaf ercol. As were the 2 ercol chairs. 27 years ago these were not considered fashionable. I’ve been offered £400 for the table. It’s going nowhere. A proper design classic not like Jack’s Cotswolds.

Am very much here for the vintage furniture phase of Tattle *pulls up freebie kitchen chair which is now a fetching shade of mauve*

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Who had the wolf bedspread pic? That was terrifying and bizarre

Do you mean this one? There can’t be too hideous animalo ones surely? (I mean it’s Jack so I know there absolutely can) I asked Not-Caroline of the hands to clarify once and for all if it was a deer, llama or kangaroo but she didn’t tell me out of SPITE because I said I didn’t believe she was COTH

 

[hoopdedoo]

Does Jack even know what "Brassed Off" is about? There's plenty of potential for bickering there. "Those lazy miners should accept that their industry is dying. They should go out and get real jobs instead of faffing about with musical instruments."

 

[Cookiecookie]

Also how juvenile to count your rooms…? I’ve got no idea how many rooms my house has because I’m not a braggy brat? Who bleeping cares, do you count the upstairs hall as a separate room from the downstairs hall?

Also, you can fudge it a bit if it's open plan, like my house is. Jack does like counting things though, for all that she's really tit at maths. And, her hallways are big enough she's managed to turn them into various reading rooms and sleeping areas before.

 

[hoopdedoo]

I thought this too, but if this was the case, was she:
a) taking her passport because she would be ID’d for alcohol
b) taking her passport for unknown reasons not relating to buying alcohol- in that case, why?
c) she either needs her passport for ID to buy alcohol or she has a note to say don’t serve me alcohol, I’m an alcoholic
Why does she need the note, and the passport?

She doesn't drive (allegedly) so maybe she doesn't have a driver's license for photo ID if she gets carded. That's all I could think of.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Do you mean this one? There can’t be too hideous animalo ones surely? (I mean it’s Jack so I know there absolutely can) I asked Not-Caroline of the hands to clarify once and for all if it was a deer, llama or kangaroo but she didn’t tell me out of SPITE because I said I didn’t believe she was COTH
View attachment 1741964

What is it? Is it a Roo? A sheep? Why is it on the pilllooooooows