Jack Monroe #428 Hold me closer, tiny grifter

[Lazarus]

I knew there was one before

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Nothing of SB’s there either.

 

[jenny2603]

Yes. Exactly this. It’s one of her most pathetic bullshit lies ever-if you lacked the self control not to put bottles in your basket or trolley then why would you suddenly recover it to hand over a passport with a bleeping note in it? I genuinely cannot believe anyone buys this utter crap.
Also, imagine if everyone did this? Bottles piling up & already busy staff spending all day reading silly notes & putting bottles back and passports with notes getting flashed. Ridiculous

The passport bit is particularly stupid. What does she imagine the cashier will say "I'm sorry but unless you show ID, you cannot put the booze back as approaching the checkout with it is an unbreakable commitment"? Then all the staff gather chanting "DRINK, DRINK, DRINK" and make her down the bottle in one.

 

[hoopdedoo]

In her head she lives in a Richard Curtis movie.

Perfect description.

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

And moving into a 1 bed flat with a soon to be teenager? Right. I mean, it’s dedication to the cosplay if she does, because WHAT a comedown. HOW can she be this tit with money with all this free cash coming in? Like, unnecessary designer crap aside I think most of us actually have it better than Jack at this point (a house with at least enough bedrooms, no CCJs, a car maybe, no-one accusing us of fraud?!)

Do not worry, dear heart. The 1 bed flat will have a secret second bedroom, of that I am sure.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Do not worry, dear heart. The 1 bed flat will have a secret second bedroom, of that I am sure.

And a secret shed in the back yard, and a secret library, and a secret set of stairs with a landing that is perfect for a small work-at-home office, etc etc

 

[Fleasyweezy]

Probably worried about getting the dried slop off of them. Don’t worry hun, just needs a flash wipe, bit of elbow grease, and an industrial sander.

Anyone suspect she’s drafting in ‘friends’ for the move because any removals company turning up to do a quote would look around with horror and then suddenly become completely booked up for the next six months?

Or have seen her social media & became worried they would be paid in lightbulbs

Or have seen her social media & became worried they would be paid in used lightbulbs

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Cashiers feature in her stories a lot don’t they? Is that because they are the only poors she has to interact with?

 

[Lucky Escape]

Impressed with the Fortnum's hamper - twice the size of the one we found in a neighbouring street the other week (empty, obviously).

It's about 25 times the size of the one I got recently for a five year work anniversary - I feel I should be complaining to my HR department!

 

[jenny2603]

Cashiers feature in her stories a lot don’t they? Is that because they are the only poors she has to interact with?

Didn't she get followed by a security guard in Asda once or have I started making up Jack stories? I have a vague recollection of something like that, in Jack's version it was because she's a common bleep but in reality it might have been her creepy habit of staring at staff she feels have wronged her.

 

[Reagent]

BIB the narc will tell you you deserved it for showing weakness, just like the narc thinks the people they scam deserve it for being stupid enough to be scammed.
I mean why worry when she's clearly bouncing around the bungalow and definitely not furious like the other *checks notes* five times the daily mail had the temerity to challenge her


It's a book advance humblebrag as well but just a drop in the ocean compared to explaining the other 21 (!!!) pieces of similarly spenny Cotswold Company furniture.
But while we're on a dining table mither, this first pic with the smirk is just *mwah* chef's kiss. What's irritating is the realisation this is a great metaphor for her grift-funded lifestyle over the past 10 years, she's lived to materialistic excess through her 20s to her mid-30s.
Even worse than that, in poor taste

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14 seats, all usable

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A parting shot, not sure how she'll manage the performative patreon reward snaps without such a massive table

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That bookcase is my aneurysm. What philistine sorts their books by cover colour? Just helped my dear SiL shelve 20 of about 40 boxes of books into her new house today, we shelved them by author, subject, read, to read. Anything but colour!

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Oh goodness, that's triggered so many memories. In the last year of primary school my teacher had a stash of "proper" fiction, so those of us who had exhausted the school library were able to get stuck into Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights. But my secondary school didn't have much fiction, and I was far too awkward and self-conscious to go to the "teen" section of the public library when I wasn't yet a teenager.

So I started on my parents' bookcase - George Orwell's '1984', Philip Larkin's 'A Girl in Winter', a William Golding novel about a sea voyage filled with bullying and buggery, Sylvia Pankhurst's memoir. Too much, too soon for a fairly sheltered 11 year old.

Discovering Stephen King a few years later re-kindled my love of reading - I remember feigning illness one Monday because I hadn't quite finished 'The Stand' over the weekend. And it was sweetness and light compared to my parents' books...

If Jack was seen as being precocious - labelled as being gifted, and then pushed too hard - I could well imagine her having a similar sort of experience. I wonder if that might be part of what caused her to go off the rails as a teenager?

There was a "library" of donated books at the social club when I was 8/9/10. So I mostly read Readers' Digest, Agatha Christie, Barbara Cartland, Jean Plaidy, some random Westerns, and Jaws.

 

[ScamSandwich]

Late to the party but for the Netflix doc I would go all thrifty and wear my court outfit.
#scamsandwichhacks
...and dress up as a giant sandwich.

 

[hoopdedoo]

That bookcase is my aneurysm. What philistine sorts their books by cover colour? Just helped my dear SiL shelve 20 of about 40 boxes of books into her new house today, we shelved them by author, subject, read, to read. Anything but colour!

Ahem. That is called "rainbowising" and is pushed heavily by the shrieking ladies who star in The Home Edit on Netflix.

Cashiers feature in her stories a lot don’t they? Is that because they are the only poors she has to interact with?

And now if she uses the self-serve checkout she won't have to interact with them at all! (except in the stories she makes up)

 

[Nonah]

Late to the party but for the Netflix doc I would go all thrifty and wear my court outfit.
#scamsandwichhacks
...and dress up as a giant sandwich.

Ooh I think I’d like to play the part of the sadly sold dinosaur toy in one of those big inflatable t-Rex costumes

 

[colouredlines]

She says that her moves have historically been ghastly processes.

I feel that this may not be ~entirely~ true.

Didn’t she move into the crappy bungalow with Louisa? Surely that would have been a really lovely time? What about the move into the executive flat? Or the move into the less damp crappy bungalow?

Like the TCC advance and the 14 seater dining table, there are screenshots that would provide vital evidence here to show that she is, cough, lying, but I am watching shite in bed and cba to look.

When Jack moved in 2012, she was thrilled: https://web.archive.org/web/2012101...djack.com/2012/10/08/moving-house-in-a-yaris/

When Jack moved in 2014 (first time) she was thrilled: https://web.archive.org/web/2014010...other-hall-and-another-hall-and-another-hall/

When Jack moved in 2015 she was thrilled:

When Jack moved in 2016 she was...you get the gist:

2018:

2019:

Sorry, I should really have put a trigger warning on all those ghastly traumatic processes.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Tonight I am learning I should read some Stephen King. Any recommendations to start?

 

[Lucky Escape]

When Jack moved in 2012, she was thrilled: https://web.archive.org/web/2012101...djack.com/2012/10/08/moving-house-in-a-yaris/

When Jack moved in 2014 (first time) she was thrilled: https://web.archive.org/web/2014010...other-hall-and-another-hall-and-another-hall/

When Jack moved in 2015 she was thrilled:

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When Jack moved in 2016 she was...you get the gist:

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2018:

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2019:

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Sorry, I should really have put a trigger warning on all those ghastly traumatic processes.

"Another suitcase in another hall" - wasn't that the phrase she used to announce the departure of OH? Really weird seeing it here used in the context of being overjoyed to move in to the crappy Bungalow together with LJC.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

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I just have so many suggestions for this guy, that I need to refrain from. ETA: but by all means, put that child off cooking for life.

Get him a cookbook by a child cook such as Omari McQueen you stupid duck. Kids relate to kids better.

ETA that was aimed at the squig, not you dear @overdueanadventure

 

[Hold my beans]

Crikey, bit of a contrast between the kitchen in 2019 to how it is now.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Tonight I am learning I should read some Stephen King. Any recommendations to start?

Christine, The Stand, Salems Lot, The Shining...