Jack Monroe #409 Send product or refund or admit you're a blatant rip off

[heretoreaditall2019]

A thrilling Saturday night for this certified cool girl - but micro update? September payday opened on 755 subs, we know October payday is TBC but with it currently at 703,

* 22 gained in month
* 74 lost in month
* a net of 52 subs lost
* record breaking churn of 6.9% The next highest was 4.4% which happened in 3 months pre Nigella!

On how much she’s lost, taking the total losses of 74 and assuming everyone is on the £3.50 tier / highest fees of 12% that’s at least £227.92 out the window. This also assumes that everyone is a monthly subscriber, potentially if some annuals had left she’d be significantly more down / 10.5 subscriber months out of pocket (she gives annuals a 15% discount, generously!).

If she continues to experience these high levels of churn she’ll be back to pre-Nigella levels (~240 subs) in 15 months. This is ignoring the huge fall we’d expect to see +1 year from Nigella where ppl signed up to annual subscriptions. Assuming 25% of the 485 Nigella acquired subs were annuals who chose to cancel that would give Jackie just 15 months left on the platform full stop really, she’d be down to just 55 subs by Jan 2024. Makes u think!

 

[MoistenedGussets]

I think you'll find that's ten pallets. Who amongst the haterz/abuserz can say that?

View attachment 1619255

She ordered 10 pallets.
Now here she's made a spelling error..
she's missed out a T and an E.

She delivered 10 loads of her cooking and people were just a little palled. Not palled enough to become Appalled, just palled enough to be pall-ettes..

I'm talking bollocks and making up my own words.. that's my Saturday nights.. woo

 

[OhHeck]

Just another normal day in the normal life of Jack Monroe.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

She's going to be on Xanga via Livejournal and Linkedin within 48 hours. If we're lucky we'll get a little VampireFreaks Jack as a treat.

 

[jenny2603]

Yes, quite.

 

[Dogmuck]

if she keeps burning through platforms like this she’s going to be internet homeless fairly soon.
Is AOL still live?

only 703 Patrons remaining Jack, this is going well

Only place left for her is gonna be here on her alt account giving it “state of those fkng nails…but ngl she does so much good and I made her chickpea and peach curry and it was delish”

 

[NellieBoo]

Good evening Nefarious Ninnies, Asshats and tiresome pricks! I've been BUSY so not posted here for a while, still keeping up with the threads though! I see Jack is speaking her truth on Insta today and it's going SWIMMINGLY .

Hi Jack! If your dog has been in the sea today, I hope you've now given her a nice bath to wash out the sea salt. As a ~literal~ dog expert you'll know what happens if you don't as it already has . Mind you, personally I think you are blowing out of your mediterranean arse when you say she's brushed daily and groomed fortnightly by a dog grooming specialist. But you know best, as always.

 

[Mr Krabs]

if she keeps burning through platforms like this she’s going to be internet homeless fairly soon.
Is AOL still live?

only 703 Patrons remaining Jack, this is going well

Quora would be the perfect platform. It’s full of people who think they’re literal experts.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

FFS what a clown. Jack you neglect the poor dog'd grooming, just admit it you stupid slop gibbon.
Also really the mice scratching Cooper's nose. As if a beast of a cat like that would let mice near his nose. He bullied the poor kitten. Also mice have tiny claws, they are not strong enough to inflict such marks.

Anyway, I figure in those clown photos, Jack looks like a clown or a ventriloquist's dummy.

 

[Julia Edwards]

Let’s not go there.

Last Tango in Sarfend

 

[NellieBoo]

Only place left for her is gonna be here on her alt account giving it “state of those fkng nails…but ngl she does so much good and I made her chickpea and peach curry and it was delish”

I genuinely think she should give tiktok a go. It would be ACE.

 

[Nonah]

Last Tango in Sarfend

Is the username @bitgauchedarling taken?

 

[Notaninstamumeither]

Mate, she’s done it. Completed social media.

completely fucked herself over on all platforms.

 

[Schrödingersimmigrant]

Sorry I missed that but do I understand roght something happens if patreon goes below 700?

 

[houseofhoop]

I do thank you. Shes been gone 4 years now but I still miss her gentle heart

Oh I’m so sorry

 

[Bugger13]

Sorry to go back to this, it's the Patreon comments again. This is the reply to multicolour squig's message, I missed it last time. It's the same person that was requesting a refund. Spoilered in case frauen/herren want to skip over.

Spoiler: Patreon squigs

Squig 1
View attachment 1619257

Squig 2 replies
View attachment 1619250

Squig 2's original post
View attachment 1619258

Can all the other Patreons see these messages? They clearly don’t ever check in/have forgotten about this so it’s just a countdown to when their cards expire

 

[OwlChampagne]

I think she's referring to Instagram as her nice thing

Definitely. She means "why won't you just let me have adoring messages from my sycophants? Here I am not bothering anyone, (except all the people and animals I come into contact with and everyone who gives me money for nothing in return,) and you won't just let me live a quiet life being sucked up to on SM. You are bullying me with your comments based in reality."

 

[OkTinkerbell]

I can’t believe I’ve been writing for 12 hours today but have still had less of a nightmare Saturday than Jack?

FYI hun, there’s no point in spending £££s on lumpy lip fillers when they still don’t conceal your hideous, greying gums. Ta-ra.

One of my friends had a tiny bit of Botox above her upper lip to fix a gummy smile just like Jack’s. I’m sure Jack goes to a literal esthetics expert who no doubt also has several other part time jobs I'm surprised they haven't suggested it to her.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

View attachment 1619023

New Instagram story. Oooooooh.

It’s been ages since we’ve had a “now duck off” isn’t it! Next post some slop, Jack. Or howl and claw at something, bring back all the classics. Pure raging Jack might be my favourite Jack, really shows her true colours perfectly.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

So changing the subject completely but something in her buzzfeed article I posted earlier rang a bell so I went off looking. It’s fascinating how she trashes her exes in a very similar way. One could almost suspect these might not have actually happened, in fact…

Spoiler: Her memory for stories she’s told is shite.

So this is from Buzzfeed in 2016 and is about the ex she was with when pregnant with SB in 2010. Jack has confirmed she is “Sam”

And this is from the article in 2020 where she spouts that bullshit pretty woman story about buying the two Burberry jackets ‘five years earlier in 2015’. So this ex was Allegra. Sound familiar though?

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...es-it-weve-got-the-receipts.5627/post-1204970 link here to article
BTW renowned “butch” Britney Spears also had that same Burberry jacket. Silly twit. (Jack, not Ol’ Britters)

And now we get to Old Harold who after he dumped her was exposed as a homophobic tattoo hating bigot who hated her lesbian clothing yet who devastated her by leaving, “smashing her heart into minuscule pieces”.

LJC is fortunate that Jack only publicly blames her for stiffing Jack by LEAVING poor Jack to pay a huge rent all alone and be stuck the most unfeasibly long lease in rental history. Oh and also as one of her two “recent exes” in the tweet above, of not liking her tattoos and wanting her to be “done with all that”.

Nobody likes your tattoos but you, Jack. They’re tit. As tit as you are at lying and keeping your story straight, in fact.

ETA she’s very fortunate that the two in the public eye (who both apparently paid for expensive rehab for her) keep a dignified silence, unlike her. Cos I'd love to hear some of the tales Leggy and Louisa had to tell.