Jack Monroe #382 Any thicker she’d set (unlike her white sauce)

[skronkywildcat]

View attachment 1543031
What is that row of weird baby tit green balls?

Tiny teething necklace?

 

[jenny2603]

On a mega-grunk so apols if another mithering ninnie has said this but why does she have thinly-sliced arseholes on her ‘food’?

View attachment 1543062

I think the arseholes are the elderly radishes. I don't know why she is like this.

 

[NeoCortex]

On a mega-grunk so apols if another mithering ninnie has said this but why does she have thinly-sliced arseholes on her ‘food’?

View attachment 1543062

Asda sausages m8

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

"Tonight, on Can't cook, Shan't cook...Ainsley, I, Jack Monroe self professed saviour of the poor will be cooking...

Peaceful oat goblins, with ready brek and a light vinaigrette. Topped off with mushed avocado and capers.

For the main- Authentic Greek pizza, with a base made out of flour and blended, mushed, spaghetti hoops. Sauce made from tabasco and ground tobacco. And the topping being half a tub of lard mixed with powdered cheese and pickled herring.

For dessert I present to you...Warm ice cream, defrosted, refrozen and then heated in the mee crow wah vey, with prunes and foccacia bread. And a sprig of parsley."

PEACEFUL OAT GOBLINS!! That’s it, Marjory - I am DEADED

 

[Onestorytoomany]

SB is sitting on the sofa, like he's a polite guest, my 11yr old nephew lounges with his feet up and I know used to lie around with my feet up at that age. I feel very sorry for SB, especially if he's noticing whether Jack is happy or not, I honestly never thought about my mum or dad's feelings at his age, because I was so secure around them and protected by them that I never needed to have any awareness of their feelings. I didn't have to protect them or modify my behaviour because I was scared of what might happen. I hope I've articulated that properly, I wasn't a naughty child, I just felt so secure that I never needed to worry about my parents and no child should have to.

I have two kids, they use my house like a doss house, no joke. I keep telling then when they are bigger i am coming round theres and eating all their food and trashing their living room with cushions and blankets and taking over the telly.

 

[Geetbo]

I think the arseholes are the elderly radishes. I don't know why she is like this.

I think I would rather eat pickled anus than any Jack recipe.

 

[Sparemethebollocks]

This is bleeping hilarious. Look at the dog wistfully looking at the houses opposite where sight is possible. Surely a piss take-then again we’ve had some like this previously that are earnestly serious. Remember Brenda’s sausage?

He’s eyeing up Monroe’s periwinkles and contemplating pissing all over them for being fed a tit risotto.

 

[Pimpinella]

Just grunking the last lots - so 35k tweets deleted eh? That says one of two things to me (a) wants to act the victim in anything legal - too late, it's out there and anything legal WILL mean disclosing her filthy lucre and (b) she has been TOLD be somebody to get those off ASAP or else.... now the question is mum and dad or agent???? Hmmmm I'm going with agent. Parents are used to it, agent has their own rept to think of and nobody wants an association with a complete plank... right off to make dinner.... it will be edible...

 

[AyiaKnacker]

Fraus, you have inspired me to cook. (Toast is about as adventurous as I usually get) anyhow, I put the radio on and right now on radio 4 is some programme about British cultural activities (depends how you define culture, but go well pal)are dominated by white mc men, and how that could change. Current segment is about privileged people pretending to be working class in the cultural sector and making up backstories to further their cred. Wonder if our mate will get a mention?
mk u think

 

[Mrs Peel]

Christ alive, she's going to poison them...


HOW LONG DO PICKLED RADISHES LAST?
Pickled radishes will last for approximately 4 months, unopened, in the fridge. Once opened, use within 1-2 weeks and keep refrigerated.


These easy pickled radishes are quick to make and will enhance any food you serve it with. Perfectly sweet, tangy and delicious!

HOW TO PICKLE RADISHES

1. Prepare the radishes: Wash radishes well and remove leaves and stems. Slice the radishes thinly and place in a sterilized jar.
2. Make the pickling liquid: Heat vinegar, spices, sugar and salt in a saucepan until boiling then pour over the radishes.
3. Seal and store: Seal the jar and allow to cool. Allow the radishes to pickle for at least 2-3 days but up to 4 months in the fridge.

HOW LONG DO PICKLED RADISHES LAST?
Pickled radishes will last for approximately 4 months, unopened, in the fridge. Once opened, use within 1-2 weeks and keep refrigerated.

 

[FrankReagan]

Live update from the Important Book Meeting

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

I think Jack Monroe is a very dangerous woman Especially when she is cornered

Never more dangerous than when she is in the kitchen

 

[Mrsoverall]

This is good re class

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Really want to know how many people were on the publishing team.
Imagine a fresh faced intern tagging along to go the house of a famous food writer for brunch only to be served
View attachment 1542820

"these cherry tomatoes taste...interesting" you say weakly.

"Ah that'll be because I fried them" Jack grins like a Cheshire cat as you eye them dubiously.

"In cheese"

<camera pans into horrified pupil of eager intern before fading fully to black>

I can’t look too closely at it lest my pregnancy sickness return, but where is the smashed avocado? Why would you add smashed avocado to creamed spinach? Why do the year old radishes look like she’s pressed them down with her thumb. It’s possibly the most disgusting thing I’ve seen since her placenta oats, but I can’t think about it in too great detail without an anti emetic to hand. Send metaclopromideos.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

So glad i didnt miss much, that lunch looks like a letitia cropley special.

God love the publishers trying to choke that down, they are probably reluctant not too with her current moods!

 

[GrannyOgg]

Why were they there I wonder. Do publishers normally do home visits?

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I just don’t understand why there are so many ingredients and flavours, and all in a confusing order too? Why avo (smashed) AND spinach (creamed)? Why radishes (pickled, aged) AND tomatoes (chilli cheese fried, wtf)? Why egg damply combined with bread?

A better combo that contains many of the original flavours but in a less unhinged way would be regular toast (buttered), avo with chilli flakes, tomatoes sautéed in olive oil and balsamic, with a scrambled or poached egg. No aeons old radishes needed. If she’s desperate to include the cheese and the spinach, you could wilt it down with a bit of parmesan, salt and pepper, but you really don’t need to.

She truly is the insane bunger-inner of all who dare to call themselves a cook.

Avo on toast that's spread with marmite, little sprinkle of chilli flakes or a hot sauce is a lovely thing .

You can keep pickles for that length of time but not with a 50/50 ratio of vinegar to water like she has, you run the risk of it going stagnant . Needs to be full acidity to preserve it for that long.

 

[binkbonk]

Has she ever posted a picture of more than one plate of food?

 

[jenny2603]

Why were they there I wonder

Probably indulging her on some level. They seem to treat her like the company pet. She's probably got pictures of them having sex with farm animals or something.

 

[margaretta]

I wonder if this is the first time the publishing team have eaten any of her abominations.
It must be slowly dawning on them just what they have done.
Like John Hammond at the end of Juarssic Park.

Wouldn’t be surprised if she put a bill on the table
after they’ve eaten or if they’d had a whip-round of cash for her.

I have some friends who work in publishing and if they’d seen the tweet, they’d hurriedly be booking a lunch table at the nicest restaurant in town!