Jack Monroe #301 Jack Monroe Cheap and Cheerless

[colouredlines]

Seems to be the way of it with Jack romances. At first everyone is softly, gently carting her about like a rare china tea set, then the put downs start. I think the way it'll go with OH is it will be uncovered that he's a man in a blackmail attempt involving angry lesbians which Jack will foil by coming out and bravely standing up to the blackmailers. Then the death threats via DM will start. That'll be followed by a Guardian article about gender critical elements in the lesbian community persecuting her about her sexual orientation and gender identity*. Everyone will coo at how brave she is. When that high wears off, we'll have an engagement and endless twittering about how difficult it is to have a queer wedding as the bridal shops of Southend chase her from them premises roaring "traaaazers on a bird, it ain't right". That will be a short lived high and then finally the stories about what a dimwit OH will start before ending abruptly because HE LEFT.


*Not a single criminal charge will be brought against anyone involved in this, chiefly because they only exist in Jack's head.

I'm just praying we don't get something along the lines of:

When I saw the unmistakable two lines, my ovaries lurched and shuddered as if I'd just eaten an entire tin of anchovies. How could I be pregnant again? Whose baby was it: Harold's, or his identical twin Stanley's? What had started as an accidental nuzzle had blossomed into a triangular relationship, with the three of us growing so close we even borrowed each other's hats.

As the months passed, I booked myself in for my first scan at Southend General. The middle class, Tory-voting midwife looked up from her Jamie Oliver cookbook and eyed my tattoos and swollen midriff with disdain, and I distinctly heard her mutter, "Should've kept her legs shut." I burned with the rage of a thousand mighty suns, and vowed that my baby - whether the child of Harold or of Stanley - would someday be brave and strong enough to overcome their humble beginnings, come back to this very hospital, shit in a bag, and leave it on the midwife's desk. That would show her.

 

[RevEd]

Apologies for what may be a longer post. But I really am struggling with Jack's continued assertions that she works 100hours a week, and it's giving me some 'bad mentals.'

Spoiler: TW: Depression, Suicide

As I mentioned previously when Jack talked about her episode in the bathtub, I was once suicidal during my 20's due to work-related depression.

At the time I had a (more than) full time role; complicated further by having 2 people overseeing me who disagreed on the outcomes for my role. I also had another voluntary role at a social project, and was studying alongside it. At one point I sat down with a mentor and worked out I was doing 80+ hours a week, not including things like travel time between stuff.

By doing this I had no time to cook for myself, and was living off lunch at work & dinner from the takeaway (often eating enough to tide me over till lunch the next day). My social life was almost 0 because I had no time, or energy, to see friends or family. And despite some interest I found it impossible to maintain any kind of romantic relationship. This lasted for 2 years, at which point I had to take 6 weeks of sick leave, before ultimately changing roles.

I find it genuinely hurtful that Jack's pretending to do a further 20hours a week than that, and still having time for time away, huge social media sessions, romantic/family meals and even stuff like hobbies (e.g. local election stuff). I was a husk of a person during that period, and lived in a state of constant tension. I fully burned out in the end, and even now I still have some overhanging effects from it.

It's genuinely infuriating that she pretends this is her reality, as well as cosplaying poverty.

I'm sorry for losing my temper about this, but I really don't think she comprehends the damage she causes to so many people online by pretending to cope with what is actually a reality for many people.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

I don't have ADHD. I also can't sleep before important events. It is a very common human behaviour. Stop making everything a medical condition!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Mel Donte]

Bringing this forward from the last thread because I'd hate for anyone to miss it.

 

[Bwidge]

Why you bereft?
Vienetta hats left

 

[Jelly Bean]

Thanks to @Marj24 for thread suggestion. Inspired by a weary Mumsnetter who had the misfortune to watch Daily Kitchen Live.

Well farewell dear thread 300 . Your Vienneta glory will not be forgotten soon.
And Jack chose to celebrate it too. She hosted a huuugge meal (for ten) and served lemons in various revolting forms. It sounded marvellous. She got chairs out of her garage and then nuzzled and tickled random people.

Jack revealed she has been in more than 60 talks for TV cookery shows. But she is just too maverick for them all. So in a bold move she plumped for that other tax dodger renegade Lorraine.
She looks back on Daily Kitchen Live fondly. Ah so do we Jack. So do we.

AOB
Jack still has not paid her taxes.
She still has not donated the Teemill money to the other charities.
She still has not completed the Vimes Boot Index.

 

[Malkiavelli]

Think this tweet from the previous thread needs more appreciation…

What she’s essentially saying is that *everyone else*, think Ramsey, Oliver, Lawson et al, are all charlatans with their meaningless classical training and that the only true genius among them is, of course, herself - though she’s not encouraged to share her genius because they would be “exposed”…

Siri, show me narcissism.

edit: imagine living your life believing this about yourself, having never actually put in any work towards training etc, AND convincing yourself that the only reason that you’re not as successful as those that are trained is because of the fake accent you adopted for another one of your grifts. Jesus.

 

[moldwarp]

@Mel Donte re your question at the end of the last thread - I’ve never been to an AA meeting where hugging is mandatory. There are huggers in most groups I would imagine but they’re not waiting at the door, refusing entry to those who’d rather punch themselves in the face than be hugged.

It’s just another example of Jack dropping in that she’s in AA.

Yes! She’s pissed me off with that, I’m not a hugger and when I first entered the rooms I’d have run a mile of there’d been enforced hugging? People in the rooms are not cultists. They are normal people. If they can see you don’t wanna hug, they won’t hug you. Way to put off newcomers Jack!

Also can we just go back to

This is the sort of scenario that a 15 year old would be called out for trying to tell it to their mates at school. Jack you’re not “too dangerous” for the Beeb. You were on the Beeb. And unfortunately you weren’t very good.

And the BRASS NECK of her saying she’s never chaser telly when she led a 48 hour pile on on JO in order to get on telly! What is she like!

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

I am quite excited for Jack's reaction to Glasgow though because I bet she'll stay within three streets of Central and not go to any of the really amazing bits of the city, and all her opinions about it will be hysterically wrong (as per).

As I supped a double espresso in the historic Counting House*, I couldn't help but smile at the soft, gentle, curious glances I received from the locals, who were called Jock, Tam and Rabbie. Had they only ever seen a smol pixie in the glens of their childhoods? I knew, though, that we shared something that transcended borders. I related to their mournful hymn, 'Donald, Where's Your Troosers?', because I, too, had been questioned about my fashion and identity by my Old Chief, who asked "Traaaaazers? On a bird?" When I joined Jock, Tam and Rabbie at their table, they greeted me with what I understand to be an old Scotch blessing, chorusing, "Gonnae no dae that?"

*for the non Scots, this is a Spoons.

 

[appleskin]

Just caught up and can't help but add this

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Go Henry squigg in the mix!

 

[SkippyDoo]

I’m an actual recovering alcoholic who’s also actually a lesbian*, and I slightly know a guy who very briefly dated JM years ago, before she started saying she was gay. For some time Jack’s endless attempts to make herself more interesting have been a source of low-key amused fascination. Thank you for the thread and the previous ones.

*To be fair, I can’t remember what gender and sexuality Jack has most recently claimed to have, perhaps the wheel has spun around again since I started typing this post??

For me it was easy to tell the OH was a bloke because Jack wouldn’t use any pronouns at all about him. Kind of the reverse of the more traditional days when a person would play pronoun games to avoid coming out; people who claim a certain sexuality for the status rep will play a lot of games to avoid going back in once they’re in a straight relationship. In no way is this disparaging of bisexual and sexually fluid people more generally by the way, it’s all cool — only meant as a comment on attention-seekers like JM and JM’s ilk.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Imagine thinking a love for double denim constitutes a quirky character trait.

Jack and OH leaving The Shitty Bungalow to go to Harvester for date night

 

[colouredlines]

On the subject of rice...

So first of all, she hasn't got a clue. Different types of rice have different properties. It's actually very helpful for literal food experts to explain that, rather than claiming everything is interchangeable...try making sushi with long grain rice and you'll have a sad little pile of grains and a couple of pieces of fish. And Jack, if your risotto is "soupy", you've put in too much liquid. Where I live, the cheapest and most readily available rice is short-grain. I don't try to make a pilaf from it, because much as I like pilaf, that's just not going to work well.

Think of potatoes: if you've ever tried to mash a waxy potato, or make salad from a floury one, you'll understand. And if you don't realise the reason behind that - because some fucking idiot on Twitter is saying "everything is interchangeable!" - you may well lose confidence in the kitchen.

Secondly, dismissing all critics as "food snobs" is offensive and ignorant. Risotto is a word with a specific definition, and Italians (and food lovers everywhere) get pissed off by the misuse of the word to describe something that plainly is not risotto. Here, we get annoyed by British people who insist that chorizo belongs in paella. No. Just like if I, as a foreigner, share my recipe for traditional, authentic British fish & chips, based on a tin of tuna, British people would be deeply unimpressed.

The worst thing, though, is that Jack does exactly what she claims to hate. Remember the trifle incident? Jack made an entire Twitter thread sneering at other trifles, and insisting that the One True Trifle is whatever shit her dad dished up. You can't do that and then act like the Italians are unreasonable for defending risotto. You just can't.

PS one of my favourite cookery writers, Makiko Itoh, wrote this about rice. Look at the difference when you have someone who actually cares about their subject... https://justhungry.com/2007/01/looking_at_rice.html

 

[Pocahontas]

I said ages ago (and this reference is perhaps a little dated - praise beans and all that) that she should just call them all OfJack.

Honestly couldn’t give two hoots about your love life, Jack, if you’re reading this. I just feel embarrassed for you and them that you think nuzzling the jolly green giant’s sibling’s midriff in front of your ‘father-in-law’ is a hootworthy anecdote.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Behind and currently doing toddler books but have push notifications on and omg what in the westborough baptist church is that hair scarf?

Cannot WAIT for tonight’s lols, god bless you canal

 

[NomDeGuerre]

What in the 1970s cult member is going on in her latest pic?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Curve ball: husband just got back, initially refused to eat it as he thought it was crushed up cornflakes. He even made me try some in front of him then refused to (Mark Lewis do you do divorces? x) but he eventually relented… and loves it???? Even went back for seconds.

Thinks it’d be a great sugar substitute in coffees and will use the rest up in his smoothie later apparently. He is an actual troll put on this earth to terrorise me so I’m not sure how authentic this praise is?? He’s just come down again and called it moreish. Maybe this is the second coming of the peach curry?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Grunking here so I apologise if this lands awkwardly.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers in my 30's (In my 50's now) and it took me until just before lockdown to 'come out' about it.
Because of her, I will NEVER tell another living soul.
I find it genuinely upsetting the way she talks about it and us and I don't want people to see me through her horrific lens.