Jack Monroe #301 Jack Monroe Cheap and Cheerless

[colouredlines]

Seems to be the way of it with Jack romances. At first everyone is softly, gently carting her about like a rare china tea set, then the put downs start. I think the way it'll go with OH is it will be uncovered that he's a man in a blackmail attempt involving angry lesbians which Jack will foil by coming out and bravely standing up to the blackmailers. Then the death threats via DM will start. That'll be followed by a Guardian article about gender critical elements in the lesbian community persecuting her about her sexual orientation and gender identity*. Everyone will coo at how brave she is. When that high wears off, we'll have an engagement and endless twittering about how difficult it is to have a queer wedding as the bridal shops of Southend chase her from them premises roaring "traaaazers on a bird, it ain't right". That will be a short lived high and then finally the stories about what a dimwit OH will start before ending abruptly because HE LEFT.


*Not a single criminal charge will be brought against anyone involved in this, chiefly because they only exist in Jack's head.

I'm just praying we don't get something along the lines of:

When I saw the unmistakable two lines, my ovaries lurched and shuddered as if I'd just eaten an entire tin of anchovies. How could I be pregnant again? Whose baby was it: Harold's, or his identical twin Stanley's? What had started as an accidental nuzzle had blossomed into a triangular relationship, with the three of us growing so close we even borrowed each other's hats.

As the months passed, I booked myself in for my first scan at Southend General. The middle class, Tory-voting midwife looked up from her Jamie Oliver cookbook and eyed my tattoos and swollen midriff with disdain, and I distinctly heard her mutter, "Should've kept her legs shut." I burned with the rage of a thousand mighty suns, and vowed that my baby - whether the child of Harold or of Stanley - would someday be brave and strong enough to overcome their humble beginnings, come back to this very hospital, tit in a bag, and leave it on the midwife's desk. That would show her.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

I’m fairly sure that cheap sausages don’t cure arthritis either.

Excuse me, are you a lady doctor? If so, any recommendations?

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I'm just praying we don't get something along the lines of:

When I saw the unmistakable two lines, my ovaries lurched and shuddered as if I'd just eaten an entire tin of anchovies. How could I be pregnant again? Whose baby was it: Harold's, or his identical twin Stanley's? What had started as an accidental nuzzle had blossomed into a triangular relationship, with the three of us growing so close we even borrowed each other's hats.

As the months passed, I booked myself in for my first scan at Southend General. The middle class, Tory-voting midwife looked up from her Jamie Oliver cookbook and eyed my tattoos and swollen midriff with disdain, and I distinctly heard her mutter, "Should've kept her legs shut." I burned with the rage of a thousand mighty suns, and vowed that my baby - whether the child of Harold or of Stanley - would someday be brave and strong enough to overcome their humble beginnings, come back to this very hospital, tit in a bag, and leave it on the midwife's desk. That would show her.

RADIATORS OF SOUTHEND GENERAL, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

 

[trueblue222]

I’m sure I’ve made this point before, as have others: if she was unable to maintain a vegan diet because of health reasons such as arthritis, then it isn't clear why she had to start using other animal products such as pig skin hats and leather doc martens.

I completely understand that veganism is a lifestyle. I also get that she’s a fraud, a massive one. I assume she wears make up that’s been animal tested and hair colour too.

I remember seeing an ex of mine in the pub with his new girlfriend. This is 30 years ago now and when we were dating he had a definite style. He always used to wear chinos and a jacket. Like he wasn’t overdressed but he rarely wore jeans. I don’t ever recall him wearing jeans when we were together. Then he walked into the pub with his new partner and he was wearing a leather jacket and I was like wtf!!!!

He was vegetarian and his vegetarianism was a big thing to him (Im also aware that veggie people eat dairy too)

I just couldn’t believe it. I was really shocked.

 

[Prognosis Negative]

It’s those twins from Belfast that run the Cereal Killer cafe!

Perfect match tbh

 

[trueblue222]

I’m confused as to which book this is? Is this a food one? Is it the poverty stories one? With the Jacks hacks? A food one? Or a combination?

 

[Nonah]

Perfect match tbh

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OK. Enough. I’m delurking for this. This was an April Fool, right? RIGHT?!

 

[trueblue222]

OK. Enough. I’m delurking for this. This was an April Fool, right? RIGHT?!

I was going to say that too.

 

[Cack Conroe]

I’m sure I’ve made this point before, as have others: if she was unable to maintain a vegan diet because of health reasons such as arthritis, then it isn't clear why she had to start using other animal products such as pig skin hats and leather doc martens.

And pearl jewellery, oysters are killed to harvest them.

It’s not true though, her entire excuse for “needing” to quit her “veganism” rests on needing omega 3 for her arthritis. (Walnuts and flaxseeds weren’t good enough, and algae supplements? I can’t remember if she ignored their existence or pretended she couldn’t afford them.) Studies show that omega 3 is beneficial for arthritis, but also show that arachidonic acid in animal based foods is harmful.

So if she really cared about eating for her arthritis, she would still be mostly plant based with omega 3 supplements. And if she was vegan she could take algae supplements.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Sounds like fun

 

[jenny2603]

Sounds like fun

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I imagine Jack thinking sounds like rusty cogs turning interspersed with the sounds of an old fashioned cash register. Like a sinister take on the Are You Being Served theme.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Sounds like fun

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Shame that's bed time for baby cucumber or I might have enjoyed that. I love listening to people who think they are smart.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Sounds like fun

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Thick-in, more like. Amirte, ladies?

 

[trancejunkie]

i'm a bit confused how she's got lumps all over half her face, when lymph nodes aren't in the face

nearest ones are the preauricular

I've even checked a diagram just to make sure

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She’s got a tooth abscess. Have you seen the state or the grey gums? Also it’s her trying to cover up her non filtered/face tuned gub.

 

[trueblue222]

Sounds like fun

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Her campaigning

What kind of campaigning? Cooking slop. Standing outside polling stations. Going to festivals? Actively raging against Corbyn?

Apart from a few foodbank donations what has Monroe done to actively improve the lives of people living in poverty? Nothing. The answer is zero. Squat. Zilch.

I used to post on money saving expert forum and haven’t for years but at least Martin Lewis signposts people and lists offers on his site.

Marcus Rashford did more in 6 months than Monroe has done in a decade and I suspect she knows it.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Just read this article. I think this is what Jack aspires to do, but fails at miserable. https://www.theguardian.com/food/20...ime-to-trust-your-senses-and-cook-intuitively

This paragraph made me laugh

Nosrat says “cooking is all about using your senses” – especially common sense. “If you feel that some combination of ingredients would be disgusting, then it probably is,” says Pavlakis. “Your intuition is telling you something there – the same way as when you leaf through a cookbook, one recipe catches your attention, while five others don’t.”

I think the people featured in the article have a positive, healthy approach to food. But I don't know why lines like this get printed left, right and centre.

Recipes that assume that everyone owns a mandoline slicer, or keeps preserved lemons in the fridge, can make people feel that they have failed before they have even got started.

Who are all these people who feel inadequate for not owning a mandoline? Honestly, if that's you, spend your money on therapy rather than cooking classes. I don't understand why we can't live in a world where Yotam, Nadiya, Miguel and Nigella can happily coexist and you can just choose which approach best fits your life and budget.

The only reason I so vehemently oppose Jack is because she's a scammer and a grifter.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Also it’s her trying to cover up her non filtered/face tuned gub.

Yes that's what I thought. Getting her excuses in first - why she looks nothing like a Mae Martin smol pixie.

 

[jenny2603]

She’s got a tooth abscess. Have you seen the state or the grey gums? Also it’s her trying to cover up her non filtered/face tuned gub.

It's amazing that Jack has been sent off her rocker by such a minuscule amount of fame. If she did get her own series, she'd be Charlie Sheen by episode three.

 

[StringyMango]

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She reminds me of the blatant piss takers I used to work with...

 

[Tabitha D]

She has taken a course in TV presenting

I reckon she’s unteachable. You can’t teach someone who thinks they know it all. Imagine trying to give her even the gentlest constructive feedback. She’d completely fly off the handle.
Even the most capable and successful people recognise that there are things they can learn. It’s all part of your personal growth and development. Without that self-awareness, Jack is never going to develop or improve. She’s stuck at 14 or 15.
And the TV career she clearly craves (and thinks she’s entitled to) is just never going to happen. She’s a difficult watch, and comes across as very unlikeable.