Jack Monroe #301 Jack Monroe Cheap and Cheerless

[blurstoftimes]

can i just echo earlier posters by saying how annoying it is that someone who thinks cooking is such a chore gets paid to be a recipe writer?! i went to a hen party last weekend and offered to cook the dinner for 15 people (including blurst beans!) - i loved being in the kitchen for hours with a glass of wine and having people come in and chat to me while i prepared everything. how can anyone who follows on her twitter want to buy her book i’ll never understand…her hatred of cooking is so obvious

 

[HotesTilaire]

Spoiler: Random merail

Someone I know watched don’t fuck with cats on Netflix (I told them not to because they wouldn’t like it) anyway they didn’t like it but they wanted to see more about “these women sat on the internet trying to triangulate where a blanket was bought” and I panicked and felt seen

 

[colouredlines]

I think OH is real. It's true that Jack took a very long time to get over LJC, but the needy, obviously Louisa-directed posts eventually dried up. She's also no longer pretending to be vegetarian etc. More likely she's found a new victim.

Plus, Jack isn't skilled enough for the very long game; her attention-seeking, needy posts tend to be of the "OMG I'M IN HOSPITAL I COULD DIE" variety. We can see the progression of the relationship - single and depressed in November (dyeing all/a few clothes black), then lots of exciting makeup selfies in December (glamorous look to entice), special date in January complete with cooking poll, lights ON in Feb, and by March we had the first mention of "mother in law". Fast moving for a relationship, but far too slow for Jack if it was made up.

I don't think it's SB's dad, either. No doubt they've got closer since his divorce, but how stupid would the man have to be to get together with a woman who's been lying publically about their son for a decade? I think it's more likely that he's from AA (he doesn't drink, she was posting a LOT about AA while they were getting together).

The anonymity is so she can wrangle a Guardian piece about being a victim of biphobia, evil bullying trolls etc etc.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Let’s avoid going on a sex Jack tangent

Sex Jack, Sex Jack
Please don’t let her come back

Why you puzzle?
Which one Jack nuzzle?

Which be Jack’s lover?
Who OH, who bruvver?

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Is she shooting the sequel to Georgia Church Suppers?

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

“Look, if you squigs don’t ask about OH soon I will film us having live sex and post it on the hellsite!”

Nuzzle involves a nose, muzzle or snout. Scratch the tummy?...nuzzle somewhere else? Mr Soapy D and I do botty kisses (butt to butt, with clothes on you animals!) but I’ve never nuzzled a tum while making dinner.

 

[Veronicaaa]

It comes across to me as a sign that Jack has no friends. Nuzzling the wrong person would be something you'd tell your friends so you could all cringe and laugh about it together, but if you don't have that sort of friendship group then maybe it makes sense to try to recreate the experience on twitter? It's very sad. But my sympathy is limited because if Jack behaves the same in real life as she does online then she probably only has no close friends because she's constantly throwing tantrums and burning bridges.

It just reminds me of the way she talks about SB - like, every story is to show how wacky and quirky *she* is, as seen through someone else's eyes. She never tells a story where she is not the main character, she never tells a story which is about how great and interesting SB is, it's always to highlight her own character.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Today my husband was WFH and on a meeting someone asked him “are you familiar with Iqbal?” and I had to leave the room because I lost it. Even funnier… Iqbal works in forensics. I can’t.

I’m not familiar with Miguel’s work Barbara, but just had a look on his website. It makes me laugh to think about Jack kicking off a couple of years back like “nobody comes for Miguel because he’s a MAN” and it’s like, no, nobody comes for him because everything he makes looks appetising? Also really interesting that the recipes I looked at are for one person. Not so much in the city I live in now, but in my home town when I volunteered in foodbanks like 70% of the clients were single adults, because they’re always the very bottom of the pile for help. For someone who likes to cook but on a really tight budget and without loads of freezer space those recipes seem like a real help and an antidote to the idea that only families could possibly want or need budget cooking.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

She really needs to piss off with this #actuallyautistic and #actuallyadhd bollocks.

So many of us here live with these conditions.

So many of us here work with people with these conditions.

So many of us here have studied these conditions and written academic papers on them.

She is grinding every single gear in my #actuallybrokenmytvbecauseikeptturningitoffatthewall body.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Just so much shite written last night. "Being a Greek" - what, a Greek who was born and bred in England to two equally non-Greek parents? MmmmmK.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

With my husband safely out the house decided to try j0.2g orange sugar. Yet again she’s given me a task with poor yield!

ps have just gone back to see wtf that grey hair is and it’s not there? Harold????

Spoiler: The recipe

This peel is approx 3 weeks old and has been living in an IKEA stacking cup in a cupboard after a day in the gorgeous sun, a pic of the before:

Yummy right? The texture isn’t quite brittle but isn’t what you know a peel to feel like? Imagine this is what sun damaged leather would feel like? Then into the grater it went:

This is one of those circular handle graters that makes life so easy but it was getting jammed so I’d just shimmy it back/forth slightly rather than round. The yield was PITIFUL:

Don’t @ me about my unsanitary wooden chopping board pls usually it’s just used for cheese boards tbf, already had grief from husband for binning his gross chopping boards need to buy new ones but keep forgetting lol

Then got the zester involved:

You can see the zester “sugar” is lighter and provides longer strands. It was easier but also feared slicing my finger as the peel was so small?

Had seen enough / too much by this point. In fairness it did smell nice, which surprised me as it’s not far off a month old? I did hesitate to sample it and this is coming from someone who used to recreationally consume research chemicals bought off the internet. But I did it and idk what to say? Wish I could mail it out and get a second opinion. It tastes like a really cheap sweet I suppose? Like orange flavouring but not pleasant? Feel like MancBee as it’s definitely stuck to the back of my mouth. If anyone wants to bake with it I’m happy to send it you

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Look at these new books by Mills and Boon. I think they were inspired by someone we know.

 

[Cack Conroe]

Angry face because she thinks it’s cute to joke about “SB” parenting her.

Not that it’s true, he’s not there and she’s fantasising. Most mums missing their children would dream about spending quality time together, whereas Jack fantasises about parentification.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

thought you died everything black, pal?

 

[Pocahontas]

That’s the driest, crispiest weave ever. Truly hilarious.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

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That hair and headscarf is like what you'd think A Greek would wear if your only experience of Greece was Mamma Mia 2.

 

[colouredlines]

Oh god, you just know that instead of the usual More jam, Mama? remix we're gonna get special new recipe intros to go with the latest incarnation of Jack:

Hubby loves a hearty shepherd's pie waiting on the table when he gets home from a busy day of work! Who am I to resist that cheeky twinkle in his eye? My budget version replaces mince with my favourite wallet-friendly sausages and uses a tin of potatoes for the topping. The first time I made it, Hubby gave me a big kiss and declared it better than his mum's! Serves 4 (or 2 if one is a hungry fella with a man-sized appetite)

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

@heretoreaditall2019 Ohmygod I am so smol. I am you, you are me, we are us etc.

I am constantly scritching and nuzzling tummies because of my extreme lack of height. My top kitchen cupboards are completely redundant, I flail my arms uselessly near them until my brother-in-law arrives to help me. Then, the tummy raspberries begin.

Spoiler: smol

A woman I work with (who is otherwise delightful) is one of those people who has 'being small' as a facet of her personality. She'll refer to herself as being little in conversation, and how she worries her boyfriend will squish her with his big manly arms.

She is quite thin but she's a lofty 5'5!!

YOU'RE ABOVE AVERAGE HEIGHT, KATHERINE. ABOVE AVERAGE.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

In her likes

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I know I said I didn’t hate her but she really makes it hard.

Spoiler: TW mention of weight loss and depression tweets

Weight management and depression is more than just “drinking espressos for a few days” and “selecting the same clothes”.

Some people when depressed can’t get out of bed, let alone bring themselves to select anything to wear.

Some people in the midst of ED will lie to themselves that they hate lattes or cappuccinos because of the milk but then binge on museli or grapes (because they will need some calories and it is the healthiest thing they can allow themselves). Drinking a few espressos will not in any way “whittle them down”