I love this, its a ten from me
These 2 actually look like my DEAD nana and grandad. Sorry Reg and Joan x
I love this, its a ten from meJack Does Strictly
Week One Training Footage
Jack arrives at dance studio
Jack: "Hey, Aljaz! I'm Jack Monroe, single mother, cook, food writer, author, accidental conqueror of fears, purchaser of luxury goods, Greek, Norn Irish, admirer of Nigella, 5 foot 1.7, puppy brain. I understand I've been put with you cos you're not due a ringer this year and you may have the patience and good humour to cope with me. hahahaha! what am I like? have I mentioned I can stand on my tiptoes for twelve whole minutes? I danced in heels with my bff Marcus, you know? Rashford, that is, Marcus Rashford. I solved the whole free school meals in the holidays with him you know? I don't ever like or retweet his tweets but I taught him everything about child poverty.
now then, what's our dance this week? I'll nail it. once and done, that's me"
Aljaz: (sotto voce)"what the fuck have I been landed with now? Janette, please save me"
Aljaz: (out loud) "Yay! Jack! So great to see you! we're gonna do great! we will be performing (dramatic pause) street/commercial to 'Food, Glorious Food!'"
Week One Live Show
Alan Dedicoat: "Please welcome to the floor,
single mother, cook, food writer, author, accidental conqueror of fears, purchaser of luxury goods, Greek, Norn Irish, admirer of Nigella, 5 foot 1.7, puppy brain, Jack Monroe and her partner Aljaz Skorjanek!!!!"
[please insert your own interpretation of Jack and Aljaz dancing street/commercial to 'Food, Glorious Food here]
Tess: "Wow! The people are on their feet! how does that feel my darling?"
Jack: "well, you know, Tess, it feels almost as good as that time when I launched a hate campaign against David Walliams"
Tess: ".... [Tessbot does not compute] ok. well, get on up to Claud. The scores are in!"
Claudia: "so Jack, have you tried head and shoulders?"
Jack: "I've invented a new one, Claud. out of lard and WD40. it's in the next, next book. whatever happens, I'm sure Nigella is very proud of my journey."
Claudia: "well, the scores are in. good luck Aljaz."
Craig: "Fucking dreadful, darling. ONE!"
Shirley: "It's never too early! For an exit from Shirley! 2!"
Motsi: "I have no idea what that was meant to mean, my sweet. You tried, so I can give you one."
Anton: "Haha! Marvellous! 10!"
Sunday Results Show
Tess: "So we are down to a dance off between Jack and Aljaz doing street/commercial to "Food, Glorious Food" and someone off Love Island and Amy doing a Viennese Waltz to "Industry Baby" will our first couple please take to the floor?"
[dances happen]
Tess: "Our dancers have done all they can. I just need to ask our judges who they want to save tonight"
Craig: "well, I hated one a lot less than the other, darlings. for me, it's the one off Love Island and Amy"
Motsi: "Jack, I loved your high energy, but I have to vote with my heart and save the one off Love Island and Amy
Anton: "Haha Marvellous! It's a 10 from me!"
Tess: "Shirley, you have the deciding vote. whose life will you ruin forever?"
Shirley: "Jack, your feet needed to be entirely more turned in, I don't care how long you can stand on tiptoes and for that reason I'm saving the one off Love Island and Amy."
*Jack howls, collapses to the floor, rips and tears and rents apart cans*
Aljaz breathes a sigh of relief
These 2 actually look like my DEAD nana and grandad. Sorry Reg and Joan xWe deserve I’m a celeb purely for the bush tucker trials. She’ll be like Razor Ruddock who was able to eat the foulest of concoctions.
Us to our significant others when the phone bills come in tho
View attachment 697668
Yes, I think she's realised she's done one beg too many and we, and othersJust throwing a theory out there, do you all think the cabal is ultimately responsible for this new Jack, who is mostly staying off SM and toning down their usual acerbic manner? Not in a bullying way that Jack claims, but, because we keep all the receipts? The original fraus picked apart Jack's story so well, and Jack's own behaviour has only bought more mithering ninnies here. Jack is finally accountable, no more mass deletes, spinning lies nor acting the bolshy big I am, because they're hyper aware of us here, picking it all apart?
It's obvious Jack is obsessed with reading here, they can't even stop themself putting in nods to the cabal. It's like Jack had enough rope to hang themself.
Me too.I haven't been keeping up with JM's antics in ages but this thread title makes me guffaw every time I see it
That thread also has one of the best thread titles.Me too.
I’ve just realised, there might be people who missed one of the most disgusting/funniest moments in Jackstory, and not fully appreciate the thread title.
The horror unfolds here -
Jack Monroe #174 Hold my hoverboard, Lou, the squigs are dying to see my new PJs
But how can you take seriously the claims of a man who seemingly truly believes that heterosexual women (all??) are transphobic because they're not gay, and therefore must be leading unhappy lives and are presumably jealous. Or something like that. And apparently this same general...tattle.life
Wow.Me too.
I’ve just realised, there might be people who missed one of the most disgusting/funniest moments in Jackstory, and not fully appreciate the thread title.
The horror unfolds here -
Jack Monroe #174 Hold my hoverboard, Lou, the squigs are dying to see my new PJs
But how can you take seriously the claims of a man who seemingly truly believes that heterosexual women (all??) are transphobic because they're not gay, and therefore must be leading unhappy lives and are presumably jealous. Or something like that. And apparently this same general...tattle.life
I thought you were having a time travelling jokeQuoting myself to say that of course should read 200
https://giphy.com/8GwsKmGArkwv8pNtVXMe too.
I’ve just realised, there might be people who missed one of the most disgusting/funniest moments in Jackstory, and not fully appreciate the thread title.
The horror unfolds here -
Jack Monroe #174 Hold my hoverboard, Lou, the squigs are dying to see my new PJs
But how can you take seriously the claims of a man who seemingly truly believes that heterosexual women (all??) are transphobic because they're not gay, and therefore must be leading unhappy lives and are presumably jealous. Or something like that. And apparently this same general...tattle.life
Would she manage 2?Jack??
Yes, they're still not up.Are we still waiting for her accounts to be filed?
https://giphy.com/FoH28ucxZFJZuYes, they're still not up.
Lila your ability to find shocking content across a breadth of threads never fails to amaze meToday it's International Beer Day so I've dug out Jack's Beer Bread recipe. Don't read this if you're feeling fragile... it's quite disgusting
View attachment 699249
I bet it's the source of all the ccj's etc too - she just never bothered to pay her bills.https://giphy.com/FoH28ucxZFJZu
Is it possible she just never files anything again? This is like when you’re so late to something you just go back home, you don’t even attempt to make it
Skanky warm spitty beer bread. Yum...Today it's International Beer Day so I've dug out Jack's Beer Bread recipe. Don't read this if you're feeling fragile... it's quite disgusting
View attachment 699249
Also LJC that first sentence is long.
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