Jack Monroe #201 Queen of Sharts

[traumatised sideboard]

It is with a heavy heart I must announce that with the demise of Thread #200 it is time for us to set our kumquats free. We all looked ravishing, rakish and just a little bit ridiculous but they must be released back into the wild to scamper and scurry. Thread title comes courtesy of @SlopAmbsase via @MaineCoonMama please both enjoy your chocolate salame. I'm teetotal so I replaced the amaretto with red lentils, I hope that's alright.

In the last thread:
- we celebrated the two hundred thread milestone. There were kumquats kindly donated by @misshydrangea's salon, cursed GIFs and a dance party that Jack was sadly unable to attend.
- Jack returned to social media to let everyone know that she is an adult and staying away from socials was her own idea and definitely NOT some kind of conditional agreement
- she provided pictures of Mom's chocolate salame made with her son that predictably had very little resemblance to the original recipe both physically and chemically but did you know she didn't use amaretto because she's an alcoholic? Can't believe she's never mentioned that before. This also involved plastering 'the four foot love of [her] life] all over Instagram to rustle up some of that delectable online engagement
- allegedly she made some sort of cheese and tomato filo tart. The cabal are sceptical as it appeared to be largely solid
- Mom remains uninterested in Jack's repeated attempts to get her attention

Poca edit:
Sidey T’s newest sick beat here for those who missed it.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I seem to have performed my own personal chaos and accidentally deleted the non-kumquatted screenshot of my avatar pic! It LEFT. I will now be interviewing 300 applicants for a new one

 

[Switchstreetz]

TS I'm a little worried you're measuring me up for my coffin! ( I know I say your jokes have me deceased to be fair ) I'm 5 ft 6, shoe size 7, do you need me to count my teeth or can I go for a piss and a sandwich now?

Goodbye Kumquat, hopefully we can do nigella hair or reverse rattails for thread 300

(If I disappear after this post you know Jack has triangulated me and I'm in prison. I don't have Alan's skills so imagine this gif says jack monroe )

 

[traumatised sideboard]

@Switchstreetz I just needed to know so that when I post a sinister photo having crept up behind you everyone will know exactly the size of the love of my life in a BOY cap.

@ChickenPorridge would you like to try this one on for size? It turns out there were still feathers stuck in the legs of this poor shrivelled chicken, so glad I saw that just before cooking dinner.

 

[Hollaaa]

 

[discokebab]

Ah TS, although you have done a stunning recap, you are too modest. Toot your triumphant Pet Slop Bots horn and let those who don the recap see what they need to do (that is, rewind and boogie)

I am fairly sure Thread 131 that coincided with January 13th was the thread that Tattle mashed into slop for me and was out of sync for so long I never grunked it. Maybe I should because yeah, that was an intense time to be a Frau.

 

[Flivver]

Thank you for sorting the new thread TS. What chaos awaits for Thread #201?

Molly’s released her kumquat into Grace Bros and I’m pleased to report that it has a new career as Mr Humphrys’ ginger merkin.

 

[hydeist]

Molly’s released her kumquat into Grace Bros and I’m pleased to report that it has a new career as Mr Humphrys’ ginger merkin.

Truly one of the greatest single sentences on a Jack thread.

 

[Captainmouse]

Thank you for sorting the new thread TS. What chaos awaits for Thread #201?

Molly’s released her kumquat into Grace Bros and I’m pleased to report that it has a new career as Mr Humphrys’ ginger merkin.

Mr Humphrys’ ginger merkin. that needs filing as a future thread title

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Thank you for our new thread @traumatised sideboard. Great recap. Must admit I’m going to miss thread 200.

 

[Lanie]

Thanks for the new thread.

What have i missed about to grunk the end of the last thread.

 

[Adayinthelife]

I also cannot find my non-kumquat avatar, so I’m sure you ninnies will agree that my new one is very Jack-propriate…

 

[Orphan_Black]

@Switchstreetz I just needed to know so that when I post a sinister photo having crept up behind you everyone will know exactly the size of the love of my life in a BOY cap.

@ChickenPorridge would you like to try this one on for size? It turns out there were still feathers stuck in the legs of this poor shrivelled chicken, so glad I saw that just before cooking dinner.

View attachment 696378

Helena is game for chicken porridge. Bleurgh!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Ah thread 200, such larks, what jolly japes and other Blyton-esque phrases.
Meanwhile, back in this century, Jack can’t cook, pass it on!

 

[Captainmouse]

Bye bye kumquat, fly and join the migrating flock, just don’t fly over Southend

 

[kachoochoo]

I think in the end, kumquat hair was doing doge a frighten, so she's eaten it

in other news, in my first day back at work brain fog, I typed the words "DOUBLE SLOP" instead of "DOUBLE SLOT" today

 

[Lanie]

Ah thread 200, such larks, what jolly japes and other Blyton-esque phrases.
Meanwhile, back in this century, Jack can’t cook, pass it on!

Jack cant cook, pass it on...

Nor can she tweet without having a paddy.

Pass it on.

 

[FunnyFuneral]

It is with a heavy heart I must announce that with the demise of Thread #200 it is time for us to set our kumquats free. We all looked ravishing, rakish and just a little bit ridiculous but they must be released back into the wild to scamper and scurry. Thread title comes courtesy of @SlopAmbsase via @MaineCoonMama please both enjoy your chocolate salame. I'm teetotal so I replaced the amaretto with red lentils, I hope that's alright.

In the last thread:
- we celebrated the two hundred thread milestone. There were kumquats kindly donated by @misshydrangea's salon, cursed GIFs and a dance party that Jack was sadly unable to attend.
- Jack returned to social media to let everyone know that she is an adult and staying away from socials was her own idea and definitely NOT some kind of conditional agreement
- she provided pictures of Mom's chocolate salame made with her son that predictably had very little resemblance to the original recipe both physically and chemically but did you know she didn't use amaretto because she's an alcoholic? Can't believe she's never mentioned that before. This also involved plastering 'the four foot love of [her] life] all over Instagram to rustle up some of that delectable online engagement
- allegedly she made some sort of cheese and tomato filo tart. The cabal are sceptical as it appeared to be largely solid
- Mom remains uninterested in Jack's repeated attempts to get her attention

Oh dear having begged for my lovely image with kumquat (and being helped by someone utterly divine, thank (space) you very matt much) i fear i know not how to remove it . As i am such a very smol pixie I think i will keep my smol orange dot in loving memory of thread 200 (until thread 400 probably).

I'm OLD and POOR at such skills you mithering ninnies, and i hope you can forgive me. Also in a FUGUE state so am half DEAD. Now duck off

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Did she get onto strictly?

Remember when our lovely insider told us she asked them

 

[FunnyFuneral]

View attachment 696340
TS I'm a little worried you're measuring me up for my coffin! ( I know I say your jokes have me deceased to be fair ) I'm 5 ft 6, shoe size 7, do you need me to count my teeth or can I go for a piss and a sandwich now?

Goodbye Kumquat, hopefully we can do nigella hair or reverse rattails for thread 300

(If I disappear after this post you know Jack has triangulated me and I'm in prison. I don't have Alan's skills so imagine this gif says jack monroe )

That coffin measuring is definitely getting all up in my niche, I'm howling & clawing at the (relatively compared to Jack's) clean carpet