Jack Monroe #200 Yes you can freeze glass jars

[heretoreaditall2019]

Imagine having to eat an entire bowl of citric slop before cycling from Southend to (west?) London, Louisa must have been pebble dashing those A roads both ends bless her

(So sorry to be so crude)

 

[lilamay]

The kumquat hair has reminded me of Syndrome from The Incredibles

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Jesus, I could live to thread 800 and still not be ready to see The Queen of Sharts tie a knot around her chocolate salami

Way too early for a thread title but Queen of Sharts has just got me crying. I used to work with a woman called 'S', never knew her last name until I was doing some returns one day for her and her email address was [email protected]. Miss Hart still has the funniest work email I've ever seen.

 

[BananaSmith]

Do you think vlad would like to join the party?

Yes, absolutely x

Vlad on his trusty steed bechamel

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Recap of thread 199!

Jack came back!

One minute she was tweeting about Crumpet Pizzas
...and in the blink of an eye she was shouting about exploding glass jars and giving birth to a perfect celebratory thread title

She claimed she was going to make “Nigella’s Chocolate Salami “ then realised it contained alcohol, causing a minor chaos


(please add anything I’ve forgotten, this is harder than it looks, massive respect to the usual recappers!)

Spoiler: Housekeeping

Housekeeping





Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.



There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.



New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Lads why have I got this in my A4 folder of gifs wtf was she doing?

 

[Veronicaaa]

The two sloup song (which, bravo!) has reminded me that when asked about her fantasy last meal, Jack said she would eat herself, and my mind is blown anew at that answer. It's a question about your favourite food, what you'd have regardless of expense or fat content or whatever, and I just don't understand what would make your brain say 'actually, I'd eat my own leg, I think it would be delicious'. Like WTF?!

 

[Universal]

Everyone elses hair looks so cool. I went to Toni and Guy and look what they did to me!!!

 

[Blurp]

For some reason, this reminded me of Twat.

 

[Emmapism]

Can anyone explain to me why you would use 'confidence cards' meant for 2 year olds with your 12 year old?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Jack, after acting childishly on the internet for 10 years, constantly announcing breaks but appearing back after 10 minutes because zero self restraint and social media addiction: I took a break and as an adult I can make that decision and stick to it all by myself!!! Meanwhile her followers are wondering who asked

 

[Veronicaaa]

'Holiday hair?' There is nothing wrong with his haircut. Why does she love putting him down?

And why does she say in one post that she's deliberately blurring him and his holiday hair out and then in the very next post she shares a pic of him and his holiday hair???

 

[Alansbigplate]

Has Novak ever been Novak Jack or is that some sort of Jackception?! Likewise can/has Jimmy ever been Jimmy Jack or would the lies prevent it/cause it to combust?!

Also Dominic Jack is akin to the Candyman . Not sure I’ll ever watch that scene in Love Actually with the same level of affection for Andrew Lincoln ever again though . But please don’t ever stop your amazing work Alan .

Errrrr I think this is Jimmy Djokovic and Jack Nail but they are the stuff of nightmares so remained as post it notes on my desk wallpaper

Spoiler: Feel like these need to live behind a spoiler

 

[MooBelle]

NO child should be forced to start any day in the summer holidays with these bloody cards

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i'll just leave this review here

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Ah, so she's got him for the week.
It's the holidays, Dad is working and it's her holiday week with him.
I can't believe someone who lives at the seaside doesn't take her kid there. Granted he is a bit too old for a bucket and spade, but what about the arcades? Or kicking a football on the beach?
No, poor kid is woken up early for some inspirational quotes meant for a three year old.
The week will just fly by for the kid...

 

[Veronicaaa]

Imagining Jack as a forklift driver .....

 

[HotesTilaire]

What I dislike most about these cards is their complete failure to acknowledge structural inequality. Fact is, we can't all do anything we put our minds to and they seem to place the responsibility for success/failure on the child's shoulders. Also, in the wrong hands, they are counter-therapeutic.

Agreed, looks a lot like toxic positivity to me.
Pleased that Jack has beautifully designed, high quality glossy cards - one for every week of the year- to look at with the family, UNLIKE THE THRIFTY SHADE OF BEIGE PATREONS

 

[Flivver]

Don’t forget pescatarian bodybuilder




**With arthritis so bad she was required to shield but also didn’t appear to be prioritised for a vaccine. Speculation mlud

Yes - categorised herself as extremely clinically vulnerable in the early days of the first lockdown and shortly after scampered off to film DKL.

This was one of the turning points for me. That and the kitten. Poor beast

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I thought social media was the love of her life.

 

[Boyo]

I'm very late to the party with my new barnet but it's so lovely to see everyone embracing Jack's follicular challenges.
Is she still writing the book of oppressed people's experiences or the money saving tips one? And has she gone viral yet?
Either way, I hope that no one is harmed in the making of her new tome

I have never read a paragraph pretending to be about others but obviously so self-absorbed.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Did she get Brenda to help with the sausages? Now that I've looked at it up close, the glistening is making me feel quite ill.