Jack Monroe #198 Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!

[Orphan_Black]

Well I have had a great evening. I have been in need of a good laugh, and you lot never fail. I have had tears, proper tears from laughing.

Not sure what our follow up album will be, but it will no doubt be a cracker.

Surely it'll be the Cabal Christmas Hits, celebrating that marvellous feast Jack can cook for all the family on just a brass farthing. (Microwaved turkey optional for the evil viggles)

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I've been waiting for the day Stormzy is 72 years old is 72 years old would show up on here again.

Hahaha it became so legendary every time he’s mentioned on here it autocorrects to is 72 years old.
Jack will not be pleased when she finds this out, no autocorrect for her.

Surely it'll be the Cabal Christmas Hits, celebrating that marvellous feast Jack can cook for all the family on just a brass farthing. (Microwaved turkey optional for the evil viggles)

It’s Christmas time, there’s lots of reasons to be afraid

 

[L3moning]

Autocarrot strikes again

 

[EllaEm87]

As a Frau who enjoys a musical, this has been GOLD.
Bravo, Canal. I gift you all my very best slow cooker slop on this lovely hot evening.

 

[Mr Krabs]

There's a sideboard that is empty
There's a pain goes on and on
Empty tins on Cotswolds tables
Now my Brexit stash is gone

Here I hoarded Sainsbury's Basics
Some I took on the sleeper train
Here I stockpiled for tomorrow
Now my soup's gone down the drain



And here's a song that Jack could sing, with Marcus as her sidekick. No edits needed.

 

[onlysunshine]

At this rate we'll be taking Jack to court for copyright issues.

Cracking job lads. 10/10 would listen again

 

[ChickenPorridge]

"Fongool, I'm ADHD" has ended me @MaineCoonMama and I nominate it for THREAD TITLE

 

[Pocahontas]

Hi!

Don’t cry for me, sweet Louisa,
The truth is, you went and left me,
All through my eggs phase
My fish persistence
I kept your engagement ring
Don’t keep my Brexit tins

Bye!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Fish persistence, ffs. I'm wheezing here.

 

[Emmapism]

Me, bobbing about in a handful of other threads: 'I wonder what the cabal is up to, it's been pretty quiet'

The cabal:

 

[kachoochoo]

the slow cooker blows a bit colder
and we're all getting older
in accordance with Companies House's inventory

Dash's salad just became fertiliser
and the mice became a little bit wiser
and that's why jack relies on certain beans

some things never change
like never answering squigs and
some things never change like
reeling in all the good pay pigs

may her silence last and the cabal laugh last
time's moving fast it's true

some things never change
and Jack's rinsing the beans for you

(rinsing the beans for you)
(rinsing the beans for you)
(rinsing the beans for you)

i'm rinsing the beans for you

 

[Veronicacorningstone]

How could I forget that photo of her pretending to be asleep in bed clutching her framed honorary doctorate certificate? That was a succulent slice of dry aged cringe.

Thankyou x dear heart @discokebab for the forensic statistics breakdown, you shan't be dying on that hill alone. I have previously speculated that if Jack is 5'1.7" then her bodyweight was likely equal to 1 SBQ (or Standard British Queen) at the time of her supposed lift. If you've never benched before then it's difficult to explain exactly how outrageous of a claim it is for a woman to bench press their own bodyweight, especially as part of a general training routine to pass a Fire Service fitness test rather than specifically for powerlifting. I don't even know why she was training bench press. Was she hoping to be able to lay on the floor of a burning building and launch the people trapped within out of the window to safety with the raw power of her pecs?

I only dip in and out of this thread but I felt compelled to tell you that this comment has single handedly tickled me more than any other on this site, I’ve genuinely been sat shaking silently with laughter for the past few minutes. Thank you 🥲

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I feel like I've stumbled into somebody else's surreal 'I ate cheese at midnight' dream. That's why I love it here

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Sadly I only listen to electroslop and avant-garde piano compositions and haven't seen a musical since an enforced viewing of Grease in year 9 music lessons so I cannot fully appreciate the true genius of the musicabal. The lyrics are making me hoot as stand-alone poetry though.

 

[PortiaControl]

Poor, poor, Mackie what you gonna do?
Things look brown for you hey what you gonna do?

Excellent effort tonight from the cabal. crappy kombuchas all round!

 

[Pob]

Hello you mithering bunch of ninnies


You're twistin' my melomine, you know you talk so tit man
You're twistin' my melomine, call the cops

Hey rainmaker, come away from ‘That Man!’
You know she's wants to take you away from your promised brand
Hey good lad she just wants what you got you know
She'll never stop until she's taken the lot
(Hey hey hey hey hey hey)

Gonna stamp and claw out your fire, she can change your desire
Don't you know she can make you forget about her lies
Gonna stamp and claw out your fire, she can change your desire
Don't you know she can make you forget Patreon
You're ‘THAT MAN!’

Now duck off xx

 

[Flash123]

These are fantastic! I seem to have missed ‘slop, glorious slop’ so if someone can direct me back to the post that would be wonderful as I will tipsily try to write one!

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[HotesTilaire]

Christ Alan!!

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Small Speakers Jack is brilliant!

Please please please let there be a big meaty chaos for this weekend's full moon.