Jack Monroe #198 Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!

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For the thread title we must thank the triumvirate of @Peeky_Mink for the idea, @lilamay for the execution and @Hollaaa for the nomination. Your prize is a triple egg extravaganza: cod roe, quail egg and snake egg all mashed up to the point of indeterminance. Perfect spread on toast with a spoon, but only if you have a toaster. You'll know if you do or not, it will say TOASTER on the side.

In the last thread:

- her website issue was fixed, praise beans! It's open season on slop lads, fill your boots.
- claims to have pulled Crunchy Nut-coated chicken out of her ADHD puppy brain. Needless to say she stole it from somewhere else.
- is definitely no longer vegan but refuses to be drawn into discussion about it due to the large amount of abuse she gets over it on the hellsite
- yet to be fully confirmed by Jack saying 'I'M NOT BACK' but she appeared to be fully back over the weekend to prove she is a woman of the people and enjoys watching the kickyball like what all the working class poors do.
- she speculated that her patented method of folding and putting away her underwear led to England scoring.
- she embarked on an excruciating and fatally embarrassing campaign of attempting to get Marcus Rashford's attention, shamelessly exploiting the racist abuse he has sadly been receiving to increase her own relevance. At time of publication, this has completely failed.
- like a volcano she has now mercifully gone dormant so we reminisced about our favourite Jackisms, of which there are many.


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For me I think it was the wallpaper planner, which she said was perfect for her ADHD puppy brain. She spent hours writing out all her outstanding tasks (well she missed most of the ones that we have on our list), instead of actually doing some of the tasks.

It was so successful that it has never been used since.


I have been thinking of my favourite ‘jackisms’ and I have found it impossible to choose just ONE. So here is my top three
- celery. Edinburgh/taking a photo with her tongue 👅
- the £20 a week shop and how performative it was
- ‘you can’t price recipes in pence! You can’t buy 2ps worth of cheese! This doesn’t help’ and then proceeded to write her recipes with such pricing as ‘cheese: 2p’

However, I think a special mention of her story about singing ‘common people’ at The Ivy has to said because it is such an obvious lie.. and it makes me 🦉 and 🍾 every time I think of it.
One of my favourite Jackisms was when she was going through her trans phase (which Jack took about as seriously as every other serious condition/status in her life) and Jack referred to herself or was referred to by a friend as an Unt 😂 Neither of them seemed to realise that the cross between uncle and aunt could be misread. Jack named herself well, she is indeed a CUnt.

Mr Krabs

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The This Morning appearance was a disaster because of her refusal to prepare/practice when people are paying her actual money for her job. She thinks she can wing everything, obviously she can’t.
Yes, Little Miss Maverick Genius is perpetually unprepared - without pre-record and serious editing, she comes across as the incompetent she clearly is.

Anyway - anyone else always jarred by genuine screen shots of Jacks normal face compared to the sunbeam pictures? It is one of the worst cases of photoshopping I can remember.
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