Jack Monroe #165 She’s in a fugue state

[DisgruntledGoat]

Reality: Louisa has bought a smorgasbord of the poshest cheese in Waitrose for lunch, and a gift in the £300-500 range (see Dyson hair dryer, Dyson fan) as well as a few “little” gifts (premium make up; clothes; maybe another pair of hideous trainers). She’s not much in the kitchen so she’s ordered a cook-at-home box from Jack’s favourite independent, Dishoom. Jack’s parents have bought her an Omega Seamaster to replace the one she so tragically had to sell. SB’s dad has sent loads of Greggs cakes because they both know, from bitter experience, the passive-aggressive sighs if Jack has to make her own birthday cake.

Twitter: Jack posts about cheap crisps and a photo of SmartPrice gravy that is sadness personified.

The lies. Love the slight dig from Rev Rich Coles. He knows.

 

[Cookiecookie]

She seems to have been on twitter until the early hours, so is sure to be on top form for the Del Monte gig later

The tweets from her publisher? I can only conclude she's surrounded by enablers.

She really is. How does she manage to con so many people. I am genuinely bewildered by it, truly I am. She's not got a charming personality at all, so what is it about her? Most con artists have that *something* about them to make people believe them, but I honestly cannot see it in her, and yet she constantly gets away with it all.

 

[Charitas]

Me and my other half are guilty of don't bother about me birthdayness, but the children will not have it and would feel that we were very hard done by if there was not cake and a special meal. So, I can't help thinking of SB excitedly proferring a card and pressie only to be told that she shan't have a good time

 

[Pixieboots]

Ooh, is this the frivolous shoe purchases important instances of self-care thread? Feast your eyes, fraus.

 

[veryfondoftea]

Reality: Louisa has bought a smorgasbord of the poshest cheese in Waitrose for lunch, and a gift in the £300-500 range (see Dyson hair dryer, Dyson fan) as well as a few “little” gifts (premium make up; clothes; maybe another pair of hideous trainers). She’s not much in the kitchen so she’s ordered a cook-at-home box from Jack’s favourite independent, Dishoom. Jack’s parents have bought her an Omega Seamaster to replace the one she so tragically had to sell. SB’s dad has sent loads of Greggs cakes because they both know, from bitter experience, the passive-aggressive sighs if Jack has to make her own birthday cake.

Twitter: Jack posts about cheap crisps and a photo of SmartPrice gravy that is sadness personified.

The lies. Love the slight dig from Rev Rich Coles. He knows.

I reckon you’re bang on. We will hear nothing about the premium presents until a couple of months down the line when they are spotted in a photo and she mentions a dear friend/puddle got them for her

 

[Marj24]

Me and my other half are guilty of don't bother about me birthdayness, but the children will not have it and would feel that we were very hard done by if there was not cake and a special meal. So, I can't help thinking of SB excitedly proferring a card and pressie only to be told that she shan't have a good time

Not to forget he will have woken up (after his ridiculously early bedtime) to find his mother has shaved off her hair again. He is old enough to understand the significance. She really is the Toni Colette character in About a Boy, I can see her wearing a 'yeti costume' jumper too, quite her style

 

[Stampolina1]

I've been quiet since the weekends drama - it hurt to much to see so many real life people surviving horrid, traumatic childhoods and for JM to be jumping on it like it'd the latest TikTok trend.

I am acutely aware I have been very lucky to sail through life with minimal real trauma, just your usual day to day drama. And it made me feel sad. I can't relate to any of you who have suffered, I can't add anything to make you feel better. So I shut up because my usual alternative is saying something inappropriate. But I am sending you all lots of social distance fist bumps and awkward air high fives if you need them!

And now, I catch up to find all manner of minor chaos occurring (is there a plural for Chaos? I suggest a "Jack" of chaos would work well!!!).

How dare she disrespect the Man From Del Monte.

How dare she take my favourite bedtime snack and use it as depression food - back away from the crisp butty Jack!

She just makes me so ragey, I feel she is not good for my health!!!

 

[veryfondoftea]

Ooh, is this the frivolous shoe purchases important instances of self-care thread? Feast your eyes, fraus.

Please tell me where these are from so I can purchase them immediately

 

[Satisfying Click]

Totally agree there's a 'premium' birthday going on behind the scenes. That's the fascinating thing about NotJacks IG account - it gives a much more realistic insight into what they actually eat at home (i.e. branded items from Waitrose/Ocado, Dominoes delivery etc). The Smartprice ASDA nonsense is for show.

 

[Veronicaaa]

 

[Hollaaa]

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Enlarged uvula is the new unruly labia.

 

[Cookiecookie]

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She'll be getting her highlighter pens out for that now. Research

 

[Mr Krabs]

She really is. How does she manage to con so many people. I am genuinely bewildered by it, truly I am. She's not got a charming personality at all, so what is it about her? Most con artists have that *something* about them to make people believe them, but I honestly cannot see it in her, and yet she constantly gets away with it all.

The labels she's put on herself are an effective shield. Any odd behaviour is explained as 'autism/ADHD', any inconsistencies in her story that are pointed out are 'bullying an SA survivor' etc.

I honestly think a lot of the blue tickers and her media mates see her as a mascot. Being friends with her shows that they are oh so concerned about poverty and the working class, without having to actually lift a finger or sully themselves by being friends with people outside their bubble. I suppose if you're privately-educated, have had a nice upbringing and the only stories you've heard of poverty are in the Guardian, then her story makes sense. If you've never been to Southend and have just heard it's a 'shithole' and heard mockery of it, then perhaps you imagine poor Jack lives some sort of modern day Les Mis type existence.

Also, Twitter is just a bleeping state and I honestly think there's a specific type of craziness that seems to breed on that platform.

 

[EllaEm87]

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As someone who is “frontline”, some of the things we’ve been seeing that people are attributing to the vaccine are quite funny. I can’t share specifics, obviously, but just imagine manifestations of known LTCs & people attributing it to the jab.

Can’t wait to see how it makes Jacks RA toes literally curl up (with posted picture of absolutely normal feet) or causes big ouchy mouth (with posted picture of freshly filled lips, needle marks included). OR causes a hangover...

 

[Malkiavelli]

God the crushing disappointment in convincing yourself that all the cool people are born in March, self included, only to have this lovely theory bleeping blown to smithereens by a Monroe-shaped bomb..

 

[scottishsiren]

Is it true that one of the vaccines given in the UK can cause blood clots?

As someone who is “frontline”, some of the things we’ve been seeing that people are attributing to the vaccine are quite funny. I can’t share specifics, obviously, but just imagine manifestations of known LTCs & people attributing it to the jab.

Can’t wait to see how it makes Jacks RA toes literally curl up (with posted picture of absolutely normal feet) or causes big ouchy mouth (with posted picture of freshly filled lips, needle marks included). OR causes a hangover...

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Slowly, gently, softly getting ready to
Almost T- 8 hours everyone!!

 

[Stampolina1]

As someone who is “frontline”, some of the things we’ve been seeing that people are attributing to the vaccine are quite funny. I can’t share specifics, obviously, but just imagine manifestations of known LTCs & people attributing it to the jab.

Can’t wait to see how it makes Jacks RA toes literally curl up (with posted picture of absolutely normal feet) or causes big ouchy mouth (with posted picture of freshly filled lips, needle marks included). OR causes a hangover...

I had mine last night and I feel like I've been hit by a bus today!! I might get absolutely swazzled tonight, call in sick tomorrow and blame the jab! Sound legit to me!

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

I’m on an incygrunk - so apologies for wherever this lands but Jesus Christ the self pity and woe is me. Can she not just start being more grateful? Yes she has experienced some traumatic events in her life and I am truly sorry for that. But she has also managed to get books published - better authors who are more passionate and spend years trying to don’t get the opportunity. She gets the most supportive followers who crowd funded over £60k for her to have the privilege to “self” publish and they then waited over TWO YEARS patiently (and apologised when they very kindly chased re any updates). She is constantly getting tweeted about what an amazing person she is. She has by all accounts a lovely son and a very supportive baby daddy. She gets to rent a very big house that is close to the sea and has a big garden - which I just haven’t seen her make the most of at all. I’ve not left my small flat in London since October and am desperate to get some sea air. She has the luxury of having a therapist, a psychiatrist AND a doctor who she says are amazing and yet she still hasn’t made any inroads into any shred of happiness or attempt to heal. She has large companies paying her significant sums of money to collab and she only has to do below bare minimum.

I understand that trauma affects you for life but surely, surely at some point with all the access of support she has and all the very good things that have happened you get to a point in your life where you need to take accountability. GAH.

 

[Ellabella]

Feeling a bit better this week and overjoyed the timing has coincided with Mel Donte today!

So 9 mins, bets please on how this will play out:

0-2 mins - faffing around with camera, goes off screen to retrieve ingredients, lots of clatter zero chatter.
2-4 mins - jangly voiced intro about how nervous she is, mentions birthday to cue lots of "happy birthday" messages in attempt to drown out the viggles. Looks left of camera to read a speech about she's always sold out loved Mel Donte.
4-5 mins did she mention how nervous she is? Look, she's shaved her head!
5-8mins - starts cooking chicken, realises she hasn't got a can opener, goes off screen comes back tossing a lemon. Avoids answering any questions that require any food knowledge.
9mins - jazz hands, hands on hip proud presentation of raw chicken monstrosity.
9mins 1 sec - submits six figure invoice.