Jack Monroe #114 i, slopbot

[Veronicaaa]

I can’t imagine how I would get my loved ones to do this for me without telling them what it was for!!

Jack: Hi everyone, can you fill out two sheets of A4 paper, outlining your feelings about ME, please?
Everyone: <sighs> Not *again*, Jack.

 

[Scarletfever]

‘Margarine (Or “You don’t Jack cook when you’re sensible”)’

Love it.

"Texture" (Or "You don't eat slop when you have tastebuds")

 

[Fitnessqueen]

The house with the dark blue walls is definitely not her bungalow.

Agreed. The Christmas tree shot definitely is though.

Just read the retweeted Potatoes again (why? why? As if this year hasn’t been crappy enough already) and see that the tip jar is still primed and ready to receive at the bottom of it....

 

[Clarends]

We had Flora marg. We weren't too poor we couldn't afford butter, I think my mum thought it was better for you at the time? I'll ask her later how she could deprive me so!

I've always had some sort of marge and butter just for special occasions. I thought everybody did. And now so many people are plant based I dont really bother with it.

 

[ScamSandwich]

Her various description of how she was allegedly diagnosed never reflects how the healthcare system works. Go private, whatever, but admit it, because it's very misleading to the squigs who may be struggling. My experience of it all, relating to my daughter, have been pretty much which wall do I bang my head against now? It certainly isn't as quick and easy as Jack likes to make out.

Of course I could be horribly wrong with my interpretation but by the looks of it our hero's emphasis was not on giving out advice to others but to prove SHE got a diagnosis.

 

[Raker]

Just hopping off the GL express - it’s taken 1 week since she snnouished go viral, and I’ve been BUSY. But Lordy Fraus, I’ve had to do 5 (FIVE) threads in 1 week. Who else can generate this much content?

I don’t know what this is going to pitch up in the middle of, but I just really need to say some of the things that have been bubbling with every page turn, in no particular order.

1. Hugest of hugs to @Blurp and any other cabal members who are struggling and/or triggered by this bleeping waste of 2 good kidneys.
2. Slopbot - can we get T-shirts with this little fella on? I’d be happy to pay/donate to a cause associated, it is truly a Work Of Genius ...
3..... speaking of Works of Genius, the Sloppies are amazing. How I hooted. And as others have said, what a lot to fit into 9 months.
4. As so many of you have repeatedly pointed out before neurodiversity =\= cuntishness; acting like a bleep = cuntishness .
5. Laura Waddell and the aftermath. Arise the new army of squiggle refuseniks. Jackie will be going viral for all the wrong reasons
6. Marcus Rashford is

One week, Fraus, that’s all just in One. Week.

right, back in or I’ll never catch up...

 

[live laugh loathe]

Well I didnt think it possible to hate Jack more but upon watching the Muppets Christmas Carol for the first time this year it turns out she’s ruined it for me as I can no longer watch Michael Caine without hearing ‘traaazers...on a bird’

Thanks Jack, sons crying

 

[Alansbigplate]

Alan you need to do our smol little pixie pleeeeease?

 

[Cookiecookie]

We just always had marge. I'm an 80s kid, and it was thought to be healthier in those days. Butter's a pain in the arse, it's rock solid in the fridge, and no chance where I am of leaving it out.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Has anyone been able to work out which two years Jack was vegan for?

I remember an article when she announced she had been vegan for, oh several days i think. And how much money she had saved and how cheap it was.

Then there was the article about how being a vegan was a luxury for posh folks. But I can't work out the time line.

 

[ScamSandwich]

Catch up with you later, Frauen, I am off for my £5 shop!*




*spends £5 every minute for several hours in various shops.

 

[Montrachet]

Crikey!! First, Rose ..... now, Fred.

 

[MancBee]

But I can't work out the time line.

Nobody can with our Jack.

Thread title suggestion courtesy of @FrumpyCat

#115 I can't work out the timeline.

 

[Lanie]

Jack: Hi everyone, can you fill out two sheets of A4 paper, outlining your feelings about ME, please?
Everyone: <sighs> Not *again*, Jack.

Front and back and I want at least 18 pages and it all had to be about ME!!

 

[Tittykitty]

I wish she'd duck off with the no butter bullshit.
Blue Band margarine, mate.
Try that tit on for size. Back then it genuinely tasted like melted carrier bags.
I have no idea if it still exists. I live in Ireland where we 'grow' the best butter in the world!
My sister and I couldn't wait to go to our Grandparents for the holidays so we could have butter again.
(We were taken away from them and given to our inadequate mother because some judge decided 'children need to be with their mother...' Bet he had butter, the bleep.)

ETA.. It looked like this and was probably still 100% better than lard!

We used to have this, my mum told us from an early age that we didn’t like butter, Mayo or even thick gravy, her gravy was just water with gravy salts in it, her mince was also cooked in water with gravy salts, onion and carrot. We ate lots of tinned food as children so apart from tomatoes I tried to avoid tinned stuff now, there was nothing worse than tinned mixed veg.

 

[Montrachet]

Jack: Hi everyone, can you fill out two sheets of A4 paper, outlining your feelings about ME, please?
Everyone: <sighs> Not *again*, Jack.

Front and back and I want at least 18 pages and it all had to be about ME!!

But use your own pens. DO NOT TOUCH 'Jack's Work Pens'. Not even just for 'A SEC'. NO!

 

[jenny2603]

Work pens? Has she found herself a job at long last?

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Cabal - I ventured into another thread today and I’m honestly just so relieved to be back here. It’s scary out there. Can absolutely see why people think Tattle is a horrible place.

Please send pictures of doggos, cattos or you can post me letters telling me I’m amazing.

 

[sleepisforwimps]

I am loving the festive Slopbot, look at his wee hat, he should be an honorary frau too.
View attachment 335382

I LOVE Slopbot, he is amazing!

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Frauen, please raise your glasses for I bring to you seasonal griftings of great joy...

I Wish It Could Be Griftmas Every Day


Are you ready frauen? (Yeah)
When the Tattlers bring receipts
To highlight Jack's deceit
They put a great big smile upon the frauen's face

When you jump into a thread
You must grunka through instead
Don't miss DKL or Kittengate,
And THAT MAN on a plate it's on the way...

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

When she's dishing out the snark
Because the crappy bungalow is cold and dark
Then Pinnochio's nose is gonna light her merry way

Now her dirty paws appear
On a bowl of pig's bollocks and ears
So she streaks by the fire
Till her Bubble Buddy runs away

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

When the Tattlers bring receipts (When the Tattlers bring receipts)
To highlight Jack's deceit (to highlight Jack's deceit)
They put a great big smile upon the frauen's face

So when Jackie blends her slop (Jackie blends her slop)
Bring a bucket and damp cloth (better bring a bucket and damp cloth)
For her anchioade and mussel pear surprise
Is on the way...

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

Why don't you give up...your lieeesss fo-or-or-or-or Griftmassssss...?

I THANK YOU.