Jack Monroe #114 i, slopbot

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So the company have mentioned her - assume this is what the shoot is for. I hope I'm wrong but subtlety isn't her strong point

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Sorry for coming back to this but I’m still at the start of the thread. ‘Jack wears The Outer Body in Beige’ sounds like they’re advertising disguises for aliens, and that JM has donned a human suit to blend in, and I mean, it’s more plausible than most of her own writing? 💁‍♀️
 
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Frauen, please raise your glasses for I bring to you seasonal griftings of great joy...

I Wish It Could Be Griftmas Every Day


Are you ready frauen? (Yeah)
When the Tattlers bring receipts
To highlight Jack's deceit
They put a great big smile upon the frauen's face

When you jump into a thread
You must grunka through instead
Don't miss DKL or Kittengate,
And THAT MAN on a plate it's on the way...

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

When she's dishing out the snark
Because the crappy bungalow is cold and dark
Then Pinnochio's nose is gonna light her merry way

Now her dirty paws appear
On a bowl of pig's bollocks and ears
So she streaks by the fire
Till her Bubble Buddy runs away

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

When the Tattlers bring receipts (When the Tattlers bring receipts)
To highlight Jack's deceit (to highlight Jack's deceit)
They put a great big smile upon the frauen's face

So when Jackie blends her slop (Jackie blends her slop)
Bring a bucket and damp cloth (better bring a bucket and damp cloth)
For her anchioade and mussel pear surprise
Is on the way...

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

Oh well I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
When the tip jar rattles and patreons start to pay
Oh I wish it could be Griftmas everyday
Let the slop ring out for Griftmas

Why don't you give up...your lieeesss fo-or-or-or-or Griftmassssss...?

I THANK YOU.
Genius

My brain keeps reading Slopbot as Slipknot for some reason and I go to a whole other place in my imagination. @Alansbigplate I will actually beg you not to get any face swapping ideas here 😂.
 
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Well, it probably wouldn't have come from her father, who was army and it is Royal Marine slang for a fully loaded march over terrain. It came into wider knowledge during the Falklands War when they had to yomp from Ajax Bay to Stanley after the landing craft had been lost at Bluff Cove. I think her father was in the fire service by then. As usual, she gets it wrong....
yomping is deffo used in the army as well, but yes - I think it was Falklands derived.
 
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I think she started out genuine if a little prone to exaggeration at times. Since releasing her first book she seems to have developed a horrendous sense of entitlement and what appears to be an addiction to attention. In terms of what is supposed to be her main job as a food writer, I think she's lost interest in it and now just churns out increasingly ghastly recipes that are barely proofread.
100% agree with this she used to be like your crazy mate gphaving a tricky time.... but every day. She’s gone wild since she got famous in the tiny corner of Twitter made up of middle class Brits who are online all day, (me too). Most people I know in real life don’t know who she is. We got very stuck in traffic today and I was explaining her and Mrs Hinch to my teenagers, they were enthralled.
 
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Seriously thought this was another of Jack's recipes at first glance. Please don't copy this Jack!
8483D134-67C6-48C9-9B8B-116CA172FEEF.jpeg
 
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Can a kind Frau explain the iceberg to me please?

Why are some symptoms inside the iceberg and some not?

Why are none of the symptoms that people perceive to be common to ADHD sufferers inside the iceberg?

I used to love diagrammatic representations of “things” for my students but this one is just not clear to me. I have googled other ADHD icebergs that make more sense....

Confused Frau 🙃
 
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Cabal - I ventured into another thread today and I’m honestly just so relieved to be back here. It’s scary out there. Can absolutely see why people think Tattle is a horrible place.

Please send pictures of doggos, cattos or you can post me letters telling me I’m amazing.
I noticed on the latest Secret Celeb thread there was talk of Elliott Page and deadnaming and someone asked a poster if they gave similar admonishment to people in the JM threads every time someone calls her a bleep or any of the other frequent insults said about her. I am just assuming it’s about here but it kinda took me aback because I genuinely don’t think this is a nasty thread. But maybe it’s all about perception and personal levels of tolerance to stuff. I don’t know if the person has contributed here and maybe they’re a fan but I’ve seen worse on other threads (personally I don’t find swearing offensive but when kids are being commented on (e.g if there’s something wrong with them etc) I’m less impressed)
 
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Black leather gloves? How 90% vegan of you. Bet those weren't cheap either.

@MrsOgre if only lamb, jam or ham had appeared as the third ingredient, we were so close to one of the sacred combinations!

In artist parlance, the image of Slopbot was technically already copyrighted the moment I made it so beware, intellectual property thieves, I've got Vlad's crack team of lawyers on speed dial, get your court outfits ready. I've made enamel pins before and they're not something that can be done on demand like a product from a drop shipping company e.g. Redbubble and it's a significant initial outlay. You would all have to triangulate yourselves for postage as well. As much as I love the idea of official Slopbot merch, it's a bit of a minefield.

I don't think you can copyright code but it would bring me great joy if Jack took Slopbot's guts and made Cabalbot. Sadly she has absolutely no sense of humour, powers of observation, wit or the free time now that she's sitting in her captain's chair from 4:30am until midnight every day.
 
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I noticed on the latest Secret Celeb thread there was talk of Elliott Page and deadnaming and someone asked a poster if they gave similar admonishment to people in the JM threads every time someone calls her a bleep or any of the other frequent insults said about her. I am just assuming it’s about here but it kinda took me aback because I genuinely don’t think this is a nasty thread. But maybe it’s all about perception and personal levels of tolerance to stuff. I don’t know if the person has contributed here and maybe they’re a fan but I’ve seen worse on other threads (personally I don’t find swearing offensive but when kids are being commented on (e.g if there’s something wrong with them etc) I’m less impressed)
Probably one of those who got arsey about our in joke thread titles because they couldn’t understand what the thread was about 🙄
 
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yomping is deffo used in the army as well, but yes - I think it was Falklands derived.
Yomping is referenced in bottom when Rick is pretending he yomped from Stroud hill to goose green to impress the drunk one legged veteran.

Vet"Oh so you are a vet then?"

Rich :"What do you mean I was in the thick of it, someone else looked after the ponies."

Vet: there isn't a Stroud hill in the Falklands"

Rich: "oh you were one of the ones who didn't find it"

The more I quote the more I realise Rick mayall based his character on her. Full of tit! 🤣
 
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I noticed on the latest Secret Celeb thread there was talk of Elliott Page and deadnaming and someone asked a poster if they gave similar admonishment to people in the JM threads every time someone calls her a bleep or any of the other frequent insults said about her. I am just assuming it’s about here but it kinda took me aback because I genuinely don’t think this is a nasty thread. But maybe it’s all about perception and personal levels of tolerance to stuff. I don’t know if the person has contributed here and maybe they’re a fan but I’ve seen worse on other threads (personally I don’t find swearing offensive but when kids are being commented on (e.g if there’s something wrong with them etc) I’m less impressed)
I don’t consider bleep (or dick, or any invocation of genitalia for that matter) a gendered insult, tbh. IRL I’m always a bit wary of people who are too quick to throw out ‘Karen’ as a way of making women’s complaints seem petty but I think where Jack is concerned with her grassing on LNER and Hermes employees she really does embody Karenhood.
 
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Screenshot_20201205-192610~2.png

I've been browsing enamel pins in Cooper's website, and saw this.. I actually read it as.. "The Shan't Society"....one of Jackie's spin-offs
 
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I'm surprised (not) that Jack did not get involved with this. However I do remember her being part of some sort of 'Essex Girl' media thing and wore a t shirt with words to that effect.

Weirdly she doesn’t seem that proud of her ends, whenever she’s spoken about where she’s lived it’s always how she’s ~moved back as if she hasn’t spent the majority of her life there / was some worldly traveller instead of just the temporary live in gf of a west London millionaire who admitted to being scared of the tube? 🥴
 
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