Jack Monroe #110 Hands up, who likes me?

[GothPrincess]

I’ve stayed away for a while as I just get all Jacked out. She never fucking changes. She really is vile. Triangulate me. Come to my house. Bring it on. She makes me so angry. It’s no wonder I have to leave here for a while at times!
That hand written list. What an utter waste of time. The £20 a week shop. Total bullshit.

The squirty cream on scones. It’s ok. I’m vegan and have eaten them like that.

Hope everyone is ok btw

 

[Harrybosch]

View attachment 323989View attachment 323991View attachment 323992
‘sake.

We get it, Jack. You shagged your chickpea stew. I'm not kink shaming, but some things should stay private.

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Canal comrades, how often do you turn to a recipe book when you cook? I only really use recipes when I'm baking because that's a science. For a supposed cook to boast that they 'didn't even consult a recipe' is like a toddler declaring they did a poo in the potty all by themselves.

Oh and £4 for mussels that yield very little meat - that is such an economical dish (not). Personally, I'd rather pay £3.75 for a 500g tub of 'not on offer' Lurpak than £4 for enough mussels for 1 greedy Jack.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Ahahaha 'terribly gauche to retweet praise'
And Dawn. Wtf.
We're never going to hear the end of this are we.

Why is she so amazed that Dawn French likes her recipes? It's not like she's a chef or anything. Jack is so obsessed with celebrity status! It's like my mum who still brings up the time we went to a restaurant and Vanessa Feltz was there.

edit: I just saw @Auntyanchïoade 's post re: Vanessa Feltz! What are the chances of the Feltz coming up twice in one hour?! spooky

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 323801View attachment 323802View attachment 323803View attachment 323804
‘A fit of the bluesies’

Why would you say "About 3 miles if I recall correctly". No one cares how far away the shop is, why one earth would that be something she'd have to recall?

ETA oh I've just realised it's that extra detail which marks it out as a lie! She just can't help herself!

 

[Satisfying Click]

Chilli con Artist

Please please please, this one for Thread Title #111

 

[Sideboard Bob]

View attachment 323501

ohmychrist that onion(?)’s got an unruly labia!!!!!

(ETA, just realised I posted this at the same time as @Billybellend shared his wife’s own art appreciation!

 

[Harrybosch]

I'm behind but I HAVE THOUGHTS!

Mulled wine does NOT contain butter. No, no, no. I come from the land of mulled wine and no one, and I mean NO ONE puts butter in it. However, there is a lovely alcohol free version called 'Kinderpunsch'. It's apple or cherry juice (of half and half) heated up in a big saucepan with mulling spices (clove, cinnamon, maybe ginger, star anise or vanilla, too) and orange slices. Served with a ladle into mugs, it's the loveliest drink for daytime Christmas market visits.

Now, with regards to creating the flavour profile of brandy through the medium of sorrel, here's a snippet from www.spiceography.com

Flavor profile of sorrel
Given the origin of its name, it should not be surprising that sorrel is most notable for being sour. It has a strong acidic note that is the result of its oxalic acid content. Its intense acidity allows it to be used in salads in lieu of vinegar and is thought to make it ideal for pairing with eggs.

And the blurb from a bottle of Hennessy (other brands are available)

Candied orange, cherry and dark chocolate notes mingle with the vanilla and peppery spice of the casks, which are present in the long, warm finish.

Saved for years and years to buy my first house at the age of 40. Didn’t once go without butter during that time.

Was I doing it wrong?

You could have had your own house aged 15, had you only stuck to lard and squirty cream.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

You know despite all of her crimes (of both the moral and legal kind) we do owe Jack for providing us with 2020 lockdown entertainment but not to the extent of supporting her tip jar. She has been a distraction to say the least.

 

[HarderFaster]

Yeah, still not over that myself..

Oh my god I’ll never forget this day.

“I didn’t care enough about my existing fan mail to keep it in a safe place but I need validation right now so please send fawning letters to this address: my skivvy @ the agents who I make no money for”

I love that she’ll have a little granny shopping trolley plus three letters (one from Nims, one from Stewart and one from Vampire creep) waiting once they go back to the office post-Rona.

She will be studied one day. Spotting a narc on social media 101.

 

[crystaleyesd]

I am irrationally annoyed by the letters after her name. They read as shouty to me.

Also, they are apparently to fall in line with people with PhDs. I have NEVER seen anyone on twitter put their academic credentials after their name unless it was a joke. Sometimes 'lady' doctors will put Dr before their twitter handle cos we're fed up of not being addressed correctly, but that's it.

Signed, Dr Klopp (an actual doctor, not an honorary one).

 

[NP]

She's cooked the mussels in a stew with pears, guys.



"I didn’t follow or even consult a recipe for this" I mean, no shit, I very much doubt a mussels, pear and chickpea stew features on the BBC good food website.

 

[Veronicaaa]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Better out than in...

 

[MancBee]

Just a few hours until she goes viral. Not the first virus this year, I bet hers will be just as unpleasant.

I can hardly contain my indifference.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Thought I was destined to lurk for ever, but I’ve just gone to check our jacks timeline and I’ve been BLOCKED all I did was like a couple of the tweets RE the mythical £20 shop earlier today. Never mind, guess I’m one of you now!

Had to be done

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I'm very upset that 'mussels and pears' isn't urchin Jack's cockney rhyming slang and is, in fact, a real abomination. It looks like the dregs in the plughole after washing up that someone's poured the contents of an ashtray over. The attempt to pull a classic Nigella sexualisation of food yet again falls flat. Nobody thinks the image of hyenas horking mussels is sexy you gibbering ninny. I am printing that whole Twitter thread for my lever arch files as we speak, she won't get away with it lads.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Trans hyenas? How unruly were their labia?

Hyena labia are actually very unruly. Their birth canal is on the outside, as a pseudo penis, which makes their mating and birthing very difficult . Their labia are fused together and look like a scrotum. So definitely 3 pairs of pants territory in terms of unruliness.

 

[girolle]

The whole 'I won't buy butter because I want to buy my child a house' narrative is such ear aching bullshit as well. How cheap is butter, for goodness sake!? It's the same line as 'well if young people stopped buying avocados, then they could buy a house!' No. I don't have the savings, assets, or income to be able to afford a deposit on a house unless I save sensibly for the next few years (closer to a decade tbh!) and funnily enough, I would still be able to afford something as simple as butter in that time. You either have the money to be able to buy a house relatively quickly or you need to create a sensible savings plan and stick to it for as long as is needed. If you're being so frugal that you're not even allowing yourself to buy butter, then that really is OTT.

 

[veryfondoftea]

Omg send out your fifty shades of shite crap instead of trying to muscle in on other people's ideas!

ETA more patreon postcards. No evidence of beige slop recipe cards yet.

View attachment 323400

I just can’t understand why anyone would want these postcards.