Jack Monroe #110 Hands up, who likes me?

[kachoochoo]

Wasn’t someone assigned slice counting duty?

I counted off the bread from the first £20 shop. that's the origin story of

would you believe, despite talking so much about all the soft softy soft bread she devours, she's hardly shown any of it since.

that's when I gave up the bread counting game and became a full time to do list monitor

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Is she weaning herself onto solids with this quiche?

 

[lilamay]

Good job you made yourself a massive bubble then

Deleted already.

 

[Aardvark]

I was just thinking - as I was boiling my potatoes, steaming my kale and carrots, and grilling my sausages for dinner - whether Jack has ever shown a meal/recipe where all the ingredients are whole on the plate, as in, not slop? Does Jack ever eat carrots as carrots, and greens as greens?

My son is one month into being weaned and eats meals with more texture than her recipes

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'm absolutely skint as always but looky here, this expensive second hand or not, pristine, middle class as fuck looking random chair would look amaze in my shitty, freezing cold RENTED flat. Tally ho, onward, just 2.9 more miles to push the old fucker

 

[Emmapism]

Ah @Lastoftheflumps that sounds horrible. Really truly awful. How are things right now? Have you been able to get some distance?

Whilst we are sharing stories about narcs.....I was 'involved' with a guy from work 4/5 years ago.

Very good at love bombing then ghosting, incredibly charming, clever, talented. I honestly thought he was wonderful. Then of course I realised he had all the appearance of goodness without actually having any of it. Classic narc.

He managed to keep a thing going with me whilst he had been in an 18 month relationship with another woman. I uncovered this thanks to some internet snooping. Tried to get him to admit it via some subtle prompting but he wouldn't. Then he ghosted me again.

I was so incredibly hurt and wanted to hurt him back (as well as expose him) so a friend of mine messaged his partner on FB and told her about me. When he got wind of it, he told her she shouldn't talk to me because I was unstable. He even went so far as to suggest I would kill myself if she did. For me, that was the final straw. That exposed him for what he really was.

She didn't believe me at first but Fraus I had THE RECEIPTS

So I messaged her all of them, warts and all. The truth shall set you free!

They stayed together for a while I think but I snooped recently and she's with a new guy and looks really happy and loved up. I've been with my fella ever since (four years next year ) and he is so simple and easy and wonderful. If you know what I mean!

 

[ChickenPorridge]

See how she twisted it though to fit nicely into her "I'm not allowed to have butter" victim narrative when she was the one who lied about affording it in the first place. Maddening

ETA "Don't worry - I'm fine"

I will never forget her writing that in an attempt at manipulating people into thinking she was struggling along without a fucking stick of butter. Now she's winging it into a fake wine for herself. Arsehole

 

[Satisfying Click]

I'm amazed that the non-existent neighbour who left soap on the doorstep couldn't stretch to a block of unsalted

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Dear Patrons, please make sure you tweet photos of the postcards so the nasty canal of hausfrau ninnies see that I've actually sent them, love J xoxox

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

I had a lot of narc traits as a teenager, and Jack reminds me of me when I was about 14. I think I can answer some of your questions.

I think a lot of her behaviour is fairly normal in a teenager, isn't it? Extravagant lying and being self-centred seem unremarkable in an 11-16 year old. I think a lot of people see their teenage self or teenagers they've known in her. Just unfortunate that she's 32.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

There is a man with NPD called Sam Vankin I think, he wrote a lot about how narcs/dark triad personalities operate and he had been diagnosed, spent time in jail and wanted to change. I think there might have been some debate about whether he set himself up as the NPD expert to get supply and he wasn’t actually helping himself change, of course a narc would want to be the world expert on narcs, everyone looking to them as the expert...

Edit: I’m TIRED

I find it really interesting too, and this is one of the reasons why, you rarely hear about people actually openly saying that they are narcs.

On a lighter note, do you guys think Mackie was upset about the fox eating the garden hose because it was meant to be her penultimate forever hose?

 

[PoorPatrol]

Yeah, still not over that myself..

I love how she thinks she needs to apologise to Natalia, for the mountains of fan mail she’s about to be drowned in! Does she think she’s some kind of rock star?

 

[Hollaaa]

Anyone for mussel and pear quiche?

 

[Nippybippy]

Just read the Limegoss write-up about the “That Man” debacle. With all her tweets—even worse than I remember! I truly can’t even believe she is employable as a “media personality” anymore. She has die hard fans, that’s for sure. Sort of like my soon to be gone president. Not that the comparisons stop there. It’s a very similar style they have (lies, tantrums, boasting, victim complex), and both love Twitter.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Someone on the previous thread just mentioned how cringeworthy it was for her to post the compliments from her peers, which triggered a repressed memory.

Remember when she actually had the audacity to ask people on Twitter to SEND HER WRITTEN COMPLIMENTS IN THE POST to be filed away in one of her bloody folders? Like... did that actually happen or am I hallucinating. The narcissism. The oddness. The cringe.

Yeah, still not over that myself..

 

[Fruitjack]

I’ve just revisited the list is slow cooker recipes armed with my copy of Veganish (I know, I know). Some of them just don’t add up at all. There’s a tomato soup which does actually look ok in the book but the whole premise is that you roast the tomatoes until caramelised then blend them with other bits. How does that translate to the slow cooker? The other soups I would say would be ridiculous in a slow cooker if it wasn’t for the originals wanting you to cooked tinned beans for 40 minutes which is nonsense to begin with. The nasu dengaku (again, looks one of her better efforts) is aubergine brushed with a glaze, then roasted. That’s it. Why mess about with a slow cooker that presumably won’t have the same effect? It goes on in that vein but the most stupid translation to slow cooker is the miso caramel sauce, which is melt sugar, add vegan butter, coconut cream, vanilla and miso. That’s it (although white and brown miso are completely interchangeable). It only makes a small jar. Why on earth would you mess about with a slow cooker for that? Also, how are these squiggles expected to know how to adapt for a slow cooker? Why wouldn’t they just buy a slow cooker recipe book or look them up on the internet? Why am I asking all those ridiculous questions? Tune in to next week’s episode of Soap (a cheap bar).

 

[Mycuppatea]

Whatever it is, I hope it’s she’s been styled as well as in this guardian piece

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I'm still gobsmacked at how reductive and stereotyping that all was. Ladies wear red lipstick and dresses. Men wear suits and use brylcream. Might as well have been "styled" by my (they're dead) grandparents. I do like, however, how both ladies and men have dead-eyed, "fish on a slab" expressions. Good to know that is equal opportunity.

 

[kachoochoo]

Sorry, panic-picked the thread title because there weren't any nominations that I could see by sorting most popular.

Round up of #109 courtesy of @Switchstreetz

So far Jack has:
- Buried the chaos of her nasty weekend spree on twitter by briefly pulling out some google translate Swedish

- "This is my 55 inch tv it just rests on the fireplace where it could fall and hurt someone tee hee aren't i quirky" ignore the picture hook on the wall, im sure jack would NEVER stage a photo for attention on twitter...

- Span her wheel of excuses for owning an expensive thing. The TV was from a charity shop an extra delivered by mistake found in a puddle sold to her by her parents. I know some of us just need "it fell out the sky and into my lap" to get a full house on jack bingo

- Never mind, she's picking up where she left off and trying to reignite fights on twitter

- A brave squiggle clapped back and left JM speechless, they briefly joined tattle for a victory lap (we applaud you funkyraspberry) but returned to the depths of twitter

- General squiggle dissent is on the rise as the holes in jacks narrative are being questioned more and more

- Thriftyshadesofbeige.com has vanished....hope no one was looking forward to their postcards

- BB was blamed for breaking the garden hose. The first process of buying a new tube was too complicated for these FEMALES so jack called her dad and declared it feminism

- We learned there is actually one thing on this earth that can part jack monroe from twitter, and its being asked to get involved in charity with no financial gain for herself

- She replied "Let's get balls deep in a coliseum" (not a direct quote) or something, the gist was "DM me and stop publicly asking me to help so i can ignore you"

- She made a twitter poll "if i could only write about one which should it be: poverty or food?" sadly "the truth" was not an option. The compliments came flooding in as she expected.

- Jack claims that Eamonn Holmes praised her 'specific' skillset. We do not know how hard he was laughing when he said this.

- the colouring pencils were back out. Did you know you can put your chickpea curry in a slow cooker for even less texture!

- Dawn French replied to her boring scone tweet. Blue tick arse kissing Jack made an appearance

thank you for the new thread

if I may, for any passing inquisitive squiggles, here is Jack's to do list. this is everything she has said she will do in the last few months as of this moment. to be fair to her, I do add a tick when she completes something.

Spoiler: Jack's Coming Soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
9 half-written manuscripts
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
base system going in next book
BBC show
BLM video monetization donation
blog post excited about for ages
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal
Brand New System for desk - wallpaper
Camp Kitchen from the shed
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
Christmas recipes for some reason
comic filter security
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
ethical on a budget
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf
food truck of joy
gailymail
great resources by trans + non binary writers
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
huge depop or Ebay sale
James Bond conspiracy theory
Klingon gagh recipe
kombucha whisky
lever arch files of fan mail
links to small businesses
lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
militant boiled eggs
mince pie doughnuts
newspaper campaign
onion chopping song
ouchy mouth recipes
patreon update
pistachio milk
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
repotting spider plants from a friend
rooting out Amazon from website
running around in heels with a Tall Man
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient
setting her teenage musings to music
shopping trolley
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
super secret shopping trip hack
supper nanny
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
thrifty shades of beige - some sent, ongoing
tomato soup water content - done
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done
vegan crackling
vegan pie glaze
weekly routine

/SPOILER]

also, for anyone new around here who wants a break from Jack, please do join in with the Food and Drink threads under Off Topic, where you will not only find nice food, there are socks, sheep, books, films, general life stuff and a nice supportive bunch of people.

eta ugh the spoiler's eaten my nice comment about the Food and Drink thread.

in short, bored of Jack? visit Food and Drink under Off Topic

 

[AmTellinYa]

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"I may risk the wrath of my detractors and buy a pat"

No one gives a flying fuck if you buy butter or not you ridiculous little goblin. Just stop pretending you can't afford it. Turd.