Jack Monroe #110 Hands up, who likes me?

[HotesTilaire]

"gauche" has been used around here at times, too

also, let's face it, whatever comes out tomorrow is gonna be a massive letdown.

and I can't wait!

Well it’s not because at 4.10penguin post office is on

 

[Veronicaaa]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.

 

[Lanie]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.

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No thanks I will just get on with making regular mince pies thanks for the info though.

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I’m a similar age to Jack, and a toastie maker would not have been a regular feature. Also, those bloody children, asking to be fed.

We had a toasty maker growing up, I think it was given to my mum though by my auntie who doesn't keep anything long. Toasties are nice but I don't get putting bleeping mince pie filling in them, that would absolutely burn the bake of ya.

 

[Silver Linings]

I’m a similar age to Jack, and a toastie maker would not have been a regular feature. Also, those bloody children, asking to be fed.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Fruit in savoury dishes

When I first started seeing my now husband he made me a curry with fruit in it. I have no idea what it taste like because I refused to eat it.

for similar reasons I won't eat cheesecake , cheese on a cake is wrong, and of it isn't cheese. Why is it called cheese cake?

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Is this my real life? Is it just fantasy?
Caught out on my lies, my escape from reality
Urban Decayed Eyes, look up to the skies and see-eeee

I'm just a poor girl, from a rich family
Because I'm
Easy come, easy go
Sometimes high, sometime low

Any way the Cabal knows
Doesn't really matter
To me

Give to meeeeeee

[plinky plonky piano intro in the style of Les Dawson]

MAMA! I need more jam
Put a Smeg up in my hall, pretend it's not really there at all
MAMA! I neeeeeeed some cash
Gotta spend it all to make myself feel flash

MAMA! Ooo-oo-ooo-oooh (Any lies, then we know)
Now you've made me cry
Clawing, screaming out there -WHY??????
Carry on, carry on, as if I don't have arthritis

Too late, I neeeed some fun
Sunbathing, I'm just fine
BUT MY BODY'S ACHING ALL THE TIME
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go
Gotta piss and eat and try to hide the truth

MAMA! Oooo-oo-ooo-oooh (All your lies, the Fraus know)
I hate being caught on lies
I sometimes wish I'd never been caught at allll

[JM hurls herself around with a Burberry scarf wrapped around her sports bra, teething rings rattling on her wrists in a disconcerting version of Kate Bush doing Wuthering Heights - possibly retitled Fifty Slops of Shite]

I see a little dusty husk of a girl
Where's my shoes, where's my dress, gonna do the Fandango
Viviennes and Emins ,very, very precious to me
(Where'd your cash go?) How the duck would I know?, (On a sideboard?) Oh, no, no, no, magnifico-o-o-o

I'm just a poor girl, nobody loves me
She's just a poor girl from a rich family
Give her some cash so she can buy SB's tea

Easy come, easy go, won't you let it go?
Like duck, witch! No, we will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Like duck, no! We will not let it go. (Let me breathe go!)
Oh, heck, no! We will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Will not let it go
Never let lies go, oh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mama, jam now, mama bread now (Mama JESUS, let it go!)
The Cotswolds has a fancy newer sideboard for me, for me, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So you think you can catch me and laugh at my eye?
So you think you can leave me and not live my lies?
Oh, BB, can't do this to me, BB
You'll never get out, you'll never get right outta here

(Ooooh, yeah, oooooh yeah)

Money only matters
Anyone can see
Money only matters
Money only matters to meeeeeeeeeeeeee

Anyway, the Tattlers know.

[gong] (£2479.99 of Patreon donations, now please put a tenner in my butter bowl, thankyou and duck off)

Absolutely brilliant!

 

[Brian Butterfield]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.

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[blurstoftimes]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.

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a sloppy sandwich. mmm.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

When I first started seeing my now husband he made me a curry with fruit in it. I have no idea what it taste like because I refused to eat it.

for similar reasons I won't eat cheesecake , cheese on a cake is wrong, and of it isn't cheese. Why is it called cheese cake?

Just wrong. All kinds of wrong.

See also: raisins in ANYTHING.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Just wrong. All kinds of wrong.

See also: raisins in ANYTHING.

I completely agree! Every single food with raisins in would be improved if the raisins were taken out. They bring nothing to a dish except a horrible wrinkly surprise.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Fucksake Dawn

 

[Professor Slop]

Not sure of the rules on posting other accounts tweets when they're a 600k+ follower account but I squiggled just in case! Thought this very apt for our Jackie.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Just wrong. All kinds of wrong.

See also: raisins in ANYTHING.

Ahh i used to love raisins until my schizo voices told me they were flies

 

[Lanie]

Joon in Benny and Joon said she couldn't eat them because they were humiliated grapes.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I could tell some stories about David Bowie and subliminal messages, but it’s a unique identifier, easy for any experienced tracker. Plus, I wouldn’t want to give away my life story before I get the chance to turn down some lucrative and imaginary offers on the movie rights. For the sake of my family. Would you do that?

I miss Bowie. Somebody genuine and private and committed to their work.

go on, spill the tea. I really loved Bowie 's last album; It reminded me of Scott Walker's later albums - listening to Tilt on headphones on a dark room is a truly terrifying experience.

 

[emmer_moans]

I agree re: raisins - they belong in a mince pie or fruitcake but that’s it. I can’t be doing with them in savoury dishes or salads.

Also, mice pie sandwich toastie? Noooooo

 

[Hollaaa]

Oooh what’s the tea? I’ve been following this!

It's all a landgrab for that sweet patreon/kickstarter dollar with a side helping of racism that other people are leveraging to gain the upper hand - which they don't seem to recognise as racist in and of itself. It's the knitting wars all over again but with 'business gurus' and mean girls.

 

[Nonnymouse]

I had at one point two phones full of twitter hate as a man was harassing me and I had to keep them as I had to go to police.

However. I scrubbed the lot and they are still on iCloud. You can’t let the hate weigh you down. Not that I think people are sending her hate. It actually got to the point that my phone was so full of crap I couldn’t do anything else with it. Who needs that? No one.

If you do get hate on twitter it weighs you down. I had people tweeting me photos of guns with my name on them.

And I’m not Jack. I’m not famous. I’m a very ordinary person. It made me unwell.

Why on earth would you want to keep a screenshot of every person who ever sent you abuse. I couldn’t wait to get rid of the rubbish I was sent. It was like a millstone around my neck.

Personally. I’m the kind of person if people hate me it weighs me down. I’m a natural worrier and I’m not just a shrug off kind of person. So honestly? I hate twitter. It’s horrible and it’s toxic. Why expose yourself to all that nonsense and then give it the poor me.

Just get off the platform. Don’t bang on about how crap it is and stay there. Leave.

If people send you abuse. Block them. Don’t screenshot it all and then cry about it. Get rid of it all.

I agree with you to a point, having been through the social media hate myself, but I keep a few because they amuse me, these are my fevourite:

That said, I have no doubt my experience wasn't as traumatic as yours @Lastoftheflumps - glad you've managed to put it in your past x

I see people tell her not to read the stuff that is written about her, and have to admit if it were me I wouldn't be able to NOT read - but she has to take it as it it is, the opinion of a few people on a website, brought about by her own actions, it's not life or death and not worth worrying about (in her case, not any other Frau's experience I hasten to add, that was probably built on lies and obssession BECAUSE THEY DON'T SHARE THEIR LIVES ONLINE!)

 

[Ellabella]

I think it's safe to say that if Jack had recorded something for *actual TV* she'd have told us about it. This was like, a one-day shoot which suggests it's just some random promo or something, idk.

I agree. A TV show is planned in the schedule, so it wouldn't be a surprise when it aired. Nor is a TV show likely to go viral (although WTF that is all about God knows). Sounds more like an advert for something.

 

[Hollaaa]

This is a 'recipe' for a toastie.




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This reads like she's fundamentally misunderstood where the butter goes in a toastie. It goes on the outside of the slop container (bread) to make it crispy. Not on the inside to make it sloppier. She needs to urgently refamiliarise herself with butter. Or give it a go with (don't have nightmares) lard.