Elle Florence #15 Bottle Blonde and Chanel by the Pond, How Long until Fisherman Figures Out the Con?

[LetThemEatLipstick]

HOLY FUCK WE CALLED IT. SHE’S PREGNANT AND HAS A “PARTNER”. SHE TRAPPED HIM!!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD. It’s a girl, and she’s 12 weeks pregnant. My prayers have been answered. Great job Elle! Following in the steps of her mom. We’re all so proud and happy for the content to come!

“Oops, I thought I was on birth control. It must have been a fluke! Oh well, now we have to move in together and start our family! Oopsieeeeee!”

 

[boredstrom]

My heart says it's a return to Vancouver
My funny bone says its another engagement
My nerves say she's using a pregnancy to try and hold on to Fisherman
But, at the end of the day, my brain says it's just some new scarf colors.

 

[boredstrom]

As our hero seems to be winding down. I present the abridged 'Elle Florence Story'

At first I was like:

So I did this:

But then:

So now I'm like:

 

[boredstrom]

I think Fisherman is still in the boat. I see two people divots on the bed. He may not be living there, but she mentions her relationship and the date night was Top Gun and he flies so it lines up enough for me to still believe. Go Fisherman!

The best part was when she said 'Heres a life decision that I do regret however . . . . ' I was on the edge of my seat! was it:

• Dating a mean man like Chris just because he has money?
• Being lazy, selfish, and self absorbed to the point where the man I thought I was going to marry left me by packing his bags and walking out?
• Dedicating my 30th birthday party to the interests of a man who would be gone from my life before I turned 31?
• Quitting my job, leaving behind my social life and the city that I clearly loved to move to Florida to marry a creepy guy from a month-long student exchange 10 years prior who slid into my DM's looking for a little action?
• Relying on my mother to foot the bills so that when I made one of my classic Elle fuck ups, I got whisked away from my mess in first class to go lick my wounds while shopping in Hawaii, thus learning very little from my tremendous mistakes?

No. It wasn't any of these things. It was the microblading. The 'life decision' Elle regrets is the micro blading.

I was beginning to think Elle was done entertaining us with her dumpster fires. Ladies. She's just getting started.

 

[boredstrom]

The fact that Elle spent so much on a bikini and cover up with no Instagram photo to brag only supports the breakup theory and she never made it to Florida.

Yeah I guess I need to abandon my 'Elle's just lazy' theory. I think you folks are right. Fisherman most likely cut bait and paddled off into the sunset.

When she first did the vacation haul I jotted down prices and came up with something like $2300. Not on the trip, but just on clothes and cosmetics bought for the trip. Every item she bought must have been redundant too. She most likely had a perfectly good version of everything already that she could have brought.

Like, I get that shes a style youtuber, but come on Elle. You're expecting one of these guys to share finances with you one day. I don't care how much those affiliate links make you. You need to realize what that kind of visible spending looks like to someone you're asking to share a bank account with. I thought she learned how to hide all this stuff better during Rick.

At this point she needs to just embrace her extraness and be who she is. There's a very good chance she may never find a man, but if she doubles down on being Mega-Elle at least if she does find one, he's going to be next to impossible to chase off. He came for the extra and gosh darn it, Elle c an deliver plenty of it. I'd like to see a channel reboot with the following regular video series:

• What I Spend in a Day
• Lattes and Juvenile Literature
• New Years Eve Lookbook, First Day of Spring Lookbook, Easter Lookbook, Labor Day Lookbook, Rosh Hashana Lookbook, Battle of New Orleans Lookbook, Estelle Reel Day Lookbook, Elizabeth Peratrovich Day Lookbook, César Chávez Day Lookbook, Orthodox Holy Saturday Lookbook, Kamehameha Day Lookbook, Yorktown Victory Day Lookbook . . .
• Car Reveal, E-Bike Reveal, Boat Reveal, Flexjet Card Reveal, Arctic Cat Reveal, Spacecraft Reveal
• Spring Favorites: Buy and Wear Once | Not Want (shorter list than the wants) | Halmarks to Watch |
• GRWM: COVID Mandate Protest Cinnamon Swirl Makeup Tutorial
• Affordable Hangbags under $10000 each.
• What I Eat In a Day: Quick-Festering meals for hiking!
• Sort By Income With Me: Bumble tips!

 

[boredstrom]

She must have gotten pregnant while in Destin. Something had to have gone down before then bc she went silent for a long time I bet things were rocky and "oops" so mean to trick someone that way.

This summer's beach chair page turner; 'How Elle Sealed her Destiny in Destin'

All I can say is when we're all posting here from our nursing homes on our Google Mindscan 3000 devices, maybe Elle's college-age daughter will join us to complain about her mom.

 

[Frenchandfab]

I can't believe I'm saying this but she was way better when she had a life to brag about. She needs to find another Chris or Joe.

She was an entertaining trainwreck with the occasional good tip back then.

She should date a chef! And they would open a restaurant together « Maison Le coq « . Belgian waffles dripping in Grand Marnier called « gaufres à la Ginette ». Her life would be a sequel of ratatouille meeting 50 shades of butter! Loves it (Paris Hilton baby voice).

 

[poopettemetis]

A LOT of things in Elle's life stopped growing that fateful Thursday in May when she came and saw those packed suitcases.

That sounds like the first paragraph of a beach read novel perfect for Lattes and Literature

 

[Frenchandfab]

Moodboard for the upcoming wedding …

 

[MissDeverauxDarling]

Thanks to @Stubbssie for the thread title! As per Tattle guidelines, the title post with the most likes was the winner. I shortened it as the original wouldn't fit. The title is in reference to Elle's recent love for fishing that seems entirely driven to get the Fisherman to propose.

Some Tattlers mentioned a thread title that included Elle's recent promotion of COVID-19 misinformation. To honour that, a friendly reminder that she compared vaccine mandates to the Holocaust, she promoted conspiracy theories about the efficacy of the vaccines, and she followed pages that supported the illegal occupation of Canada's capital by a trucker convoy.

 

[Drasticactions]

My entry for the Elle fanfic

"Dear diary,
Today I have taken my future into my own hands. I've been heavily hinting to Eric that we really should get engaged. I don't know how many white dresses and pale blue items I can buy before he gets the idea that I'm ready to start planning a wedding? Mentioning how the mosquito net over our bed is a veil! All my something blue gel manicures!

After our anniversary , my birthday, Grismas, New Years Eve , and Valentine's day all passed Sans engagement ring. I knew I had to do something drastic. I can't wait until our anniversary again. Second anniversaries never work out well for me. Eventhough everything was perfect with Joe he still left. I need to lock Eric down now before he gets the idea to leave. After V-Day came and went and no Harry Winston ring was gifted to me I knew I had to do the work. Birth control pills are now in the dumpster. No one needs to know! Our trip to Destin with his friends is coming up and everyone knows canoodling on vacation always helps with conception. I will throw off the tattlers by having Ros`e with my mom and taking a romantic trip to the vineyard. I'm sure if I express how surprised I am he and everyone else will believe my birth control failed. He can't be mad at me when it was just bad luck, I know this is what he really wants he's just too shy to come out and say it.

His parents are so traditional and conservative and have been so ready for him to settle down and provide grandchildren they will jump at the chance to convince him to marry me. There is no way this will fail now. It doesn't matter that he's tried to dump me 3 times now, I will soon be carrying his progeny! My womb will be swollen with his seed! He is 40 and his mom keeps hinting about grandkids. It will make everyone so happy. And our post baby wedding will be all the more special with little Vera Rose as the flower girl.

Xoxo
Elle"

 

[flashygalfromflushing]

If she ever needs to start over again, I think she should move to Hong Kong. It would be a total fresh start. Also I would really like to see what it's like there.

I want to see Elle move to Europe! She has a Belgian passport. Why not move to the "motherland" and be among all the superior Europeanfolk that she idolizes so much? Why not get a job in Brussels "advising on EU law" like she did when she was 19, rofl.

Methinks it's because once she gets to Europe she'd actually be terribly out of place.

 

[boredstrom]

I still wish Joe never grabbed those soup mugs and fled into the Vancouver sunset. Imagine the videos we'd be getting twice a week . . .

What I spend in a day hour.
Top 5 luxury purchases to make after your husband opens a boutique law firm.
European baby names.
Top 5 Hallmark movies to watch with the Au Pair.
What I Wear in a week: 5 days 5 brunches.
Condo Cleanout Part 7: Getting rid of your husband's hobbies and blaming the maid for it.
Top 5 passenger seats in the over $100,000 segment: The luxury SUV shopping special.

 

[APoppy]

I found this caption from awhile ago on Emilie’s Instagram that I thought hilarious applied to Elle and her dating life.

 

[svdwoodsen]

I agree with everyone. I normally don't care about people's looks, bc most of the time we can't help that. But with Elle looks are fair game to me. She's a nasty selfish person, who is very vain. Elle is clearly a mean girl wannabe.

I'm sure if any of us met and tried to befriend Elle she'd be an awful friend. If she was thinner and prettier than one of us she's make passive aggressive comments about how lucky we are to be friends with a beautiful size 00 person like her. And if we were thinner or prettier than her she'd give some sort of back handed compliment, in her sickly sweet talking to Joe/bebe voice.

Seeing how she treated that chocolate shop employee when she got bonbons for her mom shows exactly the kind of person she is. And I had to deal with customers/patients just like her at my old job.

That on its own is enough to make her an unpleasant person. But her anti Semitic comments, her clearly European supremacist views (she always made it sound like she was better bc she was European) just make her all the more vile. Following the convoy clearly shows she doesn't seem to believe in facts or science either.

Elle is ugly on the inside and no matter how she looks on the outside, she will always be ugly to me. Any of my comments about Elle are only directed at her.

Someone needs to tell Elle that all white people are European by heritage...she's no more special than any other white Canadian or American. From the way she describes herself, you'd think she was some delicate and exotic species that no one else has ever seen before in Canada, and that led to her getting bullied growing up. Even today, Victoria is over 85% white and it would've had even less POCs back when Elle was a kid. Are we really supposed to believe that those mean girls hated princess Elle because she was of European heritage?

I also agree some people take the comments directed at Elle too personally. Everything we say here is in the context of Elle and her behaviour, and not about anyone else. If she wasn't so pretentious and a liar, we wouldn't pick on her looks or size. No one needs to be a size 0 or look like a model, but when Elle is clearly lying about her size and plastic surgery regularly to deceive others and attempting to profit off of the false image she's presenting, criticism is fair game.

 

[boredstrom]

I 100% agree and believe that she baby trapped him to make him stay. You cannot convince me that “I live in a hallmark movie” Eleanor Lecocq willingly had a baby out of wedlock with a man who wouldn’t even propose to her after two years, unless she felt like that was her last resort and she decided to pull a mama G. As for fishy, these sorts of relationships don’t usually tend to turn out well but if he stays, thats his decision.

That whole video. The Nordstrom haul of all Nordstrom hauls . . . Only what Elle is really hauling in this vid didn't come with a Nordstrom tag on it.

All the awkwardness around what to call him . . . . partner? the baby's father? Having to reassure her audience that he's happy about things. I don't think she mentions once that she loves him or he loves her. For a lot of people this would not be a big deal, it goes without saying in many cases, but this is Elle who made a video calling a man she barely knew 'the love of her life'

This vid isn't about him. It's about how Elle got what she wanted. Time and tide were against her, but the girlboss wanted it and got it. She may be in for a rude awakening though if he runs and she realizes you can't stick your kid in a storage locker with Pashy the bike and the rest of Nordstrom hauls past. It's going to really do a number on her when another Joe crosses her path and won't date her because she already has a kid.

 

[finallymadeanaccount42]

In my early 20s I had the biggest crush on a guy. We were friends and hung out sometimes, but nothing more than that. So what did I do? I made sure to do my best to impress him: made him fresh cookies, did most of the work in our homework/study groups, made sure to dress nice around him, invited him over to my parent's place which is huge and has a pool, and invited him over to a lot of freshly made dinners which mainly revolved around grilling (in my region we like to grill a lot). I also made sure to be interested in his hobbies or in whatever he was doing. I was absolutely sure that sooner or later, he would realise I am the perfect girlfriend for him.

Well you can guess what happened: a couple of months later, he got together with a girl he really liked: no cookies, homework help, grilled dinners, feigned interest in hobbies, or house with a pool required. Let's just say I learned my lesson FAST.

I am amazed that Elle is still acting this way around guys and she is almost in her mid-30s. I can't help but see my behaviour with my crush in the way she peacocks around the men in her life, showing her what amazing wife qualities she has and what a great life they will have with Mommy G footing the bills. It makes me cringe everytime she shows some new guy around Hawaii as if having a free place to crash there that will make them stay; and let's not forget that Fisherman was around during her ridiculous car-buying journey and we suspect had a big say in what car she got and that he probably gets to drive it around and pretend that it is his.

I don't think she has learned yet that men only stay for YOU, no matter how good the food, living situation, or endless budget for needless purchases, home renos, and furniture. After the Joe fiasco, I think she became extra guarded in only showing her "best qualities" to her men until she nails them down, but that means that they never really get to know and fall for the real her. I guess at this point the only man that will stay will be someone else like her who cannot look beyond the conforts she has to offer and is not annoyed by having to play the role of Prince Charming in her life. Even a huge dork like Rick broke it off because at least I think he is true to himself and has self-respect; and realised Elle was only with him because she just wants a man in her life, any man. (Yes, whatever Elle has said to spin the situation, I am on team Rick ended it after having some huge disagreement).

That being said, we will just have to wait and see if she posts anything and from where. It's probably already too late for a Mother's Day lookbook to sell scarves and jewelry.

 

[flashygalfromflushing]

I want Elle to move to NYC. And she'll be soooo smug too, telling people she's a "native New Yorker" and all. I will literally pop a capillary if I hear that lol.

 

[daytripper]

The level of unchecked consumerism we are about to witness is going to be FUCKING. NUTS.

Buckle up, fisherman!!

 

[Drasticactions]

Elle is always like "I don't like sweet coffee, so I only put in maple syrup, some crystallized honey and a little bit of foam on top"