Dating after lockdown #4 The bar for men is so low it's in hell

[whathastheworldcometo]

I completely get this. It makes you feel a bit used and like they don’t have any interest in you outside of what they want / when they want it. It’s not nice. Have you told him how this makes you feel?

Thank you, you completely get how I feel

I attempted to start the conversation, I said to him that I feel that he sometimes is a bit inconsiderate and he responded by saying he sees himself as mostly empathetic. He didn't really ask why I felt this way, but then again I understand that nobody like to be criticised.

I also think that he seems to be unable to focus on multiple things at the same time - I also find this challenging.
But a romantic interest is always at the forefront of my mind, so I personally would not freeze / slow contact in this way.

 

[thunderfook]

I completely get this. It makes you feel a bit used and like they don’t have any interest in you outside of what they want / when they want it. It’s not nice. Have you told him how this makes you feel?

I kind of always feel men become slightly less enthusiastic after you’ve had sex with them. It’s kind of when the hunter instinct has been fulfilled (this is instinctive) and if you continue to see them you settle into a more relaxed phase. You say he has a child and obviously has a job and a busy social life. Maybe he’s a little bit more casual about things like texting than you are and you need to give it time. Of course they all text furiously at the beginning to catch your interest, but perhaps that wasn’t his normal style and this is. A lot of guys just don’t see texting as a big deal. Do you actually talk on the phone? You do know you’ll never be his top priority with a child though right? This is why I don’t date guys with kids. I would give it more time if you really like him because it’s still early days and if everything else is going well, it’s definitely something you can tackle when you become more serious.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I hate it when you stay over at someone

I kind of always feel men become slightly less enthusiastic after you’ve had sex with them. It’s kind of when the hunter instinct has been fulfilled (this is instinctive) and if you continue to see them you settle into a more relaxed phase. You say he has a child and obviously has a job and a busy social life. Maybe he’s a little bit more casual about things like texting than you are and you need to give it time. Of course they all text furiously at the beginning to catch your interest, but perhaps that wasn’t his normal style and this is. A lot of guys just don’t see texting as a big deal. Do you actually talk on the phone? You do know you’ll never be his top priority with a child though right? This is why I don’t date guys with kids. I would give it more time if you really like him because it’s still early days and if everything else is going well, it’s definitely something you can tackle when you become more serious.

anyone else hate the drive home after staying at someone’s house for the first time, wondering when they’ll text after? Worst anxiety ever

 

[thunderfook]

Today’s z-list gallery. Anyone come across these two losers? Apparently hobbit Dean has now turned to Raya to find his 22 year old bikini-clad influencer! I do know someone who talked to him on B and he was apparently really crass and only wanted a hook up!

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I kind of always feel men become slightly less enthusiastic after you’ve had sex with them. It’s kind of when the hunter instinct has been fulfilled (this is instinctive) and if you continue to see them you settle into a more relaxed phase. You say he has a child and obviously has a job and a busy social life. Maybe he’s a little bit more casual about things like texting than you are and you need to give it time. Of course they all text furiously at the beginning to catch your interest, but perhaps that wasn’t his normal style and this is. A lot of guys just don’t see texting as a big deal. Do you actually talk on the phone? You do know you’ll never be his top priority with a child though right? This is why I don’t date guys with kids. I would give it more time if you really like him because it’s still early days and if everything else is going well, it’s definitely something you can tackle when you become more serious.

You are most likely right - men become less enthusiastic after sex and women more so.

I completely get that he is busy and the child comes first, but a bit of attention would still be nice.
Although it is probably as you say and this lack of contact is more his style.

Yes, we do talk on the phone, but it is predominantly me that calls. I will stop that now.

I don't like playing games (timing when to respond to someone or make contact), but I also feel less inclined to keep the communication going now and think of him less often.

 

[Shesaiditfirst]

Dating in 2021 is so draining

 

[thunderfook]

You are most likely right - men become less enthusiastic after sex and women more so.

I completely get that he is busy and the child comes first, but a bit of attention would still be nice.
Although it is probably as you say and this lack of contact is more his style.

Yes, we do talk on the phone, but it is predominantly me that calls. I will stop that now.

I don't like playing games (timing when to respond to someone or make contact), but I also feel less inclined to keep the communication going now and think of him less often.

If you feel he is not as invested in this than you are then yes, it would be best to hold back and guard your heart. That’s not game playing - it’s self preservation. See if that changes anything and then maybe next time you see him, tell him you’d like to hear from him more. If he values you and what you have he’ll be willing to do this. My ex-husband and I were furious texter (we first met through texting back in the day when it was still relatively new) and that never changed over 13 years, despite a very busy career as an covert police officer and I get how reassuring and special this is. Whereas the last ex would only ever text me when he wanted something or call me when he needed a sympathetic ear - and this is how I knew he was a user and waste of time. I digress - but my point is you know what feels right for you, but men are really quite simple creatures. If you tell him you’d like more communication and he cares - he’ll do it. If he doesn’t you know it’s time to move on!

 

[anonesk223]

Having a similar thing - been talking to a guy for a while and he seemed really keen, sent lovely messages and messaged fairly frequently. I know he has a really stressful job and sometimes is slow to reply during the day etc but his communication has really tailed off. Not just the loooong time to reply but also he’s not being as sweet and it’s just quite dull chit chat - for a few days now.
When I brought it up he said that work is super stressful and he’s snowed under and it’s nothing I’ve done, but I can’t help but feel sad about it and a bit forgotten about? He doesn’t seem to make any effort anymore even outside of work hours

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

If you feel he is not as invested in this than you are then yes, it would be best to hold back and guard your heart. That’s not game playing - it’s self preservation. See if that changes anything and then maybe next time you see him, tell him you’d like to hear from him more. If he values you and what you have he’ll be willing to do this. My ex-husband and I were furious texter (we first met through texting back in the day when it was still relatively new) and that never changed over 13 years, despite a very busy career as an covert police officer and I get how reassuring and special this is. Whereas the last ex would only ever text me when he wanted something or call me when he needed a sympathetic ear - and this is how I knew he was a user and waste of time. I digress - but my point is you know what feels right for you, but men are really quite simple creatures. If you tell him you’d like more communication and he cares - he’ll do it. If he doesn’t you know it’s time to move on!

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and valuable advice
I appreciate it!

And thanks for sharing your experience. What you say rings very true to me and will do what you say - mention it to him next time and see what happens.

 

[thunderfook]

Having a similar thing - been talking to a guy for a while and he seemed really keen, sent lovely messages and messaged fairly frequently. I know he has a really stressful job and sometimes is slow to reply during the day etc but his communication has really tailed off. Not just the loooong time to reply but also he’s not being as sweet and it’s just quite dull chit chat - for a few days now.
When I brought it up he said that work is super stressful and he’s snowed under and it’s nothing I’ve done, but I can’t help but feel sad about it and a bit forgotten about? He doesn’t seem to make any effort anymore even outside of work hours

I honestly think us ladies invest far too much in these guys before we actually know them and know what to reqlly expect on a day-to-day basis. It is partly their fault because thry hook us in and then think nothing of changing the goalpost when something more pressing/stressful comes up. We will panic and think they’ve gone off - whereas they literally haven’t given it a second thought until we mention it to them. I don’t know what the solution is here, because trust me I’m exactly the same as you guys. I used to think nothing of telling a guy I wasn’t happy about something and see if they cared enough to change it. Now I don’t give a tit really, I’m so jaded from my ex I probably bump guys off before I’ve even given them half a chance. We are fucked really because we haven’t to find that delicate balance between guarding our hearts and still being open to love. It’s a minefield for sure! All I can say is keep your standards high - only accept what you find acceptable and let the rest go!

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

It has happened again. A guy I had in the background and was texting kinda but I liked the 47 year old more lol (he ghosted see other posts) he cancelled first date due to work and then sent me the booking confirmation where he rescheduled it at the same restaurant for the following week.

That week came around and he thought it was for Thursday not Wednesday I didn’t mind as I couldn’t be arsed was too hot and my asthma was giving me stress so I was fine with that. We then said we’ll try again this week fast forward to last night. In the middle of texting he said he’s going back to Canada for business, house has sold etc for a few weeks.

I was like ok cool good luck maybe we can arrange when you return. He was like yep can’t wait and he sounded keen and eager. I made a joke about him cancelling again and how this is case for wasted time and inconvenience (literally what I thought was tongue in cheek) before i sent a haha he blocked me, blocked me on tinder, I messaged on Instagram to literally say I was joking) and he blocked me there on his accounts and my two accounts everything.

Like I don’t get it? I keep thinking something is maybe suspicious but my brain automatically goes to what did I do wrong here. I don’t know if everyone is moving mad or it’s me.

so now I’ve deleted every app and paused/hidden my accounts because I cannot cope.

*Cries in fed up girl*

 

[Not_A_Troll]

I know that I’m always way more invested early on so have had to really make a concerted effort to step back. I don’t want to be the one who’s always chasing, it would be lovely for someone to actually chase me for once.

 

[sleepflowers]

I can't believe there are people out there who like someone and that person likes them back then they get into a relationship...an alien concept to me

 

[HelloStereo]

It has happened again. A guy I had in the background and was texting kinda but I liked the 47 year old more lol (he ghosted see other posts) he cancelled first date due to work and then sent me the booking confirmation where he rescheduled it at the same restaurant for the following week.

That week came around and he thought it was for Thursday not Wednesday I didn’t mind as I couldn’t be arsed was too hot and my asthma was giving me stress so I was fine with that. We then said we’ll try again this week fast forward to last night. In the middle of texting he said he’s going back to Canada for business, house has sold etc for a few weeks.

I was like ok cool good luck maybe we can arrange when you return. He was like yep can’t wait and he sounded keen and eager. I made a joke about him cancelling again and how this is case for wasted time and inconvenience (literally what I thought was tongue in cheek) before i sent a haha he blocked me, blocked me on tinder, I messaged on Instagram to literally say I was joking) and he blocked me there on his accounts and my two accounts everything.

Like I don’t get it? I keep thinking something is maybe suspicious but my brain automatically goes to what did I do wrong here. I don’t know if everyone is moving mad or it’s me.

so now I’ve deleted every app and paused/hidden my accounts because I cannot cope.

*Cries in fed up girl*

He cancelled three times on you and then blocked you. Sounds like a total time waster to me. At least he removed himself from your life which is a blessing. Don't waste any more energy on him as if he was keen he'd at least remember the correct day.

 

[thunderfook]

It has happened again. A guy I had in the background and was texting kinda but I liked the 47 year old more lol (he ghosted see other posts) he cancelled first date due to work and then sent me the booking confirmation where he rescheduled it at the same restaurant for the following week.

That week came around and he thought it was for Thursday not Wednesday I didn’t mind as I couldn’t be arsed was too hot and my asthma was giving me stress so I was fine with that. We then said we’ll try again this week fast forward to last night. In the middle of texting he said he’s going back to Canada for business, house has sold etc for a few weeks.

I was like ok cool good luck maybe we can arrange when you return. He was like yep can’t wait and he sounded keen and eager. I made a joke about him cancelling again and how this is case for wasted time and inconvenience (literally what I thought was tongue in cheek) before i sent a haha he blocked me, blocked me on tinder, I messaged on Instagram to literally say I was joking) and he blocked me there on his accounts and my two accounts everything.

Like I don’t get it? I keep thinking something is maybe suspicious but my brain automatically goes to what did I do wrong here. I don’t know if everyone is moving mad or it’s me.

so now I’ve deleted every app and paused/hidden my accounts because I cannot cope.

*Cries in fed up girl*

Oh sweetie, it’s definitely time for a break and an adoption of the one strike, you’re out policy. Unless there’s a really good excuse (somebody died, they were hospitalised ect) then delete and move on!

You can’t really have done anything wrong because he didn’t even meet you! But perhaps you have a type who aren’t the best for you. Either way, he’s obviously a dick without a sense of humour/conscience and not worth worrying about. Save your tears for those that really matter!

Oh sweetie, it’s definitely time for a break and an adoption of the one strike, you’re out policy. Unless there’s a really good excuse (somebody died, they were hospitalised ect) then delete and move on!

You can’t really have done anything wrong because he didn’t even meet you! But perhaps you have a type who aren’t the best for you. Either way, he’s obviously a dick without a sense of humour/conscience and not worth worrying about. Save your tears for those that really matter!

Hey you could be poor old Miguel, who apparently only wants a cuddle but it’s obviously ‘too complicated’!
Mod edit: photos removed.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Hey you could be poor old Miguel, who apparently only wants a cuddle but it’s obviously ‘too complicated’!

FFS Miguel WHO are these people hoping to attract with bios (and Liberty print shirts) like that?!

 

[Woolmercardington]

He cancelled three times on you and then blocked you. Sounds like a total time waster to me. At least he removed himself from your life which is a blessing. Don't waste any more energy on him as if he was keen he'd at least remember the correct day.

Absolutely. C'mon, surely we all know by now that very rarely is it anything we've done. Look at how many of us here have the exact same stories to share. He kept cancelling. He was a bloody time waster and now he's proven it.

 

[Not_A_Troll]

I see profiles like this and just want to stay single forever

 

[thunderfook]

I see profiles like this and just want to stay single forever

And Randy’s face?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

@whathastheworldcometo
Block this man.. You deserve so much more. He’s coming over for sex and then not speaking a word to you, he’s a using bastard disgrace of a man. Don’t make excuses for why he can’t text you because he can, he’s just choosing not to.