Dating after lockdown #4 The bar for men is so low it's in hell

[mehere]

Was chatting to this guy last night for all of 45 minutes before he gave me his number and proceeded to end the conversation like this. I get that sometimes there’s a lot of back and forth texting on dating apps but slow down fella, I don’t know if you’re a weirdo or not.
FYI - I have not taken him up on his offer

 

[Bellaboo83]

I don't get these guys being so passive aggressive all the time!?! Do they think it makes us like them?

Like in every walk of life if you're passive aggressive to me I will notice right away and I will leave yo bad vibes the duck alone....

Do they think if they went to a bar and said to us "here is my number, call or don't call, most girls don't and I think it's so rude but you should" that they're going to get a response..... NO!!!

How do they think it's going to get them anywhere online? Hahaha

 

[thunderfook]

Was chatting to this guy last night for all of 45 minutes before he gave me his number and proceeded to end the conversation like this. I get that sometimes there’s a lot of back and forth texting on dating apps but slow down fella, I don’t know if you’re a weirdo or not.
FYI - I have not taken him up on his offer

Yeah well this was his second message…. After he replied ‘can I have more photos’, I deleted him! Like FO will ya!

 

[PenelopeChat]

It could be worse…or could it?


Woah!

The fact that he's a Christian moderate, though...

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Urrghhh I HATE it when they try to force a video call or phone call on you immediately. We’ve exchanged all of 2 messages hun, what do you imagine we’ll speak about?

 

[aimz_yeah]

Urrghhh I HATE it when they try to force a video call or phone call on you immediately. We’ve exchanged all of 2 messages hun, what do you imagine we’ll speak about?

I thought it was only me who felt like this.

Also I am chilling on my sofa, watching tv or whatever. I can text you along side but I'm not at that point where I want to have to make ongoing conversation over the phone, that requires brain power

 

[RomeoandJuilet]

I need help! There’s this lad at work who I really like, we’re always flirting and chatting and we get on really well. I want to make it more obvious that I like him more than a friend but I’m scared maybe he won’t see me that way or it’s all in my head even though my close friends have said he’s flirting back! I’m just scared of embarrassing myself and him and possibly ruining a good friendship

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I think this is the best advice! I went through this with someone, I was blinded by them and chose to ignore the red flags, even though they threw them out left, right and Centre. I was noticing the things, because I was telling friends about them but I was so sucked into my own fairytale of how amazing I thought they were and how I thought it would all work out in the end and in the end it ended badly. My mental health crumbled, they checked out but strung me along until they could lay the blame at my door that I caused the end of the relationship, and even then they dragged the break up out for 3 weeks whilst they decided what they wanted. It was a learning curve and a half and having now met someone new who’s completely different I kick myself for letting myself ignore those very very obvious red flags.

I agree it’s horrible isn’t it? My friend knew my ex and his ex wife really really well and she didn’t want to tell me about what a snake he really was, but I dragged it out of her and I still didn’t listen. Ended up getting really hurt in the process. It’s just really hard to listen to sense when you’re in the lavender haze isn’t it

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

This guy I have been seeing is really bad at staying in touch.
We spent the weekend together and virtually no communication since then, he just responded briefly to a news article I sent him.

Am a bit put off by it, I find it insensitive.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

This guy I have been seeing is really bad at staying in touch.
We spent the weekend together and virtually no communication since then, he just responded briefly to a news article I sent him.

Am a bit put off by it, I find it insensitive.

Is he usually bad at staying in touch?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Is he usually bad at staying in touch?

Hmmm, hard to say, I have only known him for a few weeks.

But it was similar the weekend before, he left on Sunday evening and the first time I heard from him was Tuesday.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Hmmm, hard to say, I have only known him for a few weeks.

But it was similar the weekend before, he left on Sunday evening and the first time I heard from him was Tuesday.

I think if this has always been his pattern, then OK. But if it's a change in the ting behaviour then you need to take notice.

That being said, even though I'm not an endless texter, I do find it a total drag if they take hours of a day or more to reply. It just kills any rapport or momentum you're trying to build.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Hmmm, hard to say, I have only known him for a few weeks.

But it was similar the weekend before, he left on Sunday evening and the first time I heard from him was Tuesday.

Maybe it’s just the way he is but I find it rude.

Whenever I’m dating someone they will text me as soon as they get home and then continuously until I see them again. I know people are busy and we all have lives but I don’t believe in any of these ‘Oh maybe they are doing X Y or Z’ theories when men vanish for hours at a time. They will make time to text or reply to you when they are really interested.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Maybe it’s just the way he is but I find it rude.

Whenever I’m dating someone they will text me as soon as they get home and then continuously until I see them again. I know people are busy and we all have lives but I don’t believe in any of these ‘Oh maybe they are doing X Y or Z’ theories when men vanish for hours at a time. They will make time to text or reply to you when they are really interested.

Thank you for validating how I feel.

Last time it was me who then texted him on Tuesday saying that I wondered if everything was ok as he hadn't texted me after he got home or since, and he said that everything was fine.

Now this weekend he send me a text on Sunday saying he got home, but only this brief response to the news article I had sent him since.

I know he is watching the football with friends etc and he doesn't seem to be an avid tester, but it does make me feel a bit neglected.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

@whathastheworldcometo Is this the same guy you mentioned before who had gone silent for two weeks? Did you end up having a chat with him about how the lack of comms was making you feel? I have dated a few guys who are similar with sporadic communication and whole days passing without hearing from them and I ALWAYS end up losing interest in favour of someone who texts more frequently. Your attention goes where it’s being reciprocated IMO. No one wants to feel like they’re always the one doing the chasing.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

@whathastheworldcometo Is this the same guy you mentioned before who had gone silent for two weeks? Did you end up having a chat with him about how the lack of comms was making you feel? I have dated a few guys who are similar with sporadic communication and whole days passing without hearing from them and I ALWAYS end up losing interest in favour of someone who texts more frequently. Your attention goes where it’s being reciprocated IMO. No one wants to feel like they’re always the one doing the chasing.

Yes, that's the one!

He told me that his mother had died unexpectedly and I believe the funeral was during that two weeks' silence, so I completely understand that.

But then he picked up the conversation again and before we actually met (and had sex) he had been in touch more frequently, every day.

It was only after we met the second / third time that his communication slowed down and now it is completely unsatisfactory for me.

I know that he is on his way to see his child today, so is in the car all day, and he seems to have been with friends the last couple of nights.
I appreciate that he is a busy person but it kind of cheapens the time we spend together (especially as we have a lot of sex when we meet).

 

[thunderfook]

I thought it was only me who felt like this.

Also I am chilling on my sofa, watching tv or whatever. I can text you along side but I'm not at that point where I want to have to make ongoing conversation over the phone, that requires brain power

He didn’t believe I was real! I mean my profile is verified and all my pictures look like me!

 

[Mr Sparkle]

Question: How do you all start conversations on Bumble? Just a 'hey', or something to do with their profile etc?

 

[aimz_yeah]

Question: How do you all start conversations on Bumble? Just a 'hey', or something to do with their profile etc?

If they have written something on their profile or have interesting photos I’ll comment on that. If they haven’t made any effort with their profile then I will send a basic hey how is your week going

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I appreciate that he is a busy person but it kind of cheapens the time we spend together (especially as we have a lot of sex when we meet).

I completely get this. It makes you feel a bit used and like they don’t have any interest in you outside of what they want / when they want it. It’s not nice. Have you told him how this makes you feel?