Dating after lockdown #4 The bar for men is so low it's in hell

[Thank(space)you]

New thread!

Well done @sleepflowers for the winning suggestion with 14 likes

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Dating after lockdown #3 The constant disappointment of men

I honestly wish I knew you all in real life so I could send a voicenote. I’m having the wildest week. Including dealing with my own friends. One was offered a substantial amount of money by a date to perform a sexual act and another has offered to charter her a plane away this weekend (which...

tattle.life

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

long may this continue

 

[sleepflowers]

Back again!

I think the apps are majorly busy right now. Every time I empty my Bumble queue it fills up to 50+ within an hour (not boasting or anything!! I do live in London too so lots of people)...but are any of them interesting? What do you think

 

[HelloStereo]

Back again!

I think the apps are majorly busy right now. Every time I empty my Bumble queue it fills up to 50+ within an hour (not boasting or anything!! I do live in London too so lots of people)...but are any of them interesting? What do you think

I think it's all that pent up frustration after lockdown

 

[f0xmulder]

quick update for you all on this lovely new thread! i went over to the Guitarist's place on tuesday night, had chinese takeout and watched a goodfellas - he's obsessed with all the gangster movies, but we take turns on picking movies and next time it's my turn. which leads me to... we've agreed to do another movie thing on sunday (and i will take my overnight things). i feel like i'm on a train going off the tracks a bit but also i love it? he was the last person to message and i left it on read for all of yesterday, and i'll probably reply later today with a random tiktok about gangster movies.

also the Italian messaged me last night and voice noted me (boring) and i swapped numbers with a teacher but the chat is deadddd. i'm trying not to go all eggs in one basket with the Guitarist buttttt he's the most interesting? it's hard to focus on a boring person just as a distraction from the interesting person you're trying not to get caught up in.

how do you manage multiple dating scenarios? when, if ever, do you want to make things exclusive? i'm thinking of asking the Guitarist on sunday if he's had other overnight guests just from a health perspective, not necessarily an exclusivity perspective.

 

[HelloStereo]

quick update for you all on this lovely new thread! i went over to the Guitarist's place on tuesday night, had chinese takeout and watched a goodfellas - he's obsessed with all the gangster movies, but we take turns on picking movies and next time it's my turn. which leads me to... we've agreed to do another movie thing on sunday (and i will take my overnight things). i feel like i'm on a train going off the tracks a bit but also i love it? he was the last person to message and i left it on read for all of yesterday, and i'll probably reply later today with a random tiktok about gangster movies.

also the Italian messaged me last night and voice noted me (boring) and i swapped numbers with a teacher but the chat is deadddd. i'm trying not to go all eggs in one basket with the Guitarist buttttt he's the most interesting? it's hard to focus on a boring person just as a distraction from the interesting person you're trying not to get caught up in.

how do you manage multiple dating scenarios? when, if ever, do you want to make things exclusive? i'm thinking of asking the Guitarist on sunday if he's had other overnight guests just from a health perspective, not necessarily an exclusivity perspective.

The last person I dated exclusively we dated for about a month (3 dates a week on average) before agreeing..I thought it meant he was my boyfriend .

I think it's hard to remain enthusiastic about other people when you've found someone you like more.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I realised it was no good for me having multiple options just because I could. I’ve tried it and it never ends well for the ones that are 2nd/3rd etc because I was always putting one first and never making time for the others who ended up getting hurt.

I’d rather remove the ones I wasn’t feeling and focus on the one I did like.

 

[justapossum]

how do you manage multiple dating scenarios?

I would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested in
The guy I'm currently speaking to and going on dates with, he's the only one I am doing that with as I deleted Tinder at the beginning of the year.. I do wish I hadn't as I hate the idea of putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I think having other options would make me feel less scared haha.
If things don't work out I will probably redownload Tinder but I'm going to leave it for now as I wouldn't want him to see me pop up on Tinder all of the sudden - as I know I'd be a bit put off if it was other way around (maybe I'm over thinking it ).

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested in
The guy I'm currently speaking to and going on dates with, he's the only one I am doing that with as I deleted Tinder at the beginning of the year.. I do wish I hadn't as I hate the idea of putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I think having other options would make me feel less scared haha.
If things don't work out I will probably redownload Tinder but I'm going to leave it for now as I wouldn't want him to see me pop up on Tinder all of the sudden - as I know I'd be a bit put off if it was other way around (maybe I'm over thinking it ).

I wouldn’t worry about him seeing you on Tinder. He would have to be on there himself to see you

 

[anonesk223]

I’m chatting to someone who clearly only wants to have sex. I’ve met up with him for drinks and now he wants me to come over... I’m stuck between saying duck it and just enjoying myself and having something casual, and wanting him to at least take me to dinner or something I just can’t decide!

 

[alwayslurkin]

I disagree with this whole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" it's just bullshit to me

If you only have time/mental capacity/interest in one person, then just go for it. If it doesn't work out, put yourself out there again and find someone else.

I think it stems from people being wary about getting too serious, too quickly, which I understand, but there is nothing wrong with only dating one person even early days

 

[leapricot]

So this weekend is looking pretty busy for me.
- Tomorrow night I am going on a date with a guy I used to speak to a few months ago but he was just so full on with his messages and travel pictures that I kind of stopped talking to him gradually. But he posted some photos on Instagram in the past few days and I thought "OMG who is this finger licking man". I started chatting to him again and he suggested we go for food tomorrow.
- On Saturday evening, I may have another one with a guy from Bumble. I really liked his vibe on the app but the chat is deaaaad on Whatsapp so not sure I'll go ahead with this date...
- On Sunday afternoon, I have a picnic date with a guy I was talking to on Hinge. He is really nice, we have lots of things in common but it seems that he is really small on pictures with his friends despite him telling me he was 5'9.

Let's see what the weekend brings

 

[f0xmulder]

The last person I dated exclusively we dated for about a month (3 dates a week on average) before agreeing..I thought it meant he was my boyfriend .

I think it's hard to remain enthusiastic about other people when you've found someone you like more.

ooh that's interesting! tbh i have a more avoidant attachment style so even right now i'm like flipflopping about the Guitarist. i'm a very hot and cold person but i try not to show it externally bc it's just my useless rat brain running on a wheel.

it's definitely really hard to find enthusiasm when you have a favourite ://

I realised it was no good for me having multiple options just because I could. I’ve tried it and it never ends well for the ones that are 2nd/3rd etc because I was always putting one first and never making time for the others who ended up getting hurt.

I’d rather remove the ones I wasn’t feeling and focus on the one I did like.

this is extremely fair and tbh my logical mind agrees with you - but i don't want to get hurt and i feel like having a few others as potentials is a bit of a safety net if things with the Guitarist go off the rails.

I would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested in
The guy I'm currently speaking to and going on dates with, he's the only one I am doing that with as I deleted Tinder at the beginning of the year.. I do wish I hadn't as I hate the idea of putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I think having other options would make me feel less scared haha.
If things don't work out I will probably redownload Tinder but I'm going to leave it for now as I wouldn't want him to see me pop up on Tinder all of the sudden - as I know I'd be a bit put off if it was other way around (maybe I'm over thinking it ).

i'm exactly the same!! except i have backups rn bc i am so not up for a summer of pining over someone's son. re: tinder, i agree with laurielaurie, if someone sees you on tinder, they also have to be on tinder so...... all's fair etc. although, tbh... Guitarist was a back up for the pathological liar initially, so people can move up down in terms of how much you like them!

I disagree with this whole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" it's just bullshit to me

If you only have time/mental capacity/interest in one person, then just go for it. If it doesn't work out, put yourself out there again and find someone else.

I think it stems from people being wary about getting too serious, too quickly, which I understand, but there is nothing wrong with only dating one person even early days

i'm normally (or, previously) a one basket type person, but i think because no-one really does that anymore it makes more sense to date around. bc of the apps and especially with post-lockdown madness, i feel like most people my age are seeing multiple people partly to prevent getting too deep into something, partly for a fun activity, and partly just because it's possible?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

this is extremely fair and tbh my logical mind agrees with you - but i don't want to get hurt and i feel like having a few others as potentials is a bit of a safety net if things with the Guitarist go off the rails.

I think it’s ok as long as you keep things cool with the back ups.

Maybe it’s just me but the lads in Newcastle are soft as tit and get attached/catch feelings quickly so I’m wary not to drag other people along when I’m not 100% feeling it.

 

[yankydoo]

I think initially it's fine to date multiple people. But there does come a point where it definitely becomes unfair and also you do end up liking one more.

In my experience anyway, usually within a few weeks most have run their course and I end up down to one. What I would do is to stop arranging new dates if I had a few coming up, focus on those, maybe get down to one, see them for a bit, that ends and then start again.

 

[f0xmulder]

I think it’s ok as long as you keep things cool with the back ups.

Maybe it’s just me but the lads in Newcastle are soft as tit and get attached/catch feelings quickly so I’m wary not to drag other people along when I’m not 100% feeling it.

that's so interesting! without getting into too much personal details, the Guitarist is from London, same as me, but his ex lived abroad and he was in a LDR that only ended in april, where my LDR ended in march and my ex lived about 200 miles away. i feel like in my experience guys don't really catch feelings that quickly, maybe you just have the secret sauce to make them fall for you!

I think initially it's fine to date multiple people. But there does come a point where it definitely becomes unfair and also you do end up liking one more.

In my experience anyway, usually within a few weeks most have run their course and I end up down to one. What I would do is to stop arranging new dates if I had a few coming up, focus on those, maybe get down to one, see them for a bit, that ends and then start again.

i think for me is just figuring out what a ~normal timeline with all of this is! i haven't really dated before and i have no idea what my own feelings are doing or what the general norm for things is

 

[mehere]

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you! This thread has given me so many laughs the last few weeks and God knows I've needed it, you are all so brilliant!

This is my situation - I deleted all the apps around Christmas as wanted to focus on myself this year. Around February this guy from a few years ago (who previously I had a crush on) messaged me and we started seeing each other weekly and I really liked him. He told me he wasn't looking for anything serious as his work is so crazy and I believe him. We stopped seeing each other for a bit, then few weeks later he messages me again and we met up and almost slept together. I know he's not looking for a relationship but I can't help but give in to him (also it's been a bit of a dry spell so a part of me wants to get laid ha). I thought maybe I should try to get over him and joined Hinge but I think really I was just looking to see if other guys could make me feel differently about this guy. I've been chatting to a few guys and went on one date but he was really not my type in person.

A part of me wants to have my hot girl summer and just enjoy this fling with the guy I really like (at the risk of potentially getting hurt) or should I ditch him now and try to move on.

 

[justapossum]

I wouldn’t worry about him seeing you on Tinder. He would have to be on there himself to see you

As we have been going on dates recently, I wouldn't want him to think I've started looking elsewhere because I am not enjoying his company or something like that but yes for all I know he could still be on Tinder and looking elsewhere

I disagree with this whole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" it's just bullshit to me

If you only have time/mental capacity/interest in one person, then just go for it. If it doesn't work out, put yourself out there again and find someone else.

I think it stems from people being wary about getting too serious, too quickly, which I understand, but there is nothing wrong with only dating one person even early days

I think my worry about "putting all of my eggs in one basket" is there because matching on a dating app, it's only natural that the other person is speaking to/dating other people, and I hate the idea of me focusing on one person, who might be focusing on multiple people.
However, I am going to continue speaking to just him and like you've said, if it doesn't work out, I'll put myself out there again

 

[LaurieLaurie]

As we have been going on dates recently, I wouldn't want him to think I've started looking elsewhere because I am not enjoying his company or something like that but yes for all I know he could still be on Tinder and looking elsewhere

I wasn’t implying that he was, just that it’s a pointless worry. He couldn’t think anything of you being on there if he was on it himself if you know what I mean.

 

[Woolmercardington]

I can confirm that the devil does indeed make work for idle hands. I'm off work and just re-downloaded Tinder