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I actually canβt believe the ignorance of the people on here sometimes. Only a moron wouldnβt know that the phrase is actually βwith this new dayn of dawnβ as pronounced correctly by Mrs Malaprop himself, MarioNew thread title?
I think he actually meant βin this day and ageβ but the rant that day was 
and that wee gem was one of many. Aw, come back with your tri-hourly daily rants please, Mario, all is forgiven Show us your bespoke dinners, your pure luchzury new cushions and remind us again that you pie fahl rent And so forth...
Perhaps the rats have got him, eaten him and Derek and Raaaayn. 
If he's got a cold he's probably blowing gallons of snot from that outsize beak, he's exhausted.
If he's got a cold he's probably blowing gallons of snot from that outsize beak, he's exhausted.
Melv is harshing my buzz. The funky gibbon doesn't work for silent pictorial stories.
Instead I am invoking the legendary David Attenborough's dulcet tones and applying my own narrative.
The lesser spotted Melvin is indeed a rare species found only in a small territory in the west coast of Scotland. Notoriously often of poor general health, this unremarkable creature retreats to its hole whenever possible venturing out only when work and foraging for food and tat is strictly necessary. Parasitic in nature, the Melvin places a huge strain on local economies, environment and mating partner and unlike other rare species, nobody is particularly interested in conservation protections.
Identifiable by its uniquely hexagonal shaped head, sparsely covered in hair, it should always be approached with caution when outside of its safe place. Easily spooked and given to dramatics, it will lash out at perceived danger by breaking out its natural defences which include, but are not limited too, wild finger gesticulations, head wobbling and furious lip synching. It avidly avoids foods of nutritional value preferring instead anything beige or salt n vinegar flavoured and is wildly attracted to strong perfumed or chemical scents and anything shiny. Should you happen upon the Melvin unexpectedly and walking away in the opposite direction is untenable, it is recommended that you feign admiration, ask it nicely for a selfie or give it something (anything really) for free before slowly but determinedly backing away.
A more concentrated study of this creature was considered before being rejected as not remotely interesting enough.
and so forth.
Instead I am invoking the legendary David Attenborough's dulcet tones and applying my own narrative.
The lesser spotted Melvin is indeed a rare species found only in a small territory in the west coast of Scotland. Notoriously often of poor general health, this unremarkable creature retreats to its hole whenever possible venturing out only when work and foraging for food and tat is strictly necessary. Parasitic in nature, the Melvin places a huge strain on local economies, environment and mating partner and unlike other rare species, nobody is particularly interested in conservation protections.
Identifiable by its uniquely hexagonal shaped head, sparsely covered in hair, it should always be approached with caution when outside of its safe place. Easily spooked and given to dramatics, it will lash out at perceived danger by breaking out its natural defences which include, but are not limited too, wild finger gesticulations, head wobbling and furious lip synching. It avidly avoids foods of nutritional value preferring instead anything beige or salt n vinegar flavoured and is wildly attracted to strong perfumed or chemical scents and anything shiny. Should you happen upon the Melvin unexpectedly and walking away in the opposite direction is untenable, it is recommended that you feign admiration, ask it nicely for a selfie or give it something (anything really) for free before slowly but determinedly backing away.
A more concentrated study of this creature was considered before being rejected as not remotely interesting enough.
and so forth.
Love that he's watching steel magnolias. Olympia Dukakis has a line in that film that goes something like
If you've got nothing nice to say about someone...................come sit by me.
Very Tattle apt!
If you've got nothing nice to say about someone...................come sit by me.
Very Tattle apt!
I am worried about my queen of hearts and the person I tried to thieve the knocker chair of dreams for, @cleaningupthecrap She has vanished and I'm worried oor Melvin has kidnapped her and has her in his pit of despair breathing his "collonicvirum" all over her 
Perhaps she's got a poorly foof, caught it off someone... *glares at faithless trollop kikini*I am worried about my queen of hearts and the person I tried to thieve the knocker chair of dreams for, @cleaningupthecrap She has vanished and I'm worried oor Melvin has kidnapped her and has her in his pit of despair breathing his "collonicvirum" all over her
Awwww @Kikini Bamalam my fooof is in tatters actually after that pic, Iβve had to sit on a ring of ice for the past 3 days.
Iβm actually considering becoming an overwrought insta-wanker. I got lost in a The Range store today. I had nearly passed out from the chemical overload and utter tat piled everywhere before my colleague rescued me. The risks I take to get cardboard for a work related task. I think I could get at least 75 dots out of that adventure and finish it with a βcuteβ snap of me strangling my snuggggg hot water bottle and wearing a rat costume. Hopefully @Kaydeelaydee could narrate a documentary about my traumatic experience and I could get a free bottle of fabreeze with my name on. Iβm telling you, I could go right to the top, and Iβll be doing it all for youse Tattlers. Mwah mwah
Iβm actually considering becoming an overwrought insta-wanker. I got lost in a The Range store today. I had nearly passed out from the chemical overload and utter tat piled everywhere before my colleague rescued me. The risks I take to get cardboard for a work related task. I think I could get at least 75 dots out of that adventure and finish it with a βcuteβ snap of me strangling my snuggggg hot water bottle and wearing a rat costume. Hopefully @Kaydeelaydee could narrate a documentary about my traumatic experience and I could get a free bottle of fabreeze with my name on. Iβm telling you, I could go right to the top, and Iβll be doing it all for youse Tattlers. Mwah mwah
Coming soon to a forum near you...
Cleaningupthecrap #1 The Range Jurneee
Cleaningupthecrap #1 The Range Jurneee
"Al be back when Am back ma lovelies"
Less than 24 hours later....
Back.
Hardly Arnold Schwarzenegger is he?
Less than 24 hours later....
Back.
Hardly Arnold Schwarzenegger is he?
I feel it is a jurneee we could all get behind
Just for you @cleaningupthecrap - hope it gives your poorly wee fooof a morale boost
All together now in your best David Attenborough impressions:
Entering the unfamiliar territory of the tat emporium of dreams, the next 30 minutes will prove both crucial and perilous for our intrepid little 'gram cub and her credit card.
Uninitiated in the ritual of "the haul", instincts take over as she wisely selects the be-wheeled basket and sets off on her journey around the store gathering up items that she did not come in for, does not need but which must give her the most bang for her buck. The basket gives some much needed camouflage as she negotiates her way down aisles already over-populated with more experienced insta wannabes who will not welcome this newbie in her quest for 500 followers.
With phone in hand and adrenalin surging, she makes a run for it down the hurricane lamp and candlestick aisle, selecting the cheapest bougie items from the shelves before emerging into the safer waters of the cardboard aisle. No insta stars here, she has made it to temporary but relative safety.
Join us next week to find out if she used a fun filter on her footage and brought her own bags for life as she makes that final push towards the tills and insta glory.
All together now in your best David Attenborough impressions:
Entering the unfamiliar territory of the tat emporium of dreams, the next 30 minutes will prove both crucial and perilous for our intrepid little 'gram cub and her credit card.
Uninitiated in the ritual of "the haul", instincts take over as she wisely selects the be-wheeled basket and sets off on her journey around the store gathering up items that she did not come in for, does not need but which must give her the most bang for her buck. The basket gives some much needed camouflage as she negotiates her way down aisles already over-populated with more experienced insta wannabes who will not welcome this newbie in her quest for 500 followers.
With phone in hand and adrenalin surging, she makes a run for it down the hurricane lamp and candlestick aisle, selecting the cheapest bougie items from the shelves before emerging into the safer waters of the cardboard aisle. No insta stars here, she has made it to temporary but relative safety.
Join us next week to find out if she used a fun filter on her footage and brought her own bags for life as she makes that final push towards the tills and insta glory.
I think I have a crush on youJust for you @cleaningupthecrap - hope it gives your poorly wee fooof a morale boost
All together now in your best David Attenborough impressions:
Entering the unfamiliar territory of the tat emporium of dreams, the next 30 minutes will prove both crucial and perilous for our intrepid little 'gram cub and her credit card.
Uninitiated in the ritual of "the haul", instincts take over as she wisely selects the be-wheeled basket and sets off on her journey around the store gathering up items that she did not come in for, does not need but which must give her the most bang for her buck. The basket gives some much needed camouflage as she negotiates her way down aisles already over-populated with more experienced insta wannabes who will not welcome this newbie in her quest for 500 followers.
With phone in hand and adrenalin surging, she makes a run for it down the hurricane lamp and candlestick aisle, selecting the cheapest bougie items from the shelves before emerging into the safer waters of the cardboard aisle. No insta stars here, she has made it to temporary but relative safety.
Join us next week to find out if she used a fun filter on her footage and brought her own bags for life as she makes that final push towards the tills and insta glory.
seriously though, it was how I imagine entering Melvinβs hoose would be. There were so many competing chemical scents, overpowering scented candles, enough plush that I was giving myself an electric shock every time my thighs rubbed together. I came out with a new respect for my ordinary non beggy life.
I sent @cleaningupthecrap the Cliff/Mario picture... I am not surprised at the flap action
I will have my revenge, Iβm still confused what to do with myself every time I look at it!
STRUM YOURSELF TO ECSTASY!!!1111!1!1!!11!!!1I will have my revenge, Iβm still confused what to do with myself every time I look at it!
No you're not missy.I will have my revenge, Iβm still confused what to do with myself every time I look at it!
Oh, that was supposed to be Cliff.
ON THE BEG!! 
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