HE'S A VERY PRIVATE PERSON!!So much for him not posting anything to do with family. Or does that only apply to his family, not Derek's
cannot believe it’s Saturday the morra, canny believe it’s July, canny believe I’m 37 in a few weeks..canny believe I’m nearly in my 40s I canny believe what a fanny you are Mazda
what an honour just sheer beautiful bespoke joy running through me veins right nao I’m gonna sit here an breathe in the wealth Thank yous all 
A lot of his sentences today started with “Ah treatit masel tae...” Oh well, at least he has a book with real words & pages in it now
As yiz aw know, ah’m no’ keen on the scent lavender, so ah’ve boat masel many many years’ worth ae plug ins in the scent, eh, lavender 
An’ ah widnae expect yiz tae pie whit ah pied, ma lovelies, ah widnae expect it Oh, Meirdre, what a tremendously entertaining little cockgoblin you are OMG - yes! I was chortling away at that the other day but, tragically, didn’t have time to come & enjoy the organism further on here
I was also tres amused at his claims that he’s been approached many, many times by many, many cumpneez but he jist cannae give honest reviews of the many, many free proaducts they’re begging to foist upon him because of his sensitive, like bespoke sensitivity, skin. P&G asked me many, many times. Did they, aye? Manky grey goonie - daytime
The wee bawbag is riddled with the fear of going out in public and being approached/challenged. He would have you believe it’s because of his sexuality but in fact it’s because of his nasty personality. The whole camp/outgoing/sassy persona is a mere front in an attempt to be liked as “the gay best friend “ or “one of the lassies” but he is infact just vile and sleekit. I remember him from years ago going out near his home town with his wee tiny grey blazer that he wore EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND
even back then his clothes were too wee for him. So aye, the larger than life personality and the I don’t give a fuck attitude is a smoke screen for an insecure friendless wee boy. He’s won a watch there with Derek and he fucking knows it. I kkow were in the middle of a pandemic but even before, he never had friends round for dinner or drinks? He never went to meet friends for coffee? He never mentioned popping for a drink after work with work pals? He shat his pants with the whole semi chem thing, THAT is the reason he supposedly backed off. Probably more skeletons in his closet than Jacko 
try not to be abusive to your cat or partner while you’re at it.
) people on the old cleaners thread may remember Hinch sent voice messages to Lou. I think he is part of that, she ’speaks’ to certain accounts to keep them sweet, to show she is reaching out and helping others but I think also to stop them turning on her. There is nothing genuine about the character of Mrs Hinch, it is a well run manipulative company, Melv is an insignificant pawn to her but he believes she is a genuine friend, it’s all a bit sad really.
The chapstick length, what a tit .
I thought you’d peaked with the Ken & Deirdre one. I’m not ashamed to admit I was wrong. So wrong
It is no exaggeration to say that it has been the clear highlight of my day that his “hydratin’ face mist” isn’t suitable for facial use
Dead 
What an absolute walloper Going on like he’s curing cancer, you’re punting wax melts ya tit. And he talks like an absolute wee scheme ned, it’s so cringe! I live in the west of Scotland and my accent can be quite rough but I do know how to speak properly.