Cleaning with Mario #13 He can't believe it's not clutter

[Kaydeelaydee]

I'd be really interested to see the June credit and debit card statements cos he's really going for it with his spending at the mo.

It's way too early, but I'm offering Cleaning with Melvin #14 - Going for broke

 

[SequinDress]

I don’t know if I can keep going. I just can’t keep watching this absolute fucking halfwit. That whole flat is based around him and his wants and there is fuck off for dezza. I honestly can’t do it anymore, he’s too infuriating. And the way he fucking talks! Like he’s trying to be intelligent but he comes across with the intellect a fucking rice crispy!

 

[twilightgarden]

Is it just me that gets raging at all the Instagrammers, including Mario, who say things are ‘unreal’ or ‘insane’ when they’re not

A toilet cleaner is not unreal. A wax melt does not smell insane.

Get tae fuck.

 

[DilysMcGillis]

De yiz aw like ma new wah-ffle cooshinz, ma lovelies? And, in a step down from the high end, bespoke shite he buys for himself, he generously splashed out on some high street beauty products for Deek. “Derek loves the Simple range” Dead

 

[Sickofinstagramcrap]

Hold on did he used the words designer bag and £13.50 in the same sentance???

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

Thought there was a drunk slouched in the show chair, what is it? A coat?

 

[Noseybonk]

As there are so many of us that all watch and comment on the tacky 3 that are Mario, Hinch and Beggy Beggy.... just imagine if Big Brother came back and they did an ‘insta’ special . “Day 12 and Becky is sunbathing her leather chest again, Sophie is pretending to clean the kitchen, and Mario is trapped in the toilet because his IBS is playing up“

 

[D2theyawn]

There should be a Melvin FAQ sticky for each thread.
- is Mario his real name?
- what lives in the mystery kitchen cupboard?
- why does Derek not realise he can do better?
- does Rayn hate Mario?
- why does Martin display his Shark hoover like a treasured family heirloom?
- how much rent does Mario pay?
Etc. Possibilities are endless.

1. Aye ma luvlies mario is indeed his real boujie bespoke name
2. Derek has a cannabis ferm on the go in the mystery cupboard. Hence why the hoover n ste mop have been relegated to the living room/bedroom for display purposes
3. Deek is in a permanent state of hypnosis brought upon via ptsd from watching marians IBS go through the roof so often. Those flair boards are ruined
4. Babygurulrayn is in fact an elderly neighbours cat that mario swiped into a b&m carrier bag one day on his way home from a fabulous day of retail therapy finished off with a chippie tea at castle veeeechie. Ryan has remained captive ever since. So aye.
5. Said hoover is a status symbol. It is displayed so remind all of us mere peasants who don’t pay FULL RENT that he is above us. He works FULL TIME don’t you know?
6. Marian pays fuck all rent. Wee Deek pays it aw.
So aye ma luvlies that’s aw I’ve goat tae tell youse.
NAE DEBATES

 

[Anti-influencer]

His hair surely must be dry by the time he gets out the shower and walks three paces to the bedroom, especially with all the latest bathroom obstacles he has to get around. Must add 5 minutes onto the journey.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I tapped out of oor Melv for a while because his face made me want to hurt myself and his voice made my arsehole open, but am I reading tight that he is claiming to have been sent a death threat? Lying little cuntbag, I bet it just said your flat is shite mate. As we all know he posts just about anything that mentions him so why not this?

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

Probably another pure boujee bespoke throw. I’ve never know one occasional chair to have so many accessories on it! What even is that massive white knot he has on it?!

Hahaha who looks round their gaff and goes 'Y'know what would set this off..... a MASSIVE WHITE KNOT'

also why has he got a dressing table in his living room? There’s one in the bedroom isn’t there? I’m so confused

He has a bathroom cabinet and a bathmat in there too whilst his doorknob is on the back of a chair in his bedroom. His whole flat is a furniture orgy!

 

[Swipeupguyzzz]

He is fine, absalootley fine but aw those messages aw support just got him rite in the throat, the throat and cannae remember whit part of the haul he wiz showing but ye cannae go right with it apparently fur aw the hunners askin aboot the glasses, wind yer kneck in troops, he needs the mr magoo's to check the thoosand inbox, outbox, primaries, secondaries, ootboxes and shoe boxes - so aye - more pish tae squeeze intay the little shop of horrors but I luv it....

 

[MrsBeardy]

Do you think Marlene’s mum and dad had one of these at their front door when he was growing up and that this is what inspired his boujee bespoke hairdo?

 

[irishbelle Thnak]

Nice one Moira. Just told your hunners of thousands of followers that Derek has the trots. Poor Dezza

So let me get this straight !!!

Derek has a stomach bug, he comes homes from work - I have never heard of him doing that before, - he seem real ethical and a grafter. We have all been there and it is not nice.

So cunty face needs to be pampered - ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS !!!

Would you ever look after that lovely boy ..... I want to get on a plane rescue him

 

[MrsBeardy]

Lovely warm day so he’s away out a walk in the tinfoil trackie?

 

[All.the.vest]

Lovely warm day so he’s away out a walk in the tinfoil trackie?

Sweat will be belting down his wee bespoke heed. Hope he doesn’t come across another blind naketa dug ! imagine him running in that polyester the static ! Add into that fumes he must sweat out from all the Ava may wax melts and air fresheners from his over clutterd midden/full rent cooncil hoose! He would go up like a smoke mushroom! Boom paisley version of Chernobyl.

 

[Bestlife@60]

How lovely is Derek. He’s kind, thoughtful and generous. You never see Marion do anything nice for him. Shitty knob just minces about like he’s on The real hoousewives of Glasgy

 

[Swipeupguyzzz]

Morning ma lovelies!! Pure boiling here the day so just gonnae do ma usual, spray the shit outa everything, move nuthin, run the shark over the same 4cm of free carpet space, then sling £30 in that absolutely STUNNING game changing wee bum bag I got from ASOS last week, head oot and see what new useless crap I can buy fur ma little shop of horrors. So aye.... mwah mwah mwah

 

[DilysMcGillis]

It’s highways mind in paisley . With big huge blind naketa dugs roaming

And marauding rats & cooncil employees that don’t come immediately when you phone (about said marauding rats) at 3am, but arrive, instead, when yer oot & smash in yer letterboax! Leave it hingin’ aff its hinges It’s a disgrace, what with him having built that flat fae the groon up, pie-ing FAHL RENT & addin’ thoosands in boujee, bespoke value (remember, whoever moves in after them will be moving in to a “goldmine”)

 

[Wheretonext]

Lord Jasus, can you Just see the posts for the night. 50,0000000000000000000 dots Of reposts telling him he’s great, so brave...
did someone message him they wished he’d die. Like F*ck they did. I’d someone messaged him that 1;he’d have every right to report to Instagram and have it investigated. 2; he’d screenshot it and share it, like he does everything else.
such a lying little prick.