Childfree by choice #5

[Awkward_Somber]

I am curious what bc you all use to prevent pregnancies? I've been on Depo for over a decade... Controversial I know! But it also is the only medication that minimizes my endo symptoms. My gynecologist and Dr are not worried about me being on it long term as they've said the "worrying" studies about bone density are very outdated. I've never had any issues on it. I'm actually so glad to never have a period . I did come off it for a couple of months and my period came back straight away and it was fucking horrible. I got so used to not having one, I would hate to have it every month. Lmao.

Being a lesbian! It always makes me laugh when I get asked if I could be pregnant at a medical appointment and say no, and then they always ask, but are you sure? Yep, 100% certainty here.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

So is the choice between clubbing or having kids? I pick neither the life to me is having multiple holidays a year and being able to sip cocktails in the sun in peace oh and being able to come home from work and turn into a couch potato without being harassed

 

[newtoyou]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

Exactly this, I go to work come home, chill, spend most of my weekend at home chilling and I enjoy it! No hobbies with other people, no partner, no pets. Sometimes when friends say “what you been up to” I have nothing new to say and I sense it makes them feel awkward.

 

[Boadicea1]

Chatting to my neighbour the other week and he told me you're not a woman until you have a child. I didn't know how to respond but it pissed me off.

There's more to life than having a baby and so many people have children when they shouldn't. It's choice and I wish people would mind their own damn business.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I work with someone who has 3 kids under 10 and they make comments about how they can’t remember the last time they went on holiday etc. or how the last time they went overseas was before they had children.
That’s the sacrifice you made. If you can’t afford it, shut up.

 

[mdizzl3]

just going back to entertaining a baby/child. Not long after my sister had her baby, I went to hers and we were both eating and she was rocking the baby in the bouncer at the same time as trying to eat. I offered to do it for a bit so she could eat her meal properly. Safe to say, I got bored of doing that quite quickly. I couldn’t imagine not being able to eat a meal in peace.

I once read something on Mumsnet where someone was like “I was so selfish and fussy before I had kids, I couldn’t even go to bed without lipbalm on, now I don’t care about that”. Errrr….is that a good thing? So your own comfort is not important and giving up on self care is somehow a good thing? I couldn’t go to bed without lipbalm on and I don’t want that to change! Imagine being SO busy you don’t even have time to look after yourself. This is also why I get annoyed at people glorifying busyness/being workaholics/“the grind”/work hard play hard.

I work soft/play soft and pretty happy with that

 

[newtoyou]

Why do parents post pictures of children with food around their mouths? It’s so gross, imagine if an adult posted that

 

[shadowcat5]

Thought you'd all appreciate this

 

[HoGi]

Omg I wish we had that here in the UK. It would be nice to feel in control of my own life/death. I really don't want to be old and people think im mad for saying that.

I watched my dad deteriorate with dementia until his death. If I ever got told I had dementia I would get myself to dignitas before they said I was too far gone to make that decision. I wish there was an option here for the same.

I would never ever want to go through what my dad (and us as family) went though.

If you kept an animal in the condition he was in you would be arrested. Instead we paid £1200 a week to keep him in a nursing home

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Whenever I spend any time with children I am reaffirmed in my decision to never produce any of my own. I spent the day with my cousin’s kids, who are great children. But in general, it’s SO HARD. And everything is made 20 times more complicated and longer with kids?! It’s just… so much work. I genuinely wonder how parents cope I feel exhausted after today - emotionally, mentally, physically!

Kids just make me feel SO overstimulated; everything about them is anti chill. I feel like
I’m constantly on edge and I can’t wait to get home to sit in peace and quiet.

I would be a terrible mother, my patience would wear so thin so fast. I don’t think it’s shameful to know that or admit that. Childfree forever

 

[ATV2021]

I look forward to your update when your baby is 6 months old and your life is ruled by them. I honestly think you are naive if you think your life is going to stay them same.
Just off the alcohol support group to tell them about my nice glass of wine I’m going to have with my dinner. Seeing as no threads appear to be safe spaces.

Yeah...this is a "childFREE by choice" post. Not a get pregnant and you'll feel differently. I won't. It will trigger BDD off me in if I did for one, two I can think of nothing worse than some alien spinning round inside me and then having to birth it...then keep it alive after. I'll keep to my actual child free for life life when I can skip off where and when I want haha

 

[newtoyou]

I’m just imagining a child-ed person coming on this thread and saying “you really need to find something to occupy your old age so you don’t have to be voluntarily euthanised”

 

[Sheeeet]

I was thinking more like

 

[judgejohndeed]

Ooft, how did you respond to that? "I didn't like your baby's pro-Putin position in their reels."

I said 'oh sorry, I've not been on social media that much recently, anyway you never like my photos either!' in a jokey way, to which she said she's been 'too busy' to go on social media...except to monitor who likes her photos, I guess

 

[HeyBabes]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

what exactly is a successful life? Everyone has their own goals, enjoyments, plans for their life. Maybe some folk want to sit on the sofa with the love of their life every night, some may want to be single and share said sofa with a pet. Just because your life is child free and quiet, doesn’t mean it’s not successful

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I’m just intrigued what are the age ranges of us all on here? I’m 30 in a few months. Some of my friends have kids already in secondary school!

I'm 43. Still waiting for the broodiness that was allegedly going to kick in when I hit 30, then 35, definitely late 30s. OMG wait until you hit 40 etc etc.

Nope. Never happened.

 

[Lola Ruby]

I'm getting to the age now that EVERYONE around me seems to be having kids. It's funny, when I was younger I just assumed I'd have/want kids when I was older and now that I'm in my 30s I've never had that feeling of "I NEED kids" that nearly everyone in my circle seems to be having. It just seems so... boring and thankless? And the worrying and parenting never stops, because what if your child is disabled, has severe mental health issues, financial problems later in life, etc etc. I feel like people romanticise having children SO much, like oh we've been together X number of years, I guess the next step is having kids, ah it'll be so cute having a mini-me around. Without ever thinking how much work it's going to be? Even I can see how much of a monumentally life changing decision it is and I'm not a parent? & then shocked Pikachu face when it's not as amazing as they thought.

One of my friends had a baby last year and recently invited me and 2 of her other friends round to her house. 1 of her friends has a 2 year old. Towards the end of the evening they spent at least half an hour talking all things babies, sleep routines etc etc. Me and the other friend (also childfree) were just sat there in silence because obviously we have nothing to add and I just remember thinking how rude and awkward it was.

Also (I'm sure this has been brought up in this thread before lol) but now I almost dread my friends announcing they're pregnant? While I'm happy for them, it makes me really sad because I know the friendship will never be the same, no more nights out, no more holidays together, no more spontaneous plans, ever. Every time a friend announces it's like... another one bites the dust. Out of all my friends, only one of them is decidedly childfree and intends to stay that way. I know it's part of life but it does get me down and makes me feel like something's wrong with ME for not having baby fever. One of my best friends got married over the summer and told me she'd stopped taking the pill just before the wedding as they wanted to have kids right after and now it's just a matter of time until she's pregnant too. She's one of my last friends who still goes out etc so that won't be happening anymore.

 

[LaBlonde]

Apologies for the rant but…

I wish parents would stop commenting on this thread. I could not care less about your experience of being a parent. I don’t go and comment on the (many) pregnancy/children related threads speaking about my experience of being child free because it’s not wanted.

i 10000% agree. we seem to have had a lot recently?

some of them have valid input (i found the post about regret very moving and honest) but i mean, it’s a childFREE thread. it’s like me kicking down the door of the sober tattlers thread and telling them all i just had a lovely chardonnay.

like you say, it’s not wanted and we should all keep to the spaces that have been curated for us. i have no interest in someone telling us that they felt differently when they had their own kids, and i’m surprised they saw the title of this thread and thought we would be into it

 

[hereforthedrama1]

Hello again to my fave thread, how I have missed you all. I think there should be more adult-only spaces, or at least adult-only hours at places. I never really had a childhood so I like to do things like go to the zoo with my boyfriend. Issue is, he's a teacher so we always have to go at the weekend or school holidays where every single fecking time a little snotted up rocket comes pelting at me full blast. Please control your child! Why am I supposed to smile and laugh it off?! Get your child away from me!

Being around kids just makes me so uncomfortable and nervous, you never know what they're going to do. I was crossing the road the other day when it was safe to do so, didn't wait for the 'green man' because who has time for that and this woman basically screamed across the road 'people should wait for the green man and teach kids how to do it properly'. Erm, excuse me??? Teach the kid yourself! Be a parent, like idk how many times that has to be explained that your child is not the responsibility of some random stranger (unless they are a care provider)

 

[judgejohndeed]

For me part of not wanting kids is wanting the slower pace of life anyway. I don’t want to always have to be dragging kids out to entertain them somewhere, I like a cosy quiet weekend in and kids generally don’t enjoy being cooped up all the time. I don’t want to go to Disneyland or spend weeks of the holidays going to Peppa Pig world or whatever ghastly other loud venues kids go to these days. I would feel way more pressure to have an adventurous life with kids than without, tbh.