Childfree by choice #5

[HoGi]

My friend is pregnant at the moment.

She was saying the other day that they need to start thinking about birth plans.

She thankfully said she is quite open to whatever needs doing but if it comes down to her or the baby both her and husband agree it is save her. They would hopefully be able to try for another baby but they can't replace her.

 

[rosemarina]

That’s a really refreshing attitude.

 

[shadowcat5]

My friend is pregnant at the moment.

She was saying the other day that they need to start thinking about birth plans.

She thankfully said she is quite open to whatever needs doing but if it comes down to her or the baby both her and husband agree it is save her. They would hopefully be able to try for another baby but they can't replace her.

lord what a horrible conversation to have to have.

No one mentions this to you as a woman. It's just like "have a baby, your life will be complete". No one talks about the risk of death, prolapses, peeing yourself, piles, forceps.

 

[mdizzl3]

My friend is pregnant at the moment.

She was saying the other day that they need to start thinking about birth plans.

She thankfully said she is quite open to whatever needs doing but if it comes down to her or the baby both her and husband agree it is save her. They would hopefully be able to try for another baby but they can't replace her.

I think where it’s literal life/death the doctors always save the mum. However in a situation where it’s a better outcome for mum imo ( emergency c-section over forceps and huge risk of nasty tear), but the baby may be slightly worse off (can be more dangerous to push them up the birth canal for a c-section), they always do what’s best for baby. They always push women into forceps rather than a c-section. I personally would refuse consent and take the extra risk of harm to the baby in order to have a better outcome myself. But I’m not having kids!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

just going back to entertaining a baby/child. Not long after my sister had her baby, I went to hers and we were both eating and she was rocking the baby in the bouncer at the same time as trying to eat. I offered to do it for a bit so she could eat her meal properly. Safe to say, I got bored of doing that quite quickly. I couldn’t imagine not being able to eat a meal in peace.

 

[mdizzl3]

just going back to entertaining a baby/child. Not long after my sister had her baby, I went to hers and we were both eating and she was rocking the baby in the bouncer at the same time as trying to eat. I offered to do it for a bit so she could eat her meal properly. Safe to say, I got bored of doing that quite quickly. I couldn’t imagine not being able to eat a meal in peace.

I once read something on Mumsnet where someone was like “I was so selfish and fussy before I had kids, I couldn’t even go to bed without lipbalm on, now I don’t care about that”. Errrr….is that a good thing? So your own comfort is not important and giving up on self care is somehow a good thing? I couldn’t go to bed without lipbalm on and I don’t want that to change! Imagine being SO busy you don’t even have time to look after yourself. This is also why I get annoyed at people glorifying busyness/being workaholics/“the grind”/work hard play hard.

I work soft/play soft and pretty happy with that

 

[judgejohndeed]

I personally would refuse consent and take the extra risk of harm to the baby in order to have a better outcome myself. But I’m not having kids!

Unfortunately there's a whole string of cases where women have tried to do this, and doctors have said they lack capacity to make decisions and administered treatment anyway. In my opinion regardless of the theoretical legal stance, autonomy for birthing women does not exist. If I were to ever have a baby, I would 100% have an elective c section.

 

[Sheeeet]

I work soft/play soft

This needs to be the new Live Laugh Love but in a good way

 

[Princesst]

just going back to entertaining a baby/child. Not long after my sister had her baby, I went to hers and we were both eating and she was rocking the baby in the bouncer at the same time as trying to eat. I offered to do it for a bit so she could eat her meal properly. Safe to say, I got bored of doing that quite quickly. I couldn’t imagine not being able to eat a meal in peace.

I do wonder what would happen if they just didn’t do it though? Whenever I visit my friend and her youngish child it’s always “oh we have to talk in whispers because he’s napping” or “we can’t eat that in front of him as he will want it” “I can’t put him down he gets upset” “I haven’t eaten all day as I can’t get out from under him while he rests” . Would the kids not just get used to things a different way and not the exact way they want things to be? I don’t get it. There’s no way I’d not eat all day because I’m “trapped” under a baby. Baby would be going in a crib for at least 30 mins while I fed myself and I’m sure it would survive. Hence why I don’t see my friends much anymore as we have to sit in silence, whisper, not eat things in case it upsets a toddler etc. I’d rather just not be dictated what I can and can’t do by small humans thanks!

 

[shadowcat5]

I do wonder what would happen if they just didn’t do it though? Whenever I visit my friend and her youngish child it’s always “oh we have to talk in whispers because he’s napping” or “we can’t eat that in front of him as he will want it” “I can’t put him down he gets upset” “I haven’t eaten all day as I can’t get out from under him while he rests” . Would the kids not just get used to things a different way and not the exact way they want things to be? I don’t get it. There’s no way I’d not eat all day because I’m “trapped” under a baby. Baby would be going in a crib for at least 30 mins while I fed myself and I’m sure it would survive. Hence why I don’t see my friends much anymore as we have to sit in silence, whisper, not eat things in case it upsets a toddler etc. I’d rather just not be dictated what I can and can’t do by small humans thanks!

Yeah things like that always make me laugh. I guess it's desperation sometimes but in all honesty, does it not do a kid good to learn to wait or be told no or taught to share? Obviously a baby can't but a toddler surely can comprehend "no you can't have that cause shadowcat is eating it. It's not yours". I listen to a podcast of 2 comedians and a lot of what they discuss is parenting (both fathers) and so many times I listen and just think... can you not just say no?

A family member was like this. I won't go into too much detail but everything was dictated by her youngest child to the point where the oldest child who was 10 at the time had to go to bed at the same time as the youngest (age 2) and then get back up otherwise the youngest would kick off. I get anything for a quiet life but are you not just making a rod for your own back later on down the line?

 

[rosemarina]

I couldn’t agree more. You CAN’T take a 3 minute shower leaving your baby safely placed in a crib. Are you bleeping SURE? For 3 minutes ?

 

[JE172]

I do wonder what would happen if they just didn’t do it though? Whenever I visit my friend and her youngish child it’s always “oh we have to talk in whispers because he’s napping” or “we can’t eat that in front of him as he will want it” “I can’t put him down he gets upset” “I haven’t eaten all day as I can’t get out from under him while he rests” . Would the kids not just get used to things a different way and not the exact way they want things to be? I don’t get it. There’s no way I’d not eat all day because I’m “trapped” under a baby. Baby would be going in a crib for at least 30 mins while I fed myself and I’m sure it would survive. Hence why I don’t see my friends much anymore as we have to sit in silence, whisper, not eat things in case it upsets a toddler etc. I’d rather just not be dictated what I can and can’t do by small humans thanks!

Exactly! My dog isn’t allowed on our bed and my friends all ask omg how do you stop her, mine always just jumps on etc etc. Well I put the time and effort into training my dog that she knows exactly where her boundaries are whereas you just let yours do what it like cos you want an easy life but then moan about it!!!

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Exactly! My dog isn’t allowed on our bed and my friends all ask omg how do you stop her, mine always just jumps on etc etc. Well I put the time and effort into training my dog that she knows exactly where her boundaries are whereas you just let yours do what it like cos you want an easy life but then moan about it!!!

That reminds me of a thread on mumsnet where someone said her kids friend always says please and thank you but her kids never say please and thank you and how can she get them to (kids were of an age to say please and thanks I think 5&7). Someone replied and said they taught their kids to say please and thank you by telling them to do basically give them something and say ‘say thank you’ or they ask for something and you say ‘say please’. OP replied saying that sounds ‘really harsh’

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I do wonder what would happen if they just didn’t do it though? Whenever I visit my friend and her youngish child it’s always “oh we have to talk in whispers because he’s napping” or “we can’t eat that in front of him as he will want it” “I can’t put him down he gets upset” “I haven’t eaten all day as I can’t get out from under him while he rests” . Would the kids not just get used to things a different way and not the exact way they want things to be? I don’t get it. There’s no way I’d not eat all day because I’m “trapped” under a baby. Baby would be going in a crib for at least 30 mins while I fed myself and I’m sure it would survive. Hence why I don’t see my friends much anymore as we have to sit in silence, whisper, not eat things in case it upsets a toddler etc. I’d rather just not be dictated what I can and can’t do by small humans thanks!

A friend was carrying on because people were letting fireworks off… on NYE. the baby was asleep at this point.

Luckily my sister is really chilled. I accidentally dropped something on the baby’s forehead the other week and I felt terrible, still do now but my sister wasn’t phased.

I wasn’t following lily pebbles at this point, but apparently her and her husband would sit in silence downstairs when their first born was in bed. Sod that. My mum used to hoover under my cot when I was asleep.

 

[ElectricDreams]

I've been feeling poorly all weekend and am so thankful that I've been able to just curl up and ignore the world and focus on feeling better. Can't imagine what it's like having to feel this crap and run around after kids!

 

[Anne1448]

A friend was carrying on because people were letting fireworks off… on NYE. the baby was asleep at this point.

Luckily my sister is really chilled. I accidentally dropped something on the baby’s forehead the other week and I felt terrible, still do now but my sister wasn’t phased.

I wasn’t following lily pebbles at this point, but apparently her and her husband would sit in silence downstairs when their first born was in bed. Sod that. My mum used to hoover under my cot when I was asleep.

My parents used to throw parties while my siblings and I were fast asleep.

Actually, if we woke up in the middle of the party, we were told to just grab a blanket and sleep on the couch between two guests having cocktails. The 90s were wild

 

[pinkmug]

I'd be a horrible mom too. I am on the autism spectrum and also suffer from misophonia. Sensory overload is very real for me and sometimes I need to decompress and have a moment's piece. Sometimes I even need space from the dog lol!
I couldn't just shut a child in a room until I felt better.
One thing I love about not having kids too is being able to go out whenever I want! No effort or planning needed... Just get up and go.

Same with misophonia, I'm not on the spectrum (I don't think) but sensory overload is very real. I can't even stand adults at work making stupid noises all day long, never mind young children who can't control themselves. Recently spent time with a friend's baby at his first birthday. He's a perfectly lovely, chill child. He's not fussy or uncomfortable, he's perhaps the most easygoing baby I could have around but even then, the constant need of attention is more than I can offer, even as a guest who isn't required to look after the baby. I was so drained by the time I got home that it ruined my whole weekend (to no fault of the baby or the mother). I'm just not suited for any of this.

 

[katlovescats]

Yes, the combination of 'no sense of how loud they are' combined with 'no sense of personal space' would drive me insane. A constant loop of 'mooooooom' while someone is clinging on to you would drive me insane.

 

[ElectricDreams]

Yes, the combination of 'no sense of how loud they are' combined with 'no sense of personal space' would drive me insane. A constant loop of 'mooooooom' while someone is clinging on to you would drive me insane.

I work in a nursery and quite often find myself going to the toilet even though I don't really need to go just so I can have a few minutes where I haven't got a toddler climbing on me

 

[shadowcat5]

I work in a nursery and quite often find myself going to the toilet even though I don't really need to go just so I can have a few minutes where I haven't got a toddler climbing on me

I do this too... although I work with adults so i don't know what that says about me