Childfree by choice #5

[GirlOnTheTrain]

I was reading a thread here the other day about how much people are spending on their kids for Christmas and Betty Crockerr was telling someone they were spending too much it’s true though someone was saying £800 EACH on a 2 year old and 6 year old. More money than sense! If I had kids I would not be spending a grand on presents they’ll be bored of by next year, no child needs that much stuff.

Anyway I actually came to post this as I thought everyone would appreciate it…
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Call me old-fashioned but wouldn’t it be better to put that £800 in a savings account for their future, rather than a load of stuff that, as you say, will be forgotten about within months…

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

I have children but I think if you genuinely never wanted children having one and expecting it to slot right into your life as it is, is a wild notion. Its nice you feel its changed your mind but I cant think all anyone has to do is get pregnant and youl feel differently is not great advice.

My parents expected me to slot into their lives, be quiet and dont interupt their needs or wants. I have been in therapy for quite a while, a lot of it stemming from childhood issues.

I admire people who choose to be childfree and it pains me they are made to defend that choice and explain themselves. I hope you are all enjoying the freedom it allows you.

 

[mascarara]

I saw a post on LinkedIn that really bugged me. It was this woman saying something along the lines of "I don't care how much you love your pet, your hamster isn't going to grow up and become a contributing member of society. We need better maternity leave etc etc"

It really annoyed me because what does one thing have to do with the other? Yes, lack of maternity leave is a problem. But why do you want to shit all over people who are childfree and love their pets, to make your point? It falls into the same bucket of "You never know really love until you become a mother " and it does my head in.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I went to my work Xmas do last night and I was on a table of women who all had given birth and was the only one without kids. All I can say is holy crap, these stories got graphic and apparently peeing yourself when doing anything strenuous is normal??? I would like to think they just didn’t do their pelvic floor exercises but surely this is not normal? I got drunk and took my working bladder home to my quiet home.

 

[JE172]

There should be one of those tests you have to pass to join here proving you are child free, like those I Am Not A Robot ones!!

 

[HoGi]

People think this is “the life“ 👨‍

Actually is “the life”

My manager was saying how he had to get up at 5am Saturday for some football thing his son was doing. Then various other child related activities all day. Sunday a football tournament that involved another early start and ferrying his son and friends around then dropping off at grandparents and other things.

I couldn't think of anything worse. I didn't get up until 9:30 Saturday had a lovely brunch, did a fewnhouse related jobs and then chilled out with a glass of wine and finished my book. Sunday I did nothing all day except read and cross stitch. It was bliss.

 

[HeyBabes]

I mean fucksakes, even getting a cat changed my life to a degree. When you have a living thing reliant on you to feed it, look after it, give it love and attention, ofc your life is going to change! Yes I’m going to make another human being and nothing about my life will change at all, it’s delusional

 

[JE172]

This made me laugh, yesterday I got one of those scam texts that start off Hi Mum I’ve broke my phone.
They clearly don’t know their target victim very well!

 

[soph30]

I just don’t think babies are cute whenever I see a pic shared I feel nothing unless it’s REALLY cute. Am I heartless or just un-maternal?

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I just want to rant a bit. There’s an Instagrammer that has just announced her pregnancy after previously saying her / partner didn’t want children and didn’t see it in their future. That’s fine, I have no issue with people choosing differently.

But omg the comments on the thread 🫠 “I knew she would change her mind!” “I said she would want kids and now she does” “I knew it”. Like…. Stop.

This narrative that all women who say they don’t want children will “eventually change their mind” is so damaging and frustrating!

 

[HoGi]

Went to the local light switch on tonight. So grateful to be child free and not having to stand in the rain listening to my kid and 20 others sing out of tune to Christmas songs or doing some "dance" routine.

One of my greatest hates in life is children singing

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

What do I do with all my money? Aside from the mortgage, bills & food… I spend it on making my house decent and homely, I spent it on spa days and nights away, city breaks, holidays, days out, takeaways, meals out, nice things for myself etc I spend it on living the life I wouldn’t be able to have if I had kids!

 

[malibu skies]

Just to echo everyone who has lost friends/is anticipating losing friends because of them having children. I wish I knew more people (like you guys!) in real life who were planning to stay childfree

 

[littlewonder]

if I need to ‘powder a little booty’ to feel love, then I’m alright thanks. I will happily remain joyless and cold til I die 🥱

 

[judgejohndeed]

"Individualism and selfishness are the norm. Having kids forces you to think about someone else. For me, this has been a blessing." - Most people still have kids. If "individualism and selfishness are the norm", evidently having a child isn't some magic route to selflessness

This is so funny to me because some parents are the most selfish people I know e.g. the ones who let their kids run riot in inappropriate spaces, screeching/screaming, demand that every social interaction revolves around them and their kids...they might be forced to think about someone else as in their children, but that doesn't mean they aren't selfish towards other people. Becoming a parent can be a bit like when someone turns into a bridezilla!

 

[Mycatoliver]

I’m 39 and as I’ve got older my mind hasn’t changed and I have never ever felt the so called ‘biological clock’

I think it’s bollocks made up by men/society to control women
So women think they better have kids soon because of this mystical biological clock or if you’re over the hill and not pregnant you’re faulty and there is something wrong with you because that biological clock didn’t tick

for me there is absolutely nothing appealing about having kids
I feel sorry for friends who have kids but I’m sure they think the same about me

 

[Eggsandbeans]

I do wish you weren’t perceived as a second class citizen if you are childless. I mean all social polices are addressed at ‘families’ as if single / childless people don’t need any sort of help with anything. As a childless professional, I often feel I am cannon fodder for people to rely on if they have ‘childcare’ needs or whatever.

I do like children though, but I also wish there could be such a thing as areas in pubs etc which are a no kid zone as I hate screeching etc. the reality is I don’t have a kid as my life would be over - I have no social capital to rely on so It would just be me and my husband and kid.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Does anyone else also get repulsed by labour and that’s a contributing factor to not wanting kids?

the whole idea of how undignified it is really is off putting. The thought of a sweep makes my toes curl, the thought of shitting yourself in labour and having your legs up in stirrups so everyone can stare at your bits!

and then afterwards, not being able to go to the toilet without it stinging or if you tear front to back! Ouch!

people think it’s wonderful, I just think it’s grim!

 

[Gem_woody]

I'm getting to the age now that EVERYONE around me seems to be having kids. It's funny, when I was younger I just assumed I'd have/want kids when I was older and now that I'm in my 30s I've never had that feeling of "I NEED kids" that nearly everyone in my circle seems to be having. It just seems so... boring and thankless? And the worrying and parenting never stops, because what if your child is disabled, has severe mental health issues, financial problems later in life, etc etc. I feel like people romanticise having children SO much, like oh we've been together X number of years, I guess the next step is having kids, ah it'll be so cute having a mini-me around. Without ever thinking how much work it's going to be? Even I can see how much of a monumentally life changing decision it is and I'm not a parent? & then shocked Pikachu face when it's not as amazing as they thought.

One of my friends had a baby last year and recently invited me and 2 of her other friends round to her house. 1 of her friends has a 2 year old. Towards the end of the evening they spent at least half an hour talking all things babies, sleep routines etc etc. Me and the other friend (also childfree) were just sat there in silence because obviously we have nothing to add and I just remember thinking how rude and awkward it was.

Also (I'm sure this has been brought up in this thread before lol) but now I almost dread my friends announcing they're pregnant? While I'm happy for them, it makes me really sad because I know the friendship will never be the same, no more nights out, no more holidays together, no more spontaneous plans, ever. Every time a friend announces it's like... another one bites the dust. Out of all my friends, only one of them is decidedly childfree and intends to stay that way. I know it's part of life but it does get me down and makes me feel like something's wrong with ME for not having baby fever. One of my best friends got married over the summer and told me she'd stopped taking the pill just before the wedding as they wanted to have kids right after and now it's just a matter of time until she's pregnant too. She's one of my last friends who still goes out etc so that won't be happening anymore.

It sounds awful but I didn't feel happy for my friends when they told me they were pregnant I know I'm supposed to be happy for them but all I could think of was the impending death of the friendship . This is probably the only place I can admit it!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I was on a train in first class a week or so ago and someone was just letting their child play Disney movies at full volume. Another passenger encouraged them and got talking about what movies their own child liked, it seems everyone thought it was acceptable to do this (in first class, where people have often paid extra so they can work or nap etc. which is what I had done) because children can't be expected to amuse themselves for five minutes

I hate this concept that we must be nice and encourage children and that everyone must love them. I find it embarrassing enough when my cat goes into my neighbours garden let alone if I had a kid disturbing a train carriage.