Childfree by choice #5

[Satisfying Click]

I feel sorry for those who haven't experienced the joy of having a sofa. Chilling on the sofa, napping on the sofa, reading on the sofa.

It really is different when its your own sofa. Nothing else compares to the love you feel, once you feel those cushions in your arms for the first time, life takes on a different perspective

 

[HoGi]

Sorry if it’s already been mentioned but also with Christmas under a couple of months away, I’ve found at times that if you don’t have children some colleagues who do have them assume that they’ll be getting all of the Christmas leave they want and that you’ll be in to cover seeing as you don’t have a family - eh but I do! I’ve parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, grandparents who I want to see & spend time with.

My husbands company is first come first served and people with kids will book Christmas off 4 months in advance. This means he has worked the last 12 Christmases.

Last Christmas while he was working and no one else was I told him to book next Christmas off. He was horrified and was like...that's taking the piss a bit isn't it? I said no what's taking the piss that you have worked 12 Christmases! So he booked it off and no one noticed until about 6 weeks ago and they are all up in arms that one of them will have to work as he isn't. They assumed he would be working.

His boss has tried to convince him to cancel it but he has stood his ground. So we have the whole of Christmas off together for the first time ever

 

[judgejohndeed]

People with kids can actually bore off telling us we need interests isn’t that literally an admission that your kids are in lieu of your personality? Boring

 

[newtoyou]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

Not to be a weirdo but I was curious that someone child free would say this. So I had a look at your other posts and it seems you have a child.

Which makes it quite odd that you’d come to a child free thread to tell us that we need to get some interests (but they shouldn’t just be watching TV or chilling at home) to have a successful child free life…

 

[shadowcat5]

One for us

 

[mousey]

I was waiting at a crossing today, there was a mum and little girl stood next to me, the mum turned to the girl and said “should we do your maths games when we get home?” And I just thought GOD what a boring life.

Imagine going home to play maths games when you could go home and do literally anything else.

 

[ack13]

Apologies for the rant but…

I wish parents would stop commenting on this thread. I could not care less about your experience of being a parent. I don’t go and comment on the (many) pregnancy/children related threads speaking about my experience of being child free because it’s not wanted.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Hey guys! Love reading this thread so I thought I’d jump in. I’m 26 and have never wanted kids, I am very work orientated and I couldn’t think of anything worse than giving things up to have kids in the same way that my friends have! A few examples being ‘ can’t go on holiday I have a child’ ‘ i have to be home by 7 because of xyz bedtime’ ‘ oh I look a mess #mumlife’ you get my point but fast forward and I’m 6 months pregnant! I do believe that until you are pregnant and you start feeling your baby ect you don’t realise how much you want/ love that child but I will NOT give anything up! He will be a part of my life and I never want to lose myself in that. How annoying is it when people just use their kids as an excuse to be lazy and have no goals! Only problem is I don’t think I’ll have any mam friends who agree with my views

I look forward to your update when your baby is 6 months old and your life is ruled by them. I honestly think you are naive if you think your life is going to stay them same.
Just off the alcohol support group to tell them about my nice glass of wine I’m going to have with my dinner. Seeing as no threads appear to be safe spaces.

 

[pinkmug]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Couldn't agree more. I'm 43 and I've never heard my so called biological clock ticking.

You never will, the biological clock thing was debunked but people still love to ‘use it against us’!

It’s so bizarre to me can you imagine if I tried to convince everyone I met to be an accountant;

How long have you been an accountant?
I’m not an accountant
What? Wow, when are you going to be an accountant?
I'm no
Why?
oh, I don’t want to be an accountant
But you’d love it! Just try it!
It’s a big commitment
Yeah, but once you’re an accountant it’ll all be worth it
It costs a lot of money
You can’t put a price on being an accountant
I just really don’t want to be an accountant
Ok, well your choice but you’ll regret it when you’re retired and you’ve never experienced being an accountant

 

[ATV2021]

Christmas eve box for the childfree by choice...

 

[mascarara]

I am so glad I found this thread!

My husband and I decided to go childfree at some point in the last few years (I'm 35, he's 36). I always assumed I would have children because I thought that's just what everyone did. But we just ended up putting it off year after year and we've now discovered the reason is because we're happy with the way things are. Also, I struggle with anxiety and depression and I know if I was to ever have a child, my mental health would fall off a cliff and stay there. It's hard to explain this to people when they suddenly spring the question on me, though! I live in the UK and thankfully don't get it much, but am originally from India and my relatives have no sense of boundaries when it comes to stuff like this. I hate that we have to justify our position and views but it's never the other way around. And even then, I feel like people never really get it.

 

[Jane Porcupine]

Tonight I was out at the Christmas markets with a friend who has a four year old. I went to the bar and when I came back she was listening to something on her phone. I put down the drinks and she thrust the phone at me saying, 'Omg! Husband has just sent me a video of Child singing jingle bells in the bath, here have a listen! It's so cute!'

Readers, it was not cute.

FFS

 

[Pebbleybeach]

The actual thing no one talks about is it’s not ‘missing out’ if you don’t want to do it!

You’re not missing out on being a parent or an accountant or a baker or a lawyer or living in canada or mountain climbing or learning German or eating caviar or having a bikini wax or learning karate or anything else if you do not want to do that with your life.

The only things you’re missing out on are the things you want to do but are putting off or not doing for any reason.

 

[ElectricDreams]

I know this probably isn't the place but I'm dying to tell someone! Me and my partner have just had our offer accepted on our first house! Soooooo looking forward to our childfree weekends having a long lie in and lazy days!

Currently living 90 miles apart so having to meet up every few weeks in hotels or at my house (I live with parents so no privacy) in keeping with the topic though his mum has this expectation that he will look after her so I'm expecting it won't be all plain sailing!

 

[judgejohndeed]

I also find the parents who are like 'I have kids but I can contribute here because I don't like other people's children' etc really tedious tbh. Not everyone who is child free hates all children, and it's weird to equate being a parent who doesn't generally like kids to being child free. It's a thread for the child free not for child haters in general and while there's some cross over sometimes they're not actually the same thing at all

 

[Satisfying Click]

"Having a baby won't change anything " people are the worst. It's all performative, to prove to themselves that life hasn't changed, except it ruins the fun for everyone else (who are too polite to say anything). My husband and I joke that the five words to ruin a party is: "Can we bring the baby?"

If you honestly believe that nothing will change by adding a totally defenceless human being to your family, who relies entirely on you for food, warmth and safety, then you're either negligent, foolish or both.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

I disagree. I think to live any life successfully you need interests and it’s fine if that’s chilling on the sofa with the person you love every night. Why would childfree people specifically need interests but parents wouldn’t?

 

[Pebbleybeach]

When you go out with friends for a few drinks and all they talk about is their kids and how it’s so hard and great to get a night out etc it just wears thin with me! I always wonder why they say it to me when I have no kids, not like I can relate in anyway

I find those conversations hilarious ‘it’s lovely to be away from the kids, so nice just to be ME again and not just MUM, you know! Nice to be out as well, been stuck in the house all week because Daisy had been sick, poor thing, she missed dance class at the weekend because she wasn’t well, she was devastated, she was fine about missing her maths test though haha. Yeah, she’s just watched Disney films mainly….’ And on it goes for three hours until she goes home to be MUM again instead of ME like she has been that night. Apparently.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I got married on Saturday and no one asked us about kids or mentioned kids, win!