Childfree by choice #5

[Jane Porcupine]

Tonight I was out at the Christmas markets with a friend who has a four year old. I went to the bar and when I came back she was listening to something on her phone. I put down the drinks and she thrust the phone at me saying, 'Omg! Husband has just sent me a video of Child singing jingle bells in the bath, here have a listen! It's so cute!'

Readers, it was not cute.

FFS

 

[malibu skies]

Similar thing happened to me the other week - I was messaging with a friend saying I was having a bad day and she said “don’t worry, I know what will cheer you up” and sent me a video of her kid! I was like wtf, this is not what I wanted

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I tell you what, if I had kids there’s no way I’d be doing elf on the bastard shelf. I couldn’t be arsed with that!

Im surprised how many people it do for such older kids as well and Santa. I stopped believing when I was 6 because I worked it out, which is quite young, but I’d rather that than be in high school and thinking Santa is real

 

[Princesst]

I never know why people complain about child care costs it drives me nuts. Unpopular opinion so I have to always keep my mouth shut around my lost-to-the-mummy-cult friends but if you can’t afford each aspect of the 18 year financial commitment of having children maybe you just can’t have them?? I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s now a “right” that their children should taken care of by other people for free. People say things like “well my mum didn’t have to work in the 50s-70s” it’s so unfair now both parents need to. But that’s a long time ago now, times change that’s not real life anymore… It’s different if you fall on hard times unexpectedly but knowingly having kids and not being able to afford them is horrendous. For example I’d really really really like a swimming pool. No one wants anything more than I want a swimming pool. I’ve always wanted one. I feel like it’s my purpose in life to be a swimming pool owner. I’ve looked into it and the costs to have it and then maintenance & running fees, heating etc are huge. We can’t afford it. So I just don’t have a swimming pool. Even though id really love it and it’d enhance my life and I think about it all the time I don’t expect my swimming pool to be paid for by anyone else If we looked into it we couldn’t really afford children either in the same way so I don’t know why it’s not that simple?

 

[JoeBloggs]

I never know why people complain about child care costs it drives me nuts. Unpopular opinion so I have to always keep my mouth shut around my lost-to-the-mummy-cult friends but if you can’t afford each aspect of the 18 year financial commitment of having children maybe you just can’t have them?? I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s now a “right” that their children should taken care of by other people for free. People say things like “well my mum didn’t have to work in the 50s-70s” it’s so unfair now both parents need to. But that’s a long time ago now, times change that’s not real life anymore… It’s different if you fall on hard times unexpectedly but knowingly having kids and not being able to afford them is horrendous. For example I’d really really really like a swimming pool. No one wants anything more than I want a swimming pool. I’ve always wanted one. I feel like it’s my purpose in life to be a swimming pool owner. I’ve looked into it and the costs to have it and then maintenance & running fees, heating etc are huge. We can’t afford it. So I just don’t have a swimming pool. Even though id really love it and it’d enhance my life and I think about it all the time If we looked into it we couldn’t really afford children either in the same way so I don’t know why it’s not that simple?

It infuriates me no end. I have a friend, she has a little one and runs her own business (which she left a full time job for) and she goes on and one about more free nursery hours.

Sorry but if you have a kid, that’s on you. You make the decision to give up work or pay for child care if you want to work. It’s not a big surprise once the kid is here. We all know fees are ridiculous but you cannot just want a kid over the realities.

I’m with you in the pool though!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I never know why people complain about child care costs it drives me nuts. Unpopular opinion so I have to always keep my mouth shut around my lost-to-the-mummy-cult friends but if you can’t afford each aspect of the 18 year financial commitment of having children maybe you just can’t have them?? I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s now a “right” that their children should taken care of by other people for free. People say things like “well my mum didn’t have to work in the 50s-70s” it’s so unfair now both parents need to. But that’s a long time ago now, times change that’s not real life anymore… It’s different if you fall on hard times unexpectedly but knowingly having kids and not being able to afford them is horrendous. For example I’d really really really like a swimming pool. No one wants anything more than I want a swimming pool. I’ve always wanted one. I feel like it’s my purpose in life to be a swimming pool owner. I’ve looked into it and the costs to have it and then maintenance & running fees, heating etc are huge. We can’t afford it. So I just don’t have a swimming pool. Even though id really love it and it’d enhance my life and I think about it all the time I don’t expect my swimming pool to be paid for by anyone else If we looked into it we couldn’t really afford children either in the same way so I don’t know why it’s not that simple?

I agree. I understand it’s expensive, but surely if you choose to have children then this is something then you know you’re going to have to pay for?
And it’s not cheap to make sure the children are looked after correctly, staff costs, training, centre bills etc it all costs money. Where do they think that the money is going to come from to cover all of this?

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

If I need someone to look after my girls (four legs, furry, say meow) then I have to pay. Why should it be any different for children?

 

[shadowcat5]

oh not when people send you videos of their kids! My friend sent me a video the other day of her kid horse riding. It was just her being walked around on a horse. I do not care?

I tell you what, if I had kids there’s no way I’d be doing elf on the bastard shelf. I couldn’t be arsed with that!

Im surprised how many people it do for such older kids as well and Santa. I stopped believing when I was 6 because I worked it out, which is quite young, but I’d rather that than be in high school and thinking Santa is real

Also ^ Christmas now is wild. Elf on the shelf, christmas eve boxes. When I was a kid we had pjs (not wrapped!), 1 big present and some little presents.

I had a friend who's nephew (ETA: who is a perfectly healthy, developed, hit milestones at the correct time child) had to be told that santa wasn't real when he started secondary school. He was 11. His mum didn't want him to be bullied (which is fair enough). He was genuinely shocked. They all thought it was cute, ngl and I am sorry for this but I thought it was a bit pathetic

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Also ^ Christmas now is wild. Elf on the shelf, christmas eve boxes. When I was a kid we had pjs (not wrapped!), 1 big present and some little presents.

I had a friend who's nephew (ETA: who is a perfectly healthy, developed, hit milestones at the correct time child) had to be told that santa wasn't real when he started secondary school. He was 11. His mum didn't want him to be bullied (which is fair enough). He was genuinely shocked. They all thought it was cute, ngl and I am sorry for this but I thought it was a bit pathetic

Yeah Christmas is far too much now, Elf, Christmas Eve boxes, light shows, multiple Santa meets, trips out, multiple advent calendars with toys etc and then piles of presents! It’s totally not needed. As a kid i had a chocolate advent calendar & pjs on Christmas Eve and a few presents under the tree.

I know a girl I went to school with still believed in Santa until year 8… it’s not good at all and I am surprised how many people carry it on now until the kid’s are in high school. I think for young kids it’s fine, but past 8/9 it just gets a bit weird.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Forever thankful that I do not have to do elf on the shelf. Each December my ovaries shrivel a bit more

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

oh not when people send you videos of their kids! My friend sent me a video the other day of her kid horse riding. It was just her being walked around on a horse. I do not care?



Also ^ Christmas now is wild. Elf on the shelf, christmas eve boxes. When I was a kid we had pjs (not wrapped!), 1 big present and some little presents.

I had a friend who's nephew (ETA: who is a perfectly healthy, developed, hit milestones at the correct time child) had to be told that santa wasn't real when he started secondary school. He was 11. His mum didn't want him to be bullied (which is fair enough). He was genuinely shocked. They all thought it was cute, ngl and I am sorry for this but I thought it was a bit pathetic

Oh don’t get me started on Christmas Eve Boxes…absolutely ridiculous! So Christmas Day isn’t enough anymore?!

 

[shadowcat5]

Oh don’t get me started on Christmas Eve Boxes…absolutely ridiculous! So Christmas Day isn’t enough anymore?!

the other one that gets me is buying 25 books and wrapping them for your kid to open every evening before christmas. Who genuinely has the the time for that?

Another holiday I've noticed things are getting wild is Easter. What is with people getting their kids actual presents and easter baskets full of presents now? I got a chocolate egg and that's all. I was lucky to get 2 cause I had divorced parents meaning I could ask for 2 'fancy' ones. Had a couple more eggs from family and family friends (you know the aunties who aren't aunties but just your ma's best mate). Maybe a chocolate rabbit.
No presents and I certainly didn't get an easter egg hunt. Easter was a normal day with the added excitement of finally being able to eat the chocolate eggs that had been sitting on the kitchen counter for weeks

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I never know why people complain about child care costs it drives me nuts. Unpopular opinion so I have to always keep my mouth shut around my lost-to-the-mummy-cult friends but if you can’t afford each aspect of the 18 year financial commitment of having children maybe you just can’t have them?? I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s now a “right” that their children should taken care of by other people for free. People say things like “well my mum didn’t have to work in the 50s-70s” it’s so unfair now both parents need to. But that’s a long time ago now, times change that’s not real life anymore… It’s different if you fall on hard times unexpectedly but knowingly having kids and not being able to afford them is horrendous. For example I’d really really really like a swimming pool. No one wants anything more than I want a swimming pool. I’ve always wanted one. I feel like it’s my purpose in life to be a swimming pool owner. I’ve looked into it and the costs to have it and then maintenance & running fees, heating etc are huge. We can’t afford it. So I just don’t have a swimming pool. Even though id really love it and it’d enhance my life and I think about it all the time I don’t expect my swimming pool to be paid for by anyone else If we looked into it we couldn’t really afford children either in the same way so I don’t know why it’s not that simple?

I bet they don’t want to live like in the 50s/70s though. No iPhones, no nails ‘done’, 5 items of makeup, hair not done at a salon, less clothes and shoes, nights out/meals out/takeaways/a quick McDonald’s - nope, brand new kitchen, big car, new build house, £300 per child on Christmas presents - nope. Holidays, replacing rather than repairing, Xbox, tv, sky, hello fresh, Netflix…and on and on - lots of things have changed since the 50s!

People can afford to stay home and look after their child like ‘in the 50s’ they just don’t like the lifestyle that gives them.

 

[JoeBloggs]

People can afford to stay home and look after their child like ‘in the 50s’ they just don’t like the lifestyle that gives them.

While I do agree on some ways, we would struggle to live like the 50s on one wage. We could just about cover our mortgage, council tax, electric and food let alone pay for a kid.
I do think some people live to an extreme but in todays age it is much harder for a mum to stay at home than it ever was.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Oh don’t get me started on Christmas Eve Boxes…absolutely ridiculous! So Christmas Day isn’t enough anymore?!

I saw 1st December boxes the other day

 

[Pebbleybeach]

While I do agree on some ways, we would struggle to live like the 50s on one wage. We could just about cover our mortgage, council tax, electric and food let alone pay for a kid.
I do think some people live to an extreme but in todays age it is much harder for a mum to stay at home than it ever was.

Yeah, it is harder, definitely but literally all of my friends and my relatives with little children are stay at home mums, most of those with older kids are stay at home mums or part time. They have old phones, uk holidays, do their own nails, live in smaller/older houses etc and they’re happy and manage.

I’m just saying there’s no reason for people to complain incessantly online about ‘having’ to work and how the government need to pay their childcare and it’s not fair their mum was a stay at home mum and they can’t be, and stuff like that when many women don’t work and they manage. People just need to adjust their lifestyle if they want to prioritise being a stay at home mum but if they don’t see it as a priority why do we all have to listen to the complaining about it.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

My nan & grandad got married in the 50’s and had 7 children by 1964. This includes two sets of twins in 14 months.
When the babies were little, my grandad would work two jobs, one day & one evening/weekends.
Once the babies went to school, my nan went back to work and she worked nights while my grandad worked days and they alternated housework & childcare.

it was damn hard on them, both physically & mentally, but they couldn’t survive on one wage with 9 people to feed… they even remortgaged their house a couple of times.

people nowadays are very entitled and they think it was all rainbows and sunshine in the 50’s. They think the women stayed at home baking cookies and singing nursery rhymes. In reality the women were knees deep in non disposable nappies, had mounds of washing to do by hand, had to visit several different shops to get food & nothing was instant or fast.

yes not everything is sunshine & roses now either, but we don’t know we are born in a lot of respects.

 

[mcfeez]

Oh don’t get me started on Christmas Eve Boxes…absolutely ridiculous! So Christmas Day isn’t enough anymore?!

Have seen a lot parents on tiktok taking crap for how much they spend on their kids. One woman shared how she has 4 kids and each get 100 quid spent on them and she got quite a few supportive comments but the number of people giving her grief and saying they saved the entire year for Christmas and 100 pounds was stingey. I couldn't believe it.

 

[shadowcat5]

Have seen a lot parents on tiktok taking crap for how much they spend on their kids. One woman shared how she has 4 kids and each get 100 quid spent on them and she got quite a few supportive comments but the number of people giving her grief and saying they saved the entire year for Christmas and 100 pounds was stingey. I couldn't believe it.

I don't think 100 is that stingey depending on how old the kids are. If the kids are all under 8 then you can easily make a big pile of just 1 present and lots of little presents from places like b&m, especially if they were clever about when they bought the toys. If the kids are teens then I'd like to know what they bought because 100 doesn't go far nowadays.

There's a vlogger family who got flack for not buying their kids birthday presents because they do something with the child instead. Their argument is that they've got 5 kids and the kids get toys from family and friends which means the house gets filled with toys really quickly. I thought it was quite sensible tbh lol.

 

[Anne1448]

I'm not sure that any woman would like to be a 50s housewife.

First of all, forget having good home supplies such as a washing machine or a dishwasher. They were for the rich only.

Then add constant childcare from day to night with no ability to go anywhere (unless your husband loved you enough to buy you a car). If your husband didn't want to, you'd be forced to take public transportation everywhere. Women couldn't even buy a car by themselves.

Oh and let's not forget that the kids' activities, friends and any social life would be determined by your husband's will. If your husband was against any of your decisions he could legally get away with almost everything.