Childfree by choice #5

[Tangent Tiger]

Oh my gosh the cab driver conversation brought back a vivid memory, I was working abroad (20s) (I mean I was in my twenties not 1920s) when I got stopped by a Filipino lady on the street who asked if she could move in with me and take care of my children as a nanny.

I was a bit startled and said "what children?" She must have been desperate but there wasn't much I could do, me and ex wouldn't want anyone moving in with us and there were no children! I gave her a small amount of money and then had tremendous guilt for not being able to offer her employment. We didn't even have a cat at the time.

Oh no about 12.20am there was a faint knock on the door, I was downstairs eating the rest of my treacle sponge and custard so got up and answered and it was a lost lady about directions in the pouring rain. The road she wanted was only 3 minutes walk but she asked if she'd disturbed the children. First I said no. Then I said that they were all asleep when I remembered the neighbours who can seem like that at times

She should have got home OK. I am perpetually doomed to getting asked about my non-existent children.

 

[Chandler Bing]

Oh no about 12.20am there was a faint knock on the door, I was downstairs eating the rest of my treacle sponge and custard so got up and answered and it was a lost lady about directions in the pouring rain. The road she wanted was only 3 minutes walk but she asked if she'd disturbed the children. First I said no. Then I said that they were all asleep when I remembered the neighbours who can seem like that at times

She should have got home OK. I am perpetually doomed to getting asked about my non-existent children.

God you're brave, I would never open the door at that hour!

 

[Tangent Tiger]

God you're brave, I would never open the door at that hour!

Well, it was quite a gentle knock and a bit unusual and I had a seconds flicker about danger then put down my bowl and went to answer.

It wasn't likely to be a local axe murderer. She had just been out on the town and was a bit disoriented about getting home, our light was on.

Can't believe I got asked about children that time of night though

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

God you're brave, I would never open the door at that hour!

I don’t answer the door at all if I don’t know who it is. I have a ring door bell and if I don’t recognise who’s outside, I don’t go near the door!

 

[shadowcat5]

Went to the local light switch on tonight. So grateful to be child free and not having to stand in the rain listening to my kid and 20 others sing out of tune to Christmas songs or doing some "dance" routine.

One of my greatest hates in life is children singing

This^^

Does anyone? Cause they seem to wheel them out constantly on TV and tit and it never sounds good?

My biggest pet hate in relation to kids singing though is school plays/concerts. No one wants to watch a bunch of kids screaming along to little donkey.

And then you get all the parents like “little Johnny has got 2 lines this year in the nativity” like he’s about to win an Oscar.

 

[penny1992]

I've gone to a few social events in my neighbourhood (books club and the likes) and the first thing people ask is if I have children. Then all they want to speak about is their bleeping kids. Is their life so mundane that is all they have to speak about?
We also live in the suburbs (Canada) and realised it isn't for us . Most of the neighbours are dullards that want to sit out and drink around a fire pit while their crotch goblins scream. We would be so happy if we could move to an acreage in the future.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Oh my gosh the cab driver conversation brought back a vivid memory, I was working abroad (20s) (I mean I was in my twenties not 1920s) when I got stopped by a Filipino lady on the street who asked if she could move in with me and take care of my children as a nanny.

I was a bit startled and said "what children?" She must have been desperate but there wasn't much I could do, me and ex wouldn't want anyone moving in with us and there were no children! I gave her a small amount of money and then had tremendous guilt for not being able to offer her employment. We didn't even have a cat at the time.

This really tickled me “what children?” LOL!!

 

[pinkmug]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

 

[LaBlonde]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

i feel this, sometimes the childfree communities on insta and stuff annoy me with the “not having children means i have time to travel, paint watercolours, become an expert in sculpture, start a biker gang etc” rhetoric. it’s fine to just want to live a chilled and peaceful life of your own choosing.

 

[newtoyou]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

Exactly this, I go to work come home, chill, spend most of my weekend at home chilling and I enjoy it! No hobbies with other people, no partner, no pets. Sometimes when friends say “what you been up to” I have nothing new to say and I sense it makes them feel awkward.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

I agree. Me and my husband are late 20’s and we aren’t wild at all, I think our bins go out more
Honestly we love nothing more than coming home from work and just chilling on the couch and cooking tea together. Weekends spent baking, walking or just doing not much

We do holiday, but nothing too adventurous and I actually prefer UK holidays anyway, I love my home country

Idc if people think I’m boring and that I should be doing something amazing because I don’t have kids. We live for ourselves and we love it.

 

[judgejohndeed]

For me part of not wanting kids is wanting the slower pace of life anyway. I don’t want to always have to be dragging kids out to entertain them somewhere, I like a cosy quiet weekend in and kids generally don’t enjoy being cooped up all the time. I don’t want to go to Disneyland or spend weeks of the holidays going to Peppa Pig world or whatever ghastly other loud venues kids go to these days. I would feel way more pressure to have an adventurous life with kids than without, tbh.

 

[HoGi]

For me part of not wanting kids is wanting the slower pace of life anyway. I don’t want to always have to be dragging kids out to entertain them somewhere, I like a cosy quiet weekend in and kids generally don’t enjoy being cooped up all the time. I don’t want to go to Disneyland or spend weeks of the holidays going to Peppa Pig world or whatever ghastly other loud venues kids go to these days. I would feel way more pressure to have an adventurous life with kids than without, tbh.

100% this

I want to sit in bed on a Sunday morning with my ipad and a cup of tea while Mr HoGi watches match of the day and not get out until midday. Then have a lazy afternoon cross stitching or reading followed by a Sunday roast.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to entertain a small needy human all day or running them to parties or clubs etc.

 

[penny1992]

For me part of not wanting kids is wanting the slower pace of life anyway. I don’t want to always have to be dragging kids out to entertain them somewhere, I like a cosy quiet weekend in and kids generally don’t enjoy being cooped up all the time. I don’t want to go to Disneyland or spend weeks of the holidays going to Peppa Pig world or whatever ghastly other loud venues kids go to these days. I would feel way more pressure to have an adventurous life with kids than without, tbh.

Friends that have kids never seem to have a moments peace. The parents are working, pick the kids up from school, grab something to eat and then a few times a week they are driving kids to and from hobbies - sports are intense here and sometimes be 3-4 nights during the week. Then up early at the weekend to go to the kid's tournament. duck that. Not to mention, kids sports teams here fundraise for tournament trips and one of the way they beg is going door to door asking to collect bottles to return for money. What happened to if parents can't afford something the kid doesn't do it? I find it embarrassing that they go door to door begging for bottles and they always come the day after recycling goes out. They expect that you keep the bottles for their crotch goblin no way.

 

[soph30]

Also if the child didn’t look like me I wouldn’t like it, what’s the point just be a nanny

Also you have to give it a proper name, one of my cats has the middle name Prozac

 

[Anne1448]

I was on a plane yesterday and my heart broke for the woman next to me.

She was flying with her child (below the age of 5) and while I could read, sleep, eat and relax she had to spend the whole flight entertaining her son. The endless conversations, telling him to stop kicking the chair in front of him, cuddling him, feeding felt exhausting.

Flying by itself is exhausting but flying with a child sounds like hell. The son was well mannered but he simply could stay still for more than 2 minutes.

 

[Lady_H]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

A lot of people in their 40s have got children who have flown the nest, potentially to countries the other side of the world. They will be chilling on the sofa with the same person every night.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

I disagree. I think to live any life successfully you need interests and it’s fine if that’s chilling on the sofa with the person you love every night. Why would childfree people specifically need interests but parents wouldn’t?

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

I disagree to be honest, the only thing that will change for me between being late 20’s & 40’s is that I’ll be older and more tired that I am now.

I already don’t have a circle of friends or family, it’s wrong to assume everyone does. Just because I’m in my 20’s, it doesn’t mean I have a circle of friends and family.

just because my interests include watching documentaries and dramas about serial killers, that doesn’t mean I don’t have interests.

when I come home after a 9 hour day, alls I want to do is cook tea (cooking is another of my interests btw) and then chill watching tv. I can’t see that changing when I’m still working the same hours in my 40’s…

my time is very much occupied between 45 hour weeks, cleaning and keeping my own house, spending time with my husband and managing my life.